One day in the woods I had to take a shit so I looked for something to wipe my ass with.
I grabbed what I thought was a handful of leaves but must have grabbed itch-weed by mistake.
A mouthful of fire hot fangs clenched onto my ass crack and I screamed bloody murder,dancing around like a tormented soul in hell.
Itch-weed was our favorite past time back in the Seventies,it grew in abundance over the hill and you knew when to stay away from it when it was green.Those little hairs on the stalks were demons.It wasn't as lethal as poison ivy but it itched like hell for a while.After the hordes of monster plants had died for the season they turned into tall,crunchy sticks you could smoke or throw at someone like you were hurling a spear on the battlefield of Troy.(We were heavy into Greek Mythology back then.One of the teachers had a bunch of posters in the window of his classroom;the Minotaur, Cyclops monsters,a bunch of half naked people fighting in the waves with lightning bolts and winged helmets.He got into trouble with the principal because us kids got so deep into the shit that we had a big war on the playground for two days and the patch of woods nearby we called the Underworld.A few of us got pretty bloodied up and they lined us up like little criminals against the wall.
"Who's the leader of this Underground?" Our principal,Mr.L-demanded , his face ready to pop a blood vessel.
It was the Seventies and even elementary school kids could be considered potential Weather men.
Me and D-,the ringleaders,started cracking jokes and one of the teachers asked us if we were horsing around?
"Of course they're horsing around,"Mr.D- snarled,bashing our heads against the wall.
We didn't give a fuck;we got our asses beat at home so much that a school beating didn't phase us,we would be playing around again two minutes later...and you wonder society is so violent.Kids are taught violence from almost the minute they're born,and you really expect them not to react with violence at the least provocation? )
But,yeah,one day me and T- were behind the pizza joint throwing sticks at each other.
Itch-weed is easy to pull out from the dirt and the roots are gnarled and pointy, perfect weapons.
I got speared in the hip and it left a welt.But the spirit of Achilles guided my arm and my itch-weed spear landed right in his mouth,just above the gum line.
T- screamed and fell to his knees , blood pouring out of his mouth.
I got scared and ran like hell,thinking I killed him.
Two days later I saw him again and he told me he'd lied to his mom.
"She thinks I fell off my bike."
. . . . . .
I wasn't there the night he hanged himself from the tree hugging the river,that was years later.
My mom told me he had given her a letter to mail to me down in Florida.
"John,you are my brother,my friend."She couldn't remember the rest of it, except that he was talking about suicide.She was going to mail it but got drunk and lost it somewhere.
We had to cut him down from a noose in my backyard one day when his face started turning purple and we realized he wasn't playing around.Hell,we even tied his hands behind his back so he couldn't chicken out.
"Why'd you cut me down?" he said afterwards.
. . . . .
The last time I saw him he was just getting off the night shift and I was just coming on.
We weren't talking because of his girlfriend.
His brother had happened to mention that T- was fucking another chick but wouldn't give her a name.
"Ask John,he knows."
"I won't tell him you told me,"she said.
I was still hoping I could fuck her so like an idiot I betrayed my best friend.I've regretted it ever since.
That morning he said something about throwing out the old movies we had made with an eight millimeter camera years earlier.
"Tell S- to come and get them or I'm gonna throw the shit out,"he said.
"Don't throw them out, asshole,"I said as he walked away from me.
A couple of days later the cops were on my trail and I said fuck it and put a thousand miles between us.
So when he went down to the river bank to hang himself I wasn't there to cut him down that time.
The tree is gone now, I think it was an old willow.The damn thing got blasted by lightning and started to rot afterwards.Just another casualty.
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