Johnny Rub was shit faced.Man,he was so drunk he couldn't even stand up to piss without falling down and urinating all over himself, that's how drunk the mother fucker was.
Gumball was high as hell on some good Tai and roaring for action.
"Hey, Johnny, let's go downtown and find a hooker! HA HA HA HA HA!"
Gump's laughter was so loud and so huge that the capital letters HA took solid form and flew away, growing in such size and substance that before long they were larger than a city bus and more powerful than triskelion steel from the planet Bongo.
They called out the Air Force to deal with this menace but they were powerless to stop the hordes of monster letters.
The psychic emanations from HA HA HA just melted the heat seeking missiles and soon entire cities were coated in spit.
It didn't look good for humanity.
Godzilla was awakened from a slumber party on Monster Island to help deal with this shit.
"Whaddya expect me to do?"it said in it's usual gruff manner,"I can't fuckin fly up there in the clouds,that was a one time thing.If you can coax them down here maybe I can fry em."
(Mr.Yamamoto just asked me:"Ah! Godzilla! But we always thought Godzilla was a man!"
"No,Mr.Yamamoto,if you were up on your Godzilla studies,you would know that Godzilla is asexual;they explained it quite clearly in Son of Godzilla.It doesn't have a sex.It's a scientific anomaly."
"Oh! But the name "GAJERA" itself implies that it's a male.How so?"
"Because a GOD wouldn't be confined with earthly limitations,Mr.Yamamoto;a GOD would be beyond the petty comprehension of man."
"But how so? There are only two sexes:Male and Female.Republicans say so."
"Republicans don't know their ass from a hole in the ground.Listen,Mr.Yamamoto, somewhere along the line of evolution things got mixed up.A tranny like Bumbarella has the body of a man but the psyche of a woman.It just happened to humans over millions of years.So Bumbarella,our little Transvella, actually has three identities.Male,Female and something that still has to be defined by science."
"No! Tranny's are mentally ill! That's been the judgement of Paris since the Bible!"
"Sorry,Mr.Yamamoto,but that was three thousand years ago.The Biblical Prophets hated homosexuality themselves therefore they just assumed that God hated it,too.You can refute over a century of scientific research,but good luck in that."
"Ah! How so?"
"Take ,for example,the Onobo.One of the species of Great Apes.The Onobo have been observed to practice homosexuality.Now,unless you can prove that humans and other primates are not evolved from a common ancestor,then it only points to the fact that homosexuality comes from nature.Some weird quirk of evolution that concerns primates.
"And ask yourself this question: If God,in his Omnipotence, created the Past, Present and Future, wouldn't he have known that there was a flaw in his creation,if he created homosexuality?"
"Oh! But God created it only to test us!"
"And that,Mr.Yamamoto,would prove that God is capable of mistakes.If every other Law in existence follows the rules then humans are no exception.The very law of the Universe was set in motion close to fourteen billion years ago."
"But we don't understand the ways of God!"
"True.But if God puts temptations in our path,that only shows that he doesn't really know the outcome of something he started at the beginning of creation.You are making God out to be some sort of sadist.And,that,Mr.Yamoto,is a negation of what he's supposed to be.")
How the fuck did we get off track with this crazy shit?
Ok, Godzilla threw a rock at them and deflated their helium.After a horrific battle Godzilla fried them all.
End of story.
Meanwhile.....
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