The Bull finally set down in a mountainous region far in the future.
Brrrooooom.
The boy,Pricksus,emerged from the vehicle in wonder at the new world.
He sacrificed himself on the altar of foreign gods and they brought him back to life in the form of a golden turkey named Jack, although most of the time he likes to hang around public libraries in the form of a voluminous book called "Russia's Lost Literature of the Absurd."
One day the Presider of Cowabungga Proper checked the computer and read the printout.
"Beware the Ides of March."
Oh, fiddlesticks!
Superstitious nonsense,one couldn't pay attention to phone psychics and palm readers named Madame Volenska with a big sign hanging in the Bronx.He had gotten lost for hours trying to find her cave hidden amongst the tenements and clothes lines strung up next to the subway.
"Antony,Antony,"some woman's voice called in the darkening mist.
But just to be safe he slaughtered all of the people he suspected of treachery and put the rest in prison camps on Rikers Island.
He never saw the strange girl getting off the bus a block away.
Her name was Bumbarella, Tranny Queen of the Cosmos.
-
At this point all sanity goes out the window and you can blame it on renegade matter in the sub-atomic realms.
She stepped off the bus and found herself standing in front of a movie house on the corner of Reality and No Return Avenue.
"Phew,what a relief it is getting off that bus,"she sighed.
Some twerp had masturbated behind the Wall Street Journal a few seats away,staring at her openly.He was probably the same jerk who hadn't lifted the toilet seat when she squatted to urinate.Ugh.Her ass was coated in piss.There was simply no regard for transvestites in public restrooms anymore.
"IS THERE A LIP STICK THAT WON'T COME OFF WHEN YOU'RE SUCKING A COCK"
said the words above the door of the matinee.
"I wonder what the film is about,"Trannyrella mused,"you can't tell much from a title."
A grizzly carnival barker scowled at her from behind the ticket stand.
"You wanna buy a ticket,lady?"
"Oh,you see, I can't really.I'm going to the market to buy cat food and then it's off to save the universe.What time do you close?"
"This is the Theater of the Absurd,lady.We're always open."
"Well,in that case I'll come back yesterday."
"Go hang yourself,bitch."
A giant Krab scuttling sideways got out of her way and she recognized him.
"Oh,my, you're the Sub-Concious Krab!Allen Ginsberg spoke about you in his poems.I saw you once in my dream.You were crawling through a monster lawn mower in the garage and coming after me.I awoke in such a sweat."
"Oh,hello as well,my dear,"replied the nightmare lobster thing."I just got back from Allen's funeral.William Burroughs didn't attend but that's because he died yesterday.I nearly tripped on the psychic umbilical cords connecting those two for half a century.How about you, Bumbarella,have you come to terms yet? I seem to remember you on the verge of suicide for years."
"Correct,Mr.Krab,the condemnation of society really made me loathe myself.I've since embraced my deviant ways."
"Are you still sniffing glue and other inhalants? "
"Yes sir,me and Pinocchio.We go into a film strip and float in the air with hypnotic circles in our eyes.And then we hide in back behind the projector while someone feels us up."
"Brrrrrr.Click.Rewind."
"Oh,dear, I do remember that episode,"said Bumbarella the Transvella."Although it's through the dim mysts of a drug addicts brain.It was 1980.There was the cold bite of death in the air and Christmas was yet to come.There had been a terrible snow storm and the peninsula was paralyzed.I went into my uncle's garage to find a snow sled but instead discovered the five gallon can of petrol hidden behind some cockroach figurines."
"D d d d d d d d."
"Precisely what I did.I remember sinking into myself and it felt like I was made of liquid.They say that you asphyxiate and the deprivation of oxygen makes you hallucinate.I must have lost a billion brain cells that bitter winters day,Mr. Krab."
"Ga ga ga ga ga."
"Mmmm hmmm.I looked at my hands.They were encrusted with eyeballs.I had been ever so fascinated by Stephen King's book,Nightshift,laying in my cousin's room."
G g g g g g g"
"No, I hadn't read it yet.That was years later.In jail."
Bzzzzzzz BzzzzzzzBzzzzzzz"
"Well,as I recall, I was worried that my hands might tell my aunt that I was out in the universe getting high so I ran.They chased after me,laughing the laughter of the universe.I fell off the edge and plunged into the Void, grabbing at something to hold on to but there was naught."
"Ooooooooooooo"
"Yes.I was a ball buzzing around.I think now I must have regressed back into one of the original photon spheres that started everything 13 billion years ago."
"Ggggggggg gggg gggggggg gg"
"Not at first.But I do remember the sound of the OM permeating everything.I changed into a cartoon X among cartoon O's.And there was a white beam of energy stretching into infinity.Or it could have been a Mickey Mouse arm."
"Dddddddddddd dd ddddddddd"
"Right o Fido.I knew that my fourteen years upon earth were but an illusion.I had been in that Void since time was a pup.I'm still there.And yet I am here.Atoms can exist in two places at the same time because long ago,in the Other sphere,they formed into a pyramid or triangle and said This Shits Good.That's what we call Purpose of Intent.Others call it Random Occurence.But we both know that Atoms are sentient.Energy utilizes information,which means it's THINKING."
"Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn."
"I concur,O Great Crustacean with a K.Anxiety is naught but neutrinos flying through our brains and we pick up glimpses of the sublime."
"Sssss.Ssssssss.Ssssssss.Sss."
"Such insight,mighty venereal disease....I woke up on the cold cement floor choking on gasoline,which I had swallowed whilst under the influence of fucked up ness.And the work light in the corner hummed with condemnation .Then suddenly my uncle opens the door with a booming HI and I scramble out into the freezing cold weather.I wandered in a drugged haze down to the beach a mile distant,my brain oozing out of my ears and my heart pounding against my ribcage like Sonny Liston smashing his fist against a brick wall in Hoboken....The wynd tore at my soul and the ice crags in the ocean crashed together;angrily screaming at me for my sacrilege of psychic boundaries.Thomas De Quincy's Anubis would have flinched in terror at the crimes they accused me of....."
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