“Well, Victoria, would you like to tell me what happened?” Polina, my new psychiatrist, asked me kindly, and I shook my head.
“My father has already explained everything to you.”
Oh yes, they put me in a depression clinic. As if that wasn’t enough, Vlad told them such nonsense about me and my behavior that I just can’t believe that it could even occur to anyone. But I really don’t have the strength to correct his mistakes.
“You don’t really think I believed that, do you?” She looked at me with a smile, which surprised me. I thought she wouldn’t question his words like everyone else.
“I want to help you. But to help you, you have to tell me what’s really bothering you. "
Is it possible that someone really wants to hear what I have to say?
“I don’t know where to start,” I shrugged because it’s really hard for me to make myself think about everything again.
“Maybe you can start from a relationship with your parents. You don’t have to be an expert to see that something is wrong there,” she reads me easily.
“Everything’s wrong there. They just don’t care about me, and I care less and less about them. I understand that this is not normal, but we have been functioning this way since I know for myself.” I answer with self-restraint because I do not want to cry again. I have the impression that lately, that’s all I’ve been doing.
“You know, Victoria,” she started to say something, but I interrupted her.
“Can you not call me that? I feel like I screwed up every time you call me that,” I hate that name.
“You know what your name means, don’t you?” She asked, and I nodded.
“I know, that’s why I don’t love it,” I never felt like a winner, least of all now.
“OK. Then what way do you want me to call you?”
“Anyway, just not Victoria,” she nodded slowly, ready to agree to my request.
“Do you have a favorite nickname?” She smiles softly, and I keep quiet as my eyes fill with tears.
“Vi,” I replied shortly, aware that my voice was shaking.
“Okay, Vi. I met your parents, and I wouldn’t say they don’t care about you. Your mother seemed quite worried.”
“Come on, please, she doesn’t care for anyone. It’s just an act for the audience.” Reputation is the most important thing.
“Vi, you forget you talk to a psychiatrist,” she smiled, trying to let me know that I wasn’t right this time.
“I grew up with my brother and his best friend all my childhood because the two of them didn’t care about me, they only cared about their careers. Irina and Mikhail were my parents, more than Olga and Vlad, so please don’t tell me how much they care. I am the one who has lived with them for almost twenty years, and I certainly know them better than you.”
They were never there. Even now, after all, that has happened, they are not there. They put me in this clinic and completely forgot that I existed. Denis came here a couple of times, but he stopped coming when he realized I didn’t want to see him. Only Fedya comes every day, although I never accept his visit.
“Irina and Mikhail?” She looked at me questioningly, waiting for a little more detailed explanation.
“Fedya’s parents. He’s my brother’s best friend,” and my ex-boyfriend, but that’s none of her business.
“It’s a guy who tries to see you every day, isn’t he?” She starts to understand, but I keep quiet. I don’t want to talk about him.
“Okay, we’re not going to talk about him. Tell me, Vi, who is Dima?” She hit the core of everything, and I’m still just silent.
“My best friend,” I say shortly, looking at the floor all the time. I still don’t have the strength to talk about him.
“Where is he now?” She asked, to which I looked at her angrily because I was sure she already had that information.
“I don’t want to talk anymore,” I got up from my chair and left the room, ignoring her. I don’t understand why she asked that? I am convinced that she is already familiar with everything that happened to him.
“Miss Victoria,” I turn to the nurse on duty.
That stupid name again.
“You have a visitor,” she informed me, to which I rolled my eyes.
“If it’s Mr. Smolov again, tell him I really don’t want to see him, and there’s no need for him to come.”
“No, he is not. Miss Volkov wants to see you,” she watches me, looking for my answer.
How long have I not actually seen Katya?
“Okay,” I accept her visit, although I am convinced that Denis and Fedya sent her.
“This way,” the nurse gestured for me to follow her to the visiting room. This is the first visit I have accepted since I have been here.
“Vika,” Katya pulled me into her arms, ignoring the nurse beside us.
“You have half an hour,” she informed us before leaving us alone.
“Why, Vika?” Katya looks at me sadly, and I shrug. She wouldn’t understand me, even if I explained everything to her.
“I died of fear when Dan told me what had happened. I immediately forced my parents to return from Sochi because I wanted to see you, but they told me you don’t receive visits,” a well-packed critique on my account. I knew the guys were complaining to her.
“I don’t want to see them,” I say shortly, telling her directly that they should stop coming. I will not receive them.
“Don’t do that, Vika, Fedya is dying to see you. I think all this is the hardest for him. He even quarreled with your parents because they put you here.” I bite my cheek, aware that I managed to hurt him again. He just wanted to help me, and I screwed up again.
“Okay, I’ll talk to him. But only once, and after that, he will stop coming,” I set a condition, and she nodded as a sign that she would pass it on to him.
“Are you at least better now?” She looked at me worriedly. Do I really feel better? I wouldn’t say I do.
“Yes, Katya, don’t worry,” I came to a stage where it’s so easy for me to lie to people I care about. Some time ago, I couldn’t even imagine lying to anyone.
“Excuse me, can you come tomorrow? I’m tired.” In fact, I just don’t have the will to talk.
“OK. What should I say to Fedya? When to come?”
“Tomorrow.”
I don’t know if I’m ready to see him, but I owe him at least that much.164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8MhXCsej8
