“I already thought you would let me go back to Spain without saying goodbye,” Denis remarked after seeing me in the living room. I didn’t even know he was going.
“I want you a comfortable trip,” I say shortly, walking toward the kitchen. I actually left my room just to eat.
“I’m not even going to get a hug?”
“I do not understand why you are still angry with me. You dumped Fedya anyway,” I frowned at the expression he used. Are expressions like broke up or left out of fashion?
“I’m not angry, Dan. I’m just in a bad mood.” Very bad mood.
“I noticed. You don’t leave the room except when you have to eat.” Now he frowns at me, and I say nothing. It’s okay when I come out at all.
“When are you coming again?” I change the topic, not wanting to talk about my feelings. No one could understand them anyway.
“I have no idea. You know I don’t have a break until next summer.” When he says that, I’m sad that we spent the time we had arguing. I will miss him.
“But you can come whenever you want. You are now a student, and no one keeps records of whether you attend classes. I will be glad if you decide to visit me.”
I come over and squeeze him tight. We can fight for days, even months, but I will always love him, no matter what.
“Why are you in long sleeves? It’s the end of July,” but I will never like his curious side.
“I think I caught a cold. I’m a little chill,” I lied in a second, praying to God not to roll up my sleeves and show him what I’m trying to hide. Not now when he has to go.
“Of course, you have a cold when you don’t take care of yourself at all. And one more thing, your brother has to tell you. For a person to be healthy, he must first be happy,” he hit the core of the problem, and he is not even aware of it.
“Fedya genuinely cares about you, so don’t torture him too much. You know he was just trying to protect you.”
“I know. But he also knows that I hate being lied to. But he lied to me anyway.”
I’m not really mad at him. I am angry with myself because due to the condition I’m in again, we can’t be together.
He doesn’t need a depressed brat.
“Promise me you’ll talk to him, if nothing else,” he made me promise him, though I’m aware that can’t happen any time soon.
The lie, which worked with Denis without any trouble, could never work with Fedya. Especially since I know that he read Dima’s letter. It would be too suspicious for him.
“Is it easier for you now that you know he said goodbye to you?” He asked calmly, and I shook my head with a sigh. In fact, it only makes me feel worse.
But as hard as it is for me, I am grateful that I still got the opportunity to hear from him again.
“I admire you, Vika. I honestly do.” He hugged me tightly once more, to which I flinched, feeling pain in my hands. I realized what I did only after noticing his confused look.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I try to hide the real reason for this reaction, and it seems like I succeeded.
Luckily, he goes today, otherwise, the question is how long could I lie to him.
•Fedya’s pov•
“Vika didn’t come?” I asked as soon as I opened the door for him. Since he is going back to Spain, I am in charge of transport.
“We said goodbye in the apartment. She has a cold, so I didn’t want to torture her.” I retrieve the key from the table, then follow him to the exit of the building.
“Take care of her,” he glanced at me seriously after we got into the car.
“And yes, I know that until a month ago, I said the exact opposite, but you are the only one who can help her overcome this with Dima. Don’t let her do anything stupid,” I nodded, promising him something I’m not sure I can do. She’s hurt, and she doesn’t want me near her. Then how do I take care of her?
“How bad is it?” I asked curiously as I slowly turned off the highway. I miss her terribly.
“She is not leaving her room. I don’t know what to think.” That’s exactly why I’ve been silent all this time. She is not able to endure all the bad things she has experienced during the previous years.
“I’ll visit her when I see you off,” I know she doesn’t want to see me, but I want to see her.
“How long has this been going on?” He surprised me with a question, so I asked him confusedly what he meant.
“Your feelings for her? Since when do you love her?” I sigh because I’m not sure how much I wanna talk about it with him.
“I do not know, Dan. From this point of view, I would say that I have actually loved her all my life, I just didn’t understand that for a very long time. I realized the moment I first received an offer to go abroad. Everyone advised me to accept, but I couldn’t. Only Vika was on my mind, and thought that I will never see her again,” I am honest with him, although I am not sure that it will work out.
“When did this between you two start? And most importantly, how?” He looks at me, still curious, to which I swallow the lump.
“In Lido. Remember how long I was looking for her that night?” I waited for him to nod, then continued.
“I wanted to give her a letter back then, but it didn’t work out. We were both drunk, and it just happened. After that night, she started ignoring me, and that was the first time I regretted not moving to England. It seemed like we would never be able to fix the relationship again.” Just like now.
Dan watches me carefully, not screaming at me like I thought he would.
“Don’t worry, Fedya, she won’t be mad for a long. She cares too much about you,” he gave me a slight smile, and I prayed to myself that she was right.
I’m not sure I can live without her.
ns 15.158.61.39da2
