I drag Ryan outside the house, disregarding the scowls and glares his mom gave me on our way out. I know she doesn't like me, and as much as I've tried, I couldn't just like her and excuse her since her son died. I know it's not her fault that she's like that, but it's also not mine. She needs to understand that and accept the fact that I'm dating her son whether she likes it or not.
All I've been trying to be to her is nice, and all she's been to me is cold. She would ignore me most of the time and would always just sip her drink to show her disinterest. I try to not worry too much about all her snarky questions and mean comments, but that one I couldn't just ignore. What she said about Marc was just weird and scary at the same time. The last time I saw that man was when he came to pick Kat up for their fifth or sixth date, and that was only two days ago.
"Are your parents still together?" I as, going straight to the point.
"Huh?" Ryan is confused for a second by the sudden question. "Um, well, it's complicated."
"Are they or are they not?"
"Technically, yes, and no at the same time. Why?" He's genuinely curious, and I get why. It's just that he doesn't know what I know.
"Oh, my God. That bastard," I mutter, yet he still hears me.
"What's up, Nic?"
"I think your asshole of a father is cheating on your mom with Kat," I don't even bother to avoid the names by means of respect to his son. That asshole is an asshole, and there's no need to keep that filtered.
"Kat? You mean Cody's mom, Katerina?"
His question surprises me. All that mattered is "whom", not "what" his father has done.
"Yes, but that's not the issue here, Ryan," I get more angry at his ignorance than at his father. "Marc Hastings is dating Kat. He's dating another woman. He's cheating on your mother. He's having a fucking affair!"
And I hate the words that come out of my mouth. Saying it just now in an attempt to make it clear for Ryan made it even clearer to me. Kat is just a man's other woman. She's just another entertainment. A mistress. She doesn't deserve that. Kat should be her man's first choice--his only choice.
I wait for his reply, but I get nothing but a blank expression. He wasn't shocked or even slightly fazed by what I'd said.
"Did you hear what I just said?" I know he heard me. I sure of it. But his face says he didn't.
"I did," he sighs and looks to his side like he's contemplating something. In his mind, he's arranging words to give me a satisfying answer. But no matter how long he thought about it, I will not be satisfied in any way.
"That's not news to me, Nicole," Ryan says, cautiously searching my face. "My dad has been cheating on my mom for a long time since the accident. I've known it since the beginning, and Mom found out even before I did. In fact, she's the one who told me about it. I confronted Dad about it before, and he told me his reasons. He said Mom is losing herself, and that she's lost control. He said that she's a mess now that he's gone, but it's not her fault. And it's not his either, so he shouldn't be responsible for it.
My brother's...death has taken a part of each and every one of us. It's taken my mom's sanity and my dad's compassion. Their love for each other seemed to be somehow linked to their love for my brother, so once he'd gone, the love was gone as well. They stopped feeling anything for each other. They're just really good at putting a show for all the people and paparazzi, pretending to keep a strong bond even after what happened. While, in reality, their relationship is really non-existent and they're cold towards each other. Still, I don't blame them for anything."
Speechless.
I couldn't say anything to that. I try to put everything together to form a coherent whole, but I miss a lot of details. I understand that his brother's death really left a huge impact on the family--a gap, more precisely. I understand that his parents' relationship is now corrupted and unmendable. I understand that the family picture is surrounded by one frame only for show. I understand that every person copes with the loss of a loved one in their own ways: his mom drinks for an escape, while his dad sleeps around. I understand all this.
But I still don't understand why Kat would get in the middle of all this mess. I don't understand why she'd get hurt at the end for just falling for the fucked up man with a fucked up life. I don't understand what she'd done to get in the middle of this shit.
"Aren't you gonna say anything?" Ryan cocks his head down to look at my face.
"I have nothing to say, Ryan," I shake my head. " Your dad has a screwed up life, but Kat doesn't deserve to be in it."
"I know. I'm sorry."
"'Sorry' doesn't do anything, Ryan!" I don't mean it, but I yell at him. I yell at him hard enough for his mother to hear us from where she stood behind the window. She looks at me with an expressionless face. Then she sips from her drink, raises her chin up a little bit as if she's looking down at me (not just literally), and then she turns away from the window and disappears.
I feel sorry for her, I really do. But sometimes I would look at her with pity, and other times, I would wish she chokes on her drink. The problem is my anger is taking over the little pity I had, and now I'm focused on what to do next. How do I tell Kat that her heart might break again after she barely just put the pieces back together?
"I know my dad is an asshole," Ryan starts again, "He's an asshole for cheating on my mom, and a bigger asshole for playing with women's hearts like that. And I'm really sorry Kat got in the middle of his shit. I really am, Shadow."
He takes my hands in his, looking into my eyes with Genuity, asking me to accept his apology. He has nothing to apologize for, anyway. He hadn't done anything. He's not like his father. He'll never be his father.
Right?
"But I can understand why he did it," Ryan looks at the ground, shrugging slightly.
Scratch that. I can't believe him.
"What about you?" I ask without thinking it through. He frowns at me questioningly. I thought my question probably makes no sense to him, yet he seemed to get it somehow as realization dawns on his face a few moments later. I clarify nonetheless, so I leave no gaps in my confrontation, "Are you cheating?"
I don't know why would I call it a confrontation. Whatever it is I'm doubting in him will not be true. It shouldn't be.
"What? Why would you think that?"
"Just answer the question," I demand, searching his eyes with a racing heart.
"I'm not."
"You're not what?'
"I'm not cheating on you," his tone gets higher. "Where is this coming from?"
Relief flows through my body, and I start hating myself for even asking him that.
"I'm sorry. It's just that," I sigh. "The other day, some businessman told me you were engaged to his daughter."
"How did he tell you that?"
"Long story."
"Nicole, whatever he told you is not true. At least not completely."
"What do you mean?" Shit.
"It's an arranged marriage. It's business," he chuckles like it's a joke to him. Well, arranged marriages are probably the only funny jokes parents can make. I would laugh, but I can't really find anything humorous in this conversation. "They've been doing it since I was 8. It doesn't mean anything. As hard as he tries, my dad can never force me to marry someone I don't love."
"So, it's just bullshit talk?"
Yes, bull shit. It doesn't mean anything," he brings his face closer to mine. "You're my girlfriend, Shadow. Right now, you're the only girl in my life."
I really wanna believe him.
ns 15.158.61.23da2
