We get our exam scores right after Christmas break was over. My scores were pretty decent. I can tell that my GPA won't be so good, but I can try making up for it at the final exams. Right now, I had to focus on my SAT test that was coming later in January.
The music director of Julliard emailed me on Christmas break and told me he liked my beats. He also asked me to send him more if I got any, so I sent him another 6 songs.
I can see things looking up more every day, and I'm looking forward to the new year. Everything is improving and life is moving on. The only thing that is not developing in any way is my relationship with Will.
I still don't understand exactly what we are. We'd sneak away all the time to kiss and make out, and then we're just bickering together with the rest of the gang. Neither of us says anything though. No one complains or asks questions. We just kiss with no care to anything.
I always think that it's better this way. We just do whatever we want carelessly with no drama, no feelings, no complications. It's easier.
Will also makes it pretty obvious that what we shave is nothing but a very good friendship—nothing very deep. After we hook up, we'd sit and play video games like nothing ever happened. Even when he flirts, it doesn't feel so weird because that's just how he is—cool, flirtatious, and carefree.
But then sometimes, he does "not-so-Will" things. One day back in Christmas break, when we'd gone to meet with everyone, Will and I were left alone in the cold weather. I was freezing, and my limbs were starting to get numb, so I rubbed my hands together.
"I should've worn gloves," I murmured.
Will gently took my hands between his bigger ones. He brought them to his mouth and blew in them to warm them up. As his breath and palms warmed my hand, I watched him as he did his magic. He then looked at me, and I found my face heating up.
I pulled my hands away slowly from between his, "That's enough." I tried to pull off a smile, but I bet it looked fake. "Thanks."
Times like those are when I'm really confused about Will. But I try to avoid having expectations. They're the last thing I need right now.
Speaking of Will, he's turning 18 next week. He's not planning anything major, so no parties. But Rosie is hosting a birthday dinner, and she invited just our group. It's gonna be something small, but she says it's more special that way.
"So, what should I get Will?" I ask Jordan, who stopped by our house after practice. He had a book to get back from Cody, but after he took it, he decided to stay for a game or two. He's been here for two hours now.
"I don't know," he shrugs.
"What are you getting him?"
"A vibrator."
"What?" I laugh.
"A vibrator. A pink one, too."
"I don't think it's a good idea. You know his mom will be there, right?"
"I didn't even buy it. Noah gave it to me. He thinks it's funny."
"Who's Noah?"
"Is he the guy back at the club? The one she hooked you up with?" Cody interrupts.
"Yeah."
"Who's Noah?" I ask again.
"Don't tell me you guys have been going out now," Cody grins more like he's about to laugh.
"We haven't been going out. I just meet him a few times."
"What? Like a couple?" Cody starts laughing.
"Who the eff is Noah?"
"Back in Halloween, at the club, you forced Jordan to ask this guy, Noah, out. I don't know how you did it, but it was hilarious."
"No way! How did I do that?"
"I can't believe you don't remember. You blackmailed me," Jordan looks at me in disbelief.
It is frustrating that I can't remember something like that. Damn you, alcohol.
"I'm effing brilliant. That was payback, right?"
"Yes, and now I'm stuck with tithe gay dude. He actually likes me."
"And you don't?"
"No. I'm not gay. I dig chicks."
"Well, you might be into men, too. It's really no shame."
"Yeah, dude, we ain't gonna judge you," Cody chuckles, clearly not judging.
"Shut up. I know myself, and I'm straighter than a ruler," Jordan says firmly, standing up to leave.
"There are flexible rulers," I say.
"Shut the fuck up," he points a threatening finger at me, and I smirk knowingly.
"Did you guys kiss?" Cody asks.
"He kissed me," Jordan says defensively. 841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Jp474m1iZ
Realizing what he said, he added, "I gotta go."
"Dude, take your book," Cody gives him the book Jordan had come to take.
"Jay, it's okay if you're bisexual," I tell him again.
"But I'm not," he denies.841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0wb9o2TfTB
841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRL2uRDaRlA
Later that day, I find a grey sweater with the word "Daddy" printed in black on it. I couldn't help but laugh at it before buying it.
In a box wrapped with snowflakes, I fold the sweater in there and rest the mug on top. They just go so well together. Kat was more than happy to get rid of it anyway. I can imagine Will drinking his coffee from this mug while wearing the matching sweater. It's perfect.
On New Year's Eve, Amber posts a picture of her in a crop top, her belly popping out. She wrote "New year, new me. Soon" with a lot of emojis and hashtags. Everyone talked about it in school, but she didn't care. She shrugged off the rude comments and took them as praises. I liked how she dealt with everyone, and I can't believe I did.
"It's not like I care or anything, but why did you just get it out like that? You know people are talking, right?" I ask her before lunchtime.
"I'd rather the truth comes out as it is instead of people making up stories of their own."
"Well, congrats. I'm happy for you two, Tyler mostly."
"Thanks," she narrows her eyes at me. It feels weird for both of us to speak so peacefully. "Nicole, I don't care if you burn in hell or whatever, but I'll tell you this because I'm nice," she pauses before continuing, "don't let what happened with Ryan Douchebag come in your way of opening your heart to somebody else. Your man is out there...or woman. I never really understood you."
"Wow, Ambitch, Are you being nice?"
"I am nice."
"Well, it's kinda scary actually."
"You're right. It is. Forget I said anything." She walks away, her wedges tapping loudly in the hallway. Even when pregnant, she manages to walk like she's on a runway.
"Thanks," I call to her.
She pokes her middle finger out as she continues walking.
"Bitch," I say.
Somehow, miraculously enough, Amber and I have reached an understanding. It scares me to know the world is coming to an end just like that.841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡye34Cliz0v
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Tyler knew this bar that celebrates New Year's Eve by giving people free re-fills. So, we went to celebrate.
It was packed with people, and it was hard to move among them. It wasn't so bad though because you can feel the spirit of the new year.
Veronica approached me in her expensive gold silk dress and high heels and offered me a drink. I never had a real conversation with her, but I'm sure she's a nice person. After what happened with Ryan, she stuck around with me and told me what an asshole he is. Although she was friends with Ryan long before she even met me, she still took my side.
"Hey, can I ask you something?" She started.
"Sure, anything."
"How's Dylan? Like what's his deal?"
"His deal?"
"Yeah, his story. Is he single? Is he taken? Is he straight? Is he not?"
Oh, I can see where this is going.
"You're into him, or something?"
"Something," she replies. She leans closer to me like she'll tell me a secret, "I might be in love with him."
"Really?"
"Maybe."
"Then you should ask him out."
"Shouldn't it be the other way around? Besides, I don't even know if he likes me back."
"If you really want him, then you should take your chance while he's still single. Dylan is one of the most wanted men to girls and possibly boys too," I wink. "Trust me on this."
"Alright," she sighs, looking at him from the distance. "I'll take my chance. Thanks, Nicole," she hugs before leaving to approach Dylan. I wish her luck in my mind.
People start counting down a minute before midnight, starting with 60, 50, 40, 30, 20, then continuing one by one.
"If you don't find anyone to kiss before it hits 12, I'll be your first kiss in the new year," Denise says.
"Hey, what about me?" Cody pulls her by the waist.
"Sorry, babe, but sisters before misters," she pokes the tip of his nose.
"Don't worry about me, sister, I'll find someone," I yell over the noise.
"You better."
"10, 9, 8..."
He was nowhere to be seen. He'd disappeared half an hour earlier, and I couldn't find him since then. It's not like I want him to be my first kiss for the new year; I couldn't care less for such crap. Still, a part of me wishes he won't leave me just to kiss some other stranger he'd met at the bar.
"7, 6, 5, 4..."
Denise and Cody are clung to each other, screaming the numbers with everyone else. Charlotte sat on her boyfriend's lap, waiting for the last number to strike on the screen. Tyler and Amber are already kissing. Kyle was making out with some girl. Jordan was not around and has not been for the past hour.
"3, 2..."
Someone pulls me, and I stumble among the people. I'm shoved into a corner.
"ONE!"
The number 1 glows on the screen, followed by fireworks and people kissing and screaming.
And I'm being kissed. The lights are turned off, so I don't see his face, but I recognize him from the feel of his lips and the touch of his hands. This kiss is different: it's slower, more intimate, and more careful. It felt cautious, yet risky; pleading, yet daring; apologetic, yet carefree. It felt promising; it felt like the start of everything, yet the end of it all.
It was everything all at once—a lot of feelings simultaneously striking me with force. It confuses me, but I try to ignore it. I pull him closer, kiss him harder, feel him stronger.
Will might be my new beginning, my "something different", my "change".
And he might as well be my end.
He's just another adventure, another journey. And there's a lot to discover about him.
He parts his lips from mine and rests his forehead against mine. We're breathing heavily, our chests rising and falling in sync.
"Where have you been?" He asks.
"I could ask you the same thing."
"I was searching for you."
I smile, "me too."
He smiles broadly, his teeth glowing in the dark. My heart throbs, and I kiss again.
"Happy new year."
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