After I arrive back home, I only get half an hour to get ready before Dylan comes by. I change into a grey sweater and jeans quickly before fixing my hair. It didn't need much fixing now that it's this short. I get my bag then I'm good to go.
I meet Kat downstairs when she's back from work. She stares at me for a long time before starting to tear up. I almost forget I cut my hair when she reaches to feel it.
"You look just like her," she said. "You look just like Annalise."
I forget all the time that Kat was actually my mother's best friend. So, at times like this, when I feel her true sorrow for my family's death, I understand that she's not only crying because I lost my family, but she's crying because she lost her best friend. And it's like a whole different grieving than mine.
Dylan rings the doorbell, and I open it for him. At first, there was this moment of silence where he just stares at me, and I look back expectantly. Then he says, "Hey, Nicole."
"Hey, D," I say back. He looks nervous. It's a good look for him though— cute and innocent. Dylan usually has a similar look on his face, and to most girls that know him, it's a big turn on.
"You cut your hair."
"Yeah, I wanted a change. Do you like it?" I play with a short strand of my hair.
"Yeah, I like it a lot. I mean, I loved your long hair, but I dig this too. It suits you," he grins.
"Thanks, Dylan."
"Now, shall we?" He does an inviting gesture to his car.
"Of course."
In the car l, I ask him where we were going, but he says that I'll know when we get there. No shit.
We arrive at the same bowling alley that Ryan and I visited on our first not-so-official date. I feel a bit nostalgic, but I push these feelings away. I'm here to spend time with Dylan and that's it. At the end of this night, I'll tell him how I feel about him.
I already told him about my feelings toward him, which don't exist in fact. But he asked for a chance in hopes it would somehow change my mind. I don't know about that, but I guess we'll just have to wait for tonight to unfold in its own way.
Throughout the whole night, I couldn't help but think of last night and of Will. He took me places I've never been to before, gave me things I've never had, and made me feel things I never imagined feeling. Yet, he took everything away, all at once, when he made it seem like it was all nothing.
I know it's wrong to be thinking about this now when I'm supposed to be enjoying my time with Dylan. But thoughts just keep rushing in and out my mind uncontrollably. And I can't seem to do anything about them.
When I start focusing on Dylan more, I realize how so familiar he is that it feels normal to spend time like this with him. It feels like a friendly meeting more than a date. As much as he tries to make it seem different—by taking me to dinner in one of the fanciest restaurants—I still look at him, talk to him, and treat him like Dylan, my best friend. I absolutely enjoy my time with him, but my feelings don't change like he wished for them to.
"This was really fun," I say when we reach the front door of the house. "Thank you."
"Of course," he smiles a sad smile. And I know he realized it too.
"Dylan, I—"
"Don't stress yourself. Seriously, I'm fine."
My heart sinks in my chest. It throbs a little too much, too. "I'm really sorry."
"Why? Don't be. I'm not gonna force you to feel something you cannot," he holds my arms gently. "When I looked at you back there, I realized something: you are the bestest friend I've ever had."
"I love you, Dylan. I really do."
His arms wrap around me. "I love you, too."
And it hurts to know that there are are two kinds of love, and no one is capable to feel the two at once. We stay like this, wrapped with each other's warmth, taking it all in, feeling what the other is feeling, and knowing there is nothing we can do to change it.
The door opens behind us, and Cody steps out, telling his mom he'll get the eggs, or something. Dylan and I pull away from each other to meet Cody's weird look.
"What were you, guys, up to?" Cody asks.
"Nothing. We just went bowling," I answer.
"Without me?"
"Well, you were busy with 'Denny'," I air-quote his nickname to her. I swear i cringe every time he says it.
"You guys made up?" Dylan asks. It's no surprise that wveryone noticed how Cody and Denise were off. After all, they did cause a bit of a scene back at the beach.
"We made up and out," Cody replies smugly. "I asked her to be my girl friend, and she said yes."
"You asshole!" I jokingly punch his arm then hug him. "It's about damn time."
"Congratulations, bro," Dylan does a little handshake with Cody while I keep my arms around Cody's neck till he chokes.
"I gotta call Denise," I grab my phone from the back pocket of my jeans. "Later, D," I run back into the house and up to my room.852Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhaFeq6aSYg
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I said I wanted a change, to try something different, and today was weird. Whatever happened will just have to be a secret between Dylan and me. Perhaps, an inside joke?852Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsGtNqQK1Wz
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I call Denise and congratulate her. She tells me everything that happened from the moment they left the club to the moment Cody left her house. It sounded so romantic, yet gag-worthy. It also didn't seem like something Cody would do. Either way, he did it—he confessed—and I'm fucking proud of him. All he had to do was come out of his shell, called cowardliness, and he did it to get his girl.
Denise told me that they "made love" for the first time. Apparently, there is a difference between making love and just having sex.
Later in the night, I wonder if Will and I made love.
Then, I push that thought away because William will never come to terms with such feelings. I just know it.
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