I ride behind Will, and I feel like I've missed the feeling I get when I'm on his motorcycle. We arrive at the house, and I don't find Kat. I play her voicemail:
"There was an accident on the highway. A truck and a car pumped together. A family of five members was in the car. It's so tragic. Anyway, I think it'll take all night. Dinner's in the microwave. Love you."
I find homemade burgers in the microwave, but I'm not hungry. I go upstairs to change, and Will follows me without an invitation.
"Get out, Will. I wanna change." I take off my jacket and leave it on my chair. I feel him close behind me, his breath warm on my neck. His hands find their way around my waist.
"What are you doing?" I ask. "Stop messing around." I turn to face him and find his face so close to mine.
"I'm not messing around," he says, moving his hand under my shirt.
"Will, stop joking," I catch his hands before they go further up my back.
"Who said I was joking?" His lips come closer to mine, and I watch him watch me. He quickly licks his lips, and I bite mine. His lips move even closer. " I haven't told you earlier how goddamn hot you look today." He pauses when his lips are barely an inch apart before letting them touch.
His lips feel so familiar, and it's not because he kissed me back at the Fall Festival. This kiss is different than that one but similar to another.
He kisses me, and I let him do it. And while he does it, I see something: water all around me—us—and we were swimming and laughing. And then he kissed me, and I let him do it. Our lips kissed above the water, while our bodies touched under it.
I remember now.
I pull my face away from his.
"What?" He asks in a faint whisper.
I look at his face before pulling it back to mine and kissing him. I remember now how amazing it felt to kiss in the water with no care in the world. I remember how amazing it felt to forget everything and everyone and just live in the moment. Now, I want to feel the same way again.
At one moment, we're just kissing intimately then, at another, he's pulling my shirt up. And then we're on my bed, him on top of me. And I'm pulling his shirt over his head, making us part for a second before we're back together again.
His lips move to my neck and down to my chest. He kisses his way down to my belly button and then back up. He draws shapes with his tongue on my skin.
I take a breath with every touch.
And then my shoes are off. The skirt too. His jeans and shoes are on the floor as well.
He stops kissing me and looks me in the eyes. He doesn't say a word, but his eyes do all the talking. I can read them. They ask me for permission—if he can. Lust is all there is to see in them, and I know he can see it in my eyes too.
Fuck it, I think. I want to have him. And I want him to have me.
Even if just for tonight.
"Don't stop," I whisper breathlessly before kissing him again.820Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1NnEmvnRCA
820Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLrMgvsiVw9
The sun shined brightly the next morning. The window was open, and the other side of the bed was empty. I squint at the strong light and look around the room. He's not here.
I put on a shirt and shorts then go downstairs. I was the only one in the house
I send him a text then step into the shower. I let the warm water run down my body and calm me down. I replay the events of yesterday in my mind and see it all vividly. Thank, everything holy, I wasn't drunk last night or else I wouldn't have remembered what happened. And honestly, it was too good to forget.
When I get out of the shower, I check my phone for any replies, but I find none. I text him again and wait as I make myself a mug of coffee, but he doesn't text me back even after I finish my breakfast. When I call him, it takes me straight to voicemail, so I don't call twice.
I decided to just let him be and start studying for the coming exams. I stay among my books for two hours before getting tired and taking a break.
Still no replies.
I check the time and see that I still have about four hours before I have to get ready for my date with Dylan. I still can't seem to say this so normally when it's not normal at all to date Dylan. He wanted a chance so I'm giving it to him. He deserves it anyway. But I don't know if he really deserves the outcome.
I leave the house and walk around town till I reach my destination: Barbara's Beauty Salon. It's not exactly a destination if I found it by chance, but U still do get in and ask for what I want. I tell her what I want, and she does it successfully.
After she was done, I look at myself in the mirror and stare. I don't recognize myself at first—no, I actually do. I look like someone I knew. My hair was cut short just like hers. But I don't look half as good as she did.
I've always loved my hair long and dark. I dress like boys, I walk like boys, I act like boys, and what little breast I got is usually covered with my baggy clothes, so my king was practically the only feminine thing about me? Cutting it this short—right above my earlobe—is one of the most courageous things I've done in my life. I've thought about change, so this is the biggest change yet.820Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwaJSVPypUY
820Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEZMQveN1Kr
I don't go back home when I'm done. Instead, I drop by Rosie's house. She welcomes me in with a warm embrace and invites me in. She touches my hair and tells me she likes it.
"William, Nicole is here," she calls from the bottom of the stairs. When he doesn't answer, she tells me to just go up to his room.
I knock on his door. "Will, it's me. Can I come in?"
No answer.
I knock again. "Will?"
Again, no answer.
"I'm coming in," I open the door and let myself in his room. I've never seen it before. It's nothing special, really, just awfully clean—even cleaner than mine. For some reason, I imagined it to be like an animal barn.
He was lying on his bed, eyes closed, earphones plugged. I kneel down next to his bed and stare. I stare at his face and think how close to mine it was last night and how close I want it to be now.
Before my face starts heating up completely, I pause the song on his iPod, waking him up. He looks at me, my face close to him. His eyes gaze into mine for a long time that I think we're going to kiss.
"What are you doing here?" He asks.
"How rude!" I joke, "And here I thought you'll be happy to see me." I take a tour around his room, "Why haven't you answered any of my texts and calls?"
"My phone stopped working."
"Really?" I call his cell and Pocketful of Sunshine starts playing. I find his cellphone lighting up on his dest, my name displayed on its screen.
"It's working again!" He exclaims, "What a miracle!"
"Hallelujah," I say with lack of humor. "Awful ringtone by the way. And you were making fun of mine."
"What do you want, Nicole?"
"Why are you acting like that?"
"Like what?"
"That! Like we haven't been together last night."
He doesn't answer me but shrugs his shoulders like he hasn't done anything wrong.
"What the fuck, Will? Why are you treating me like a hook-up? A one-night stand?"
"Why are you saying that?"
"I woke up, and I didn't find you."
"What? Did you expect me to stay?" He stands up. "And then when Aunt Kat finds me, what should I tell her?"
Good point.
"Fine. But you could've at least answered my texts."
"I'm sorry for that. Just get over it," he walks past me and sits on his chair, and swings around. I hold the back of his chair and stop him.
"Get over it? Are you even listening to yourself?"
"Did you cut your hair?" He suddenly asks.
"No, I gave it a day-off." Sarcasm: it runs in my blood. "Focus, Will."
"What do you want from me?"
"I want you to tell me what we did last night."
"We hooked up," he answers so blatantly he surprised me.
"Yeah, and what was it like?"
"Do you really want this to be awkward?" He asks. When he knows I'm serious, he sighs and answers. "It was nice."
"Nice?"
"Great," he corrects. "It was great. To be honest, it was one of the best nights I've had. But you need to forget about it."
"What?"
"It was a mistake. I shouldn't have pushed it like that."
"What are you saying? I let you."
"You shouldn't have," he says, his voice getting louder it sounded like he was yelling. He sighs, "Look, I'm not a good person. I'm not gonna take you seriously."
"You're telling me this bullshit?" I chuckle humorlessly and brush my hair to the back. "You see, this is what I meant. You're treating me like one of your sluts."
"Don't say that, Nick!" He yells, "You're nothing like them."
"That why are you being like that?"
"Like what?"
"That!"
We're both yelling, and Rosie is still downstairs. We realize this and calm down.
"Well, what do you want, Nicole? A relationship?"
"Screw you! You're my first, Will."
He stands up again in shock. His voice is lower when he says, "why didn't you tell me?"
"I thought you knew," I look at the ground—at anything but his face. For some reason, I feel embarrassed about it. And for the first time since we did it, I wonder if I really was good enough for him. Unlike Will, I lack experience, so I'm starting to doubt myself.
"No, I didn't." He brushes his hair to the back aggressively. "I'm so sorry."
I look at him, "For what? For taking it from me? For being my first?" I see the guilt in his eyes, and I wonder why he would feel that way. "Don't be. I don't regret anything. It was one of my best nights too."
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