Lately, I’ve been noticing even more my lack of maternal nature. As of now, there’s a lot more children in my life. I mean, my best friend lives with eight other kids (which is a story in and of itself), and more recently, a new born baby, a product of the oldest sister. 1038Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5JjK89T53n
As I find myself at her house every other day, the newborn, Paisley, is also there most of the time. My friend is hardly without the baby in her lap as she “coo’s” and tickles the her, always suggesting that I join in and hold the baby too. So, is it strange that more often than not that I don’t really want to be around the baby or any other child? 1038Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2h9BUCt9Wt
Quite honestly, I find myself rather detached from kids. They make me feel awkward or something. I’m not good at talking to them or playing children’s games. Sometimes, I can when I get close to the child like I am with my friend’s siblings. But, to physically have child or to deal with a teething newborn just doesn’t appeal to me.
Not only that, but the birthing process is excruciatingly painful. Also, as someone who already deals with depression and anxiety, how do you expect me to conquer post-pregnancy depression? Who would want all that? My pain tolerance hardly allows me to get up close and personal with a small needle and you think I want a human coming out of there? Think again.
Strangely enough, I think I would like to adopt a child who is older one day. Mostly because people tend only to get babies and leave the others to rot in an orphanage or foster home. I could even adopt from other countries that don’t really have a place for orphaned children. But, I’m just not sure of adoption yet.
I don’t even know how a future boyfriend would feel about that. Who would want to start a life with someone who didn’t want to physically have a baby with them? In my experience, most men would rather a child be theirs than care for someone who isn’t blood.
I’ve even contemplated telling him that I’m infertile or something because I don’t want to feel ashamed for not wanting to have a child like that.
Does every women have to want to have a baby? Does it make them less of a woman for not really wanting one?
When I say that I don’t want to have a baby I get the weirdest looks. They think I’m joking. Then they just kind of stare at me with an expression that just screams “Really? How could you say that? You’re a woman, aren’t you? You’re just going to let that uterus and those ovaries go to waste?”.
They make me feel like a cold-hearted bitch who hates kids!
But, I’m not… I don’t. I think kids are amazing and they have the greatest imaginations. They’re a ball of unadulterated cuteness, but that doesn’t mean I want one. There’s a lot of things I like that I don’t want.
Most people just don’t understand. They think it's like the law of the universe that all women must have children.
Not everyone is the same, though. We all like and want different things, and I don’t think we should be looked down upon because of that. 1038Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlTEMox2QSC
Anyway, that’s all I feel like saying about that. I shouldn’t have to explain myself, right? It’s my body. 1038Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9nYtFsvuyx
-- Ayame1038Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWEglvZEdkV
