Trigger warning: bullying, some nudity in a sexual atmosphere932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKvq7KzjxWC
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"I feel like she tries to hide them sometimes, but like, why?" a girl whispered loudly. "Everyone already knows she cuts."
The tears came out before Selah could stop them. In the bathroom stall, after having heard the girls talk about her scars, she put on her jacket. Though they'd already known, it was a last-ditch effort to make them leave her alone.
Walking to the bathroom sink, she forced herself to glance at anything but the brunette and blonde standing near the bathroom entrance. It felt like Selah's scars burned underneath her clothes from the girls' malicious words.
"I don't get why girls like her cut themselves when they're depressed," the blonde said. "Doesn't that make you feel even worse?"
"I don't know," the brunette said. "They're fucking crazy."
"Do you think she'll run away from her foster parents again?" Blonde said. "I mean, that's what Christy told me."
Brunette shrugged. "Or she'll kill herself," she added, followed by the pair snickering. "Hey Selah," Brunette said. "If you wanna kill yourself so much, then just do it."
Selah was aware tears had fallen down her cheeks, but she still kept her head high and walked to the entrance. But the pair blocked the way.
Blonde grabbed Selah's backpack and pushed the straps off her shoulders, then Brunette zipped down Selah's jacket to pull one sleeve off her arm. Selah wished she'd worn a shirt with longer sleeves.
"Ew, look at them!" Brunette exclaimed as Blonde grabbed and twisted Selah's arm, the cutting scars on her wrists and upper arm in full view.
"You're so fucking emo," Blonde said before spitting on Selah's worn-out Converses.
Ripping her arm out of Blonde's grasp, Selah picked up her backpack from the floor and bolted out of the bathroom. She could still hear the echo of their laughter as she ran down the hallway, the tears never stopping.
She was used to her scars, as they were a part of her no matter what, physically and figuratively. She accepted that a while ago. And yet, she didn't know people were that disgusted by them. All those stares and whispers were much, much worse than she'd thought. People were saying even more hurtful things behind her back this whole time, and that realization forced enormous sobs from her as she started walking home. Maybe she should start wearing long sleeves and pants from now on.
She just couldn't bear to let anyone else see them ever again.
***
For the second time ever in her life, Selah was gliding on a bicycle. And even though it lasted for what felt like twenty seconds, it was still longer than the first time with Emily and Logan. To stop herself from falling sideways, her feet tapped the asphalt to slow down. When she came to a full stop, panting from the exhilaration, she turned to look at James over her shoulder. He was smiling like crazy, causing a flutter in her stomach and a small blush in her face.
Even a month after she rejected him at the hospital, she still felt the same way about him.
As he jogged to her in the street, she wondered whether she was ready for a relationship yet. While a month wasn't that long, she felt drastically changed ever since the day she talked to Amelia over the phone. It was like she saw the same world through a different--more self-confident--lens, but of course she still had a long way to go to stay much longer in that lens.
In the meantime, though, when she was getting so much better, it hurt to know James was in pain. But he hid it well with his sweet smiles and the sweet things he did for her, like helping her ride a bike and listening to her talk about her past. And now that she thought about it, he changed so much since the first time they talked this year. The idea of having helped him turn into a better person brought fluttering sensations to her stomach, yet also made her feel kind of bad, mostly for not letting their friendship become anything more. But the fact that he was so patient and caring this past month widened her smile at him approaching.
And yesterday Paige hinted that he liked Selah even before this year, but Paige didn't reveal exactly how long because she wanted Selah to ask him instead. Selah had rolled her eyes, because up to that point Paige had become such a fangirl about them being a thing that she'd hint things that forced Selah to talk to James more about their feelings. "You've been torturing the poor guy for a whole month," Paige had said. "At least ask him when he started crushing on you."
And because Selah was finally taking their relationship seriously--and she did kind of want to know when he'd started crushing on her--she agreed to ask him.
"How was that?" he said.
"It was great," she answered as she hugged him, surprising herself.
He seemed to be just as surprised when it took him a moment before returning the hug. His arms enveloping her making her feel so warm and comforted. The bike started tipping over, so she pulled away to keep it upright. "Oops," she said, laughing a little. James smiled as she got off the bike and walked it back to her house.
"Do you wanna practice some more?" he asked.
"Maybe later." Wanting to kiss him on the cheek for how considerate he was, she said, "Thank you so much for doing this. It means a lot to me."
"Glad to help."
As they got closer to the house, she remembered what she was going to ask. "I have a serious question to ask."
"Okay."
She kept her eyes on the ground, since she still felt insanely shy around him at times despite how long they'd known each other. "When did you start...liking me?" Just the feeling of the words leaving her mouth made her feel a thousand times more awkward.
A pause followed. "If I'm being completely honest..."
Selah held her breath.
"The day we first met. In seventh grade."
Her heart stopped. "Really? The first day?"
Nodding, he said, "I thought you were really pretty. And when we met again, after Billy and those kids broke my nose, I thought you were really nice to me. I mean, back then I thought you were a really good friend, but deep down I had a crush on you."
She felt so nervous just walking beside him. As she left the bike in the garage and led him to her room for them to study for the next Calc test, all she could think about was what he said. He hid his feelings so well the whole time, and he held back even when he had the smallest chance to make a move. She couldn't begin to imagine how upset and uncomfortable he must've felt this past month, knowing she felt the same way though she rejected him.
She wanted to make it up to him. But since she had next to no experience with dating, where would she even start?
Watching him study his notes on her bed--something he did dozens of times already--she closed her textbook and decided to just talk. "James." She waited until he looked up at her. "I'm...I'm done holding back. I wanna stop pretending and just be with you."
He stared at her with widened eyes. Then he got off the bed and knelt at the side, holding her hands. Her knees felt his heart beating through his chest. "Really?" he whispered.
Though she knew it was stupid to keep doing it at this point, she looked at anything but his eyes. "Really."
Just like he did at the hospital a month ago, he lifted her chin until she found herself completely lost in his brown eyes. "Are you sure about this?" he asked.
She felt warm all over. "Yeah."
He smiled as though she granted him his last wish after a really long time, which felt the same way for her too. She kept the both of them waiting, and this was it.
"Can I kiss you?" he whispered, his thumb touching her lower lip.
As soon as she nodded, he kissed her like it was the last time he could. The kiss was wetter than she'd expected, yet it was soft and warm. Every movement between their lips did strangely satisfying things to her body. She felt like she was drinking water after walking through a desert for days. But much to her dismay, only their lips touched. It was a bold thing to do, but she partly opened her mouth and licked his lips. He sucked in a sharp breath.
She pulled away, regretting what she just did. "Sorry, did I mess it up?"
"No way," he said before leaning in to kiss her again, this time his mouth open with his wet tongue dancing with hers.
The taste of him growing addicting, she devoured him as much as he devoured her. She felt like she was on top of the world. He leaned her backwards, but the papers and textbook touching her back made her say an involuntary, "Oops!"
His lips froze and he backed away. "Did I go too far?"
She shook her head with a smile. "The Calc stuff was just in the way," she said as she moved them to the side.
Laughing nervously, he said, "Do you wanna do more than, you know...?" He pecked her on the lips, and he stared hungrily as she bit her lower, slightly swollen lip.
Well, she definitely wanted to make out some more. If they went further than that, it meant he'd see the rest of her scars.
A while ago, she would've been way too shy and ashamed to show them. But in this very moment, she did want to show them. She needed to show them. Because like holding off their relationship, she was holding off showing him everything about herself.
Until now.
Without saying a word, she stood up and locked the door. She turned and smiled at his smile as he stood.
"Before we do anything," she said, "I wanna show you all of my scars."
Gaping, he sat down on the bed and watched in wonder as she started taking off her shirt. The amount of attention in his gaze made her even more self-conscious, but she finally got the whole shirt off. She stood just barely an inch away from him, and his hands touched her hips as his eyes took in all the newly bared skin.
She pointed to the two lines on her right flank from her real father's stabbing. "You already saw these."
His fingers touched the scars, followed by his lips.
Smiling at his tender touch, she gestured to the cutting scars on her wrists. "And these."
He kissed the scars on her wrists.
"But you haven't seen these." She showed the lines on her inner arms above the elbows.
He kissed the scars on her arms.
She took off her pants, but she wasn't yet ready to take off her underwear. Instead, her thumbs pulled it down low enough to show the lines on her hips. "Here too."
His hands on the back of her upper legs, he kissed the scars on her hips.
Spreading her feet slightly apart, she showed the lines on her inner thighs.
He kissed the scars on her inner thighs.
Taking a deep breath, she stepped away and turned around, gripping her elbows. "And my calves."
Kneeling on the floor, he touched the scars on her calves and kiss them.
She took another deep breath. "That's pretty much all of them."
After he moved strands of hair off her right shoulder, his warm breathing tickled her ear as he said, "Still gorgeous."
A single tear fell. "Really?" she whispered.
He turned her around and wiped away the tear with a thumb, before kissing her on the lips, and it was like he was kissing the intangible scars that gave her the scary flashbacks and nightmares, that made her doubt what James felt for her. His kisses didn't remove the scars, but they left a warmth that numbed the pain. It wasn't the warmth of his body close to hers, but a warmth she felt deep inside with tingly sensations traveling up her spine.
He took off her bra, and when it fell to their feet, she straightened her back.
"Gorgeous," he whispered as he stared at her small breasts.
Her blush crept to her chest, and she couldn't help but smile. His index finger traced the scar on her right breast.
"Oh yeah," Selah said as she rolled her eyes. "I burned myself when I was making chicken soup."
Grinning, he kissed that scar anyway.
The tingly sensations came back, making her giggle in a state of euphoria she'd never felt before.
"What's funny?" he murmured against her collarbone.
"Nothing." She still smiled. "I'm just so happy that I'm yours."
He raised his head to look at her seriously. "I'm pretty amazed that I'm yours."
"You're really sweet." And that was an understatement.
"Pretty sure you're the sweet one."
"James..." She leaned her forehead against his chin.
"Selah..." They both laughed softly. "Hey Selah?" he said, his voice muffled in her hair.
"Yes?" She tilted her head back to look at his smiling brown eyes.
"I love you. So much."
Tears flooded her eyes. What she said next came so naturally to her: "I love you too."
And they spent the rest of the night proving it.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSbxqneukZd
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[A/N: It's the end!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you thank you thank you to everyone who read from beginning to end, even when I updated with random breaks in between!!! You have no idea how much it means to me!!!
It was such an incredible journey working on a story that's been very dear to my heart for a long time. I hope you enjoyed meeting my characters and reading the story that brought them together. :)]
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