Trigger warning: bullying
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No matter how many times James did it, there was always an air of awkwardness when dumping someone. And as far as he knew, it was impossible to sound nice, even when he meant it. That was why he usually dumped girls through text or relationship status updates, or just posted pictures of himself with a new girl. Eventually his exes would get it, get pissed, and get away from him. Life was much easier that way.
But sadly, he had to do it the hard way. He glanced over his shoulder at Gary and Dave, who totally made it obvious they were watching. Dave had his back against the vending machine as he popped gummy bears in his mouth while Gary choked on his in between guffaws. If only they could actually feel the painful awkwardness James was experiencing.
“James? You wanna say something?”
He turned to look at Alice’s worried blue eyes. She really was a great sight, with a great bod and great brown hair. She was just too…needy. She wanted way more attention than he was able to give her, and the guys had already made a bet with him about whether she would still stalk him after the break-up. They said she would, while he said the opposite. And to make it worse, the bet didn’t start until one condition was met: James break up with Alice in person.
James did see it meant to make it clearer to her that they wouldn’t be a thing anymore. And besides, James had twenty dollars on the line, and if it took humiliating himself the old-fashioned way, he accepted the challenge.
“So,” James began, “it’s been three weeks, and I dunno if you’re thinking what I’m thinking--”
“Is this about you deleting all of our pics online? Like everything we’ve done together never mattered to you?” she said, her voice breaking by the end of the last question. She didn’t know it would be him on the safe side in case she ever tried to justify their relationship when bothering his future girlfriends. According to the guys, crazy bitches like her went the extra mile for their insanely unhealthy obsessions.
“I did that last night ‘cause I wanna...um...” He broke eye-contact to take another quick peek at the guys. They were most likely too far away to hear the conversation yet still knew the gist of what was going on, as they frequently directed their eyes toward James. Looking back at Alice close to breaking down, he was really gonna kill the guys for this.
Then he said without hesitation, “I don’t wanna see you anymore.”
Alice didn’t respond and just stared.
He shrugged. “I just think we’re not working out.”
“Let me get this straight. You deleted me everywhere because you just don’t like me anymore? Without even telling me first?”
“Uh, yeah.”
She shook her head. “How much more of a dick can you be?”
“Hey, I just wanna tell you straight-up that I don’t wanna see you anymore. I get it if you’re pissed--”
“Oh, you get it,” she said with sarcasm. “You don’t even care about how I feel. What did I even see in you? You’re the biggest asshole ever, and you’re actually a bigger coward than I thought. You wanna end it? Fine. I guess we can’t be friends anymore either.”
And with that, she stomped away and headed toward the girls’ bathroom as she wiped her eyes with the sleeves of her gray sweater. He had to admit she took it better than he had expected, but to be fair, he did delete the photos the day before, and the break-up today only made the change in their relationship official.
But as the bathroom door closed behind Alice, he wished he would’ve done it someplace private. She was a pretty decent person who was just into him more than he was into her, and she didn’t deserve to get dumped in front of his friends. Maybe he really was a big coward.
He subconsciously walked toward the guys’ direction, and as they cracked up, the effects of the break-up faded in his thoughts and his smile matched his friends’.
“That was awkward as fuck,” he said, chuckling. “But I did it. You guys happy now?”
“That was hella short,” Dave said. “But we still think she’s coming back again.”
James shrugged. “Well, she said stuff like me being the biggest asshole ever and how she doesn’t wanna be friends anymore. I dunno about you guys, but it sounds like you’re gonna lose twenty bucks.”
“But that’s what these bitches do,” Dave said. “One day they act like they’ll never talk to you again, then they come back and annoy the hell out of you. Sometimes they even stalk you and make up shitty drama that isn’t there.”
“Okay, okay,” James said as he backed away from them. “If she comes crying back to me then you win. But if she doesn’t, Taco Bell’s on you.”
“Where you going?” Gary asked as he finished the last of his gummy bears.
“Calc.”
“See you later, nerd!” Dave yelled as Gary laughed with him.
James rolled his eyes and turned away from them, but really he was hiding the awkwardness he felt when his math class was brought up. None of his friends took that class so they couldn’t relate to him, and every time he brought up the time and work he put into that class, they just told him to either drop out of the class or stop showing off. So he started trying his best not to bring it up again around them, except Andrew.
Andrew used to take the class with him too, mostly because Andrew’s parents forced him to, but it was so overwhelming that he dropped it within the first week. At that time James figured the class wouldn’t be too bad, but whenever a test came up, he would seriously ask himself why he wanted to die in this class.
He was sure no test was coming up though--for now--so this week he didn’t expect a few nights of sleepless stress. And as he entered the classroom, the agenda on the whiteboard confirmed his thoughts.
Long, soft hair brushed against his arm at the same time a small foot weighing like a feather stepped on his toes. He turned to see Selah Wynters let out a loud gasp as she turned to him.
He would recognize Selah Wynters anywhere in an instant. Even in middle school, she had the same dark wavy hair to hide behind, the same light brown eyes looking down, and high cheekbones that made her rare smiles more radiant. The both of them had only interacted several times before, but James knew their communication was in the form of awkward smiles and “hey”s in the hallways and in this class. And this moment, just an accidental step on the foot, was probably the most awkward they ever had since she came back to public school freshman year.
“Sorry, James,” she blurted out as her face grew red. “I didn’t see you.”
He shrugged even though his heart beat more rapidly than normal. “It’s okay.”
“Does your foot hurt?” She glanced down at his old Vans sneakers.
He stared at her, wondering if she was joking. But sensing that she was probably just as embarrassed as he felt--which seemed ridiculous to him--he said, “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”
“Oh, okay.” She gave him a nervous smile, and probably judged him for how awkward he was.
“Yeah.” He nodded and automatically made a beeline to his seat. After sitting there and doing nothing like an idiot, he turned to his left to look at her squatting next to a girl’s desk and helping her with something. She acted like what just happened wasn’t a big deal, which, he figured, really wasn’t. He was overreacting for absolutely no reason.
But didn’t she notice that that was pretty much the longest conversation they ever held in so long? It was nothing compared to their awkwardness every time they greeted each other, which was about once every few months. They never had any classes together until this year, and since she never tried to make an effort to actually talk to him, he didn’t either.
Besides, it was better this way, when she didn’t know about the awful shit he did after she left near the end of eighth grade. He knew for sure she couldn’t have known yet; otherwise she would’ve been avoiding him altogether, or even confronted him at some point. He was to blame anyway, during a time when everything around him was so complicated and depressing.
And the worst parts in his life always seemed to linger, even in his subconscious.
“Why are you always alone? Because you’re a homeschooler?”
“You look weird.”
“Are you more Asian or more white?”
“Did you ever meet anyone when you were homeschooled?”
“Can you speak Chinese?”
James crushed his backpack against the door of the custodial closet as the small group of boys stared him down. One boy, Billy Muir, seemed to be the leader as he stood closest to James.
“You take any of my stuff again, I’ll take your stuff.”
Tears brimmed in James’s eyes. “I didn’t take your iPod. It fell from your pocket and I was gonna give it ba--”
Billy grabbed James’s T-shirt with both hands and pinned him against the door. “Liar,” he growled. “Ryan saw you take it. Stop lying!”
“But I’m not!”
“It’s your parents’ fault that you’re so weird and stupid. It’s their fault they made you look weird and stupid.”
James’s tears streamed down his cheeks.
“You cry like a girl,” Billy said. “You look so fucked up I can’t even tell if you’re a boy or girl.”
His friends started yelling in agreement when he said the bad word.
With a satisfied grin, Billy released James from his fists. “This time I won’t take your stuff. But you better back off.”
Before James could see what was happening, Billy took a bucket from the floor and struck James’s face with it. With a yelp, James covered his nose as Billy dropped the bucket on the ground.
“Let’s go, guys,” he muttered as he opened the door and left with the others following.
James carefully touched the tender skin of his nose with his hand as his tears dripped down his face. For a moment, he simply leaned against the door with his shoulder, wondering why Billy Muir hated him so much. He wondered if everyone at school hated him as much as Billy did. If public school was this dangerous, he hated every single part of it. He wanted to go home.
Then there was a soft knock on the door. Was it Billy and his friends again?
“Who is it?” he croaked, fear jolting his heart.
But only silence answered. He turned the knob and slowly opened the door while peeking through the opening.
Selah Wynters, his mom’s favorite student, stood in front of the door. With a sad expression, she asked him with her eyes to let her in. But he didn’t want anyone, not even a girl he met only once, to see him so ashamed and miserable. He realized he needed to hide the bruising nose somehow.
He was about to close the door, but she whispered, “Please.”
What made him pause wasn’t just her plea, but also her watery eyes. There looked like some understanding and even hurt in them. He didn’t want her pity. Why did she even care so much about someone she barely knew?
“Go away,” he said.
Sniffling, she wiped her eyes with her palm. “Okay. I just wanted to say something about Billy.”
“What?”
“He does that to a lot of kids. Even me. So, you’re not alone.” She took a shaky breath and stepped back. “Sorry for bugging you. I’ll go now.”
“Wait.”
She stared at him as her eyes widened. Something about her just comforted him, as if she was a person he could trust.
“Yeah?” she asked.
“You’re...You’re not gonna tell my mom, are you?”
She shook her head.
“Good. I don’t want anyone to know.”
“Your nose,” she said, pointing at it.
“Yeah.”
“I always put on ice. It makes the bruises go away faster, and when they’re noticeable I try to cover them with my clothes. But it’s harder to cover bruises on your face.”
“Thanks for telling me that,” he muttered.
Selah immediately looked sad again. “You should still get ice for your nose. You can go to the nurse.”
“What if she asks how I got it?”
She seemed to think. “A door opened and hit your nose. Or we were in the library and a textbook from the shelf fell on you. Or I was trying to get a book from a shelf, and my elbow hit you.”
James almost didn’t believe he was hearing these things from her. “Did all those things happen to you?”
She shook her head as she made a faint smile. “No. They’re some excuses I made up before.”
He didn’t know what to say to that, but his silence seemed to make her embarrassed as her cheeks turned pink.
“Yeah, it’s really weird. It’s just that I, um…” She seemed to struggle what to say next as she looked at the ground. “I used to bruise a lot.” She bit her lip and glanced back up at him. “Do you still wanna go to the nurse?”
She wasn’t like any of the other girls he met at this school, yet she was the only person to be nice to him. As she waited for his answer, he wanted to learn more about her. His mom liked her for a reason.
He slowly stepped out of the closet and closed the door behind him. When he turned, his eyes met those of someone that he, for the first time since his first day of school, could call a friend.
After Calculus, James headed to his locker to put away a textbook and get his earbuds. With his backpack carrying fewer stuff for the last two classes of the day, he closed his locker and started walking down the hallway, until he noticed a girl from the opposite direction heading toward him.
He stopped and squinted at her. He hadn’t seen her anywhere on campus, but something about her appearance was familiar. He tried to place a name as she approached him. And when she stopped just a few feet away from him, the name finally came to mind.
Christina Vargas.
He didn’t know much about her in middle school, except that she disappeared in eighth grade. All sorts of rumors spread about her, from her military family moving all the time to her murdering someone. He didn’t know what to believe so he just lost interest.
“Hey, do you know where Mr. Johnson’s class is?” she asked, then glanced at her schedule. “Room fourteen?”
“Oh, yeah.” He looked down the hall behind him. “It should be a few doors down on the right.”
“Thanks.” She sighed. “I’m new here, so I’m completely lost.”
“That’s alright. This school’s kinda big.”
She nodded. “What’s your name?”
“James. And you’re Christina, right?”
“Um, yeah.” She looked confused. “You remember me?”
He nodded. “You went to my middle school, but you left during the year I think.”
“Do you know why?” she asked, looking suddenly panicked.
“No.” He shook his head. “Why?”
Then she looked relieved. “My dad was in the military, so we moved a lot.”
He noticed the past tense, but he didn’t mention it. “Oh, right.”
“Yup. It’s too bad I never got to meet you back then.”
He highly doubted that, since he looked and was the biggest geek in school. But he played along. “Why’s that?”
“‘Cause you seem like a pretty fun person. Wanna kick it sometime today?”
He took a good look at her long curls and tan skin. She looked a lot better now than a few years before, and her smile was pretty.
“Yeah, I got time after school.”
Her smile widened. “Great. And by the way, I go by Christy.”
“Christy. Got it.”
After they exchanged numbers and went off to their classes, he wondered why she moved back here during the school year. But as he looked at the new contact in his phone, he figured that, should a relationship come out of this, he wouldn’t have minded. Dating someone new at this school was a nice change.
And another nice distraction from a few painful reminders of the past, one being a girl with wavy long hair and expressive brown eyes.
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