“The date with Andrew was a disaster from the moment it fucking started.”
Selah kept glancing between the road and Paige, who hadn’t looked this worried before, and this was Paige. She was probably the boldest person Selah ever knew who could face any more awful things life threw at her. Whatever happened next was surely more than just Andrew’s “fuckboyism,” a term that Paige used when describing him and his friends.
“And then I started thinking the waiter was pretty hot,” Paige said. “And I don’t know if it was the delivery of his puns, but they actually made me laugh. And I know, it sounds weird coming from me.”
Selah grinned as she remembered some of Paige’s jokes, including the joke that humping a pillow was funner than having sex with a virgin.
“So I gave him my number and he already texted and called me, but I haven’t replied, and I’m not planning to.”
“What? Why?”
“He’s Christy Vargas’s brother.”
Christy Vargas? Selah had a sinking feeling in her stomach as she nearly shuddered at the sound of the name. “She’s back?”
“Yeah.”
The painful feelings resurfaced as Selah tried to think of anything other than the demeaning words kids threw at her in seventh grade, all because of the rumors Christy had started. Selah lost count of the same questions she was asked, like “Did you really get adopted because your real parents are dead?” and “Are you gonna run away from your foster parents like you did before?”
Then Paige talked about Christy making Mark give Paige the nut-flavored gelato and how the pictures on Twitter came about.
“Oh my gosh…” Selah stopped at a red light. “I didn’t know she was still mad at you after all this time.”
“Right? It was a long time ago and she’s still holding this stupid grudge!”
“She’s being way more dramatic than she should be. You already moved on, and so did everyone else.”
“I don’t even know why she’s back. Maybe it’s her dad?”
“Maybe.”
“And she’s not in any of my classes, thank God. There is no way in hell she’s coming anywhere near me.”
Christy still sounded just as self-centered and reckless as she had been in middle school. She exaggerated her own problems and blamed it on other people, starting drama that was either over or just nonexistent. For a moment, Selah wondered if Christy was coming after her for revenge too. She trembled at that horrifying thought.
“Can we change the subject?” Paige pleaded.
“What do you wanna talk about?”
“Hmm.” Paige studied her. “Any progress with James Miller?”
Selah felt like cringing as she remembered what happened in class today. “Um…”
The driver behind her honked, jumpstarting her heart. She stepped on the gas pedal at the same time Paige opened her window, stuck her head out, and yelled, “It just turned green!”
A middle-aged woman drove next to them and flipped Paige off while Paige returned the gesture. Selah’s heart kept racing as she simply kept her eyes on the road. She never liked road rage since it made her feel like she wasn’t doing a good enough job at her driving.
Paige wiped stray smudges of makeup off her face using the side view mirror and closed the window, acting as though she wasn’t affected by the fact that a stranger just flipped her off. “So, any new deets on him?” she asked.
Selah bit her lip. “I accidentally stepped on his foot. It was really awkward.”
“I bet he’s gonna hate you forever for that.”
Selah rolled her eyes. “It was awkward because that was our first actual conversation. In a really long time.”
“Aw, things are moving so fast already.”
She couldn’t help but laugh. “Why do you always think I like him? We never even talk to each other.” Ever since she came back, he didn’t try to communicate with her, so she didn’t try to either. She blamed that on the fact that they had almost never seen each other in school until senior year, when they shared Calculus. He seemed to have moved on too, as she saw him hang out with his new friends around school sometimes. Their old friendship just died off mostly because of her leaving so suddenly, and she understood if he had ever felt angry with her. She wondered if he still felt some of that anger now.
“Well, if you want me to be honest,” Paige said, “I’d say you wouldn’t shut up about him finally being in one of your classes.”
Selah made a right turn into Paige’s neighborhood. “I just think we might talk more. Like today.”
“Okay, whatever you say. But he does have the widespread fuckboyism, so I recommend you don’t fall for him. Side effects include seeing endless pictures of his ribs and getting your feelings fucked over for no reason. Oh, and don’t forget when he sends you hip hop lyrics and pretends he came up with all of it.”
“Is he really that bad nowadays?”
“I only heard he’s one of those guys, and I wouldn’t be surprised if that shit’s true.”
Selah heard the usual bitterness in Paige’s voice whenever she talked about him. “Do you have something against him?”
“No.” She shrugged. “His best friend just pissed me off last night. I swear, if I get one more dick pic…”
As Paige went off on another rant about fuckboys, Selah still wasn’t convinced that that was why Paige always disparaged James, but she let it slide. A moment later she pulled up in front of Paige’s house.
After opening the car door, Paige slung her purse over her left shoulder and picked up her books from the car floor. “You didn’t have to drop me off, you know. I can walk home from school.”
“Just let me do it, okay?” Selah smiled when Paige gave her her usual look that said, Are you for real?
Then Jerry came out of the house through the front door and limped toward the old Volvo. “Hey, Selah!” He peered through the tinted passenger window until she rolled it down.
She waved as he waved back. “Hey, Jerry. How’s the new art therapy?” The sessions he started last week seemed to help him a lot since, according to Paige, he chatted a lot about his artwork lately. She couldn’t visit as often as she used to anymore though, because she didn’t have a lot of free time.
“I painted a self-portrait. Wanna come inside to see?”
She shook her head. “Sorry, I can’t. I have to get to the hospital in ten.”
“Have fun feeding old people,” Paige said as she turned Jerry toward the house.
He looked over his shoulder at Selah with sad eyes, and she immediately felt guilty. She was there for him when he slowly got to his feet and never looked back when he got off the wheelchair. And now he was drawing with hands he had only sometimes used since he was born, and she couldn’t be there to see him fight his depression through this new transition.
She knew all too well what it was like trying to break free from days of constantly questioning her self-worth. It reminded her of the plenty of times she felt that way, even when the rumors about her went around. But she also knew she needed to remember the good days she had in between.
Especially when most of those days involved getting to know James Miller.
“How are your classes this year?” Mrs. Hayashida asked.
Selah shrugged. “Seventh grade is like sixth grade.”
Mrs. Hayashida put away the last of some papers in her bag. “What’s your favorite class?”
“Algebra. It’s easy, but I’m gonna miss you in it.”
“Aw, I’ll miss you too.” She kneeled down in front of Selah. “Don’t tell anyone this, but you’re my favorite student.”
“Really?”
“I guess I see a lot of myself in you.”
Selah didn’t know what to say to that.
“I might come back to sub again. And you can visit me if you and James ever want to hang out.”
“I don’t know if he wants to.”
“Oh, he does. He says good things about you.”
Selah widened her eyes. She could’ve sworn he didn’t exactly like her even after helping him with his broken nose. “Really?”
“Mhm. He said you’re the nicest friend he’s ever had.”
“Oh.”
James entered the classroom just then, with a bandage still on his nose. His eyes widened as he looked between his mom and Selah. For a moment Selah felt embarrassed for him, as he might’ve heard the last thing his mom just said.
“Are you ready to go?” Mrs. Hayashida asked.
“Can I go to the bathroom first?” he asked.
“Sure.”
“I don’t know where it is though.”
“Selah, can you show him?”
Nodding, Selah put on her backpack and left the classroom with James following. There was an awkward silence between them, making her wonder if he was too embarrassed to say anything.
Then he said, “Thanks for taking me to the nurse. I felt bad for not saying it before.”
“It’s okay.”
“And my mom was right. You know, about you being the nicest person.” He kept his eyes on the ground. “A lot of people look at me weird sometimes. It makes it even harder to make friends, even when everyone is in their own groups since elementary school.”
“Yeah. If you don’t make friends in the beginning, it’ll get harder trying to make some if you wait longer. I was new in sixth grade so it was hard for me too, and it still is.”
“Where did you go before?”
“La Mesa. It’s an elementary school in the LA area.” She glanced his permanently bleak expression as he still stared at the ground. She asked, “You were homeschooled, right?”
“Yeah.”
“What’s homeschool like?”
“Well, you go to school at home.”
Selah giggled. “That’s it?”
“I left the house too. I saw relatives and went to church and stuff. So I wasn’t always at home.”
“When I lived in Hawaii, I wanted to be at school more than at home. At least I had friends there.”
His mouth shaped into an O. “You lived in Hawaii? What’s it like? Are you Hawaiian?”
She smiled. “Yeah, I lived on the Big Island. The weather is like here but more rainy, and everyone’s nice. And I’m half.”
“What’s the other half?”
“Japanese.”
“Me too! The other half is white.”
When they stopped at the bathroom, she studied his appearance. “I think I can see both.”
“People always try to guess every single race they can think of, and only a few of them get it right.” His shoulders slumped. “And then they say I look weird.”
“I don’t think you look weird. At least not as weird as me.”
“Are you kidding? You look way more normal than me. And I didn’t even know you were half-Hawaiian.”
She shrugged. “I guess it’s just hard to tell.”
As she waited for him to use the restroom, she couldn’t wait to try to keep in touch with him, at least until the end of middle school. In this place full of hateful kids, she finally found someone who thought the same things she did. She didn’t have to feel lonely or miserable anymore.
And she hoped to feel that way forever.
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