Trigger warning: brief suicide scene757Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWG32wKv83s
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“So my uncle visited yesterday,” Carter sighed. “He’s the same cranky old guy I knew when I was a kid.”
Kylie, who was sitting across from him and tearing her napkin into small pieces, just nodded.
“He put me through all this dumb shit in Texas. Like pranking this old lady that lived two houses down from me. I think he had this huge crush on her and used me as an excuse to talk to her. And then he blamed all these drugs the cops found in the neighborhood on me, but they let us off the hook ‘cause he was somehow buddies with them. Or they were just super lousy with their jobs.”
Kylie seemed to spot something at the entrance of Cucina Mia and stood up immediately. He turned to see Becca with her dark brown hair in a braid walking toward the table. He knew they’d probably spend the next hour talking to just each other. It was painfully obvious.
All girls and women were secretly bisexual. And when two of them did manicures together and had their periods sync, they had already started a lesbian relationship.
“Hey, how was the doctor’s?” Kylie asked Becca as they headed toward a different table.
Then Christy in her work clothes appeared pretty much out of nowhere and took Kylie’s seat. “Is it okay if I sit here?”
He shrugged and leaned back. “You are already.”
She gazed at the other pair of chairs at the table, then folded her hands on the tabletop. It was sort of weird that she’d approach him like this. In fact, the only thing he knew about her was her recent breakup with James over the phone.
“So it didn’t work out with James?” he asked.
“Nope.” Her lips made a thin line.
“Isn’t he hanging out with that Selah girl now?”
She sighed. “Yeah. He dumped me for her. Shoulda seen it coming.” Her eyes squinted as she looked away.
“Are they dating yet?”
She shrugged. “All I know is that they started hanging out right after the breakup.”
Carter picked up the pieces of the napkin that Kylie had torn apart. Either James wasn’t in his right mind lately, or he started crushing on good girls overnight. As a matter of fact, he’d been acting weird since Christy’s first day of school.
“So, do you remember when I started that rumor about Paige?” Christy asked. “You know, about her fucking her stepdad?”
He cracked up, like he did every time it was brought up. Christy smiled.
“Hell yeah,” he said. “I always knew she’d do that.”
“Actually... I made that up.”
He stared at her. “Are you shitting me?”
She squirmed a little. “Nope. Completely made up. And before I didn’t even know she had a rich surgeon stepdad till you told me, you know...when you were completely baked at Gary’s.”
His eyes widening, he tried to search his memory of that day. He told her about Paige? He said, “I only remember telling you that I visited my dad that day, but nothing about Paige.”
“Well, you did talk about her. And everything you said seemed like it would make sense, so I came up with the rumor.”
He leaned forward. “I bet you it’s true though.”
“Yeah, well, you know her. And her fam. You said your dad dated her mom once.”
He really must have been completely baked. “What else did I say?”
“That… you moved here after your mom died. And you still seemed pretty miserable about the move.”
He even told her a bit about his personal life? His eyes went downward and his head hung on one side. “Yeah. Guess I am still miserable.” Besides his mom’s death, everything else bad in his life happened in California.
Then Christy said quickly, “And you said Paige dumped you like you were worth shit. Which you’re not.”
“That’s true too,” he said with a smile. He liked hearing what Christy thought of him. It was great that she’d start bullshit to expose Paige, but she never actually knew her, at least from what he could tell at this point. “I wanna ask you something.”
“Sure.”
“Why start the rumor? I mean, you don’t know her...do you?”
She sat up straighter with a smile. “Let’s just say I have pretty bad beef with her.”
“How bad?”
“We were good friends, if you can believe it, and then we got into some pretty deep shit. But I had it worse because she’s a fucking backstabber.”
“Tell me about it,” he muttered. He would’ve rather had something new to hear, honestly. “Well, whatever happened, the rumor was still fucking genius.”
As they smiled at each other, he felt like he could just tell her everything. Having another person to rant to didn’t sound so bad, and the plus was that she wouldn’t be a salty piece of shit about it. She just seemed to get it.
Kylie’s guffaw made them turn their heads to see her still talking to Becca two tables away. Carter scoffed and wore a smug expression. “They make it so obvious,” he murmured.
“Make what obvious?”
“You can’t tell?” Then he said in a lower voice, “I bet you they’re fingering each other but keeping it low-key, and they’re really good at it.”
Christy let out a nervous laugh. “Really? I can’t see it.”
He leaned forward with his elbows on the table and his folded hands in front of his mouth. “I feel like all girls are bi. And most of them don’t even know it.”
“Well, yeah, that makes sense. God knows we deal with enough shit with guys.” Carter gave her a weird look. She wasn’t a feminist, was she? But she seemed to notice his face and continued, “But I feel like not all girls are bi. I mean, they could be just hardcore BFFs.”
“But look.” They turned to see Becca and Kylie still talking and smiling. “It’s so messed up,” he said. “Lesbians have a fucking mental disease. And it just leaves out all the guys that are actually into them.” He shook his head. “Lesbian porn is still totally hot, though.”
“So, les porn is your guilty pleasure?”
“Uh, no shit.”
She raised her hands. “I dig gay men porn so…”
He shook his head and felt like puking. “No no no. That’s even worse. And watching it makes me feel like my asshole would hurt. Mine is only for taking shits, okay?”
Christy seemed like she was about to say something--maybe more feminist crap--but then Gary appeared out of nowhere.
“Hey guys,” he said. “I need food, like now. All I had today was a tuna sandwich for lunch.”
Becca and Kylie had come over too. “Yeah, I’m starving,” Kylie said.
Christy let out a sharp whistle, which got Mark’s attention. After she gestured him to come over, the five of them sat at a large table in the center of the restaurant.
“What?” Mark asked, sounding annoyed as he carried some dirty dishes.
“Um, we wanna order? What else does it look like?” Christy shook her head.
He whirled and headed toward the kitchen without a word. That guy acted like a dick ever since the first day he met them behind the gym. But it wasn’t like it mattered to Carter if Mark joined the group; he just didn’t seem like the type, unlike his sister.
Then Becca’s hands drummed the tabletop in a constant rhythm as her blinking synchronized with the drumming. “What did you guys do today?”
“I just went home, ‘did’ homework, then watched Netflix till I left the house,” Gary replied.
“Long day, huh?” Becca commented sarcastically.
“You?” Gary asked, but she was leaning back, her eyes on the ceiling lights as she mouthed her counting.
“Um, what are you doing?” Christy asked.
When Becca didn’t say anything, Kylie said, “Can I tell them?” After Becca nodded, Kylie sat up and looked at everyone in the eye. “She started doing weird stuff like counting randomly and repeating things she already did. So she went to see a psychiatrist, and turns out she has OCD. Like, legit OCD. But it’s not super major or anything.”
Carter gave Becca the dirtiest look he could muster. “That fucking sucks.”
“My dad has it too, so I guess I was the one to get it next,” Becca said. Then she looked back at everyone, her eyes blinking more than normal. Carter made a note in his head to avoid her as much as possible. Another thing about girls: they were more prone to mental diseases, including not just lesbianism but also anything from depression to schizophrenia.
“Why did you get it now instead of, like, as a baby?” Gary asked.
“For some reason it just came up this year. I’m not really sure.”
Carter thought bullshit. “Or she kept it a secret this whole time,” he said as he rolled his eyes. “Just to get more attention.”
“Hey,” Kylie said instantly. “She’s not making it up. She had a legit doctor say so.”
“Or she’s just lying about all this.”
Kylie glared. “You don’t always need to be a dick, Carter.”
“Does she have meds?” Gary asked.
Kylie gave Becca a questioning look, and Becca replied, “I left it in the car. I should probably take them.” She half-smiled, but Carter still didn’t fall for her bullshit.
“Give me your keys,” Kylie said.
After Kylie left with the keys, Mark came back with a small pad of paper, but he walked up to Christy first with his nostrils flaring. “Why aren’t you working?” he asked, his arms crossing.
“It’s my break, okay? Calm yourself.” She shook her head and looked at Carter as if to say, “Can you even believe him?” Carter answered her with a smug smile. He hadn’t known him that well, but Mark did give off that sassy kind of vibe.
After everyone ordered and Mark stomped away, Becca said, “So, Mila’s pool party. This Saturday, right?”
Gary nodded. “I think it’s gonna be me, Dave, Ian, Christy, Andrew, who’s also bringing Colette--”
“Really?” Becca’s mouth formed an O. “Are they together again?”
“Uh, I guess,” Gary said. “Colette asked him out this morning, so...I guess they are. Andrew was pretty psyched all day.”
“You’re coming, right?” Christy asked Carter.
Carter stared at her brown eyes, tan skin, and curly brown hair. She actually looked sort of pretty, and he was just realizing this.
“Yeah, I’m coming,” he replied.
She might as well be a nice change he needed in a while.
Mom gripped the arms of the chair so hard that Carter thought she was going to break them off. She mouthed some words he couldn’t hear as her eyes kept switching from the ceiling to the family portrait hanging on the wall.
Dad needed to come back fast with the medicine. Mom was at her randomest without the pills, like the time when he and Dad found her walking on an overpass. She kept saying Phil, Amanda, and Zared wanted her to end her life there, but she didn’t have any friends or family by those names. They were the people whose voices only she could hear.
Mom squirmed in her seat as her mumbling grew louder. Dad had tied her dirty blonde hair into a bun so that she wouldn’t rip off her hair, and her blue eyes now stayed on the family portrait.
Carter turned up the TV’s volume so he could hear the two kids in the screen talk about how much trouble they could be in for bringing their six-month-old baby brother to a party. He bet they had normal parents that didn’t need to take pills for their broken heads.
“Shut that off!” Mom suddenly yelled. “I can’t hear Phil and Zared!”
Carter was mute and paralyzed for some reason as Mom glared at him.
“Go to your room,” she ordered. “I need to concentrate.”
Afraid she would be even more mad at him, he turned off the TV and left the living room in just a few seconds. As he headed upstairs, he figured he could use Dad’s laptop until he came back. Really, anything to block out his mother downstairs screaming at the people in her head.
In his parents’ room, he turned on the laptop and Googled horror movies he wanted to see. He came across a movie whose summary was about a girl murdering her friends because the voices in her head told her to. Did Mom murder her friends when she was a kid too? She had voices in her head for as long as he could remember.
The door creaked open, making Carter get a heart attack as he turned around to see Mom standing in the doorway.
She said, “Keep it down.”
He stared at her. “But I’m not making any noise.”
“Keep it down…” She turned slowly and wandered down the hall toward the bathroom.
He stood up and slammed the bedroom door. Except for the door, he wasn’t making any sounds at all! At least he wasn’t talking like the retard his mom was. She was always the loudest person in the house. He bet she didn’t care about him, or maybe she even forgot he was her son sometimes.
He could feel tears coming on, but he was able to keep them in. If only he could change who she was, then he and Dad wouldn’t have to be living this hell every single day.
For a while he played Tetris and then Solitaire, and when he heard the garage open, he logged off of the computer and ran downstairs. He didn’t find Mom anywhere, but at least it was quiet.
He reached the garage and found Dad closing the car door and dragging his feet toward the kitchen.
“Did you get the medicine?” Carter asked.
Dad shook his head. “I can’t afford it. Give it another week.”
“What?” Carter’s hands flew to his head as he took a few steps back. “I want this to stop, Dad!”
“It’s okay, we can take care of her for a little while.”
“But I hate this! I hate her! Why is she like this, Dad?”
He looked down and made a half-shrug. “I dunno. She started acting like this a few years after you were born.” He touched Carter’s shoulder. “She loves you, even though it might not seem like it.”
Carter shrugged off his hand and just stared at the floor. He highly doubted that.
“Where is she?” Dad asked.
“I don’t know, I was upstairs.”
Then there was a scream from outside, followed by a loud thud. Carter and Dad looked at each other with wide eyes, then ran outside.
Mom’s eyes were still open as her left elbow bent the opposite way and blood oozed from her blonde hair, with more of the dark red liquid spilling around her on the cement.
With Dad crying and kneeling beside her, Carter puked out the sandwich he had for lunch as tears flooded from his eyes too. After he was done, he sat next to his puke and wiped his tears away with the clean part of his T-shirt.
Mom was gone. She had been in the house just earlier, walking around and talking to herself. This woman that he’d known his whole life, who slowly grew more and more crazy.
Maybe this was what she needed. She suffered from all these voices and objects people didn’t hear or see. No one could ever understand her, so what more did she have in her life? She lived in her own world with Carter and Dad to keep reminding her she was in the real world.
But now that she was gone forever, maybe this burden put on all of them was finally gone?
She had this coming from the start, hadn’t she? This mental disease took away the person Dad married, the person Carter never got to know.
They had already lost her a really, really long time ago.
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