Hello? Christy’s text said. U there?
James decided he’d been ignoring her for too long and so texted back, Yeah.
As he waited for her reply, he couldn’t stop thinking about what happened at lunch yesterday. What Christy said didn’t even sound close to the Paige he knew. Where the hell did she even get that kind of rumor? Was this middle school again?
And the way Christy was acting around the group nowadays was just...different. She was more nosy than normal whenever Paige was brought up, and she always seemed to be hiding something from him. It was getting annoying and even creepy.
The bell rang to start Calculus as Miss Heaney stood up from her desk and walked in front of the white board. “Good afternoon,” she said as everyone took their seats. “First thing’s first: seat changes.”
Everyone in the class groaned.
“But this time I’m letting you sit with whoever you want, as long as no one is talking while I’m teaching. Sound good?”
Some people nodded while others cheered and already started moving next to their friends. James automatically looked at Selah who was looking at Angela, but several people had already taken the seats surrounding Angela. Selah grabbed her stuff and started moving toward the center of the classroom, and James had a sudden need to sit next to her before anyone else could. He still remembered the searing image of the irritated and disappointed look on her face yesterday. What if Paige told her about the rumor he made up and all the other despicable shit he did in eighth grade? And that some of the shit he did was as destructive and horrible as Christy’s rumor yesterday? He wouldn’t have been surprised if Paige told her already.
But not knowing if she did was slowly killing him. He couldn’t bear the thought of Selah Wynters seeing the real him.
As soon as Selah took a seat in the center of the classroom, he beat someone to a desk next to her. She knit her eyebrows together at him.
“What?” he asked.
She sighed and started moving to a different spot. At least he knew she was mad.
He followed her to the desks near the windows, but that didn’t seem to work either when she rolled her light brown eyes at him and went to the back of the classroom. She sat in the only empty seat in that area, and he was just about to give up when a person on her right went to take a seat in the front.
James silently revelled in his victory as he took the seat. He grinned at Selah even though she crossed her arms and kept her eyes on the board. He did the first part of his plan, so what was next?
He failed to come up with anything as he stared at her. Her wavy hair flowed over her light blue sweater to her hips, and the heels of her Converses rested on the rack under her chair. He wanted to forever breathe the floral scent he smelled whenever he was near her. It was even just as sweet as she was. While she rested her cheek on her palm and raked her hair back with her other hand, James couldn’t think of any other girl whose looks actually matched her personality.
Selah either didn’t seem to notice James was staring at her for so long, or just ignored him and was really good at it. He was staring longer than he’d planned though, which was ridiculous. It wasn’t like he didn’t recognize how she looked nowadays. He glanced down at his desk, spotting a drawing of a happy face in the upper right corner.
Then Miss Heaney announced, “And feel free to move seats for the rest of the year. It doesn’t matter to me. And with that, let’s get started with notes.”
People started taking out notebooks, but James remembered he left his notebook in his locker. He looked at Selah taking out her pencil.
“Hey, Selah,” he whispered. “Can you give me a piece of paper?”
She started copying down what Miss Heaney wrote instead. Sighing, he searched through all the loose used papers in his backpack and found one with a lot of space on one side.
For the rest of class she didn’t look at him once. He knew she was mad, but not mad enough to ignore him for an entire class period. He packed up as she crammed all of her things into her backpack and stood up to leave. Zipping his backpack, he tried to keep up with her until they got into the hallway, with his hand touching hers. “Selah, can we talk?” he asked.
She finally stopped and slowly turned to him. “What was yesterday all about?”
“Oh, uh, that.” He rubbed his neck. “That was Christy’s fault.”
“You should stay away from her.”
James just stared at her, noticing the anger in her voice. “Why?”
“She has this huge grudge against Paige. It’s why she started that dumb rumor yesterday. And just so you know, none of it’s true. She would never see Nolan that way.”
He shook his head. “Wait, why would Christy have something against her?”
“Why don’t you ask Christy yourself? You’re dating her now, right?”
“Yeah…”
“You might not know it now, but she’s really self-centered and dramatic and just...cruel. You should be mad at her, not Paige. Paige isn’t even close to what Christy’s like. And-and when Dave called Jerry a retard…” She shook her head as if she still couldn’t believe what the group had said.
But all the points she made, he realized, were totally valid. “I...uh…” he started.
“Look, you don’t know what Christy’s capable of,” Selah said as she walked backwards. “I got on her bad side before, and it gets really ugly.”
Like a little kid that just got grounded, wide-eyed James simply watched as she turned around and went to her next class. First of all, was Christy that bad of a person to piss off Selah Wynters? The latter never got mad at a living creature, but apparently she and Paige shared bad pasts with Christy. And apparently these pasts were bad enough to make Selah get mad at him too, even after a long awkward period of close to no communication between them. And then their longest conversation yet was her smacking some sense into the idiot that he was.
He must’ve really been doing something wrong.
Some of the kids that had the last period of the day waited for their parents to pick them up, while others made the walk home or got food at stores down the block. James leaned against the art building that stood near the parking lot where Mom usually picked him up. As he checked his school email, he remembered a Calculus test coming up next week. Crap, already?
Before he could stress about it some more, Paige appeared out of nowhere and nearly scared the hell out of him.
He straightened and looked at her straight in the eye even though he was too scared to. “Hey, Paige...”
“Hey, Jamie.” She leaned against the wall next to him. He was pretty sure it wasn’t the shade that made him shiver. “I know Selah talked to you earlier, but I just wanna make something extra clear to you.”
He gulped. “Yeah, I know. The promise.” Never would he forget making the rumor and promise he made to Paige three years ago.
“No, I don’t think you get it. Christy has this stupid revenge plan against me, and you and your little posse aren’t doing a lot to help her. You promised you’d get off my back with anything like this.”
He gulped again. “I’m sorry. I had no idea till Selah told me. Wait, did you tell her about the rumor in eighth grade?”
“I swear to God I’m close to if you go anywhere near Christy Fucking Vargas again.”
“Don’t worry, I’m gonna break up with her.”
“Really?” When he nodded, her expression relaxed a little. “Good. For all I know, she would’ve made your life hell too.”
“Do you guys have bad history?”
“That doesn’t even begin to explain it.” She crossed her arms. “She got thrown in juvie and she’s blaming me for it.”
“Man…” He had no idea he was dating a criminal. He had to admit that did sound kind of cool, but when he glanced back at Paige’s irritated blue-green eyes, he figured whatever happened between the girls was some really, really deep shit. “Can I ask why…?”
“We were friends when Mr. Moore dated my mom, and this was before your rumor by the way. But then Christy had some drama with him, and it got pretty bad when she got to my house and tried to kill him. And now she’s mad ‘cause I didn’t help her, but the whole thing was all her!” She let out a breath, as if trying to calm herself down. “So yeah, that’s the short version.”
“Oh.” James found himself speechless once again the more information he got about his girlfriend, or soon-to-be ex. “Good to know.”
A horn sounded near them, and he turned to see his mom waiting in the family SUV.
“Remember, Jamie,” Paige said. “Christy’s just using you, so you better dump her ASAP. And I’m telling you, if she finds out about your little rumor, she could use it against you. Maybe tell the whole school the truth and potentially ruin what you worked so hard for. And even then, I won’t help you there. Not this time.”
He headed toward the SUV. “Yeah, I know. Thanks.” He opened the door and stepped into the car, with Mom soon driving away from campus.
“That was Selah’s friend?” she asked.
“Yeah.”
“And your first date, right?” she asked.
“Uh, yeah. You remember?”
“Mhm. I drove you two to the movies, remember?”
“Oh. Yeah.”
At least Mom didn’t know that Paige wasn’t just his first date, as how it seemed to everyone. That night carried plenty more cringe-worthy memories than your typical first date.
“I’m pretty sure you didn’t want to ask me out,” Paige said after taking a sip of water. “You barely even know me.”
James should’ve known how obvious it was from the moment he sought her out at lunch. He should’ve talked to her a lot more than the few times he did during Physics before asking her out, but it was too late.
“You don’t have to lie to me,” she said, but her eyes and nose started to turn red. Oh, no. Was she gonna cry?
Thinking fast, he decided to give her the truth. “Yeah, you’re right. But I’m not trying to be mean.”
But she was dabbing her eyes with her napkin. “Every guy thinks I’m just a girl to sleep with, but it’s not even true. It’s that douchebag Carter!”
“So, you’re not…?”
“A dirty skank? Well, I’m thinking I might actually be one, even though it all started with Carter’s lies. I didn’t really sleep with a bunch of guys on the day I dumped him. But I did send him those pics, and…” She buried her face in her hands and sniffled.
“The nudes?” He had already seen them on some sketchy website, as did everyone else, but when he watched her break down, he realized he was being a dick realizing this out loud. “Oh. I’m sorry.”
“That fucking douchebag posted them online. I trusted him. I thought we were still friends, but he just can’t move on.”
“I’m sorry,” he repeated, though he felt like his words barely helped. This whole time, he just thought she was the brutal one turning down Carter Adams like everyone had said, but the real brutal one was the guy himself.
“And then you, of all people, ask me out. Figures.” She sniffled again as she wiped her eyes with her napkin again. “Well, you know the truth now. Too bad no one’ll believe you if you try telling them. Believe me, I’ve tried.”
He hated to admit that all the things people said about her was all he knew of her, until now. People could be really nasty, and he had to deal with that on a personal level when he started public school.
And then the girl that saved him left a month ago with him to fend for himself.
His shoulders slumping, he figured the least he could do was confess to Paige his truth too. “Wanna know the real reason why I asked you out?”
“Yes, please tell me to make me feel even better than I already am!” She blew her nose in her napkin as he sulked in his chair. But then she sighed and tossed the used napkin on the table. “It’s fine. Just tell me.”
“I just wanted to impress some guys by…dating you.”
She made what sounded like a fake laugh. “That makes sense. Looks cool to be seen with the school slut.”
“I just wanna show everyone I’m not, like, too innocent. You know?”
“You’re talking to someone that isn’t innocent according to everyone, so I can’t relate. Sorry.”
“I know, but, you get what it’s like to, you know, have everyone act like you’re too different than them. That’s all people at this school care about.”
“True.” She took a bite of her burger.
In school, she was defined by rumors, whereas he wanted to be defined by rumors. But the rumors about her made her more of an outsider, whereas the rumors he wanted to spread about himself could get him to at least fit in more.
He felt like she was going to hate him even more as he planned to ask a question that popped up in his mind. But he took a shot at it before letting himself think of the consequences. “Can I start a rumor about us?” But before she could respond, he said quickly, “It won’t hurt you. It’ll just get people to talk about me. Everyone just won’t be surprised about you.”
“That’s what you wanna get out of this date? A chance for you to be in the school gossip?” Her voice had risen, and he had no choice but to accept her now eternal hatred toward him.
“I’m sorry. It was stupid to ask.” He kept his eyes on his burger. “I just don’t wanna feel like I’m on the outside anymore.”
There was a long silence between them. He was starting to think he truly did screw up any form of relations with Paige, until she said, “Fine.”
He looked back up at her, his mouth forming a large O. “Really?”
“I get you. You might not get me, but I get you.”
“Thanks,” he said, grinning.
“Just say that we hooked up, and that’s all there was to it.”
“Okay.”
“One condition, though.”
He somehow already knew he had to return the favor. “Anything.”
She leaned forward so much that he could see the tiniest freckles on her face. “Don’t start any more drama with me ever again. Even if it’s drama that you’re just kinda involved in. I don’t care. Just get off my back about stuff like this in the future. Okay?”
Never once during the date had Paige ever seemed scary to him until she made that threatening condition. He felt certain that that angry expression alone forced him to squeak, “Okay.”
She leaned back into her seat. “Good. Wanna share a cheesecake for dessert?”
He could only nod without a word. He just wished he had known ahead of time that starting drama would only invite more drama.
During the half hour James spent jogging, all he could think about was what Selah and Paige had warned him earlier that day. He was planning on calling Christy after getting home and showering, but then he thought, Fuck it, and dialed her number.
He sat on a bench outside of a retail store with his phone against his ear. After the second ring, Christy answered, “Hey. What’s up?”
“We’re over,” he managed to get out, still heaving from his jog.
“What?”
“We’re over,” he repeated.
“Yeah, I heard you the first time. But why?”
“It’s not working out.”
“It’s only been two weeks!”
He experienced a déjà vu moment as he thought of all the other girls that said almost the same exact thing. “I know.”
“How come it isn’t working out?”
“It just...isn’t.”
“I honestly thought everything was fine. Did I do something wrong?”
He squeezed his eyes shut as his breathing finally evened. Should he just make something up to avoid any more trouble?
“James...don’t leave me hanging,” she pouted.
For some reason, the tone of her voice just pissed him off. Fuck it. “I’m not okay with what you’re doing to Paige. I know that what you said about her yesterday was just to get her even more mad at you.”
There was a pause. “How did you know?”
“She told me.”
“Okay, fine. She told you. But why should it be the only reason for us to break up? Why do you care so much? And as a matter of fact, you always act weird when she’s around. Why’s that?”
He let out a deep breath. “We just have weird history.”
“What? Are you exes or something?”
“Well, kinda.”
“So you still like her? Is that it?”
“No, I don’t like her. I never did.”
“Okay, now I’m confused.”
“Just forget it.”
“Wait, wait! You do still have feelings, but it’s also hate because she led you on, like how she always does with her exes--”
“She wasn’t like that at all...in middle school. That was when she told me none of what Carter said about her was true.”
“So you guys had a thing in middle school?”
He grew so frustrated that he yelled, “No! We just had one date but it wasn’t real! I only asked her out to make up a rumor that we slept together.” An old couple stared at him as they entered the store, but he was too focused on the phone call to care.
Christy paused. “Why?”
“I was a loser back then, so I did it to impress the other kids.”
Another pause. It was like he could hear all the judgments she was making in her head about him.
He was starting to think she had hung up until she whispered, “Wow. You’re a fake. And a coward. I mean, Paige will forever be number one on my list of dumbfucks, but now you’re definitely one of the top people.” Then she finally hung up.
What she just told him didn’t hurt, not even a little bit. He just hoped he ended any strain he had put on Paige. She hadn’t deserved it ever since that date in middle school, and maybe she could at least start forgiving him. Maybe he could get Selah to forgive him too. And that last thought seemed to hit him the hardest.
After all, she had yet to know about all the detestable things he did after she left. If she did find out, there was no way she would forgive him, even a little.
How could she when he never learned to forgive himself?
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