William had showed me a secret room a week after New Year’s. He said he wanted it to be a surprise and I was. Next to the fireplace, there is a cabinet, which I thought from day one how weird it was to be there.
When he opened it, there was a curtain but when he pulled it back, I saw a small hole that led to some stairs.
I looked at him and he told me to go in. I was scared at first until he told me, “This room is for you and only you. I can’t get in. I’m too big.”
That did it for me. I raced through the little hole and up the five stairs and was in a tiny room. There was a skylight, but that was it for lighting. The walls were chalkboard paint. “You can draw on the walls,” I heard him say from downstairs.
I didn’t say anything. I stayed in there, the room that could fit four of me but none of him. It was a safe space, somewhere he couldn’t get me, somewhere I could hide. I almost laughed because I was so damn happy.
“What do you think kiddo?” he asked.
“I’m going to stay here for a while.”
“Oh?”
“Until someone finds me until help comes along.”
I heard him give a long sigh. He knew that this had backfired. “Tavi, no one is going to look for you. Please come out now.” When I crawled out, I stood up, not acknowledging his hand for help. “No one is looking for you, the search is called off.”
“No, it’s not,” I whispered more to myself.
“You could be a runaway . . . or dead for all they know,” he seemed to smile a bit to himself.
“I’m not dead! I didn’t run away! You kidnapped me! You stole me!” I screamed at him.
He shrugged. “That’s not what it sounded like in the café.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You told me one day you would like to escape from everyone. Run away to the mountains, remember? You said one day you were going to just take off, that you were going to go.”
“I didn’t say that,” I said. He laughed and started to walk away. I followed him. “I didn’t want to escape. Do you think that was me giving you the ok to drug me and take me away?”
“Tavi,” he warned me, stopping in his tracks. I was in front of him.
“No, I mean it, I want to know,” I went on. “You think I want this? You think I want to be here with you? Away from everyone I know?”
He narrowed his eyes. He almost seemed to hissed, “I risked so much for you. I risked everything for you.”
I knew I shouldn’t have, but I screamed at him, “Fuck you!”
That’s when his hand met my face, knocking me down. I looked up at him, shocked. I didn’t cry this time. He was shocked as much as I was. I stumbled backward, twisted my body and ran back to the cabinet and up the stairs. “Tavi,” I heard from the opening. “Tavi, come back, I’m sorry.”
I sat in there, shaking and crying. I started to scream like a little child. I was so filled with energy and I wanted it out. I banged on the walls hard.
I kept yelling. I think he left after a while and I stayed up there. It felt like hours had gone by.
My stomach was hurting. I hadn’t eaten lunch. He would call my name once and a while, but I didn’t reply. My face was hurting from his backhanding me.
Maybe if I hadn’t had cursed at him, maybe he wouldn’t have done that. Maybe I should just be quiet till help comes.
After a while, I crawled to the stairs and said, “Why did you kidnap me?”
I heard footsteps, and he was right there. I was a rabbit in my hole and he was the fox, patiently waiting for me to come out. “If you come out, we can have some lunch and talk.”
“Tell me who you are.”
“You know who I am.”
“I mean tell me why you took me.”
There were a few moments of silences. “Protection,” he finally said. I sat there for a minute, thinking of what and how I could response to him.
I finally came out, and he was right there. For the second time, I didn’t take his hand when I came out.
When I stood up, I was nervous. I didn’t know what he was going to do, but he just ended up hugging me. I tensed up, not knowing what to do. “Please don’t do that again, Tavi.” When he let go, he held my chin, making me look at him. “We’re okay, okay?”
He made me nod my head. “Okay.”
He had made some lunch; deer meat with green beans. When we sat down and began to eat, he said, “I just want to be part of your life.”
“I don’t even know you,” I said.
“Then get to know me,” he challenged me. Like as if I would accept it.
“I’m waiting for someone to come and get me.”
He frowned. “No one is coming to get you,” he said. “You’re far in the mountains, covered by trees and all the roads are mostly iced over. You can’t even see some roads. You’re here, with me, and me only.”
I sighed. “How long?”
He paused, “Forever, I guess.”
“No! You said a while.”
“Forever for a while?” he tried to joke. I mean, he really tried. He even laughed a little, which made me want to hit him. I didn’t want him to laugh at his own stupid jokes. I tried not to tear up, but that’s all I do.
You know, being fifteen, and being a girl, and getting kidnap by someone and being away from everyone you know, and periods and stuff, I mean it just makes you want to cry and eat chocolate all day.
I stared at the meal, wishing that this day would end. I didn’t say anything else afterward, just ate the funny tasting food.
For the rest of the day, we worked inside the house. I organized the bookshelves. Books were stacked all around me, like a little castle, protecting me.
William didn’t mind me organizing. I think he wanted me to do it, to make the cabin a part of me like it was a part of him. He wanted me to like it. He would have let me paint the whole place hot pink if I wanted to, he was that desperate.
I put every series and every author in order. What else did I have to do? All the books in the house were organized by the end of the day.
William would smile and make a comment here and there, but he didn’t really bother me all that much. Giving him the cold shoulder helped.
I thought about school, and how if it wasn’t for William, I would be going on and living a normal life. My homework wouldn’t have got ruined, and I would proudly turn in my work. Maybe even attempt to make some more friends the second semester.
But he took away all the normal in my life.
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