I’ve notice life with William is so much easier when I follow the rules and I act nice and all the stuff he thinks I should be. It’s hell, but I rather not get hit again for speaking out.
But do you know how hard it is to please someone you loathe? It’s really hard. But we don’t fight. He doesn’t get mad.
I didn’t get a lot of information out of him of how he knew me. He said he would tell me after a while. It was hard to guess. All I could imagine was William standing two feet behind me for the last couple of years. He was like a shadow.
He’s been working in his shed more and more. He usually comes in around noon. I sit by the window, watching the shed.
It’s small and looks worn down. The snow is heavy and acts like a blanket. I still have no idea where I am. I try to look on the maps, to see if he made any notes. I want to say I am still in Colorado, but it’s hard to tell.
If I could just go outside, it would be easier to get an idea. It’s so hard, being inside the house for the last two and a half weeks. I mean, a human being needs fresh air after so long, you know? Today I asked him, “Could I go outside and get some fresh air?”
He was about to go outside. He gave me a sorry look and said, “Maybe in a few days, when I don’t feel like when you will take off.”
“What am I supposed to do?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I would be in school right now. I would be doing homework or reading. Or hanging out with another human being, you know just small stuff.”
His mouth turned sideways. “You want me to give you some homework, like the other kids?”
I frowned, making him laugh. “No.”
“I didn’t think so. Well, just look around, clean or something. Read, or go on the computer,” he told me.
The house was clean, I have read a lot of the books and my eyes were starting to hurt, and the computer games he has were out of date and either scratched up or for little kids.
“I’ll be back soon. You should feel lucky. You don’t have to deal with all your little school mates.”
Before I could say anything, he left. I wanted to tell him how I miss being around other people. Other people that hadn’t had drugged me, hit me, yelled and screamed at me.
I want to be around nice normal people again. I miss Loveland.
One day, when William was gone, I tried to read one of the books. But it was impossible. I love to read, don’t get me wrong. It’s one of the most wonderful things that this world has to offer us.
Imagine this though. Try reading a book while you have an ax splitting open your skull, and having a million bees stinging your brain. And you get no painkillers.
I put away all the books and just lay on my bed. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t move either. I was so tired, but I was so wired at the same time. I didn’t know what to do. I paced around the house a few billion times.
I tried to do exercise. I read that exercise kept victims going when they were kidnapped. Though I couldn’t do a push up, I tried. I did jumping jacks and tried to move as much as I could. I was not one for exercise to be honest.
I couldn’t do it in gym; I don’t know why I thought I could do it when I was trapped in a cabin in the middle of the woods. I started to remember my family. Kevin fighting with me, and then playing together, me shopping with mom, dad and his corny jokes, god I had missed it all.
I remembered our Christmases. And I remembered that about 60% of them sucked. It was hard to tell anyone without being called insane, but the Christmas I spent with the monster, it was actually one of the less stressful Christmases I had. I’ve had worse years than that year.
There was one year that we went to my aunt’s house. All the family remembers you. You don’t know who they really are. They tell funny stories of you that you are pretty sure you never did.
They talk about their kids and how great they are. All the stuff that no one wants to hear, but your parents get mad, so they start talking about you. Sometimes, they talk about the stuff that you didn’t want anyone to hear.
Sometimes you they tell stuff they never even happen. Like Kevin didn’t fail math three times, or that I did have a ton of friends. It was a bullshit gathering.
I started to pace around the house. I jumped around, trying to let out some build up energy. After I was tired, I went around the house to see what I could use as a weapon. I found a knife in the kitchen, and put it under my mattress just in case he tired anything.
When I made sure it was well hidden, I went to the bathroom to look for another weapon. All I found was a straighter. I decided to heat it up and use it.
There was nothing else to do. When I was waiting, I went back to my room to see if there was a weapon there.
Nothing but stuffed animals and books, and I don’t think I could use any of that. I began to wonder if I could go to jail for killing William, if it came down to it.
But why was I more worried about going to jail for killing someone who kidnapped me? I wasn’t a killer, or a trouble maker. I was taken, and I should defend my life, but with the laws so confusing nowadays, I didn’t know if killing William would be a good idea.
When the straighter was heated, I started to work on my hair. It only took ten minutes. I looked at the time to see that it was only ten in the morning. Time was moving so slow. It was driving me insane. I started to feel something inside me.
It was my heart exploding, my head screaming, and my chest pounding. I’ve been trapped. I’ve been told to be a good little girl, and sit on the couch. I went to the bookshelves. I started to throw them. I didn’t want to hurt the books, since they did nothing but become victims themselves. But I threw all the books down to the ground.
I started to scream. I shouted to the air. No one could hear me, nothing but the snowflakes outside. I kicked the couch; I hit my head, a pillow and anything else in my way. I screamed loudly. I wanted the world to hear me shouting.
I screamed as loud as my lungs would allow me, which was not that much. But I felt myself screaming loud, and I felt as though someone could hear me. Someone must have been out there. There had to be one person that could hear me.
Suddenly, William busted through the door and he looked so red in the face. “What in the hell is going on!” he yelled.
I screamed out of fear. I ran around the kitchen island so he couldn’t get me. He was chasing me, running for me. We ran around and around the island for some time. “What the hell is going on? Tavi! I thought someone was in here! I thought that someone was hurting you!” he screamed at me.
“Someone is hurting me,” I screamed. “It’s you!”
That’s when I ran for my room. He caught me and threw me to the floor. I struggled to get up, but he held down both my wrists. I screamed and shook with all the power I had. It wasn’t much. I tried to kick him, but he was too close.
“Tavi! Listen to me, I am not going to hurt you!” he screamed inches from my face.
Luckily, I got a really good kick in the-you-know-what, and got loose. I ran straight to my room. I threw a chair hard on the floor. Before William knew what was happening, he tripped and fell hard. It felt as though an earthquake had hit the house. I made it to my room. I slammed it hard. William was seconds to getting me. He pounded on the door, wanting me to open it for him.
“Tavi, let me in!”
“No! You’re going to hurt me!” I screamed at him.
“I’m not going to hurt you,” he said through his teeth. “I am just trying to help you. Now, come out so we can talk about this.”
“No!” I screamed.
He lost his temper at that point. He pounded on the door. “Let me in! I risked everything for you! I risked everything to bring you here! Don’t you get it?”
I didn’t say anything. What could I say to a stupid statement like that? I didn’t ask him to risk anything for me. I just sat there. He pounded the door once again and I yelped.
“Stay in there! See if I care!” he screamed and stomped away. He was gone. I was safe, for now. I didn’t come out of my room for hours. I went to my bed, and screamed into my pillow. Then, I cried and hugged my teddy bear, as if he was going to save me.
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