He pushed me away from, making me fall to the ground. It wasn’t much throw up, and nothing got on my new dress. I just wanted to lay there on the floor and never get up, but I felt him trying to pull me up. “Come on, kitten. Go sit at the table.”
When I went to the table, watching him clean up, I grabbed the wine bottle and poured another drink. I was about to sip it when he suddenly stood over me, trying to take my drink.
“Tavi, stop.”
“No!” I yelled, pulling it closer to me.
“Tavi, you got it all over your dress,” he said. He pointed to a new stain on my dress.
I looked down and noticed. I didn’t even realize or felt the wine spilling on me. “Oh, I guess I did.”
“Yeah, go change and give me your dress when you’re done.” I stood up and felt like an unbalanced table. William caught my arms. “Jesus, you lightweight.”
I took my arm back, “I’m fine. And my name is Tavi, not Jesus.” I was a lightweight. I started to giggle some more. I felt so stupid, but I could not stop. I could have blamed it on the wine. It was the wine that made me giggle and say stupid things, of course that was easy to say. But I had a feeling that I couldn’t get away with it. In the wine’s defense, I had said some pretty stupid stuff while I was sober.
“Tavi?”
“I’m fine,” I protested, shaking my head.
I started to walk toward my room. I didn’t care. I was glad to be away from him. I took Hope with me. He meowed all the way giving me a warm joy in my stomach. I loved his little meows. I think I liked it a little too much because I hugged him tightly, making him growl in a high pitch sound. We walked by William’s room. As I looked over to his opened room, I saw that doe.
I put the cat on the floor and snuck in. She just stared at me. With her nose, she pointed to the bed. Under the bed I could see a shoebox sticking out. I got on my knees and grabbed it, and when I looked up, she was gone.
I opened it to find not shoes, but pictures of me.
One picture was of me walking from school, another with a few of my friends, a few of me with my family. I got a sick feeling in my stomach and I knew it wasn’t the wine. I was twelve when he saved me. In some of those pictures I was a baby! I started to feel numb. How could this man get my pictures?
“What are you doing?” William asked in the doorway. He seemed shocked, almost scared.
I stood up and turned around with pictures in my hands. I stared at him. My whole body was shaky. I started to step backwards, away from him. All I could do was shake my head. He was speechless. “Please let me go,” I said in a whisper.
He walked into the room, holding up two hands. “Tavi . . .”
“I want to go home!” I said throwing the pictures at him. I came forward and started to hit him hard on his chest with my two fists, and he let me take out my anger because my tiny punches did nothing. I stopped and then fell to my knees with my head in my hands crying. He came down with me, putting both hands on my shoulders. “Tavi, please, stop crying. It breaks my heart to see you cry.”
I pushed his arms away. “You took a fifteen-year-old girl. You want me to love you? That man, that night, when he attacked me, when are you going to do what he did?”
He was getting scared. Tables were turning. “No! Tavi, stop it! I brought you here to protect you-”
“Liar!” I screamed. “Don’t touch me! Don’t even look at me. Why the hell do you even want me here? How do you know me? Why me?”
He looked like he was thinking for the right words. “I can’t tell you.”
“Why not?” I asked, voice cracking.
He sighed. “You’re on the edge of being drunk. You’re crying, and I want you in the state where I trust you don’t destroy our house, me, or most importantly, yourself.”
“You ruined my life,” I mumbled. His mouth hung open. To stab the knife deeper when I knew he wasn’t going to hit me, I yelled, “I hate you! You’re a monster and I hope someone comes up here and finds me, because I hate you!”
I ran passed him and to my room as I heard him say, “TAVI! WAIT! I’m sorry.”
I slammed the door behind me and threw the cat on my bed. He meowed, wanting to get closer, but I knew he had to stay away. I went to the bookshelves and threw the books off and to the ground. My head was spinning. I kicked the walls. I didn’t hear William. I wanted to be so much trouble for him that he couldn’t take it anymore.
When he didn’t scream back at me, I stopped. I felt childish to destroy everything in my room, but I didn’t know what else to do. There was a silence for a while.
I sat in the middle of the destroyed room. Closing my eyes, I pictured home again. My big backyard, my room on the second floor, my favorite reading spot in the Mother-in-law house I would sneak into as a kid. It was all peaceful.
When I opened my eyes, the doe was standing above me. It was the way she was looking at me, it was so familiar.
ns 15.158.61.48da2
