I woke up in the hospital. I was hooked up to a lot of machines. I had IV’s sticking into my veins. The room was bright white, and for a second it hurt my eyes, but I got used to it. I was confused, but not scared. I was happy. I was in the hospital room, not the cabin. I was free, far away.
I looked outside to see the window blasting sunlight. It was the afternoon, as far as I could tell. I don’t know what day it was, or how much time had passed. I didn’t know how or when I got away. I don’t remember how I got into the bed.
But sadly, all the memories started to come back. I wished I didn’t remember anything. But I remembered walking through the forest and meeting that couple. I remember the fight William and I had. Killing him, seeing what as in the shed, I remembered it all.
Someone came in. It was a guy in a long coat. I guessed it was the doctor. He asked me a few questions. “How are you feeling?” When I didn’t say anything, he went on. “Do you remember anything that happened?”
I was in trouble, I know I was. I killed a man and was going to jail.
“Would you like to see your mother?”
I heisted, but nodded my head. He left without another word. A few minutes later, my mom came in. I couldn’t help to smile at her as she ran over and hugged me with all her might. She started to cry as she held me what felt like forever. But it was nice. I missed her so much, and I felt like a little girl once again. I started crying too. I never thought I would see her again, feel her touch. It was strange, after going so long without seeing her, it felt amazing, like a dream.
She pulled back, “I can’t believe it, I am so happy you are safe.”
I gave a half smile. I was sore, and it hurt to move. Despite the pain, I wanted to wrap my arms around my mother and never let her go.
“You father is talking with the police. You’re not in trouble. They would be assholes to charge you, but they wouldn’t do that, so don’t you worrying. Whatever you had to do up there, you did it to live.” I gulped. She already knew I killed him. What else did she know? When I didn’t say much else, she went on, “We haven’t touched your room since you left. Everything is the same. We want everything to be the way it was before.”
I nodded. She went on to tell me about the couple, who ended up keeping Hope. I think I was okay with that, because my kitty needed a home that was stable. Plus, he was too many memories. He was there when I needed him, but he needed a good home.
William had built the cabin that they lived in. They were his renters. That was how he made some extra money on the side. I also found out that he bought milk and eggs off of them every week.
The renters told the police they had no idea that William had me kidnapped. They never went over there, they never saw me. They weren’t in trouble, but they were shocked. Why wouldn’t they be?
They were renting a house from a cannibal. Now they were going to have to move, and it was near impossible to find anything in Colorado.
“Then the police called us, and we rushed over here as soon as possible. We couldn’t see you for a while.”
I nodded. She kept touching my hair, and I would flinch. She missed me as much as I missed her. I tried to get words out, but they wouldn’t come.
“You’ve been everywhere. FOX, CNN, I mean everywhere. You couldn’t flip a channel without hearing about you.”
It’s was a weird feeling, for the world to know who I was. Though, it did make me feel better. It forced me to feel like I was worth something. I wish the world knew me for a different reason, but knowing that my family was looking for me, and they never called it off, it made me feel loved.
After a few moments of no words, she held my hand. “We are so happy you are home.”
I nodded. I looked out the window, watching the clouds move fast, watching the birds fly high. It was so green outside. No snow.
“Tavi,” my mom said, trying to get me to look at her. “You can talk to me about what happened.”
I frowned, and looked down to my bed, staring at the sheets. I started to shake my head, wanting to explain how I didn’t want to talk about it, but the words wouldn’t come out. She gave me a kiss on the forehead, and I flinched. “I will be back, okay? I love you.”
I smiled and nodded. Lying down, I put the cover on me and facing away from her. I heard the door shut and I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. I figured this was going to be my last moment to myself for a while. I looked outside. The thought of Mihaela and her family come across my mind.
I felt so sorry for them. How were they going to react? I wish I could tell them how sorry I was for them, and let them know how much she meant to me.
Then again, why would they want to hear from me? I ate the girl I befriend. I started bawling. It all fell hard on me, like honey being poured on top of your head, slowly dripping down your body.
I thought of my mother’s words. How it will be like before. It will never be like before. I stopped after a while. The tears didn’t, or just couldn’t, fall anymore. A light, the same one from that night so long ago, appeared next to my bed. I stared, and smiled at it as it took form of a girl.
I felt a warm touch on my skin, and then she disappeared too. I’ll see her off and on, but I like to think that maybe she was in the sky, living a happy life with her parents and dancing with her Dessert Spirit.
I haven’t seen her or the doe since.
The next time I woke up, Kevin was smiling at me. I don’t remember a time he smiled at me without wanting to do a prank the next second. I smiled at him. “Hey, you okay?” he asked me.
I nodded. I wanted to tell him everything. Or that I loved him. The words did not form, and my mouth went dry.
“You’re safe now; you know that, right?”
I nodded.
“Good,” he said. “I missed you. Mom and dad were all over me. Seriously, that’s the only reason I want you back. When I go off to college, they’ll do it to you too . . . Shoot, they’re going to do it to you know.”
I gave a little laugh. No sound, just slightly heavy breathing with a smile. That was good enough for Kevin.
My mom and dad and brother were the only people allowed to visit me in the hospital. I was okay with it. Plus, I know a lot of kids from school would try to visit and say they were friends with me. I wonder how many kids did that when I disappeared.
Even though I tried so hard to speak, I haven’t been able to say one word. I keep revisiting the moments in that cabin. I could feel William’s blood on my hands. The doctors and everyone else realized I wouldn’t talk. They brought in a therapist.
I didn’t like him; he spoke to me like a child. When they asked if I wanted to see him again, I shook my head. They tried about five more, but I didn’t like any of them while I was in the hospital.
After they did more test, and that I wasn’t physically hurt in any way, they released me so I could be with my family. All the news media have been trying to get a hold of me. Bad luck for them, I had become a mute and refused to talk about it.
It’s been nothing but test, and doctor visits, and avoiding the news like the plague. The doctor I’ve been assigned to told my parents that I needed to receive therapy. That’s when he gave them your number.
And now here I am, writing in your little office. You’re my favorite therapist that I’ve met so far. I want to stay here with you, because you let me write and not talk. I don’t want to speak another word, because as soon as I do, a million questions will be thrown my way. I just want the memories to be gone.
The first day I came to you, I had to turn the T.V. off. I couldn’t look at my face on the screen any longer. They used my dumb looking school picture from last year, and a few more ever worse ones were I looked surprised. Before I walked into your small office, I didn’t think there was a space to feel safe.
But writing in here, I do. Thank you, Sherry. So, now you know. I decided I was going to tell my story and not hold back:
On that Tuesday mid-afternoon, I remember looking out the window, and watching the snow fall from the top of the clear world, and to the dirty and gritty ground, and I remember that was the last time I could ever see the beauty in it.
Oh, how I hate acid snowflakes.
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