I went back to bed and laid there with my eyes opened. At seven, I heard William getting out of bed and walking out of his bedroom. He started to open my door, but I pretended I was asleep.
His footsteps wandered to the living room. I got up slowly and went to the doorway. I looked right and left like I was crossing the street, then I wandered into the living room. He was cooking breakfast. “Good morning, kitten,” he said putting plates on the table. It all seemed so normal. It shouldn’t be, though.
I took a seat at the table. I watched him as he put whatever was in the skillet onto the plates. He put one in front of me. It was bacon and eggs. “I’m vegan,” I said faster than my brain could stop me.
He frowned, “Since when?”
“Since today,” I said. He didn’t look amused. He rolled his eyes and told me to eat. I did what I was told. “I’m joking by the way.”
“Vegan,” he said in a smudge tone. “Worse things on this planet, did you know that?”
I picked at my food. “I said I was joking,” I mumbled.
He went on anyways. “Vegans are what are destroying this country.”
“I’m sure someone’s diet plans are not destroying this country,” I told him.
“No, but vegans are mostly liberals. Liberals and the so-called peacemakers of this world, that’s what needs to go. They have ruined you, Tavi, and every other kid.”
I stopped listening and nibbled on my bacon. I didn’t know much about liberal views. Honestly, I didn’t know what all they were into. But I was sure that not every liberal is a bad person. I’m sure not every one of them is a saint either. They were just people with labels, just like every other political party. They all sucked and no one got anything done, so in the end, who really cares what you call it.
He somehow got on the subject of women and, “They need to stay at home, and take care of the house and children. That’s another thing that’s ruining this country. You know, everything was pretty good before it was pushed on women to go outside the home and work. Now all they do it cheat on their men, and in the end, we get screwed over.”
“What makes you so right?” I blurted out.
“I am the judge!”
“Have you been married?” I asked him.
He seemed shocked I even spoke. Maybe he wasn’t used to having someone besides him here. “Once, long time ago.”
“Did she cheat on you?” I asked. For some reason, my brain did not want to stop me from speaking. He didn’t say anything. I picked up the plate after a while and stood up. “I’m done.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Yes, I am. I’m not going to eat anymore.”
He stood up, grabbed my plate forcefully and chunked it at the sink. I thought for a second he broke the window, but he only broke the plate. I felt myself shrinking, growing smaller and smaller until I was eight inches tall. I was about to run down the hall, but he said, “Wait! I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to get so angry. I just. . . I’m sorry.”
I looked to the hallway and then to him.
“Let’s decorate the Christmas tree, what do you think?” he asked. I was still in the panic mood, the flight or fight stage. He went down the hallway, leaving me alone. In the mirror on he wall, I saw my messy hair, no makeup, tired face, confusion written clearly in my eyes. He went into the art room and came back out with two plastic tubs. “Come on, the tree wants to be covered. Tavi, go get dressed, get one of those dresses, brush your hair and let’s decorate the tree. I want to see something on it by the end of the day.”
What was I to do? Argue with this man that had just threw my plate five minutes earlier? I went back to my room and looked in the closet. I put on the soft blue dress with thick black leggings. It’s so cold in this house; I put socks on my feet. In this house, I can feel the cold slip through the wood.
I brushed my hair after I got dressed. There was no makeup in sight. I’ve been breaking out really badly on my chin. A little cover up would be nice. I haven’t seen anything though to cover my ugly face.
No lipstick, no eyeliner, nothing to cover me up. I wonder if he didn’t think of buying it, or he was one of those men that think women are lying when they wear makeup. Half his face is covered with hair, so if that’s the case . . .
Anyways, if I wanted to put harmful chemicals on my pimples, that was my damn choice. I came back out and saw him smiling on the couch.
He said something that through me off, “I love your dress, Tavi. You shine brighter than the sun.” When he said that, I started to question if he was starting to read my mind or invading it somehow. I didn’t say anything on the matter. “Come on, this tree is begging to be covered.”
I walked up to him, shy and quiet, just like a little mouse. I started to pull out some silver ornaments and lights. I walked over and put the silver ornaments on the tree. Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw a huge flash. I turned around and notice a cheap looking camera in his hand, like the one you would find at a yard sale. I glared at him for the longest time. He took another picture and the light blinded me.
“Stop it!” I screamed.
“It’s our first Christmas together. I just wanted pictures, you know?” he said. He said it like there was going to be more to come. How many years does he think I am going to spend with him?
“I’m not going to do anything if you keep taking pictures of me,” I said backing away from the tree.
“Fine,” he said. He put the camera up on the fireplace and showed me his clear hands. He was clean. I went on putting things on the tree. There was one ornament that stood out. It was a silver doe. I stared at it for the longest time and then put it on; in a place, I could see her. William hung up the lights. I kept watching him, I kept seeing if he would do anything. I was scared he would take another picture. Pictures make things real. I don’t want this to be real. I’m waiting to wake up.
After we were done, he put the star on top. He looked at me and smiled. “What do you think?”
I shrugged. “It’s okay, I guess,” I said staring at the doe on the tree.
“Are you hungry? It’s afternoon. Time goes by fast up here.” He asked me, “You want lunch? Come on, you can pick out whatever you want. Say kitten, I have an idea. You want to cook?”
“Me?” I raised an eyebrow.
“Well, I hope you at least can,” he said with that goofy smile, showing his teeth. I noticed that his teeth were uneven. We walked over to storage room. I looked around. I picked baby carrots and figured it would be easy to boil that. “You can cook, right?” he asked.
“Yeah, I can,” I said looking around for other stuff to cook. I took a long time. I was annoying him. He closed his eyes as if he was trying to calm himself down. I was hoping he would get tired of me.
He would drive me back home, but if he really wanted to get rid of me, he would have just dug six feet in the ground. I wonder what the chances of him letting me go are. I know his name, I know his face . . . I can’t think that way.
“Tavi, just cook something will you?” he was getting annoyed.
“I am. I will cook carrots.”
“What else?”
“Well, that’s it I guess.”
“Tavi,” he said in more of a warning tone, “You need more than carrots. Did your mother teach you to cook? She does cook, doesn’t she kiddo?”
I nodded.
“Frozen dinners don’t count,” he said as if he was reading me. When I didn’t say anything, he looked like he was ready to explode. But he just mumbled, “Figures.”
“You don’t know my mom, okay?” I said, suddenly feeling red inside.
He seemed to laugh, making my blood boil. “I know enough that she must have been a horrible mother to never had taught a daughter what she needs to know. God, you would have been better off with no parents. I mean you-“
“Stop it!” I screamed, throwing the carrots to the floor. Tears started to come back like an old friend. “Don’t talk about my mom like that, she’s a good mom, and you don’t even know her!”
He looked angry, “The food, don’t just . . .” he seemed to count to ten in his head. “Okay, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-”
“You don’t know her!” I repeated. He started, with his mouth hanging wide open. Before he could reach me, I pushed past him and ran to my room and slammed the door hard. I melted into the floor and started to cry my eyes out. He let me cry, he let me be alone for a while, and he let me be sad. Just like the man should let the woman do anything, according to him.
ns 15.158.61.48da2
