CHARLOTTE’S P.O.V.
“Where you headed, hun?” The older waitress questioned controversially as she handed me my steaming hot mug of plain, black coffee. Her russet hair was tied in a loose ponytail that swung this way and that as she moved around the small diner with determination to make her customer’s happy.
“I don’t really know.” I sighed, looking away from the window that out looked the familiar town I was in; The town my sister died in before I had moved to my current town.
“You know, I get kids like you nearly every other day.” The woman, who’s nametag read ‘Farah’, sighed, tucking her hands in her stained white apron. “Runaways, I mean. You should just go home, baby doll.” She expressed earnestly, sympathy pouring out of her light vivid eyes.
“I don’t know where my home is.” I admitted, knowing damn sure it wasn’t with John. I looked down at the wooden table I was currently drawing patterns on with my calloused fingertip, feeling my jutted bottom lip start trembling with my emotions.
“Home is where you feel welcome. Alive. Happy. Yearning. It doesn’t exactly have to be where you live; It can be a certain person, or a place where you can go to solitude. You should find it soon though, hun, it’s a cold place this world is.” And with that and one last sympathetic smile, she was gone, moving on to the next customer.
Alec. I thought with a clench of my jaw. When I was with him, I felt like I could fly freely, without John weighing me down. He made me feel like I could do anything if I tried hard enough, and I loved that…Him. Did I love him? I didn’t even understand if I liked him; Well, actually, that’s a horrible lie. Of course I liked Alec, a little too much if you ask me.
It was time I went home, I knew it…I just hoped Alec hadn’t moved on…if he even liked me to begin with.838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6DacpP1xXJ
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“John, I told you, I was staying at odd hotels-“ I was cut off by a huge slap to the face, making my head jerk to the right, and I sighed, shutting my eyes tightly as I tried to calm myself.
“You stupid bitch, don’t you think that people, the law, had been asking about you?! Not everything’s about you, you bratty little piece of shit. If it wasn’t for me, you’d be out on the street permanently, but you’re lucky I provide shelter for your dumbass-“
“No, John!” I insisted. “If it wasn’t for me, you’d be out on the streets! Haven’t you realized that I’m the one who pays the bills around here?! Hence, why the lights are off right now as we speak. And I know you don’t give a shit about me, and I know you just use me for the monthly checks, but I just want you to know, the feeling is definitely mutual. I hate you with everything I have in me, and the fact that you didn’t even to bother to call me once, just goes to show how much of an ass you are.” And with that, I turned on my heel, heading out the cruddy apartment.
I honestly didn’t know where that sudden burst of bravery came, but I loved it. Maybe it was the exhilarating sensation that I got, knowing I was about to go see Alec again. Whatever it was, I hoped it stayed long enough for my talk with Alec.838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1QG34QgSzi
*
It took me an hour and a half just to get across town to Alec’s house, since I had to wait for the buses as well. As I walked down the familiar side walk from the bus stop, to Alec’s house, I couldn’t help but feel nervous, constantly clenching my hands or chewing on my lip until finally, I was going up the steps to Alec’s house, and I knew it was too late to back down.
After major hesitation, I finally punched the doorbell, waiting anxiously for the door to open.
“C-Charlotte?!” Amy’s voice made me look up from my dirty Converse to see her huge smile before she pulled me into a tight hug, making me smile goofily.
“Hey, Amy, I missed you.” I said honestly, hugging her back.
“Where have you been?! Nope, no, I don’t even want to know.” She said, pulling back with a grin. “Are you here for Alec?”
“Y-Yeah, I am actually.” I nodded, dropping my gaze. “Does he hate me?”
“You know Alec could never hate you. Come in, he’s just in his room.” She said, grabbing my hand and dragging me in the house. Up the steps we went, Amy filling me in on what I missed while I was gone, but I was too busy having a heart attack inwardly. This was my first time seeing Alec in over a month, and even though Amy said he didn’t hate me, I was still suspicious, knowing I would hate him if he dropped off the face of the earth for the month.
Suddenly, I felt terrible. I was too much of a wuss to respond to his texts and calls, and knowing my suicidal past, I knew he was worried, and I let him worry. God, he probably thought I was dead! The idea of running away seemed nice at the time, but now, I just felt horribly guilty, making me suck my lip in between my teeth and chew as hard as I could, hoping that would calm me down.
It didn’t.
Soon, I was hyperventilating, clutching my chest as I willed myself to calm down before I would have a panic attack right here in this hallway.
“Charlotte, are you okay? You’ve just been standing there for the past minute.” Amy muttered, gently grabbing my wrist and squeezing it, making me snap out of my reverie.
“Huh? Oh, yeah, I’m fine.” I assured, turning back to Alec’s door. “Thanks, Amy. For not hating me.” I said sincerely, flashing her a smile that she happily returned before going into her room, leaving me to my panic attack right there in their hallway. I don’t know how long I had been standing there, but I knew I needed to get a grip and just open the damn door.
With a sigh, I twisted the knob and pushed open the door, bracing myself. The first thing I noticed was the loud rock music that I surprisingly didn’t hear through the door, before I saw the usual clothes strewn everywhere as well as posters hanging on the walls, and then the cluttered desk. Finally, my eyes laid on his bed, where he was resting, just staring at the ceiling.
Holy shit. I thought with widened eyes. He looked terrible.
Not only was he fairly skinnier, but his skin seemed a permanent ghostly pale, making the bags under his hollow eyes more prominent. He didn’t hear me come in, which gave me an advantage to take in how different he looked since the last time I had seen him. Was that because of me? I thought horribly, feeling guilt build up inside of me.
“A-Alec.” I breathed, shifting uncomfortably. His head snapped up at my voice, and his eyes widened before he slowly sat up, raking his eyes down at me as he cocked his head at a lento pace as if not being able to believe I was standing there. I didn’t have much time left at the hotel, only having enough time to shower, so I walked out with my hair in a bun, my ‘Eat.Sleep.Rave.Repeat’ sweater, leggings, and converse, so I could imagine how hobo-ish I looked.
“Charlotte.” He stated, his voice distant and only slightly shocked. I was feeling incredibly awkward just standing there, but I needed to be here to clear the air.
“Yeah.” I whispered. “It’s me, and I’m sorry for not returning your calls or texting you back, or leaving without a goodby-“
“Wait, you’re not mad at me?” He questioned, his eyebrows furrowed in utter confusion, making me more perplexed; That and the fact he wasn’t yelling at me.
“What? W-Why would I be mad at you?” I asked, my own eyebrows furrowed.
“Because I ran you off…Our fight in the hallway and stuff.” He said, beginning to stand up slowly and cautiously.
“No, I’m not mad. I…I just don’t want to fight anymore. I realized at some crappy diner that home isn’t exactly where you live, but wherever makes you happy and complete, and that made me see that as weird as it sounds, um, you’re like…my home? It’s just…When I’m with you, Alec, I feel as if…I’m not crazy, or a slut, or a bitch, or any of the other words people call me at school. Yes, you may treat me like I’m fragile at some points, but it just shows that you care about me, and that makes me feel incredibly stupid since I thought that you were just using me. I’m just sorry. Sorry for making you deal with the delusional girl, sorry for making you angry all the time, sorry for being a melodramatic snob, sorry for-“ Before I could finish, he was pulling me in for a bone-crushing, much needed hug, and I relaxed into his body, wrapping my arms around his neck as I enjoyed the comfort.
“Don’t be sorry, love.” He breathed in my neck, the sensation making me shiver. “Don’t ever.”
“Thank you for not hating me…And this might sound totally cliché’, but I don’t’ know how else to say it so I’m just going to come out say it: I’m falling for you, slow but really hard.” He was eerily silent for a while and even loosened his arms a bit, and I sighed, knowing he couldn’t possibly return my stupid feelings. Maybe what I said to Destiny should’ve been for me.
“..So for the love of God,just get over your petty, childish fixation¸ and find yourself to the real world, Barbie.” Before I could die in embarrassment at his bare feet, he chuckled softly, his breath fanning my ear.
“Cliché’s our thing, remember?” I smiled at his words from that night at his dinner’s party, and my smile grew even bigger when he tightened his grip on me.
“We both have our individual problems, but my sister was telling me we shouldn’t avoid our mutual feelings, just because we have trouble going on in our lives. We should take that trouble, and-“Before he could finish, I pulled back, smashing my lips on his, and even though he was still talking, he instantly responded, moving his hands to grip my hips, pulling me into his body even more.
With our lips moving together in a practically desperate and much-needed pace, I couldn’t think. My mind was groggy, I was dizzy, but all at the same time, I was on Cloud 10-Because Cloud 9 was too mainstream. The last boy that I had kissed was Brandon, but this was way different; Even though Brandon was unfortunately my first everything, just like Victoria was Alec’s everything, I knew that Alec and I could make our own memories, together. We could always be each other’s firsts for other things, such as me being Alec’s first date to his father’s dinner, and Alec being the first person to treat me like I was an equal, and not a lunatic.
Losing my hands in his soft hair, I tugged slightly on his dark locks, erupting a low moan from him, making me that much lost in my ardor. After however long, we pulled away, panting heavily as we met foreheads, my hips still in his hands, making it hard to think.
“You do wonders to me, Charlotte.” He breathed honestly, and I couldn’t help but blush lightly with an unfamiliar giggle.
“I’m just…I’m not normal, Alc. I have a fucked up past.”
“Do you want to talk about it? You know, your past?” He asked, and as I looked into his honest and sincere eyes, I couldn’t recall ever detecting sympathy in his eyes, the one emotion I hated.
“Yeah.” I finally replied, knowing Alec was exactly what I needed right now. We crawled onto his bed, him laying down up and down and me laying on his stomach, my legs going sideways, since I still had my shoes on, as he ran his hand through my hair that he had freed out its bun.
“I don’t know where to start.” I breathed honestly, staring up at the ceiling.
“How about the beginning?” He suggested, and I nodded with a breathless laugh, liking that suggestion.
“Okay. Well I once had a sister…Her name was Eleanor, and she was the sweetest little thing.” I sighed. This was hard for me since Alec was the first person I was actually telling my life story to; everybody else found out from rumors and gossip.
“She was only 7.” I cried, feeling tears pour in my eyes. “I-It was all my fault. It was raining and I knew I shouldn’t have taken that drive, but I did. I was babysitting her at the time, because my mom was away on a trip for the week, so I brought her with me. I…Fuck, I could’ve easily waited until the next day, when the storm would end, but I just had to take that late night run, and it cost me her life. I still hear her screams every night before I go to sleep…The same scream that I heard when we had the head-on-collision.” Taking a shaky breath, I shut my eyes, letting a tear slip out of the corner of my eye.
“I made it out of that car with only a broken arm and a concussion. She barely even made it out of that car. T-There was fire everywhere, and sirens, and it was just…it was just crazy. She died nearly instantly, not even able to make it to the hospital before she died in the ambulance. Her last words were….” With a deep breath, I wiped at my face, not wanting to appear weak. “Her last words were…’When can I go home, Charlie?’ and of course, I didn’t want to be the one to tell her that she might not ever be able to go home. So I lied. I lied, Alec. With a kiss on her forehead, I told her ‘soon’.”
“You had to do what you had to, love.” Alec breathed, but I just shook my head.
“Yeah, but that doesn’t make it feel any better.” I exhaled. “Anyways, that happened my Junior year. Fuck, a lot of things happened Junior year. A few months later, my mom died of heart failure, and since my dad had ran out on us when I was only 4, and I didn’t have any family available to take me in, I had to go into the system, hence moving in with John. The abusive prick, but I don’t even want to think about him.
“Um…One night, I snuck out to a party. I had a boyfriend at the time, Brandon, and he was the sweetest thing ever. Showering me with gifts and plain love, I couldn’t ask for anybody better.” I expressed, noticing how Alec tensed up under me.
“So yeah, I went to the party and then Brandon and I met up, because it would’ve just been stupid to ride with each other, because...I’m stalling, sorry.” I sighed, running a hand through my hair, but he just shook his head, assuring me it was okay. I could tell Alec was anxious to know why I was so fucked up, by the way his foot hadn’t stopped shaking since I started talking.
“ We were having a great time, you know, just drinking, partying, hanging out, but then like an hour or two in, he told me he wanted to tell me something. It was entirely too loud, so we agreed to go somewhere more quiet. At the time, I didn’t even think about how we weren’t going somewhere like the kitchen or the backyard. No, I just stupidly let him lead me to a spare room upstairs, where he declared that he loved me. That was our first time expressing the words, and yeah, it was nice.”
“Did you love him? Love him back?” Alec questioned, his voice hoarse and hardening. It took me a moment to think about, but finally, I nodded.
“Yeah.” I sighed. “I really did. But not enough to go all the way with him, but obviously he had other plans. That night, he uh…He forced himself on me, even though I kept bluntly telling him I didn’t want to do it tonight, how I wasn’t ready, and everything, but he just overpowered me and got what he wanted. After that night, he turned really abusive, like…So abusive I was scared to break up with him, and I was even more scared to tell him about the pregnancy test. Even though we had only… did it once, that night at the party, that was apparently enough for me to become pregnant. Uh…” I brought my eyes up to the ceiling to stop the tears, but it didn’t work.
“When I eventually told him about the baby, he went ballistic. Calling me a whore and a slut wasn’t enough for him; He had to put his hands on me. Punches there, slaps there, and kicks here. I was fine with him taking it out on me, but he…he started to hit my stomach, telling me that we weren’t going to go through with the pregnancy, how we were too young and stuff like that. I tried to fight him, but he just…He beat me to a bloody pulp until I couldn’t fight back, and he just…He just kept kicking my stomach. Over, and over, and over, and over, and over again until he knew for sure, that the baby was gone.” I was now full on crying, sitting up from my former position as I stared at the wall, tears trickling down my face.
“It would’ve been a boy.” I whimpered, dropping my face into my hands as I sobbed, memories of the blood from the miscarriage haunting me every time I closed my eyes.
“Fuck.” Alec sighed, instantly pulling me into his arms, squeezing me as hard as he could without hurting me, and I wept into his shirt, remembering the horror and fear I was going through when I saw the blood.
“You had a miscarriage, Ms. Jones. I’m so sorry.”
“Charlotte, I…I didn’t know.” Alec muttered into my hair as I cried. Sniffling, I nodded, trying to pull myself together.
“I’m fine.” I assured, whether it was me or him, I didn’t know, as I sat up. After only a few moments, I continued with the story, now playing with his bedding as a distraction. “He eventually moved, in fear of the story getting out, and…I haven’t heard from him since. He was my first.” I spat bitterly, running my hand through my hair.
“My virginity was stolen from me as well as my baby…I would’ve kept him too. I would’ve. I…I had it all planned out. I even went as far as having a name for him…Benjamin. Little Benny.” I laughed at the thought, wiping my face.
“After that, um…School definitely got worse. I hadn’t cut since freshman year, when my best friend, Elizabeth, introduced me to it, but…Sometimes, things just got a bit overwhelming, and I would just…Cut. That day, when you found me on those train tracks, I had tried to actually kill myself when I realized how my life basically ended months and months ago. Whether it be the baby, Brandon, Eleanor, or even John, I just thought that my life ended. I was disgusted in myself…But for what? What happened to me wasn’t in my control, so I ironically felt as if the only thing in my life I could control, was my death. I’m not even 18 yet, Alec, but I felt as if nobody as disgusting as me should go on to live.
“I mean, come on, you never really hear of famous people with a traumatizing past, do you? I just felt as if somebody with such a fucked up life, shouldn’t keep going on.
“But now, I know that’s not true; and that’s because of you.” I said, looking up at him. “Out of everybody in that fucked high school, you believed in me. You saved me, and if you hadn’t, I would’ve died without knowing that there’s a way of looking through the pain, and seeing something brighter. I never actually said thank you…But, thank you, Alec. Thank you so much for saving me that blasted day. I could never repay you, but I just wanted to express how grateful I am.”
As I stared into his eyes, I spotted tears well in his eyes as he nodded, letting a single tear roll down his face before he harshly wiped it away with a sigh.
“Please, don’t ever thank me for doing something I would do over, and over, and over again in a heartbeat, love.” And with that, he passionately pressed his lips against mines, and right then, I knew for sure, that Alec, was the one.838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPEZvQNeiGt
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Omg I love cheesy moments. <3 Oh, and no, this is not the end, but the end is near, so…Yeah. L Oh, and also, I would like to hear what you guys actually like about this story because I’m really interested in what my few fans actually like about it, and I would love to hear them! You guys’ comments make my day, so keep them up! :D838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsaEP6LX91d
