Hope

CHARLOTTE’S P.O.V.

I felt bad for turning Alec down once again, but that guilt instantly flew out the window once he openly let Destiny latch her lips onto his, right before saying he was going to be at her house tonight, right after he asked me to go get coffee with him! I didn’t even want to think about what Alec and Destiny would be doing at her house, but instead, I focused on how hurt and used I felt. I know, I was being melodramatic considering he didn’t actually use me, but still, I was hurt that he knew that Destiny had approached me in the bathroom yesterday, but was still in a relationship with her.

What a scum.

Honestly, I don’t know why I agreed to start over with him; It just seemed natural to be his friend, as if I wouldn’t have any worries when I was around him. So much for that.

Entering English, my 4th period, I slid into my assigned desk, which was in the back of the classroom, in the right corner to be exact. I instantly whipped out my English book, already beginning the assignment that was scrawled across the board in the front before the tardy bell even rang. I was determined to get nothing less than an A, with promises of getting into my dream college, far from John and his alcoholic ways.

I was on my 5th question when Alec slid into the seat beside me just as the tardy bell rang, and rushing students filed in, hurrying to get to their seats before the teacher came.

“You don’t sit here, Alec.” I noted without bringing my gaze from my assignment, deciding to try and ignore his presence, which was hard, because Alec was persistent and mildly stubborn.

“Yes, I know that.” He assured with a nod. “I just wanted to apologize about earlier-“

“It’s fine; why should you apologize? She’s your girlfriend, you should be allowed to talk to her, right?” I couldn’t keep the bitterness to spew out with my words, making me wince at how…Jealous I sounded.

No! I was not jealous, I just hated Destiny. I thought assuringly.

“She’s not my girlfriend, she’s just…” This caught my interest, making me cock and eyebrow and turn to him, watching as he turned a light pink, avoiding my gaze.

“Your what? Your booty call?” I bluntly asked, making him wince and scratch the nape of his neck, smiling sheepishly.

“Well, I wouldn’t call it…That, just like…Friends with benefits type. Just exaggeration on the friend’s part.”

“Yeah.” I smirked sarcastically. “I bet you guys are real friendly.” I scoffed, making him turn a deeper red, forcing an awkward cough.

“Charlotte.” He muttered in embarrassment, making me laugh, enjoying how embarrassed he was.

“There’s nothing to be ashamed of.” I taunted jokingly, nudging him with my arm. “A guy’s got to need his release.” And with that, he was choking on literally nothing, clutching his stomach as his face turned completely red, making me burst out in laughter, catching the attention of nearly the whole class as I half patted his back, half cried my eyes out.

“Not funny.” He said, faking seriousness after he drank nearly half of the water bottle I gave him, pointing his finger at me as I giggled into the palm of my hand.

“Alright, alright.” I said after another giggle erupted. “We can go out for coffee tomorrow. Hm, maybe around 5 though because I have…Things to do.” I said with a nod. I could tell he was curious about the things I had to do, but he eventually nodded, a goofy smile on his face.

“I’ll be looking forward to it.” He said with a playful wink before getting up, walking over to his desk before the teacher could get here and give him detention for not writing by the bell. Looking over his shoulder once he sat down, he playfully waved, making me laugh, waving back before quickly stopping once Destiny’s harsh glare halted my movements, and I dropped my gaze down to my assignment.867Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjzPWzCIw9E
*

“I’m going somewhere tomorrow afternoon.” I said decisively as I swept the kitchen, chewing my bottom lip as I prayed for no arguments, but of course, this was John we were talking about.

“And where do you think you’re going?” John hollered from the living room, where he was watching football with a beer in one hand and a slice of pizza in the other, his eyes never leaving the screen. He was seated in the too-small-for-his-frame arm chair, making him move around uncomfortably every now and then. Sighing, I propped the broom where it goes, before walking into the living room, standing beside him, glaring at his ugly face.

“I’m uh…I’m going to go get coffee with a friend.” I said, purposely only giving him enough information to get the point across in fear I would release too much. Grunting, he finally met my gaze, scowling aggressively.

“Coffee with a friend? Did I raise you to go skipping in the fucking meadows every chance you get?” He demanded, but before I could reply with a snide remark, he was talking again. “Who’s this friend you’re talking about?” With a reluctant sigh, I looked down at my hand, my jaw clenched.

“Just a guy from school, John.” I snapped bitterly, hating that he chose now to become the overprotective parent.

“A guy? So now you’re running off and getting pregnant? Again?!” He was angry now, I could tell by the way his 4 chins would shake harshly, his face now red and splotchy.

“John,” I drawled, clenching my fists now. “That first time, I was-“

“Yeah, yeah, I don’t give a flying fuck. I’m not letting you run off to go get coffee with some random boy who wants nothing but to get in your pants.” I was now furious at the fact that he thought so lowly of Alec; I mean, sure, he didn’t actually know it was Alec, and Alec did only use Destiny for sex, with her consent of course, but I just hated the thought of Alec using me like that.

“He’s not like that.” I defended pathetically, making him scoff.

“Yeah, that’s exactly what you said about Brandon.” He snapped sarcastically before taking a long swig of his beer. I was now incensed now that he had mentioned that name, that name that I loathed, but he didn’t even notice how close I was to punching a wall.

“John-“

”No, you’re not going with that boy.”

“Don’t you think I deserve this? I come here after getting straight A’s at school every day, just to slave here and clean!”

“Don’t you dare raise your voice at me.” John warned, standing up now, pointing his fat finger straight at my nose. Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, I turned around, giving him my back.

“I’m leaving.” I stated, walking over to the coffee table that was cluttered with newspapers and cigarettes, grabbing my purse.

“And where the hell are you going?!” He demanded, his eyes wide with rage as I headed to the door, my head held high.

“Out.” I stated simply, before leaving, slamming the door behind me.867Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVn4G6fXw8G
*

The park was what I called home, not back at my house with John. Every time stuff got to real for me, I would come here and let the smell of the grass, the chirping of the birds, and the squealing of the kids take me away to peaceful bliss. I even had a tree; I would prop myself up by the tree that gave me the vantage point of seeing the whole park and even the field, and I would sit under its protective branches and swaying leaves, and read until nightfall.

I had been here for an hour, simply reading the fourth Harry Potter book and mindlessly listening to the mocking jays around me, when I heard someone sit beside me, making me slightly jump in surprise before I relaxed when I saw it was Alec.

“Wow, you seem to be everywhere.” I joked, making a dog ear in the corner of my book before shutting it closed, not even slightly embarrassed I was caught reading ‘The Goblet Of Fire’ in public.

“You mean you seem to be everywhere.” He laughed. “What are you reading?”

“Nothing, just Harry Potter.” I said with a shrug. “What are you doing here?”

“Well actually I was taking my daily jog when I saw you.” He said, making me glance at my clock to see it was 6:25.

“Do you always take your jogs this late in the afternoon?” I teased, turning towards him before crossing my legs, and he mocked my position, making it look like we were about to play Patty Cake.

“Yup.” He said. “It’s the perfect time if you think about it; Not too cold, not too hot.” And as if to prove his point, he stuck his finger in his mouth before taking it out, and raising it in the air with a satisfied smile. “Just right.”

“You’re insane.” I laughed, running a hand through my hair as I looked at his running outfit: Black shorts, converse, and a black shirt, his hair matted down with sweat. “You kind of look like you’re about to rob a house.” I giggled, smiling up at him.

“Yeah? Well you kind of look like you just came out of Hogwarts; I didn’t know you wore glasses.” He said, tapping the bridge of my reading glasses that I forgot I had on, making me touch the frame as a reflex.

“What this? Oh, yeah, I don’t wear them much.” I said with a shrug. “And they’re not even like Harry Potter’s glasses!”

“You’re right; these ones are cute.” He laughed, leaning back to stare at the pink sky as I sat there looking at the grass, slightly blushing at the compliment in disguise.

“T-Thanks.” I stammered before clearing my throat, hating the effect he had on me.

“That’s how I found you on the tracks.” He said after a brief moment of silence, save for the background noise.

“C-Come again?” I asked, my eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

“My jog.” He clarified. “I was taking my daily jog when I saw you.”

“Oh.” I muttered, looking down at the blades of grass that slipped through my fingers.

“Yeah.” He breathed silently, and then there was a pregnant pause that was only slightly awkward. As the wind gently blew, I couldn’t help but ask the question.

“Shouldn’t you be at Destiny’s?” I asked, trying to play it cool, but not being able to stop my jaw from clenching at her name. He was quiet for a second, and I was slightly worried he would remember, jump up, and run off to her house and leave me there to wallow in my depression, but he just chuckled lowly.

“I blew her off.” He finally said, and I was happy that I didn’t detect any regret in his words, leaving me staring up at the sky with a goofy smile.

“Oh.” I muttered.

“Yeah.” He breathed silently.867Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvx1bhP8xM7
*

“Can I take your order?” I asked politely, staring at the high school couple that seemed to be on a romantic date by the way they were gazing into each other’s eyes.

And by the way they were just making out moments later, before I came.

I worked at a waitress at the community Diner, ‘Rex’s Café’, as an effort to keep the lights on at home considering John didn’t do shit, but not even when I told him about my job, did he recognize my attempt. The job paid well, but it alone didn’t pay the bills, so I eventually had to start doing odd jobs here and there, from being a florist, to working at the nearby supermarket.

Just to get by. It was a miracle I fit my studies in the equation too.

The girl, brunette and leggy, pulled away from her boyfriend to glare at me in disgust, and I had a slight hunch that they, or at least her, went to my school.

“Well if it isn’t Chubby Charlotte.” She sneered, and I exhaled, knowing I was right. It was slightly funny how they clung onto that nickname considering I was now practically 5 times skinnier than I was, and there was no memory of my past weight, save for the yearbook pictures. “How ironic of it that you lost all of that way, even after your baby. Right?” She drawled, and I clenched my fists, gulping as I tried to calm down.

“Oh wait, I forgot, you-“

“Can I take your order?” I demanded, my gaze hard as I clenched my jaw, willing myself not to flip my shit.

Not here. Not where I work.

“Yeah, but not from you; I don’t want your blood to be mixed with my ketchup.” She drawled, cocking her head. “You still cut yourself, right, fat ass?” As a reflex, my eyes darted down to my arm where my past cuts lay, and her eyes followed, smirking at what she saw.

“I guess I was right. How pathetic; Go get another waitress to take my order, you stupid bitch.”

“I’m not a stupid bitch.” I defended, my jaw clenched. “I-“

“The customer’s always right.” She said, her smirk growing before she saw something past me, making me turn to see my boss, Rex, walk by in a hurry. “Isn’t that right, ma’am?” The girl hollered after Rex. It was obvious that Rex didn’t hear a word the girl said, but since the policy was the customer’s always right, Rex instantly agreed with her without knowing what she was actually agreeing with.

“Yes, you got that right, doll.” She said distractedly before continuing to walk to the kitchen. Leering at me, she dismissed me with a flick of her wrist, scoffing, and obviously done harassing me. “Go. You disgust me.”

And with that, I left her with her date, seeing nothing but red in my haze.867Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3YfBXRq8bH
*

Glaring down at my arm in distaste, I couldn’t help but agree with everybody’s hateful words. I mean, sure, the last time I cut was Junior year, back when the whole…Incident went down, but the scars still sat there, reminding me of just how low I went, reminding me just how much my life sucks. Willing myself not to cry, no matter how badly I wanted to, I held my razor that was buried in my dresser, watching it twinkle tauntingly in the light, with a frown. I was perched on my bed, my leg tucked under the other one, and I was having memories. Horrible memories, and once the dam broke, there was no stopping the memories.

Hoping the pain would distract myself from the harsh memories, I brought the razor to my wrist, taking a deep breath before slashing it, only wincing slightly at the unpleasant feeling. Gulping, I watched as the blood trickled down my arm, but my eyes widened at the amount of blood. I knew from experience that there wasn’t supposed to be so much blood, making me stand up in shock, not able to pry my eyes from the blood until it started to run down my elbow. Slightly nauseous, I hobbled to my door, my bloody razor forgotten on my bed as I jiggled the doorknob, before finally, I fell into the living room.

“John,” I gurgled, my vision starting to get blurry as I willed myself to get to the nearest hospital. “I…M…My a….Arm….” With each word, I was crumbling to the ground, until finally, everything turned black, and the last noise I heard was John’s captivating football game.