CHAROLLETE’S P.O.V.
I had known Alec for a little over a month and a half.
I don’t know what it is about him that just makes me want to be my complete honest 100% of the time, but I hated it. I hated how he made me actually feel normal, because I knew I didn’t deserve even the slightest bit of normality in my life, I hated how with just his charming smile, he made me feel better, as if I could float on nothing, and I especially hated how he made me feel…Absolutely loved. Not once had I been with Alec where I felt like the freak show I was, and not once had I been with Alec did I ever get depressing thoughts and/or memories. Alec was my gateway to happiness, and the thought of him being able to leave at any moment like Victoria did with him, to leave me plunged into depression and anxiety, scared the shit out of me.
That was why I couldn’t get close to Alec. But fuck, it sure was hard.
I didn’t want to tell him about my life, my crazy fucking life, until I was sure of my feelings for Alec, and until I was sure that he wouldn’t up and leave, because there was no telling of what I would do if I woke up to see Alec had surprisingly moved or something along those lines. I didn’t even want to go into that dangerous territory of ‘love’ with him, because I highly doubted he even returned my feelings…Whatever they were. I literally wouldn’t even be mad if when I told Alec my crazy life story, he just declared he wanted nothing to do with me or my horrible baggage, because nobody wanted to get involved with a psychopath. He wanted someone like Destiny, or Victoria; someone normal.
And I was far from normal.880Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡub3P19qWys
*880Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ283hsb1oN1
John hit me again today.
The last time he beat me so hard, I ended up with broken ribs as well as a fractured wrist, all because I came home late, which was because I was doing extra hours down at the diner because the lights were already off at home.
Today, he beat me simply because he was drunk, and I was there, and he had built up anger. After he was done releasing his anger, I was left to lay on the kitchen floor, just staring at the cabinet as I occasionally twitched in pain.
I didn’t cry. Just like before, I didn’t cry, because he wasn’t worth my tears. The last time I cried was last year, back when my mom died. I mean yeah, I would get the familiar sensation of stinging in my eyes, but I never let myself actually cry.
There was blood. Lots and lots of blood, but I couldn’t tell where it started or ended, so I decided that laying there without too much movement, would be best.
I hated my life.880Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH2a7JiCwSw
*
I don’t know what it was, but things seemed off today at school. It felt as if everybody knew something I didn’t, like they were all in on a joke that I obviously wasn’t. As I made my way to my locker, I heard giggling and whispering behind me, making me clench my jaw, which only inflicted pain due to John’s abuse. Fumbling with my lock due to my shaking fingers, it took more seconds than usual, until finally, I had the locker open.
Tons and tons of shaving razors tumbled out of my locker, ending at a pool at my feet, and laughter erupted from all around me, like they were all on stand-by, waiting for the show. I couldn’t believe this; Did they know about me cutting again? I know it was stupid of me to cut, since that whole hospital thing, but when too many of my emotions build up, I need some type of release.
I decided to release yesterday, after I found the energy to get up off the kitchen floor hours later. How could they possibly know? I chose to wear a long sleeve shirt so the fresh cut could be hidden, so they couldn’t possibly know it, right?
“You can thank us later.” Destiny giggled, propping herself up against the locker besides mine with a smirk.
“And why the hell would I thank you?” I demanded, kicking the pink razors out of my way before scraping out the last few out my locker, and then throwing them down the hall.
“Well just in case you decide to cut again, now you don’t have to use that rusty pencil sharpener blade anymore. It’s a win-win situation if you ask me. Well, however freaks win.” She said sneering, tossing a razor my way, and I swatted it before it could reach my face, glaring around the hall that was erupting with laughter.
“You must feel pretty proud, don’t you?” I spat in disgust, grabbing my necessary books.
“I do actually.” Destiny said, resting her head on the locker behind her, her smirk growing. “That’ll teach you to stay in your place: The doghouse.” And with that, the laughter intensified, making my eyes dart around in anger.
“What, are you looking for your knight-in-shining-armor? A.K.A., my boyfriend? Well, just to save you the hassle, I’ll have you know that he’s not coming to save you. I’m sorry, but you’re just going to have to face your own problems, not hide behind him, and it’s about time you realized that.” She was now slowly approaching me, her eyes never leaving mines as she cornered me, but I didn’t back down.
“I’m not afraid of you, Destiny, so you might as well get over this obsession you seem to have and leave me alone for once.” I snapped, making her laugh emotionless, her face still twisted into anger.
“The only obsession you seem to have is your obsession with taking people’s boyfriends. How about you find your own men for once, you worthless piece of shi-“ I cut her off with a hard kick to her shin, making her cry out in pain. I grabbed her hair, yanking her back up to face me since she was bent over in pain.
“I’m going to need you to listen, and listen real fucking quick-Maybe you should actually take a fucking look around and see if the boys that you’re rooting for, are actually on your team before you attack me. Brandon was rightfully mine, before you even came into the picture; And Alec? He literally told me you’re only a bootycall. So for the love of God, just get over your petty, childish fixation¸ and find yourself to the real world, Barbie.” And with that, I pushed her out of my way, heading to homeroom with a satisfied smirk.880Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4IDh3Z6d5Q
*
“Hey. I’m sorry about Des-“
“You really need to stop apologizing for that girl.” I whispered with a chuckle, not wanting to get caught talking in fear of getting detention. “You act like she’s your responsibility.”
“Well she’s not, I just feel bad since you guys were fighting about me.” Alec said sheepishly, rubbing the nape of his neck apologetically.
“Not everything’s about you, honey.” I teased, remembering how Destiny and I were fighting about Brandon, not just Alec.
“Yeah, you’re right actually.” He said with a nod. “Who’s Brandon?” My blood ran cold at the mention of my worst nightmare, and I gulped, focusing on my worksheet.
“Just someone who I absolutely loath.” I shrugged nonchalantly even though my free hand was balled into a fist.
“Well does he still live around here? Does he go to this school?” Alec pressed, much to my discomfort.
“No, he moved last year, thank god.” I muttered. “Listen, can we please just drop th-“
“Charlotte, who did that to your face?” Alec demanded, forcefully grabbing my chin and turning my head so he could get a better look at my right cheek.
Shit.
“N-Nobody, I just ran into a w-“
“Cut the bullshit, not even a pole can do that. Who did it? Was it John? I swear to God, when I see that bast-“
“Alec, calm down.” I snapped harshly, eying the teacher up front who had sat up to see who was talking. “It’s no big deal-“
“No fucking big deal?!” He shouted, gaining everybody’s attention, much to my embarrassment.
“Alec and Charlotte, please find your way to detention. Maybe you can argue there.” The teacher coldly snapped, and I sighed, reluctantly beginning to pack my stuff up. Once we burst into the hall, he continued talking.
“Charlotte, tell me who did that to your face or so help me god, I will barge into your fucking house and find out my damn self.” Alec coerced, his face red with anger as he grabbed my wrist to stop me, making me wince at the pain. His eyes dropped down to my exposed arm, and I swear, he seemed as if he was bout to explode.
“Alec, you’re blowing this out of proportion-“
“Out of proportion?!” He shouted, his loud words echoing off the bare walls. “You have a fucking bruise the size of Texas on your face, and you’re telling me I’m ‘blowing this out of proportion’?! No! Maybe you’re blowing this out of proportion! Jesus, Charlotte, another cut?! Am I not good enough or something? Is it because I don’t understand?”
“W-What?! What the hell does my cuts have to do with you?! God, you’re so self-centered!”
“I don’t know Charlotte,” He drawled sarcastically. “So you don’t think that you cutting could affect me the least bit? Fuck, Charlotte, I’ve been trying to get through to you since day 1, but obviously it’s not working, considering everything we did together flew out the fucking window! I thought you would’ve at least changed your ways for me of all people.”
“What, so you think you’re so special that I would change just for you?! Um, reality check, this isn’t a cliché’ love story, or a fairtytale! This is real life. You’re not special, Alec.”
“Yeah, at first, maybe I thought it was going to be cliché’, but then when I heard about your baby, I realized that this is real life-“
“Wait.” I deadpanned, stopping him with my hand. “Y-You heard about the baby?”
“Jesus Charlotte, yes, I heard about the baby, but-“
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I enjoined, my eyes wide with horror.
“What? Because I wanted you to tell me on your own time. I just…I felt like us hanging out has gone to waste, because you’re still cutting, and-“
“Wait, so you just hung out with me because what? You felt sorry for me?” I spat, tears pricking my eyes.
Don’t. Cry.
“Yes! W-Wait, what? NO! I-I-“
“Okay, then if it wasn’t because you felt sorry for me, then what was it? Because you wanted juicy gossip to go run and tell your bitch lapdog, Destiny? You got close to me and made me develop feelings for you, just because you wanted to get insight on the crazy girl’s life?”
“Charlotte, you’re hearing all this wrong-“
“No, you’re hearing this all wrong. I can’t believe you would just…I thought our friendship was real, Alec.”
“If it was so real, then why didn’t you tell me about Brandon?! Or the baby? Or your sister?!” I was now on the verge of full out crying now that I knew that he knew something about the baby and Eleanor, and I just needed to get out of here.
“Because of this exact fucking reason, Alec!” I was now screaming at the top of our lungs, and I was positive the classrooms either side of us could hear, but I just didn’t give a shit. “You’re just like them. Like Destiny, like Victoria, hell, you’re even like Brandon.”
“Charlotte, I don’t know what the fuck he did to you or whoever, but don’t ever compare me to Brandon.” Alec snapped, his voice deathly low, rumbling with anger,
“Well we don’t have to worry about that, because I’m not speaking to you again. Just don’t fucking bother me. Ever. And no, this isn’t that petty argument we had that first day we actually met. God, how stupid of me not to notice how you got such an interest in me the day you catch me about to die. You didn’t even notice me before that day, but here we are, going to your father’s dinners and going out for ice cream. So no, Alec, this isn’t that petty argument. This is the real deal, and I cannot even express how bad you’ve broken my heart.” I said, my words cracking unattractively.
“Charlotte-“
“I…I just thought you were fucking different.” I scoffed, pushing past him, deciding to just ditch. Just as I turned my back, a tear fell, followed by another one.
So much for never letting myself cry. 880Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSAFDvuvY7v
CHAROLLETE’S P.O.V.
I had known Alec for a little over a month and a half.
I don’t know what it is about him that just makes me want to be my complete honest 100% of the time, but I hated it. I hated how he made me actually feel normal, because I knew I didn’t deserve even the slightest bit of normality in my life, I hated how with just his charming smile, he made me feel better, as if I could float on nothing, and I especially hated how he made me feel…Absolutely loved. Not once had I been with Alec where I felt like the freak show I was, and not once had I been with Alec did I ever get depressing thoughts and/or memories. Alec was my gateway to happiness, and the thought of him being able to leave at any moment like Victoria did with him, to leave me plunged into depression and anxiety, scared the shit out of me.
That was why I couldn’t get close to Alec. But fuck, it sure was hard.
I didn’t want to tell him about my life, my crazy fucking life, until I was sure of my feelings for Alec, and until I was sure that he wouldn’t up and leave, because there was no telling of what I would do if I woke up to see Alec had surprisingly moved or something along those lines. I didn’t even want to go into that dangerous territory of ‘love’ with him, because I highly doubted he even returned my feelings…Whatever they were. I literally wouldn’t even be mad if when I told Alec my crazy life story, he just declared he wanted nothing to do with me or my horrible baggage, because nobody wanted to get involved with a psychopath. He wanted someone like Destiny, or Victoria; someone normal.
And I was far from normal.880Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB62zkT5R0U
*880Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdFjKqHyjT0
John hit me again today.
The last time he beat me so hard, I ended up with broken ribs as well as a fractured wrist, all because I came home late, which was because I was doing extra hours down at the diner because the lights were already off at home.
Today, he beat me simply because he was drunk, and I was there, and he had built up anger. After he was done releasing his anger, I was left to lay on the kitchen floor, just staring at the cabinet as I occasionally twitched in pain.
I didn’t cry. Just like before, I didn’t cry, because he wasn’t worth my tears. The last time I cried was last year, back when my mom died. I mean yeah, I would get the familiar sensation of stinging in my eyes, but I never let myself actually cry.
There was blood. Lots and lots of blood, but I couldn’t tell where it started or ended, so I decided that laying there without too much movement, would be best.
I hated my life.880Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqMUA3AVbeK
*
I don’t know what it was, but things seemed off today at school. It felt as if everybody knew something I didn’t, like they were all in on a joke that I obviously wasn’t. As I made my way to my locker, I heard giggling and whispering behind me, making me clench my jaw, which only inflicted pain due to John’s abuse. Fumbling with my lock due to my shaking fingers, it took more seconds than usual, until finally, I had the locker open.
Tons and tons of shaving razors tumbled out of my locker, ending at a pool at my feet, and laughter erupted from all around me, like they were all on stand-by, waiting for the show. I couldn’t believe this; Did they know about me cutting again? I know it was stupid of me to cut, since that whole hospital thing, but when too many of my emotions build up, I need some type of release.
I decided to release yesterday, after I found the energy to get up off the kitchen floor hours later. How could they possibly know? I chose to wear a long sleeve shirt so the fresh cut could be hidden, so they couldn’t possibly know it, right?
“You can thank us later.” Destiny giggled, propping herself up against the locker besides mine with a smirk.
“And why the hell would I thank you?” I demanded, kicking the pink razors out of my way before scraping out the last few out my locker, and then throwing them down the hall.
“Well just in case you decide to cut again, now you don’t have to use that rusty pencil sharpener blade anymore. It’s a win-win situation if you ask me. Well, however freaks win.” She said sneering, tossing a razor my way, and I swatted it before it could reach my face, glaring around the hall that was erupting with laughter.
“You must feel pretty proud, don’t you?” I spat in disgust, grabbing my necessary books.
“I do actually.” Destiny said, resting her head on the locker behind her, her smirk growing. “That’ll teach you to stay in your place: The doghouse.” And with that, the laughter intensified, making my eyes dart around in anger.
“What, are you looking for your knight-in-shining-armor? A.K.A., my boyfriend? Well, just to save you the hassle, I’ll have you know that he’s not coming to save you. I’m sorry, but you’re just going to have to face your own problems, not hide behind him, and it’s about time you realized that.” She was now slowly approaching me, her eyes never leaving mines as she cornered me, but I didn’t back down.
“I’m not afraid of you, Destiny, so you might as well get over this obsession you seem to have and leave me alone for once.” I snapped, making her laugh emotionless, her face still twisted into anger.
“The only obsession you seem to have is your obsession with taking people’s boyfriends. How about you find your own men for once, you worthless piece of shi-“ I cut her off with a hard kick to her shin, making her cry out in pain. I grabbed her hair, yanking her back up to face me since she was bent over in pain.
“I’m going to need you to listen, and listen real fucking quick-Maybe you should actually take a fucking look around and see if the boys that you’re rooting for, are actually on your team before you attack me. Brandon was rightfully mine, before you even came into the picture; And Alec? He literally told me you’re only a bootycall. So for the love of God, just get over your petty, childish fixation¸ and find yourself to the real world, Barbie.” And with that, I pushed her out of my way, heading to homeroom with a satisfied smirk.880Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgtkKTJMlK4
*
“Hey. I’m sorry about Des-“
“You really need to stop apologizing for that girl.” I whispered with a chuckle, not wanting to get caught talking in fear of getting detention. “You act like she’s your responsibility.”
“Well she’s not, I just feel bad since you guys were fighting about me.” Alec said sheepishly, rubbing the nape of his neck apologetically.
“Not everything’s about you, honey.” I teased, remembering how Destiny and I were fighting about Brandon, not just Alec.
“Yeah, you’re right actually.” He said with a nod. “Who’s Brandon?” My blood ran cold at the mention of my worst nightmare, and I gulped, focusing on my worksheet.
“Just someone who I absolutely loath.” I shrugged nonchalantly even though my free hand was balled into a fist.
“Well does he still live around here? Does he go to this school?” Alec pressed, much to my discomfort.
“No, he moved last year, thank god.” I muttered. “Listen, can we please just drop th-“
“Charlotte, who did that to your face?” Alec demanded, forcefully grabbing my chin and turning my head so he could get a better look at my right cheek.
Shit.
“N-Nobody, I just ran into a w-“
“Cut the bullshit, not even a pole can do that. Who did it? Was it John? I swear to God, when I see that bast-“
“Alec, calm down.” I snapped harshly, eying the teacher up front who had sat up to see who was talking. “It’s no big deal-“
“No fucking big deal?!” He shouted, gaining everybody’s attention, much to my embarrassment.
“Alec and Charlotte, please find your way to detention. Maybe you can argue there.” The teacher coldly snapped, and I sighed, reluctantly beginning to pack my stuff up. Once we burst into the hall, he continued talking.
“Charlotte, tell me who did that to your face or so help me god, I will barge into your fucking house and find out my damn self.” Alec coerced, his face red with anger as he grabbed my wrist to stop me, making me wince at the pain. His eyes dropped down to my exposed arm, and I swear, he seemed as if he was bout to explode.
“Alec, you’re blowing this out of proportion-“
“Out of proportion?!” He shouted, his loud words echoing off the bare walls. “You have a fucking bruise the size of Texas on your face, and you’re telling me I’m ‘blowing this out of proportion’?! No! Maybe you’re blowing this out of proportion! Jesus, Charlotte, another cut?! Am I not good enough or something? Is it because I don’t understand?”
“W-What?! What the hell does my cuts have to do with you?! God, you’re so self-centered!”
“I don’t know Charlotte,” He drawled sarcastically. “So you don’t think that you cutting could affect me the least bit? Fuck, Charlotte, I’ve been trying to get through to you since day 1, but obviously it’s not working, considering everything we did together flew out the fucking window! I thought you would’ve at least changed your ways for me of all people.”
“What, so you think you’re so special that I would change just for you?! Um, reality check, this isn’t a cliché’ love story, or a fairtytale! This is real life. You’re not special, Alec.”
“Yeah, at first, maybe I thought it was going to be cliché’, but then when I heard about your baby, I realized that this is real life-“
“Wait.” I deadpanned, stopping him with my hand. “Y-You heard about the baby?”
“Jesus Charlotte, yes, I heard about the baby, but-“
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I enjoined, my eyes wide with horror.
“What? Because I wanted you to tell me on your own time. I just…I felt like us hanging out has gone to waste, because you’re still cutting, and-“
“Wait, so you just hung out with me because what? You felt sorry for me?” I spat, tears pricking my eyes.
Don’t. Cry.
“Yes! W-Wait, what? NO! I-I-“
“Okay, then if it wasn’t because you felt sorry for me, then what was it? Because you wanted juicy gossip to go run and tell your bitch lapdog, Destiny? You got close to me and made me develop feelings for you, just because you wanted to get insight on the crazy girl’s life?”
“Charlotte, you’re hearing all this wrong-“
“No, you’re hearing this all wrong. I can’t believe you would just…I thought our friendship was real, Alec.”
“If it was so real, then why didn’t you tell me about Brandon?! Or the baby? Or your sister?!” I was now on the verge of full out crying now that I knew that he knew something about the baby and Eleanor, and I just needed to get out of here.
“Because of this exact fucking reason, Alec!” I was now screaming at the top of our lungs, and I was positive the classrooms either side of us could hear, but I just didn’t give a shit. “You’re just like them. Like Destiny, like Victoria, hell, you’re even like Brandon.”
“Charlotte, I don’t know what the fuck he did to you or whoever, but don’t ever compare me to Brandon.” Alec snapped, his voice deathly low, rumbling with anger,
“Well we don’t have to worry about that, because I’m not speaking to you again. Just don’t fucking bother me. Ever. And no, this isn’t that petty argument we had that first day we actually met. God, how stupid of me not to notice how you got such an interest in me the day you catch me about to die. You didn’t even notice me before that day, but here we are, going to your father’s dinners and going out for ice cream. So no, Alec, this isn’t that petty argument. This is the real deal, and I cannot even express how bad you’ve broken my heart.” I said, my words cracking unattractively.
“Charlotte-“
“I…I just thought you were fucking different.” I scoffed, pushing past him, deciding to just ditch. Just as I turned my back, a tear fell, followed by another one.
So much for never letting myself cry.
ns 15.158.61.43da2
