This is a true story based on my summer performance, when I did my first substantial solo.
The little kids were dancing to their music, simple steps repeated quite a few times but cute nonetheless.
The day’s building stress lead to this moment. Doing hair and makeup, taking pictures with friends and goofing off in the dressing room were times when the nerves would be forgotten. But there was nothing to distract me now.
I loved the atmosphere of performing ballet, but for some reason my nerves came back every time I stood in the wings waiting for my cue.251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEHrgVQhgOW
My palms were unusually sweaty and my breath was coming in shallow intakes. I knew if I didn’t calm down a bit that my dance wouldn’t be as fluid and graceful.
There was nothing to do but wait.
Then, there was clapping. The kids skipped off in their frilly skirts and the lights dimmed.
No going back, you’ve trained for this. You know you can do it, so get out there and show the audience your skills. Smile! Walk gracefully… go to your spot… breath…
I thought like this the entire rest of my dance, but the thoughts got progressively more negative as the choreography went on.
Dont mess up the turn…You definitely screwed up there, hopefully no one noticed…
I ended, smile and curtsied then exited.
My breath was raspy and my throat tightened. No crying allowed in makeup, I thought as i frantically waved at my face.
Walking back to the dressing room I tried to to think about it too much, it kept intruding. Was I ever going to meet my own impossible expectations? Why was I so hard on myself?
I turned the corner and all of my friends and the backstage volunteers erupted with applause, my friends running up to me with a flood of “you did so good!” and “you nailed that dance.”
They had watched it on the live tv in the room, and picked me up when I couldn’t do it for myself.
Maybe I wouldn’t meet my expectations, but I had supporting friends who gave me positive affirmations when I couldn’t give them to myself.
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