Night fell and we weren't even close to counting the bodies of the dead before they were gobbled up by monsters shielded by the darkness.
With nothing left to count, I had no job. Going out in the night blindly was suicide. There was no light to see, and anything out there was considered food.
So, I had nothing left but to head back.
I wasn't going to come back empty-handed. Deciding to agree to Oxys advice, I scouted the grounds near the safety of the Wall for parts to take back with me.
I only took the limbs of monsters. I left the minced humans crushing under my feet.
The weight of hanging arms and legs started to crush me closer to the ground.
I had fifteen mouths to feed and a lot of time to make up to them for letting them go hungry. I had to make sure I had enough to keep everyone happy.
When my body was coated in its fleshy armour, I started to drag bodies with me.
A few meters, pause, retrace my steps to another body I would drag beside the first, repeat.
Soon, I was single-handedly daisy-chaining five bodies over the Wall and back through the forestry.
I didn't get to say goodbye to anyone or give little Luli the encouragement she needed. All I knew was that she was safe in the hole in the Wall becuase I had made sure of it today.
The hunger in my gut festered like an opening wound. While dragging and retracing my steps, it would come and go.
I made use of my time to strip a few portions of the kills for myself and keep my own growling stomach sated for a little while longer.
I didn't want to eat too much. I had to show my family I wasn't gone for so long for nothing.
I had thought of them. I just needed them to see that.
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With the sun belting down on the bodies that seeped into my own fur, and the cool nights freezing the blood through me, I kept dragging myself back towards the Base.
If it wasn't for the pang in my gut, I wouldn't have known if I was even going the right way.
With Shie's Bond rooted into my bones, it was making sure I knew my way back to her.
Even out here where everything looked the same, the gut feeling guided me like a compass.
There was nothing I could do for the pain and hunger that came with it. I had to suffer under severe stabbing to my chest that threatened to cripple me.
I had been warned about this feeling, and I could only inch closer towards it. I couldn't abandon everything after bringing it so far.
Shie was protected. Whatever was causing her this much pain would be killed back at the Base.
But, it kept going. Through most of the blistering day, I felt every agonising twist of fire in my chest. Through the night, fear whimpered through my mouth that wasn't my own. It had me paranoid of my own quiet surroundings and cowering to the ground in a hope that the pile of bodies would shield me from whatever was tearing torture through me.
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Seven days and nights were what rose and set around me on my determined path back to the Base.
I grimaced up at the dying sun when I reached the Base and piled up the last retrieved body outside the hidden entrance.
I wouldn't be able to fit through the tunnel like this. I'd have to dump my burden here as well.
Id be quick. I couldn't have something stealing it all while I was trying to get my family to claim it for themselves.
Forcing my Skin to return, I was instantly hit with how exhausted my body was. The weight of carrying such a massive load for so long was making my legs tremble when I clutched the side of the tunnel to guide me forward.
Clawing at the hunger in my stomach, I hung off the enterance I scanned for anymore monsters.
I knew there were ones that lurked the darkness. I could hear them now, stripping the bones like they did back at the Wall.
I'd have to stick to the concrete. It was lined with holes I could hide in.
Yes. That was it. The one I needed wasn't far from here.
Staggering from the tunnel, I kept my hands glued to the cold concrete that led me around the vast openness.
I couldn't go out there. That's where they all killed each other. It was too dangerous out there.
Stick to the Wall.
Pausing and listening along my path, I kept my other hand clutched to the hunger gnawing through me.
It burned under my fingers stabbing around it.
Not much further! You're almost there!
I could hear claws above me that scrabbled along. They belonged to something small but nimble. I could face it if I Turned, but the smaller ones were often the more dangerous hunters. They could escape where the larger ones couldn't. I didn't have the strength to be torn by something that could just keep dodging me.
Scraping my hand along the concrete, I found the blocked hole I was searching for.
The bubbling in my gut confirmed I had made it back to safety.
I tried to smile but couldn't. My body leant on the door to open it and wavour at the enterance.
It was safe here. I had actually made it back.
Eyes looked up from around the room I faced. Unlike the ones of children I had only seen, these were older souls I was famailar with.
They were monsters too. They all advanced, closing in my exits.
"Jesus, Phillius!" one breathed, grabbing me "you look like shit!"
"Get the guy a chair!" another ordered as I was dragged across the floor towards it.
"Is that your blood, Philly?"
"Where have you been?"
The chair felt like rock beneath my body. I couldn't place names to the bodies hovering and worrying over me. I was supposed to be the one looking after them. I was the oldest in this hole.
"It's... outside" I lifted a finger to point at the wall "food. I got food. At the Wall."
"Philly" a voice snapped with fingers in front of my eyes "you're not making sense."
"I'm here" I tried to smile back to the fingers trying to force my attention.
Speaking was too hard. Every word fell out of my mouth as my body slackened from being granted rest.
"You can't go out at night" I warned the monsters "they'll kill you. They eat you."
I could hear them now, slurping the marrow out of the bones of children and chewing on skin like it was jerky.
They were hungry tonight.
But, three left. They squeezed out the hole and left us.
They'd be dead in minutes.
"Luli. I kept her safe."
"Who is Luli?"
Hands grabbed my sides to keep me planted on the chair.
She was in another hole. She was safe.
I groaned and gripped my stomach as the pain tightened. It burned up by throat now.
"Food" a voice snapped "get him something to eat."
"I got it" I felt a smile quiver onto my face "outside. Enough for everyone."
"The blood isn't his" someone muttered after swiping a finger down my neck.
"He's fucking fried" another growled "he's just staring! There's nothing behind his damn eyes."
"He took my Mission. He wasn't supposed to. I hid it so he wouldn't find it."
Hands grabbed my head to make me flinch. I saw a face frown at me, gazing into my eyes.
Who was this again? Not one of the children...
"He's just not here" the face looked to someone else who planted before me and dragged closer.
The scraping was just like bones across the ground. It sparked adrenaline the same way the long demon had with all of its twisting arms.
Was it here to get me again while I was weak? Drag me to the darkness?
"Get away!" I pushed back, falling to the ground I shoved myself across until I found the back of the wall against my body "i'll kill you!"
I couldn't Turn. Everything in me was weighted with lead and refused to move more than it was needed.
"I'll kill you!" I whimpered, swatting at the hands that tried to grab at me.
"Eat" a face bobbed into view "you're exhausted. You're not thinking straight. We aren't going to hurt you."
Metal pressed to my lips and something cold trickled down my chin.
I felt rings, soggy with the liquid, crush when I bit into them.
It felt like the mushy bits inside entrails, but this was sweeter.
"There you go" the voice smiled, cooing like I was a child.
Was I? Is that why I was sent to be with the other children?
The face smiled at me. I noticed the eyes that glistened back at me when I recognized them.
"S...par...row?"
"There you are" he grinned back "welcome back to the land of the living."
I snorted, accepting another spoonful of what I now saw was colourful cereal.
"You're still a bit spacey. You sure you're OK?"
I couldn't do anything. Not even lift my shoulders to give him a shrug.
Just like that, I was gone again.
"Bed" a gruff voice grumbled near my ear before hands seized me.
I couldn't fight them. I tried to pull away and swat, but my hands flopped uselessly and I just ended up pushing further into whatever had me.
"His bed is this way" another growled, halting where I was being taken to "seriously, I'll fucking bash you until you learn."
I heard a growl rumble through the body next to mine, pressing a hand to it.
Was that Talio?
I was lowered before I could confirm through searching his scars. Another set of hands grabbed me to drag me away and hoist me somewhere soft.
"Phillius" a voice barely above a whisper breathed against me "I'm so sorry."
There was a sniffle and trembling.
"You shouldn't have picked up mine. I could have done it myself."
My arms were lifted to be placed around the person holding me. They slipped off straight away.
"Say something."
Ransom's face hovered above mine, running with tears. His lip trembled when he ran a hand over my hair and gazed at me.
"I don't need special treatment" he mumbled as he rested his head on my chest and hugged me "you should have come back and got your Mission straight away."
All I could do was groan out a noise of defeat.
"You stupid idiot" he mumbled.
There was a knock on the door and Ransom immediently peeled from me. He wiped his eyes, fanned them a little, then put on a stern face to peek through the door he cracked open.
"The food came back. He really did bring back enough for everyone. Did you want to join us?"
Ransom peered back at me.
"Is he doing OK?"
"Not really" he mumbled back.
There was a sigh and the door opened more.
"Well, a shower would help. Wash off the shit and get him into some fresh clothes that don't stick to the bed."
"Ah, fuck" Ransom grumbled with another glance "I forgot I'll have to clean them."
Soft laughter came. Then quietness again.
"I'll take him. You grab the clothes."
"Are you sure?"
"Am I sure?" it scoffed back "I've lifted men three times heavier than him."
The door opened and Ransom was in front of my face again.
"Blight is going to take you" he told me "it'll be OK."
"Hey" Blight smiled to me before forcing my arms into my lap so he could wedge his hands beneath me "it's just me, ok? Nothing to worry about."
Nothing to worry about. It's not something to hurt you. You can't escape anyway.
When did I give up on that? Escaping?
I was pressed against warmth and cradled like a child again as the bedsheets were unpeeled from my bare skin.
"Everyone has seen each other naked" he soothed me "its no big deal."
I was carried out the door and through the room where everyone was hovering around the table that had been piled with the pieces I had carried on my back.
The other beasts had been segmented to surround the floor where others tore into them greedily.
I saw Shie here too. She got the larger portions and took priority to the others giving her room to easily access the food.
"Save some for Philly" Blight muttered to someone as he passed "and bring in the tweezers."
Tweezers? What for?
The air instantly grew cold when Blight snapped on a light and revealed a tiled room to me.
It looked like the bathrooms at school. Toilet stalls lined the right, with the one closest to the door being left for the shower.
The back wall had an impromptu clothesline hanging down the length of it that was packed with drying clothes dripping onto a soaked towel beneath it.
The left was just a massive bench that dipped three times for sinks to be placed.
There was junk piled in the far corner, blood ringing the middle sink that was filled with black water, and someone's abandoned toothbrush in the soap dish of the shower.
"Honestly, pigs" Blight sighed as he placed me down and held onto me while turning on the tap to the shower "don't sit just yet."
Blight used his foot to swipe the hair and gunk on the shower tiles towards the plughole. Muttering as he did, he leant me against the wall so he could rush to the benches and ruffle through every drawer there to pull out a towel to lay on the tiles.
I saw three machines wedged under the bench, one of which was still packed with wet clothes.
"Come on, down you go" he encouraged while lowering me to the floor onto the towel beneath the hammering waters "warm enough?"
Nothing escaped my lips. It was nice.
He tested it, grunted, and increased the heat to a burning caress. The shock of it startled me, but then worked its way around my skin like a warm hug.
"Whoever left all the stained towels in the bathroom is hand-washing them!" Blight snapped outside the door to the others "honestly! How hard is it to find a clean one in six drawers? And the bloody clothes in the sink?"
I heard jeers and mutters until the room erupted in snide remarks and teasing to whoever had decided to claim the mess.
"Look, I'm sorry, I was in a rush and forgot" I heard the voice beg outside the door "I'll clean the sink now."
"Don't let it happen again" Blight muttered before Rush scurried past, glancing to me in the shower as he went.
"And the towels!" Blight grumbled when he returned to me, leaning up to grab the soap he rubbed my skin with.
"That was Sparrow and Resolve, not me!" Rush bit back.
"Snitch!" I heard Sparrow snap, with more noises of glee to his misfortune.
"Both of you! You can take a few minutes to clean your shit!" Blight snapped while still lathering me up.
"Yes, Dad" Sparrow grumbled.
"It's not that bad" Resolve spoke quietly.
"Maybe your amethyst can conjure up a clean bathroom for you instead?" Blight grumbled when both entered meekly "or some clear quartz can get rid of this shitty excuse where you can hide dirty towels until the next person finds them?"
Something was mumbled back while Sparrow snorted in laughter as he started to pop out the drawers to pull the dirty towels out.
"You'll be better than them" Blight mumbled to me, reaching up to swat off a scrubber and use it to scrape at my coated arms first "you aren't completely useless."
His joking tone made my lips curl up into an attempt at a smile.
"See? More appreciative already" he smiled back.
The soap was rubbed through my hair, rinsed, and worked down my legs.
During the time, Ransom entered with some clothes and a small grooming kit perched on top that he placed on the end of the bench.
"Jesus" he breathed when he looked at me "it looks like the water is just blood."
"Not for long" Blight leant me forward to rub my back with ulternating soap and scrubber "he's been through hell and back. The kid isn't going to be the same for a while."
Ransom sighed, taking a seat on the bench.
"Where's Talio anyway?" Blight asked, returning to my legs "I thought he was connected at Philly's hip?"
So did I. I hadn't seen him since I left with Oxy. He glared at me like I was nothing to him.
"Well, he's still hanging around" Ransom huffed, jerking his head "he's outside the door."
Was he? He still cared about me?
My dead heart soared that Talio hadn't given up on me. Despite Ransom's sour face and folded arms, I felt that broken smile return.
But why wasn't he here to help me then?
"Philly, I'm going to have to touch your junk" Blight muttered to me "only to get it clean. And I'll need to do your arse as well."
Everything in me siezed up. I didn't want Blight anywhere near my cock or balls. Just the thought of having hands down there again stung as badly as the abuse they had endured.
"Philly, is that OK?" Blight looked up to me "you're tense."
I couldn't tell him not to touch me. My lips didn't move. All I could do was groan out a pitiful sound to try and make him understand.
"Maybe I should do it" Ransom offered.
"Like fuck you are" I heard Talio growl from the other side of the wall, a chair scraping "I'll help him."
Blight looked to me then to Talio who stormed into the room, glaring at everyone already in here.
I didn't want him to see me like this. I wanted us to work things out before he touched me intimately, not because he was forced to.
Suddenly, having Talio's hands on me didn't sound like a good idea either.
"You'll clean him" Blight handed over the soap and scrubber "me and Ransom will pick out the bullets."
They were still in there? I had taken quite a few to keep Luli safe, but I thought the gouging teeth from other demons had torn them out.
"What a mess" Talio muttered under his breath when he knelt before me and lifted my balls to scrub under them "do you feel alright?"
I just wanted it to all be over. This was so painfully awkward, I wanted to slip down the gurgling plughole with the rest of the bloodied water.
Jeez, why did he have to look so serious while doing it?
"Lift him up, we'll do the holes."
Talio was soaked when he grabbed me to heave me to my feet. He used one arm to support me while the other continued to rush through cleaning me.
He wasnt comfortable with this either. For someone I wanted so badly once before, he looked like he was just going through the motions so he could get out of here.
I feel something bite into my legs and gnaw through the skin while my skin was scrubbed relentlessly. The hot water pounded over me, squealing down the plug dangerously close to being choked by the towel.
Sparrow, Resolve, Rush and Ransom's eyes were on me from different parts of the bathroom.
I closed my eyes and gritted through the fire piercing up my legs.
I could hear the bullets being dropped onto the tiles. I could feel hands wrapping around my front so my arse could be scraped, I heard the water pounding over Talio grunting his way through my cleaning.
I wanted to get out of here. I didn't want everyone looking at me like that; pitying me.
When did I give up trying to escape?
Why did I accept this?
They should have let me go. I could have fought harder to escape. I could be at home, doing nothing, going to my shit job and coming home to cheap pea and ham soup.
Why did I give myself up so easily?
Solanine flashed in the darkness, making my body tremble in fear.
Why did I do that?
Tears mixed with the water as I slowly opened my eyes to see that the scrubbing had stopped.
Talio held onto me, just to support me now.
The bullets were still being torn out of my skin when I groaned out in the agony tearing me apart.
Why did I die for someone who doesn't even love me?
Looking down at his back I cried over, I saw my blood gurgling down the drain. The holes were being stuffed with bandages to try and staunch the flow.
I was so stupid.
I did this for nothing.
"There" Blight blew out a breath "it's done."
"Should we take him to Scalpel?"
He had given me a chance here by tearing away my only escape. I was tracked through this Band now forever....
"Let him rest first. It's a lot to take in."
Talio rose, his hands lifting from me so Blight could take over.
His eyes searched mine when we stood opposite each other, fierce but concerned.
Then, he left. Not a word to me or to the others. He just disappeared out the door without looking back.
My tears ran silently down my cheeks when I was lifted from the shower and rubbed down. Sparrow handed clean towels to Blight while Rush turned off the water and grabbed the one almost blocking the drain.
Ransom just watched, more concerned than anything. He looked at the way Talio had gone and slid off the bench so he could follow him.
"I'll make him something nice to help the healing" Resolve spoke quietly, unsure if his words were going to be taken seriously again.
"That'd be nice" Blight gave him a small smile while I was wrapped up and bundled into his arms.
The men followed Blight from the room and back to my own.
Sparrow pulled the stained sheets off so I could be lowered onto the undersheet in the towel.
Resolve leant through the door to pass Blight a large leg that had been saved, as ordered.
"Dress him while I go sort out the other two" Blight told Sparrow, handing him the food so he could leave.
Sparrow and Resolve looked to each other, before both decided on co-ordinating behind a closed door to make me descent again.
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I was propped against the bed and having lumps of fat and meat pressed between my lips.
My mouth chewed them and forced itself to swallow the tiny morsels I could feel getting compacted somewhere halfway down.
Sparrow pulled strips for himself when he waited for mine to be eaten. Once I was ready, he made sure I got the next one squeezed between his fingers.
Resolve was gone to focus on this gift he had mentioned. For now, it was just the two of us in the tiny room.
Why wasn't it Talio?
"I don't know if anyone told you yet, but you did a good job" Sparrow spoke, feeding me "obviously, you found good hunting grounds for everyone."
Would they still think so highly when I told them where I had got them from? Was it the same as killing it freshly yourself? Another had done the job and I had just picked up the pieces like a scavenger.
Food was food. I'd be dead again if I came back empty handed.
I couldn't go back there.
"Stone is getting better" he piped up hopefully "he has little episodes, but it's looking good for now."
Was that the pain I had felt? Had he hurt Shie? Scared her?
"Tor would be happy to see you again. He likes you" Sparrow ripped off a piece to chew "don't tell the others, but I'm working on finding a baby animal for him to take care off; kick him out of his broodiness. All of the rabbits I've tried, he eats."
The smile crept up again. I could feel myself laughing at the moment inside my mind.
"So, no rabbits" Sparrow smiled back, pressing more meat to my lips" but I'm thinking something a little bigger so it's tougher to kill, but I'm not sure what yet."
Whay would be bigger? Now Sparrow had me thinking of a suitable substitute for his brother.
"Oxalis came around asking about you too" he continued "he thought you came back a few days ago. You should have seen Talio when he said he hadn't seen you since you left."
Sparrow blew out a breath and shook his head, sparking hope in me.
"He thought the Blood Demon had taken you out and offed you" he lowered his voice "he was livid; tried to choke the guy. Of course, Carrion didn't help the situation either."
So, how come Talio wasn't relieved to see me now? Especially after being fuelled by someone as heartless as Carrion?
"He said you'd be back and I knew you would be. You're tough. You aren't going down as easily as the others might think you would."
More meat. Another strip torn for Sparrow.
"When you are up for it, we can go run the fields again. Give your legs some time to stretch out and let loose. I've got some rabbits coming out of burrows that would be perfect for a chase."
Sparrow smiled at me again and kept segmenting the leg balanced across his body.
"The fields around here are still poisoned, but maybe we can find more filled with food like what you bought back? That'd be fun."
He looked hopeful and picked out a good chunk for me to eat.
"Just, don't go dissapearing again, ok? I missed having you around."
He looked like he was embarrassed to admit it. He kept his eyes down when he nibbled on another portion stolen for himself.
There was a knock on the door and Sparrow's head quickly shot up to the noise.
"I'd better go" he said as he laid the leg down before me "no-one wants to be around when Ransom or Talio come back. Honestly, it's entertaining to watch, but..."
He rolled his eyes, shaking his head.
"Anyway, come say hi when you get better" he grinned, lifting himself from the bed to head to the door "get better soon, ok?"
I tried to smile back before he left. He only saw a fraction of it when the door was opened and Sparrow slipped out of it.
No-one came in.
Ransom didn't rush in. Talio didn't hang at the enterance. Even Blight wasn't here to make sure the leg beside me was properly stripped.
There was so much meat on it just sitting there. As hard as I tried, I couldn't budge my arm towards it to do it myself.
It was like I was back in Solanine's room, waiting for the door to be opened so I could frantically find safety.
I couldn't move. The sounds of the bombs tearing through the kids, and monsters ripping them apart didn't leave my mind. It was worse when I closed my eyes. It was like I was back in the darkeness, using the bodies piled on me as cover until I left the screaming behind.
Anyone could do anything to me while I was like this. I didn't feel safe here, despite being surrounded by people I knew.
All it would take is for Solanine to hunt me down and barge through the door to find me here, and I'd be powerless to stop him.
That bastard. He had a hold over me that others never had.
That sly prick. I'd wipe that smarmy smile off his face one of these days.
My body jolted when the door creaked open and someone slipped in. It remained open, showing that the door was crowded with curious faces.
"Phillius" a soft voice came "I'm here."
Shie sat on the edge of the bed closest to me, placing the back of her hand on my forehead before sweeping it down my cheek.
She made me feel safe. I knew she wouldn't do anything to me. We were connected. I could feel her worry stewing inside me.
"My poor Phillius" she plucked my hair away from my face while holding out the abandoned leg that someone took swiftly "what have they done to you?"
Nothing. Honestly, I'm fine.
I liked the way she doted over me. Her warmth was like my mother's whenever I got sick. She'd encourage me out of my room, wrap me up in one of her itchy blankets, and feed me soup or hot water mixed with lemon juice to make me better.
Shie didn't have offerings of food. All she had was her love, and that was enough.
"Let's get you off that wall and down somewhere comfortable" she smiled to me.
Two others immediately rushed in to help her slide me down. Shie curled up on the bed beside me, still stroking my face.
"You did a very good job" she whispered to me "I'm very proud of you."
Oh. She actually felt that way? Don't make me cry now. Not in front of her.
Tears slid down my face that she wiped up. Her warm smile gazed on me lovingly.
"Phillius, I know where you went. You were so brave to go through that alone."
She shuffled over so her lap could serve as my pillow. Her hands still ran circles in my hair and brushed my face.
"Sleep. I'll be here for you."
I couldn't. I'd be in the darkness again. The screams would be louder.
As exhausted as I was, I couldn't shut it all out. It was always there, buzzing in my head or screaming out whenever a noise sounded too familiar.
Shie slid her hand into the pocket of her dress and shook a tiny bottle she held.
"This will make it quiet" she explained as she screwed off the dropper lid and syphoned up some white liquid "for as long as you need it to be."
No! I couldn't go back there!
I whimpered when Shie pried open my lips and then my mouth so easily. She kept her fingers pressed into my cheeks so that I was ready for her.
"It'll be okay" she soothed, squeezing in the full dropper "you'll be back to yourself in no time."
Placing the vial away, Shie closed my mouth and gently stroked my face.
Instantly, her touch felt odd. It was slippery instead of comforting. It ran on my skin like ice, rolling over and over through my melting body.
What did she give me?
"Shh, don't fight it" her voice was suddenly too loud "sleep, Phillius."
Her fingers ran over my eyes gently. It felt like butterflies fluttering over them, smearing coldness as they went.
A yawn blew through me, and I felt my body slackening under her touch.
There was white fog surrounding Shie. It swirled when she moved her head hovering over me.
Was that always there? She looked angelic.
For once, I wasn't worried. Nothing worried me anymore. The darkness was comforting and cool.
"Sleeve, Phills" Shie shushed me when I grabbed for the fabric of her dress around me "it wilt right."
Her fingers pressed my eyes together. I couldn't open them, even without her gentleness running over them.
But, I was happy. It was nice here. It didn't make sense, but words weren't needed anymore.
"Latsit. Eel ax."
Comfort blanketed me now. I felt weightless within it, smothered in the softest of blankets and solidified in safety.
This was nice. All of the stress melted off my bones and into nothingness.
"Leap."
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Comfort still swamped me when my eyes focused into the room again.
A fluffy grey blanket had been thrown over and tucked around me. The door was cracked open a little, and I could smell the scent of bourbon sauce stinging my nostrils.
It burned down my throat at how strong it was and made me cough.
Rolling, I saw the cupboard was open and lined with a half filled cup of water, a damp cloth, and several packets of food. Jelly beans spilled out of one, threatening to roll onto the floor.
They looked very tempting. The blanket still weighed me down as my brain tried to knock itself out of sleep that kept sliding my eyes closed with each blink.
Everything was fine. Apart from the droziness, I felt.... happy. There was no pain and I was somewhere between reality and unconsciousness.
It was kind of funny. I could smile at that at least.
I could move my arms now too. They slid across the naked bed beneath the blanket that tickled me. My fingers wiggled like worms when I flexed them to test how numb they would be.
My legs moved too. My feet flexed up and down, making me smile again when I felt every sensation through me.
I was alive again! I had pulled through that terrifying numbness.
Swallowing was difficult though. My throat was stuffed with sandpaper. Even trying to talk made it scrape every inch with fire.
I needed that water, but I couldn't lift my head for more than a few seconds.
Maybe the door? Or would I have to wait until someone eventually remembered me?
"G...." I choked out "gu..."
It was only a little rasp. It sounded like the dying breath of an animal crushed on the road.
I was starting to bake under this blanket. Everything was slowly melting into harshness again.
The smell hit my throat again, making me choke. I spluttered as laughter rang out in the kitchen.
There were footsteps heading for the stairs. Now was my chance.
"H...EY!" I cried out.
The effort tore my throat up but it made the feet pause and trace thier way back to my door.
"Philly?"
It creaked open and I smiled to the blurred face looking inside.
"HEY! PHILLY'S AWAKE!"
The laughter died down to be resolved with chatter. More feet stomped over and more blurred faces bundled by the door comically.
I coughed out a laugh, smiling to Ransom who barged in to peel the blanket from me.
The cool air hit me immediately and made the sweat on my body freeze over. It was refreshing, but also left me shaking.
"W...." I pointed to the glass.
"Water? Yeah, sure."
Ransom rushed for it and returned to lift me up into sitting on the end of the bed. I wavoured, feeling my head not quite balancing the way it should.
"You've been dead to the world" Ransom chuckled when I noisily slurped the stale water "I was getting worried if you'd be in bed forever."
Man, it was nice. It felt like I had only closed my eyes and opened them again. No time had passed since taking the mysterious liquid.
"They fixed up your holes too while you were out" he explained when my fingers trailed to the pulling of my skin further down "and I made sure you were OK."
The glass. He had been trickling some down my throat while I was asleep. I didn't even remember that.
"How do you feel?"
"Pretty good" I smiled again at the emptiness of my mind.
"Well, at least he's not a zombie anymore" someone added with a laugh.
"Let's get you up" Ransom placed the empty glass on the floor so he could grab me with a grunt "a little help, please?"
Sparrow came to my right to sling my arm around his shoulders so Ransom could do the same for my left.
"Hey" I grinned at Sparrow "I saw you again."
"You're out of it" he giggled back "focus on walking."
Each leg I placed was like they had been inflated and stuffed with dough. My feet felt too fat for the floor and my legs had tiny rods to support them other than bones.
"Guys!" I grinned to the door and it's heads coming into focus now "you came!"
"He's riding the good shit" Arson snickered.
His yellow eyes were so pretty. They stood out from the others watching me.
I tried to reach out and grab them when we passed, giggling at my failed attempt.
"Chuck him in the nook" Sparrow spoke around me to Ransom "he'll have something behind him to keep his head up."
"I don't need that" I snorted when they carried me closer "I've got you guys."
I was turned and lowered, making the world spin before coolness stabilized me.
The kitchen was right there. Rush hovered over a stove, smiling when he saw me so close.
"Good! I need a taste tester!" he exclaimed before rummaging for a fork he loaded and bought over to me.
Shredded meat was speared through it, burning my eyes with the smoke that stung of the bourbon sauce.
"Here. Let me know what you think" he breathed and held his hand beneath my mouth to catch anything I might drop.
My mouth burned from the sauce that touched my tongue and sizzles on it. The meat fell apart perfectly. I could taste the smoke itself embedded into it that had a light charcoal flavour. The meat was just like beef; tender, juicy, and made me crave more.
"It's amazing" I gasped through my burning breath "but I do....need water."
"Right" he chuckled as he went to grab me some "I may have gone a bit overboard with the sauce just a touch."
I guzzled it down gratefully and was promptly offered more.
"You're amazing" I grinned over the cup to Rush who looked flustered at the compliment.
"Don't get your dick in a twist. He's still high from the drugs."
Talio lowered himself beside me and pulled me over so I was leaning against him. I gazed up at his face scowling to Rush, breathing at the scar I reached up to run my fingers along.
"You're so beautiful" I crooned to the dark scar "like chocolate mudcake."
"Gee, thanks" I saw the little smile when he pulled my fingers from his face to lay back in my lap.
"I could eat you" I giggled, trying to gnaw on his arm.
"Control yourself" he flashed the smile again and held my head back "you're being silly."
"I feel wonderful!" I exclaimed "like.... nothing!"
There was nothing. It was all just so good and relaxing being here.
"I'm just making sure no-one takes advantage of your stupid state, that's all" he grumbled back.
"Like we would" Rush scoffed "he's cute when he's high, in a silly way, of course."
Talio grumbled and rubbed my arm while still holding onto me.
This was nice. He was so warm. The dark scar was still distracting me though. Same with the faint smell of tangy bay leaves on his skin.
"Where have you been?" I poked him.
It smelled amazing. I needed it for myself.
"Well, I've been watching you make a fool of yourself with the wrong people" he huffed back "ignoring me while dancing off with a Blood Demon or Ransom or who knows what other dickhead out there. I thought you were going to get your shit together and come back to me?"
"Remember" Rush warned from the kitchen "he's high. He's not in the right mind."
"Will you stop listening?" Talio growled, peering to the others gathered in thier own areas and groups to make sure they weren't eavesdropping too.
"I'd never be mad at you, Mudcake" I touched his cheek to feel the silk there before he squeezed my hand "Oxy was just being fun. He needed my help."
"What on earth with?" Talio snapped under his breath now "what would make you want to stab yourself for someone like him?"
"I'm not telling" I pouted back "it's secret. Shhh."
He dropped my hand and turned his face from me.
"Everyone will die if I tell you" I mumbled to him, frowning "no, only you and me, him, them, them, them, them, and them" I pointed to the closest people
Was that nine? Six babies and three adults?
I snorted, giggling at how silly it all was.
Talio looked to Rush who glanced to the others nearby.
"Hey, why don't you have some more food?" he grinned, bringing back the fork "you must be starving."
"What the hell are you doing?" Talio hissed as I took the meat happily.
"Obviously the Oath is something pretty deep if he's keeping it from you. You shouldn't go prying when he's like this."
I opened my mouth wide to take the big helping.
"Is he going to tell me any other time?" Talio huffed back "I'm spilling my bloody heart out to him and he's just dodging around me like it's some damn game."
"Don't be that guy" Rush moaned to him as he took the fork back.
Talio glanced down to me then sighed and looked back down at me.
"How is it?"
I nodded, making noises to show I loved it.
"Just let him come to you when he's ready" Rush shrugged "you can't force it out of him."
Talio grumbled, rubbing my arm again to keep me warm.
"Sorry" he muttered, pulling me close "I shouldn't have done that."
I just snuggled into his side, enjoying the comfort of it all.
This was nice.
"Did you want to go somewhere where it's less noisy?"
It wasn't even that loud here. I saw Talio look around, avoiding my eyes, as he waited for an answer.
Did he want me in his room?
My throat grew dry again as I grabbed his hand.
"It is a little loud" I played along to his smile.
"Can you walk?"
I wasn't game to try, even with the fog lifting from my brain. Talio wrapped his arm around my waist to lift me and give me the support I still needed as I carefully walked by his side.
"Do you need help?" Arson called from the table. Dashiell and Plague were with him, ready to jump into action.
"I've got it" Talio replied shortly, baring his teeth to Ransom who stopped in his tracks on his way to help me.
"I've got you" Talio murmered when we took the stairs one at a time.
His lips pressed to my head, making my gut bubble.
Was I still dreaming? This felt too good to be true.
We carefully climbed together, cautiously making our way to his door he opened for me.
Talio made sure it was closed behind him and that the blanket on the bed was smoothed down before I was sat on it.
"I'll keep you safe" he mumbled when I leant against him, feeling his arms wrap around me tightly before more kisses trailed on the side of my cheek and head "always, Phillius."
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