I thought I killed him.
Three days and he was still just laying there where he had when I had sewn the skin of his hacked arm together.
Tor was the same. He hadn't moved either.
They both just laid in the cracked dirt that had soaked up the blood around them.
Still, life had to go on.
Ever fed the kitten the best he could while he ventured further and further to try and find proper milk for it constantly demanding for it.
I returned what supplies were left to Scalpel, still promising to get him better ones.
The family was still trying to move on. With the walls so empty, Carrion was rolling a fresh coat of light yellow paint through the kitchen to help disguise the water marks and blood peeling at the edges there.
I visited Oxalis to break the Oath we had made over more cups of hot coffee. With no-one left in his family or mine to sacrifice in thier places, there was no point in keeping a desperate empty promise.
Cutting the skin open over the hole voided our ties in blood.
Oxalis would always be there to lend a hand if things got dire again, but agreed to take a step back from our lives so we could figure them out again.
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It was eight days before the first hopeful signs of life flickered into Sparrow's eyes.
He was still too weak to lift himself from the ground, but smiled hopefully up at me.
Tor, being larger and having lost more blood, was barely moving. His fingers twitched randomly, but that was it. It was like he was trying to join his brother even in unconsciousness.
With Sparrow now trying to recover, Ever was left with the duty to keep both of them safe.
Since the amputation, he had been moving the severed arms to make it appear that Sparrow and Tor were still roaming as they were before.
With the flesh and dangling veins steadily decaying, it was only a matter of time before the method wouldn't work anymore.
Ever was already starting to struggle with moving the arms out of disgust of touching the cold, sagging skin barely holding onto its own form.
Despite obviously not being in the light of Tor's eye, he'd do anything to keep them both safe now that all three were rid of the chokehold the Base had over them.
Once Sparrow and Tor were on thier feet, they'd all be gone, and I would have no reason to keep coming here every morning.
I'd miss it, but it'd be for the best. They could live the lives that we couldn't.
Ever could clearly keep his family fed and protected alone. I was only here out of what I felt was my duty to Sparrow as one of his old brothers.
But, that was done now.
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Shuffling back to the room, I felt lost.
There was nothing else for me to do now that the family in the field was almost ready to leave.
My own were still eyeing off possible replacements. I didn't bother. To me, nobody could replace those who we were still trying to paint over and shove deep down.
Now, Talio was just a name I thought of through bubbling sadness.
I didn't want to burden Ransom with it. I already felt guilty that he was there to help mend the hole through his soft words and hands when Talio should have been instead.
He didn't feel pain, but I should have been there to hold him when he died. It was all just guilt and unfulfilled scenarios that pricked my mind until Ransom swatted it away with a call to help him with his crosswords or a hopeful massage to ease his pain.
Honestly, without him, I'd probably follow in Dashiell's footsteps.
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Two weeks had passed before old lives started to run into our new ones.
I was in the kitchen, picking off bacon from the plate Carrion was setting it onto.
He had his keepsake from Rush around his neck and hidden down his deep green singlet. I could see the familiar shape of one of the vials I had given to Scalpel long ago sitting on his chest. The chain itself was a cheap one that had been threaded through it and what hung around Carrion's thick neck.
Another was the apron he wore. It was a ridiculously frilly thing with a rounded hem and large pocket on the front. There was flowers and kittens printed across it; given as an old gift to Rush from his old life that he kept as a joke. He liked to wear it with particularly messy foods so that the grease could fade out the pattern; obvious from the large patches already bled through it down the front.
Carrion swatted my hand with the greasy tongs when I sneakily reached for more, smirking when I recoiled and sucked on my aching fingers instead.
Ransom sat in the nook, snorting at me being caught out over his book.
He said the crosswords kept his mind active in a place like this. Other than cards and Missions, there wasn't much else to do outside other hobbies that might be dragged in out of boredom.
Blight was surprisingly good at origami.
Since buying a book on it, he had taken to folding up little paper roses for Shie to add to her growing collection.
With paper nowhere near scarce, his folded gifts lasted much longer and were cheaper than the real things sitting in a vase on her bedside table.
Shie sat there at the table with Blight, trying to copy him in his hushed instructions. Watching her struggle with the complicated folds only amused Carrion who snapped the tongs at my face when I dove in to steal a strip of bacon in his distraction.
"Shie eats first" he snapped my arm when I slid down off the bench to avoid the hot fat "stop being so greedy!"
"It's two bits out of the whole pile" Ransom rolled his eyes back "it's nothing."
I snapped off the crispy end and passed the rest of the strip to Ransom who smiled and waved it to Carrion as he bit it.
"You're just jealous you aren't getting fed any."
Carrion huffed and turned back to the spitting pan, muttering something.
Ransom giggled, nudging me.
"Go grab some more" he egged me on "that'll really make him mad."
"I can't do that!" I snickered back and shoved Ransom aside so I could squeeze in beside him "you do it."
"I'm too sore" he moaned and laughed when I called out his lie with a shove.
Our loud laughter caught the attention of Carrion who glared to us and started piling up a paper plate to take over to the table.
I watched him push the stack of oragami paper out of the way so be could place the pile in the middle of the table.
"You two" he pulled out the seats "stop being stupid and come eat."
Ransom pushed me back down when I went to get up, giggling when he rushed for the table ahead of me.
Carrion passed us to head back for the kitchen to load up another paper plate he piled more under so he could grab out two bottles of sauce to balance back to us.
A plate was slid first to Shie, then Blight, himself, me, then Ransom.
Carrion stopped behind Ransom still focused on his book and tapped the sauce on his head before placing it on the table.
"Twenty-one down is expo" Carrion muttered down to him "not fair."
Ransom let out a surprised noise as he scratched over the answer and flashed a smile to him returning to his seat.
Blight held out his hand for the book that Ransom begrudgingly handed over so that the hobbies could be put aside for food.
"So, I found a couple that I thought was good for us" Carrion started up as soon as Shie stacked her plate "but the guy already has a partner."
Blight let the air escape between his teeth as he reached for the meat.
"We aren't going to do that again" he shook his head.
"I figured" Carrion replied casually "so I left it."
"Well, I found a young one not too long who joined the Base" Blight pointed his meat to Carrion "frightened little thing. Didn't have a clue what was going on."
"Like you?" Ransom nudged me.
"I wasn't that bad" I scoffed back and filled my plate, doubting myself instantly.
The smiles and chuckles told me otherwise.
"He's name is Revel. Young thing; a bit inexperienced and skittish to me."
"He could warm up in a safer setting" Shie commented "like Phillius."
I blushed at the mention and focused on my food.
"We'll see" Blight only said.
"And what about you two?" Carrion asked us now "find anyone?"
Ransom looked to me then the others.
"Well, there was this one, but it was a girl" he spoke up as he bit into his bacon "and I'm pretty sure I saw the same guy Carrion did."
"Probably" he smirked "he wasn't hard to miss."
They laughed amongst themselves and I was painfully aware of how much I had failed the family yet again.
"Philly?" Blight noticed my quietness "what about you?"
"There's just so many people that I can't really tell" I complained back in shame "it's harder than it looks to pick out one particular demon in a crowd of them."
"So, no" Carrion noted "that's all you had to say."
Blight sighed, softening at me.
"If it's hard for you, I can help teach you what you are looking for?"
I mumbled out a thanks and shrugged, chosing not to fight back on the issue I was trying to avoid.
"I thi k it might be easier for all of us if we look elsewhere" Shie suggested to the table "outside is a lot larger than in here."
"And a lot more dangerous" Blight scowled.
"A fair few of our family originally came from out there, including us" Shie pushed aside Blight's unease to place her hand on his "the Dead Side and the outside are very good hunting grounds."
She looked like she was thrilled by the idea. Maybe the allure of the unknown stirred something inside her that captivity couldn't?
"We don't have the space to be letting in any old demon of the dirt" Carrion huffed and jerked a thumb to the door "the boss has a limit. We have to stick to it until he pulls his finger out of his arse and finds us a proper home."
"Is that the deal?" I questioned now.
"Good soldiers for a good home" Ransom mumbled to me "plus he gets to keep two when we leave as payment."
"Still seems like a dream to me" Carrion leaned back "it's already been far too long to scout out a proper place we could do ourselves in a week. We've got four strong males, it'd be easy."
Ransom shrugged with Blight.
"We still have a roof and walls to keep us safe" Shie smiled "for now, we will have to be patient and keep our fingers crossed."
Carrion huffed again, his lip curling.
"Seems just a bit stupid to me" he muttered "any one of us could be next if we stay here."
Our eyes met each others with worry before settling on Shie.
"Maybe...." Blight hesitated, glancing to Carrion tearing his bacon aggressively "....maybe we should just....slip away?"
"Sparrow and Tor did it" I added "all it took was an axe and some fishing line from Scalpel. If we did it one by one, we could get past the system. Pretend it's a Mission we just drop off from."
Shie's brow furrowed. She stared at her plate now and bit her lip.
"It'd be too dangerous" she whispered, glancing at the roof in the direction of Eagle's office.
"We can't just stay put" Carrion whispered now as he leant forward.
"We can't" she pleeded him "as much as we should, we have to stay."
It was just like Stone's verdict all over again. Only this time, the sight of Shie on the verge of tears had everyone in temporary truce.
"We should but until we have a home and hold up our end of the bargain, we can't" she finished "we don't want this place following us once it's all over. We will dissappear then."
So, the Band cutting was still on the table. The days of having both limbs in our Skins was now numbered.
"For now, we will enjoy this food, figure out our next move, and keep the peace" Shie breathed with a forced smile "until we are outside these walls, we must not do anything hasty."
All eyes turned to Carrion who scoffed.
"What?!" he cried out at all of us "I'll be good, damn!"
"Phillius" Blight warned now when Ransom and Shie giggled at him "you've got a knack of getting into trouble too. You need to keep your head down, ok?"
I looked to Carrion who smirked smugly that he wasn't the only one getting heat for his actions now.
"I'll stay out of thier way" I replied in defeat.
"He's enemies with Solo. He's worse than me" Carrion pointed with his bacon.
"Fuck off I am!" I threw a strip at him that he snatched up from the table and ate triumphantly.
"Throw another one!" he jeered, mouth ready "that'll really teach me!"
Shie snorted and giggled as I licked a strip and pelted it at his face harshly before he snapped down on it, chewing and moaning at my sounds of disgust.
"There's no winning with him" Ransom smirked at Carrion still trying to goad me into sacrificing more food.
His antics and accompanying laughter were so loud that the soft knock on the door was almost missed until Carrion turned towards it.
"It's probably that Relish guy coming to beg you to let him in" he dismissed it as Blight got up to answer it.
Ransom took the chance to smear a piece of meat in suace that he pelted against Carrion's turned head to make it stick to his cheek.
"Oh, ho! Is that how you're going to do it?" Carrion laughed darkly back, getting up out of his seat to rush to Ransom's.
Ransom tried to escape but Carrion grabbed the sauce to squeeze it all over the plate below him and hold Ransom's resisting head towards it as he laughed and begged for mercy.
"You can do it!" I egged Ransom on "beat him!"
Ransom landed a few blows into Carrion's legs that barely recoiled. Aiming for his groin, he was missing every tender shot that would have released him.
"Guys!" Blight called.
"We're busy!" Carrion called out without taking his eyes from Ransom.
"It's Rush!"
Carrion instantly eased up on Ransom's head that lifted up to the door. I turned in my chair too to see the familiar face smile sheepishly back from under a dirty black hoodie and stained black longs.
Shie was first to her feet to hurry over. Ransom took the chance to strike Carrion in the groin who doubled over briefly, shoving Ransom on his hobble to the door I was already racing for.
"Come in! We've missed you so much!" Blight breathed and tried to pull Rush into a hug who took a few small steps back.
"I'm only here for a little" his arms hugged himself "I came to see my brother."
Silence. I could feel the tension in the air between out smothered bodies stacked around the door.
"Is he here?" Rush tried to look past us with worry.
"He walked" Carrion uttered softly "said he'd keep going straight until he found you or the parasite took him."
Rush's face softened into a sad smile and nodded.
"I'll find him. He'll be safe with me."
"You can be safe with us too!" Carrion blurted as he shoved past me to be closer to him "we can take care of you unt...."
"It wouldn't be right" Rush smiled sadly again and pulled his own hands away when Carrion tried to reach for them "I'm not what I was."
He wasn't. I could see the broken teeth when he talked and the enlarged pupils that took in each of us as the parasite slowly took over his body.
"I'm not the same" he whimpered.
"Rush" Carrion reached again but saw the recoil "look, take this. It'll help you more than me."
Carrion dipped his head so he could pull off the necklace that Rush gasped at.
"No! I made that f..."
"And you can keep it until I find you again" Carrion smiled back.
I peered up at the desperation printed across Carrion's face. In that moment, I knew he was serious about what he was saying. Even when we were out of here, his heart would still lay with the one losing themselves to something else.
He didn't see that danger, or just chose not to acknowledge it. He'd try and have as much time as he could with the thing that could kill him.
The little vial dangled between them before Rush finally untucked his hands to quickly snatch it up to hide it.
For that brief moment, I saw the skin around his fingernails had turned black. It was shredded, as if he had tried to strip it off with his own teeth.
"I'm sorry" Rush whimpered to Shie.
"I still love you regardless" she whispered.
Rush nodded, blinking tears.
"I can't stay" he muttered with a glance to his right "I just wanted to...."
He swallowed loudly and nodded to himself.
"I'll find him."
"And I'll find you both" Carrion vowed "tell me where you are. I can help you."
Rush's smile crept back before he glanced again, prompting me to squeeze between Carrion and Ransom to check the area that was deserted.
"I've got to go" Rush said, grimacing "I can't say. I..."
It was like he was being called. He backed up while trying to savour the sight of us before he suddenly started sprinting for the stairs.
"WAIT!" Carrion gasped out, shoving against us "HANG ON!"
"Carrion!" Blight hissed to him and snatched onto his shoulder to stop him from bolting after Rush "you'll have the whole Base down on him if you go yelling out like that!"
"We can't just let him leave!" he threw a hand up.
"He can't exactly stay either!" Ransom bit out "remember what happened last time?"
Carrion scowled in the direction and whined, growling at being held back by the truth.
"Move" he only grunted as he barged back through the doorway already being cleared for him.
I watched Carrion storm his way to the stairs to slam a fist into the wall beside before charging out of sight.
"Give him time to cool off" Ransom spoke to me "he's always a bit extreme when he's upset."
I didn't want to be around that. It was swirling up painful memories I had been avoiding until now.
My worry made it clear to him. I didn't feel safe here anymore. I needed to be in control of a situation that wasn't spiraling into the possibility of violence.
So, I did what I do best.
I promised Ransom I would stay safe, lingered on Shie and Blight with a reassuring smile, and marched my way up to Eagle's office to take a Mission that would make it all go away.
Anything to make it all better.
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