I had never studied my own shit so hard before in my life.
And it was stressful; to put it simply.
After confirming I wasn't suddenly shitting blood, I flush it away and watched it swirl down.
I only watched it because I didn't want to turn around and face what was waiting for me at the open bathroom door.
Why did he have to fucking follow me?
"You done?" I snapped to the man as I washed my hands and flicked the dripping water in its face "keeping eyes on me now?"
"Something like that" he smirked, leaning there.
I didn't even know when he had turned back, and honestly didn't give a shit. He had been hot on my heels since I left the makeshift hospital downstairs and was told to find my own room and clean up.
And I only followed the orders because I knew I needed strength before scouting out exits.
What kind of place set up kidnapped people in thier own rooms anyway? It was like a glorified motel hidden underground.
I had to snort at the absurdity of it all.
Here I had been fretting about rent and all that, when they had everyone shacked up here for free. 121Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPFcKRZtv5Z
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I was still living with my nutjob mum after all.
This place had running water, electricity, a comfortable bed; even fucking cans of food... it was all here.
All I had to do was be kidnapped to enjoy it all.
And all I had to do was lose the damn security too.
"Should I call you Driver or Solanine now?" I pondered when I ran a finger over the clean surface of the kitchen benches to my left "or will 'Fuckwit' do instead?"
I saw his eyes dart up dangerously and fix coldly on my back as I turned the taps to check the water in the sink piled with dishes was still working.
"Solanine is fine" he replied and walked briskly to the tall cupboard nestled in the left corner of the room to feel the blank wall beside it.
I let him do his own thing, crossing over to the room opposite the open kitchen area to the ajar door there.
When I peered inside, everything was dark. 121Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxqogJWGOiX
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It didn't take long for my eyes to adjust to see why the room was vacant.
The bed pressed to the wall was drenched in blood. The blankets gleemed from the stale blood soaked through to the mattress underneath. Some of it had even pooled onto the floor in a dark, tacky puddle; undisturbed.
How long had they been here?
I didn't want to look closer at the blood sprayed along the wall behind the bed, or the way the body was spread there in old clothes; ravaged and torn into by beasts lurking within these walls.
I had met one of them already. I did not want to go poking into what could pin me in the hands of another.
"Rough" a voice whispered beside my ear.
"Can you not!?" I growled at it, backing away from the man leaning on this frame to peer in "I don't need you here!"
I had felt him inhale my scent again before I had pulled away, sending scuttering chills all over my threaded neck and down my body.
He only chuckled and looked back at me briefly, still focused on the murder scene blocking my way to the cupboard opposite the bed.
I needed clean clothes since mine had been torn from me. I only had a scratchy, thin blanket from the hospital to cover myself with. I wanted to feel shielded from his disgusting, hungry gaze every time he acknowledged me. I needed to cover what broken pride I had left.
There wasn't a lot left, that was for sure. It had been left back in the sticks amongst those trees.
I needed clothes. I needed a shower. I needed food.
All in that order. Then once this fucker left me alone, I would find a gap and slip out undetected.
It would be simple.
I already had this place mapped out too.
The stairs leading from downstairs were in the top right corner of this square room. Beside them was the bedroom where Solanine stood. On the back wall was the bathroom and toilet, and the whole left side was the kitchen benches, kitchen sink, and the cupboard with the gap beside it that turned out to be where a whole table and connected chairs had been pulled from. 121Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMaUq2AjZQE
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The back wall only had a pullout clothesline that held crispy clothes on it. It had no other purpose and didn't hide any other rooms behind it.
And downstairs. Whoever that person was that lived here before, they didn't care about material things.
The stairs I had shamefully tumbled up only had some sort of boarded up room beneath its sloping surface.
Beside that was only an old couch covered with a blanket and stained pillow that faced a table with an odd boiler on it beside the door.
Simple.
Solanine finally entered the room, and I felt my breath hitch uncomfortably.
I crept over to the door, hiding around the frame when I peeked in to see him running a finger along the soaked sheets on his journey to the other side of the bed.
My eyes darted to the open closet, then to Solanine, who was staring at me.
I needed those clothes. But something worse than a murder scene was stopping me now.
"You want a bite too?" he offered, sticking his stained finger into his mouth that puckered at the taste "old; maybe three or four days, but it'll do for now."
"You can tell that by taste?" I wondered, pulling myself back around the doorframe angrily.
There was no time to be impressed. The guy was a fucking rapist; your rapist, and a godamn monster! Of course he could pick up on those things!
I heard the snap and squelch when the mutilated skin on the neck peeled away in Solonine's fingers like pages from a book. I didn't know a body with so much blood already lost could keep bleeding like that. It ran over his fingers and down the corpse to add to the drenched sheets beneath it.
"So, you're a cannibal too?" I breathed in shock when he used his teeth to rip violenntly at the skin he gripped.
His teeth were coated crimson when they smiled back at me.
The way he tore into it reminded me of a wild animal ripping apart a slab of raw meat.
"Being a cannibal would imply a human eating a human" he grinned before sucking up the end of the skin flap dribbling down his arm "I'm flattered I have you so fooled."
I said nothing as I slid my feet across the safety of the doorframe and into the room.
With him... eating... I could take advantage of his distraction and enjoy the heat of a soothing hot shower in peace. I didn't want him coming anywhere near me while I was at my most vulnerable again.121Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiHSg1Y0X49
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His ever-watching eyes already made it clear he had an appitite that couldn't be sated.
"You really are just going to wear some dead guys clothes like that?" his voice piped up when I ruffled through the squashed sea of jumpers "disrespectful."
"Says the guy eating him" I snapped to the jumpers, finnding the pants in drawers underneath "and you lecture me on disrespect."
I heard him suck each finger clean. I grit my teeth and pushed on for the shirts hanging beside the jumpers.
"His soul isn't going anywhere. Normally, it would be recycled into the next life, but I have no children to pass it to."
"Thank God for that. Something done right."
"I will never have any to pass it on to."
I turned with my new outfit and saw Solonine sitting beside the corpse glumly. He tore up another hunk of blubbery flesh to pierce into with his teeth, avoiding my eyes.
To hell with his feelings. I didn't give a fuck about him or his sadness of not having another arsehole to raise up as something he would call a child.
The man was a literal monster. He didn't deserve happiness. He didn't deserve anything.
"Good" I snapped when I hurried past the bed "maybe now you can die alone like you are meant to."
Where was this newfound courage coming from? My words were shaky and my heart was thundering in my choked throat, but I was expressing my actual feelings.
I never did that. Work was the only other place I ever went, and that was with a quiet mouth and loud thoughts. People were arseholes, but I had to be the better one below them. The quiet and obedient one...
But I wasn't there anymore. I was in a new place that made me feel things I never wanted to feel again. It was making me angry at the world, and that was making my words bitter.
I liked being obedient. Obedient was safe. But here...
"Say that again!"
His words were literal snarls. They rattled my already shocked senses and fired panicked thoughts into my brain that staggered me backwards when he stormed toward me.
Immediently, my hands came up to protect me. The clothes and blanket dropped to the ground he crumpled beneath his feet. 121Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm4UZGmAi0T
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His hand found my throat, slamming my head down onto the table. 121Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNMrFjDjtNS
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My whole body was bent over with him beside me. I was helpless and sobbing again, just like I had been before he raped me.
"I don't have a choice in this!" he hissed into my face "you think I like hurting you? Huh?"
His hand gave me room, only so he could slam my head down again to emphasize his words.
I rubbed my head against the slick wood in agreement.
"Y-yes" I choked out.
"No!" he snapped and instantly released me, stepping back "no, I don't!"
"B-but you d-did" I blabbered back through the agony jerking my body through ugly noises and shallow breaths "you h-hurt me!"
His eyes softened when he just looked at me sobbing and cowering before him. I couldn't move, not because my sudden strength had left me, but because I was terrified of what he would do if I turned my back with him behind me.
He would do it again. He said he wouldn't, but he did. He lied, and he was going to lie again so he could be back inside me.
The cold fear shivering across my skin seared with heat that streamed down my legs and ran between my toes.
"Did... you just piss yourself?" he frowned.
I said nothing. There wasn't even words when his hand grabbed my arm to try and steer me to the bathroom, instantly releasing when I cried out and jerked away.
"I was only doing what I was told" he spoke, his face growing serious "I had to find you and break you in. It's my job, Baby Bird."
"Don't call me that!" I wailed out when the strength I needed still didn't return "It's Birdie! B-Birdie! Birdie! Birdie!"
"Birdie, listen" he soothed when he saw how distressed I was, immediently dropping the kindness for a bitter scowl and hard hands on my wrists "Birdie! Listen to me! It's not your name anymore!"
"It is! IT IS!"
"ITS NOT! NOT NOW!" he roared back at my whines, shaking my arm with the odd band on it "this is what decides for you; THIS, OK? You're one of them now; just a nameless nobody waiting for thier next job! You have no name! You aren't Birdie anymore!"
No. If I wasn't Birdie, then I wasn't the son my mother would eventually realise was missing. I wasn't the guy behind the checkouts that smiled all the time and was a little too forgettable and outspoken. I would have no-one looking for me because they couldn't find me. They would be searching for someone who didn't exist. 121Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7CPc0JMhsU
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But I existed. 121Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3yD0fcU9pY
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I was right here, waiting for that rescue and ordinary life to come rushing back with open arms. 121Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9lFUCYowbv
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I wanted to be boring and predictable again. I wanted to be Birdie; the guy who lived at home with his crazy mum and never got out of his comfort zone.
"I know who I am" I scowled back at him and tore my hands away so they could snatch up the clothes instead and hold them close "I'm not yours or anyone else's. I'm a human being."
I marched over to the bathroom and slammed the door shut. 121Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ05pbP6cxZq
121Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLDuvSe5c0F
With bravery no longer required, I broke down and let the pain of it all out as I blindly reached out for the warmth of the shower in the hope that it would make me feel something again.
Solonine was covered in gore down his front when I emerged again with warmth and clarity running through me. 121Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTcu3hjCjHO
121Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIRwZlryqtS
He sat at the table, licking his dripping fingers, while the others clutched a bulging garbage bag beside him.
"Cleaned your mess up" he commented as I went to inspect the cans in the cupboard behind him "certaintly not the best I've had."
"Disgusting" I muttered, turning a can of baked beans absentmindedly before placing it back to pick up another.
"Well, no use letting good food go to waste" he shrugged as I settled on canned ravioli "it was either him or you."
"Oh, so now you want to gut me?" I laughed at the absurdity of it when I sat opposite him with a fork "hilarious. I'll give you that."
His eyes focused on my fork, and he returned to licking his fingers clean.
"I'm doing you a damn favour. Least you can do is thank me."
I laughed again at him, making sure he heard and saw how snide I was being.
"Ill never thank you" I bit back.
"You're welcome" he smiled and stood up with the bag "you just said it."
"NOT TO YOU!" I shouted back to him when he quickly descended the stairs.
I waited, fork suspended above the can as I listened to the footsteps trudge downwards and out the slamming of the door. When I was sure they were gone, I abandoned the can to rush into the bedroom.
Now was my chance.
I dumped all the clothes I could get my hands onto into the environment bag I found crumpled in the cupboard corner. 121Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡacNgA76T4I
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Next, I rushed it to the bathroom to throw in the unused soap and toothpaste I dug from under the sink.
Cans were next. They were shoved onto the clothes, bulging and threatening to break the zip I pulled across hastily.
Was that everything? Was I missing anything?
No. That's all, I was sure of it. All I needed to do now was find a car and try and find out exactly where I was before heading home.
I looked down at my bare feet and grimaced.
The stones outside were going to hurt like an absolute bitch when I reached them again. Perhaps some shoes were a good idea after all.
With ducttaped thongs securely wrapped around my feet, I bolted downstairs and out the door.
I had to remain calm. If everyone else here saw I was running for it, they would follow.
I couldn't have burdens right now. I just needed to get home in one piece before that bastard returned. I would convince myself, and them, that I wasnt running away.
It didn't explain the bag over my shoulder, but it would hopefully buy me some precious time.
The place around me was insane. 121Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsiArRoO09A
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I passed endless doors on this floor; each one marked with a name or symbol. 121Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJTYVYZLJit
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I noticed some had been writen in blood that had long gone stale and turned brown. 121Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUxmdunHqra
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I quickly marched past one with my head down as the occupant inside scowled at me from the doorway.
Stairs. I was almost there.
I took them, still remaining as calm as I could when I hit the landing and followed the twist in it to reach the bottom floor.
I passed more people, each one with the same band on thier wrists. They only glanced at me on thier way past with friends.
The bottom floor opened into a large area where others sat on the ground or pulled tables up from beneath it.
The hospital was on the other side of the area while more doors lined behind me.
The middle of this hideaway was sectioned off by a huge concrete wall that held some sort of office at the top. It's window near the roof was the only thing that showed it wasn't just another room or blank divider.
I saw a face of a man behind the sheet of glass focused downwards. His black hair obscured majority of his face until he lifted it to acknowledge the two others standing opposite him.
I quickly tore my gaze away and focused on where the doorway to the tunnel I had taken here would be.
It was unguarded but used. Two others were already opening it up while chattering to each other heartily, giving me space and a welcome when I slipped past them into the darkness.
I was so close! I couldn't believe I had actually done it without being found out!
So close! So close!
And then the dirt of the door at the end of the tunnel pressed to my eager hands, crumbling away under my fingers.
Then the warmth enveloped them.
I stared up at the sun in disbelief and awe. I didn't even realise a new day had started while I had been kept in darkness. 121Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMSRvQPWQU2
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It was such a beautiful sight too. I let the tears run down my smile that soaked in the amazing feeling washing through me.
I had done it. I was on my way home!
The two I passed earlier emerged from the tunnel with thier own exclaims of joy at the warmth they shielded thier eyes from.
One used the yellow folder they held to shield thier face. I turned to them, realising that freedom was not on thier minds even though they clearly had it.
"Are you doing a Mission too?" one called out. Her orange hair was pulled into a wonky braid down her shoulder that she promptly flicked away. Her blood red eyes scanned over me and stopped on the bag I clutched with suspicion.
What did I say? What the hell was a Mission, and why were her eyes red like that? None of this was normal!
"He's new!" the companion with the folder slapped her with it. He had shaved hair that looked grey on the sides. The only part kept longer was the brown hair in a stripe down the middle. 121Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuA2SMTznIs
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Just like his friend, his eyes were blood red as well.
"I'm on a Mission" I nodded quickly when I realised they were not going to let me leave so easily "to find a car."
"A car?" the woman laughed, making my spirits dampen instantly "you are new! Come with us!"
"Really?" I blurted out in disbelief. 121Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhk4w9YzuJJ
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I tried to hide my renewed excitement but my giddy smile gave it away.
They were going to lead me to them. 121Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ZMNo9MLSc
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How blind and dumb did they have to be?!
Maybe I was just too cunning. I obviously had nothing to worry about here.
What had I been worried about? I was going to be home by tonight!
"You don't even have a name yet!" the woman exclaimed when she eyed the band on my wrist keeping a firm grip on the bag on my shoulder "so this is the first one?"
"I remember my first" the man sighed with a smile at the memory that faltered "what was it again?"
I snorted with the woman who shoved her friend playfully.
"The scouting, remember? You fell into a pit? Couldn't get out? I had to come rescue you?"
"Oh, yeah!" he snapped his fingers "that was the first? I thought we did ones before that?"
The woman shook her head and turned to me.
"What about you? What's your first one?"
"Obviously something simple" the man butted in as I opened my mouth "they wouldn't have sent him alone for anything else."
The woman agreed, taking the lead now as we snaked through surrounding trees.
I checked over my shoulder for Solonine or Knuckles and Blocker, but it was still clear.
"You nervous?" the man nudged me "leaving the nest for the first time?"
The nest? There was nothing homely about that damn place. 121Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfpVvNFq2o1
121Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4BNT3HkcTH
But that woman from my kidnapping had referred to it as her home as well. She believed in it while Solonine didn't.
Why would they call that place thier home and not thier real ones? How come they felt so comfortable here that they weren't even trying to escape like I was?
"Do you miss it all?" I asked while the woman made her way to a green tarp littered in leaves and twigs.
"My life?" the man frowned at me, holding his chin in thought "no. There is nothing to miss there."
"What! Why?" I cried out "you have to miss some part of it!"
"Do I?" he chuckled and rubbed the top of my head that I grumbled at "I'm part of the Base now, and I wouldn't change that for anything."
The.... Base? Is that what they called that place? Thier home?
"But you were kidnapped.... right?"
"Most of us are" the woman grunted when she wrapped up the tarp she had thrown from the white car sitting there "you were?"
I nodded.
"I'm supposed to be at work" I mumbled in realisation "packing bags; 'how may I help you?' and all that shit."
"Tough life!" the man laughed at me and slapped my back "oh, you'd still remember your real name then!"
"Birdie" I frowned back to him, climbing into the backseat when the woman opened the doors "wait, you don't even remember your own name?"
"Uh, it's... Emilia" the woman replied while starting up the car and reversing it around the trees.
"Seriously?" the man snorted at her from the front passenger seat "Emilia? That's what you are going with?"
"Well, what would you rather I be called?" she smirked back, spinning us around to face the gravel road we rolled down.
I quickly tugged across my seat belt while thiers went ignored.
"You look more like a Bailey or Sawara" he pondered aloud "something ethnic and beautiful."
I saw the woman blush and turn her smile to the path ahead.
"Flattery will only get you so far, mister."
"It'll get me far enough" he purred back with a kiss on her cheek.
So, that's why he didn't miss his old life. He had a new one here with someone he loved dearly. It was clear they were a couple. They had the same eyes that were only for each other.
I was kind of jealous. I had nothing like that waiting for me back home.
It seemed like this place was where you could be whoever you wanted to be. A new name meant a new start. 121Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbtIDyeX5c3
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I could be so much more than a bag packer dreaming of things outside my minimum wage.
But, no. I was going to do the right thing. I would leave the new starts and daydreams to the couple with blood red eyes and grey bands on thier wrists.
It wasn't long until we reached a town and pulled the car up in a parking lot outside a small cluster of shops branching from a supermarket.
I was relieved just to be within society again. Seeing people without marked wrists confirmed I was finally away from it all for good.
We were the only ones here who had these stupid things.
"I'll see you back at Base?" the man smiled warmly when I lifted myself out with my bag.
"Yeah" I smiled quickly back at him, scanning the area for any signs of police that were absent "I'll see you back there."
He beamed and ruffled up my hair again to make me narrow my eyes up at him.
"Just don't do anything stupid" he pointed a finger to me "be sensible."
What an odd statement coming from someone like him.
Was he worried about me? Someone he had only just met and knew nothing about?
No. I was reading too much into it. I was confusing kindness for friendship, like a moron. 121Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqse037RjX6
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I was clinging to what gave me this feeling of happiness inside. Anyone from that place could never do that.
"Stay safe" the woman smiled, taking her partner's hand in her own before walking away.
Stay safe.
I had nothing to worry about now. Of course I was going to be safe now that I was out of that hell hole.
I was finally free from it all.
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