I wish this was as simple as anonymous thinks it is, but it's not. It's DEFIANTLY not.
To forgive is, I do that without hesitation. Easily. If you want to bully someone around but still want them to like you an hour later, then I'm perfect.
But to forget...that is much deeper. That is MUCH harder. I cannot do that, I cannot just let someone go...I can't just forget.
People tell me "When you give, you give your all. Not just pieces. And most of the time, people don't give your all back when they go." And it's true. In ANY kind of relationship. Friendship. Relationship. Etc. I always give my all and care too much.
I'm stupid. A fool.
Some advice: do not give your all! When people leave they not only keep some of you, but they shred what parts they do give back.
In some of my issues before that got deleted, I discussed anger and people taking out anger from other things on the innocent bystander who is easiest to throw it at. I shared how I seemed to be that person a lot lately. I think that I am. I wouldn't always say "innocent" but defiantly "bystander" & "easiest to throw it at."
And guys, I'm sick of it. It hurts. And people don't care.
I am tired of saying sorry to people about things that ARE NOT MY FAULT.
I am tired of being stomped on and my heart shattering because of something stupid.
And especially, I am tired of fussing with people.
I am tired of being the ONLY ONE TRYING TO FIX SOMETHING.
So, I'm done.
I am already hurt for something that was not my fault, and I am not trying to fix it again because, for Gods sake, it wasn't my fault! And I already tried AND ITS ONLY MAKING IT WORSE TO TRY because I AM the ONLY one trying.
I wouldn't drop people for something as small, stupid, and insignificant as people drop me for.
People drop me for the dumbest things.
I think I need people who can go through LITTLE things without completely dropping me.
I want someone I can go through HARD things with and come out on the other side better than ever. Not destroyed.
So, I'm sorry you guys had to hear all this jumbled up stuff.
I just had to get it out. And everyone just says get over it. Forget it. And I can't. I just can't.
I can't forget people who mean a lot to me. I can't NOT care. And I'm tired of crying and pacing because it's not doing me any good.
And I'm beginning to think I could cry a whole river and pace the floor until the carpet wears off and I STILL COULDNT FIX IT.
It's damn sure not from lack of trying, though. I have tried. I really have.
© Madison B Barrett
ns 15.158.61.20da2
