It is finally Christmas. I haven’t spoken to Mark since our talk. I didn’t need a guy. I was fine by myself.
I was hanging out with my housemate. We shared gifts with each other and enjoyed snowy London. It had snowed for a few days now. I wondered if the world was actually ending.
My housemate gave me a nice dress as a present. I was kind of glad she did. I smiled at her and I slowly stood up.
“I have to go now, I told Peter I was going to meet him. He is getting his car back now. It has been in the garage for a couple of weeks.” I said. Lis grabbed some ice-cream, and clicked play on The Grinch.
“I dunno which garage works on christmas eve so…enjoy that.” she joked.
“Yes…a bit strange.”I said with a laugh. I then walked towards the apartment’s entrance and exited the apartment.
Downstairs was Mark. He was probably going to take his dog for a walk. He was dressed nicely as always. He smiled at me.
“Hi neighbour.”He said. “It’s been a long time.” I nodded, it had only been a few days really. “You’ve been ignoring me…”he added. “I’ve missed you.”
Peter gets to the door and see us together. He smiled, and signalled me to open the door. I ignored Mark and went to the door.
Peter was wearing a green suit and I supposed it was his way of showcasing how he loved Christmas. He was so Irish sometimes. Maybe when he saw fit…really.
“Thank you! It is fucking freezing outside!” said Peter. Mark smiled at him, Winston smelled his toes.
“Peter, this is Mark, my neighbour.” I said. Peter looked at Mark.
“This is the famous doctor!?” I blushed. I grabbed Peter’s arm.
“Lets go…” I said. Mark held my other arm.
“Wait…don’t go. I…have a gift for you.” he said. “I’ve been waiting for days…please accept it. I am sorry about what I said. I didn’t want to ruin things between us…I…am really sorry!” Peter saw me and smiled broadly.
“You’ve been giving him the cold shoulder!?” I slowly nodded. “Don’t take it personally Mark. She is like that with everyone.” I blushed even further.
“Shut up!” I said, almost quietly, like a little girl.
“Annie…please, accept it.” said Mark. He pulled a tiny gift box from his pocket. I smiled.
“I guess I could accept.” I said, taking it from him. I opened it in front of both, and it was a pair of strawberry gold earrings. “When I saw them…it reminded me of our time together. I remembered the story. You know…the tomato and the strawberry.” I smiled, and luckily I was not wearing anything in my ears. I put them on immediately.
“Thank you. Mark.” I gave him a kiss on his cheek. “I will see you later.” I said with a wink. Peter smiled.
“You should come to our party tonight!” he yelled.I nodded.
“Yes…please come.” I said. “I will give you a call when I am leaving so you come with me.” Mark said yes with his head a few times. Loved that.
“Of course. I will wait.” he said. Peter and I walked out of the building and took a taxi to the garage where his car was being kept.
It was the usual garage, it was empty though.
“The car must be in the workshop.”said Peter. His phone starts ringing and before he picked it up signalled me to walk ahead. I did it.
The workshop had a few cars being repaired, and it smelled of must and grease. It also had a smell of burnt car wheel. I walked inside, and looked around for Peter’s car. I couldn’t see it anywhere. Then, I looked at the mechanic’s toes sticking out of the bottom of a car.
“Excuse me sir?” The mechanic pulls his body out. It is Tom. “You work in a garage?” I said slightly impressed. “Do you know where is Peter’s car?” I asked. Tom cleaned the grease from his forehead with a nasty looking cloth.
“I’m just…for today.” he said. What a random thing. Tom the mechanic. I wouldn’t see that guy getting his hands dirty in a million years. “You look nice.” he said. He did too. Even in all the grease, he didn’t stop being attractive.
Tom and I walked together towards the workshop’s main door, I tried the door locked. Peter. Should’ve seen it coming.
“Peter?” I asked. I hear a laugher on the other side.
“Merry Christmas Annie!” He yells. I then hear his steps going away. What the hell was he planning?
The next half an hour Tom and I looked for an alternative exit but all the doors were closed. I sat on the ground completely annoyed. I had left my phone in the car. Tom sat by my side. He was staring at me. I felt strange inside.
“Stop looking at me.”I said. “You’re the last person I’d be locked in a room with.”
Tom took my hand slowly and I pulled it away from him.
“I want to discuss whatever happened to us.” He looked into my eyes. Fuck he was handsome.
“There’s nothing to discuss about us.” I said dryly.
“There fucking is! You left me in Sweden…” he said angrily. He then looked away, flustered.
“Oh fuck off. Are you being serious right now?” I said. I stood up. I wanted to run away. That was what I had been doing for months. Running. Maybe it was time to stop..if I ever wanted to move on… I sat again. “You want me to tell you why I left? Because I loved you. I left because of that. Because I knew if I stayed there you’d continue to break me more and more until I had no identity left. We might be in the 21st century but…I don’t fucking want that sort of relationship. I wanted to be exclusive, I didn’t want to be just other of your conquests…”
“Do you still love me?” he asks. “Or…are you in love with that guy…?” I kept quiet. Did he meant Mark!?
I had not thought at all of Mark. I didn’t know him enough to choose him, but I couldn’t go back to Tom. My life was much better without his demonic influence.
When I was twelve years old my mum told me about my father and his affairs. My whole world came apart. My perfect ideal family was just in my imagination, and in reality, my parents had end up in that cycle of cheating and lying. I didn’t want that for myself.
Maybe I was open minded. Maybe I was that 21st century woman who shared an open relationship but I couldn’t. My life wasn’t that.
My mother had suffered so much for my father. She was so unhappy. I didn’t want that for myself. I had felt my heart break when Tom slept with Ebba…and…I know I was the same.
I was dumb and I slept with Barry…
“Reply to me Annie. Do you love me?” He was dead serious now. Not today demon. I cast you away.
“No.” I said, I was about to stand up when Tom hugged me. That hug caught me by surprise. His body was surprisingly warm. Why the hug? Why now? I felt a tear escape my eyes. Shit.
He then released me slowly. My clothes were covered with car grease now. I noticed he has tears in his eyes. He looked aside and wiped them away quickly. Was Tom Houben CRYING? “I’m sorry Tom.” I said.
“You’re lying.”he whispered, almost to himself. “I can’t let you go if you love me…” “Losing you again…I can’t handle it. I have always loved you. You. It’s been always been you.” he said.
“Well, you can look for Ebba again…instead of me.”I said. I finally gathered enough strength to stand up. He held my arm strongly.
“No. She is married. She is not my type of woman. You are…” I looked at him for a second and slapped his hand away.
“You can’t touch me.” I said. Tom stands up with me and he holds me onto his body.
“I do what I please. You’re mine…you’ve always been.” he said. He then continued to kiss me strongly. My body reacts immediately to his, like magnetism.
Our kiss becomes a French kiss and starts rising. Clothes fly away and we are suddenly naked in front of each other. If I was going to hell for this. I was probably gladly going to join the devil. My whole body suddenly wanted it.
I was out of my mind.
I didn’t stop. I couldn’t. Tom held my waist with his dirty hands and placed me on top of his body. We kissed. We melted onto each other.
Inside me something told me this was the last time we would ever have sex.
Movement rushing. Boobs bouncing. Hands and tongues touching. Wetness. Fucking Tom for the last time.
I had an orgasm and he finished too. I had never had such an orgasm. I would call it now: a sad orgasm. While we were doing it I remembered listening to Tom telling me he loved me so much that it hurt. I took my clothes from the floor and I dressed up. My entire body was covered in grease and his too. I looked at him. His damn naked body was perfect. I looked towards the door: it was open now. I started walking away.
“Don’t go please…” Tom said as he hurried to dress up. “I…want to be with you. No one else. Please Annie!” I stopped. I turned to see him. “You love me Annie. I know that!”
In that moment Peter pulls his face inside the garage.
“Ready to go Annie?” I was very glad he was here now. I started walking away. There was nothing to say. We were over now.
“Annie. Please. Don’t go…marry me.” Peter and I were open mouthed. Had he just asked me to marry him!?
“No…sorry.” I said without looking at him. Peter and I left.
Maybe I was a cold bitch after all but this was for the best.
I really never understood why Peter did that to me. Maybe he was tired of all the dumb drama between Tom and I…
In the car I fell asleep, and when I opened my eyes I was back in my apartment. Was I that tired? It had been that “Tom” drug that I took. I felt weak and really tired. The whole Tom business had me completely drained. I approached my cellphone slowly, I had decided to stay home. I needed time to…the doorbell rung and I hear my flatmate talking to somebody outside. I moved from bed and took a short shower, trying to wash Tom away, and trying to…I hear my door knocking.
“Annie…you’ve some visit.” said Lis. I closed my eyes in the shower. I was sure it was Tom. I didn’t know what to do. Maybe take him back? Lose that little love I have for myself? I hated everything, and hated myself even more. How could I have done that!?
I put my bath robe and I leave the bathroom. Outside: Mark.
I don’t know why but I felt guilty, as if he was my boyfriend and I had cheated on him. He was a stranger. Nothing more.
“I know you said you’d meet me outside but…I needed to see you before we went to the party.” he said.
“I am no longer going…” I said. Mark blinked confused.
“Why!? Did something happened, you are okay?” he asked. Lis decided to leave us alone in my bedroom. I just started crying. Mark held me in his arms. He felt nice. I felt protected. A protective stranger. Good.
Mark held me for a long time as I cleared up from all the Tom bullshit from my body. I then kissed Mark. He held me and I just kissed him hungrily, as if wanting to erase those kisses with Tom. A new story. A new moment. Maybe that was all I needed. We kissed and kissed as if there was no tomorrow. It didn’t go any further than that. He just warmly held me and took care of me. It felt really comforting.
“I guess we could stay together…” Mark said. I nodded. He held my face and wiped my tears away. “Are you okay? You can talk to me…”
“I am fine…I figured it out today…you know…what you said. I am ready now.” I said. Mark held my hands.
“I am glad you did…if you need time alone…that is understandable. I will be there when you decide to…” I kissed Mark.
“I am not letting you go. I…it is clear that I want a new beginning and…I would be happy if…” I said
Mark held me in his arms and kissed me. Suddenly my bedroom’s door opened and Tom was there. He approached Mark and gave him a punch.
I wondered how!? Lis knew exactly that she couldn’t let him in. Lis and I were going to have a conversation.
“What are you doing!?” I yelled.
“Of course it was him! Of course it was…seriously!?” Tom yelled. He shakes Mark. “What do you fucking think you’re doing with her!? Like who fucking are you!?” I get in between them.
“No. Stop it Tom.” I said serious, and Tom let him go. Poor Mark held his face annoyed. He sat on the bed.
“We are over Tom. Forever. Please leave.”
“It seems she made her decision.” said Mark, he had a little smirk on his face. “You have to leave.” Tom goes to give him another punch, but I again get in his way.
“Leave!” I yell. Tom sighed and left my room. I looked to Mark. “I’m very sorry…are you okay?” Mark stood.
“This is like the most exciting thing that has happened to me…usually I am the loser in this cases but…I won. I got you…heh” he blushed and I give him a little peck. Mark is just great.
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