It had been four days since Tom told me he loved me. The weather was warm and back to be alone. Lui had returned home. I mean I had only caught him touching himself once, and that was the sign he had to go back home to his privacy.
The doorbell rung. I was just waking up and my hair was a mess. I had been drinking by myself the night before and I think I was becoming an alcoholic. The past days had been me ignoring the Houben brothers and dating nobody. I had partied a lot and had had a few flings with strangers but nothing more.
I took a week off work and my plan was to travel to see my brother in Oxford. My brother was a university professor and he, his wife and children lived there. The apartment was a mess. My life felt like a mess but at least work was fine. My boss loved me and I enjoyed doing paperwork and release forms.
I walked towards the door and opened. In the background I had Jack Johnson on. I was trying to set myself in a nice mood before taking my train to Oxford. I had packed everything and…the words came back to my mind: I love you
“Annie.”said Matt. I smiled at him and let him in. “You don’t look okay, are you okay?” he asked.
“Just…come in, sit in the living room while I change.” I said and I returned to my room. I went straight to the bathroom and washed my teeth, I then washed myself a little bit and put a little bit of BB cream on my face, and changed my clothes. I looked more alive and …knock knock.“I’ll be out in a bit.” I said. I smiled at the mirror and went out. Matt was in front of me, he kissed me and I pulled him away confused.
“I guess its true then.”He said, I looked at him more confused. “That you are Tom’s girlfriend…is that why you haven’t texted or called me back?” “I could’ve understood. You have a long history together after all.” he said. I shook my head.
“Who told you that?”
“I heard from your friends. Before you disappeared .”
“Things are not as simple as that…”I said. I sat on the bed. “I’m so tired, if you came to give me shit, you can leave…I can’t think of you or Tom at the moment, I’m going through some shit…” I said. I mean was I depressed? I didn’t know what the fuck was wrong with me. All started when Tom told me that he loved me and I…I felt lost.
“Look. I said I was going to wait but…I just don’t understand? Do you even like me or was it just some sort of game between Tom and you?” Matt asked. I shook my head.
“You and me was real…I just…I don’t know Matt. I don’t want a boyfriend. I don’t want to date you or your brother. I just want to be free.” I said.
“You know, for the past few weeks or so that we’ve known each other I feel I really got to know you and I think you really crave something more intimate. You’re not a player. You’re not like Tom. I know Tom and he is only capable to break everything he touches and I don’t want him to break you.”
“You don’t know me.” I said. I looked straight to his eyes. “How are you any better for me than him…what if I tell you that I love him…” Matt got serious and grabbed my shoulders.
“He is not capable of loving anybody but himself Annie. Also, he has a real girlfriend.” he said. I was confused, a real girlfriend? I mean had been ignoring him for days but didn’t know he had a girlfriend. I mean not that I wanted to be dating him anyways.
You know something I am a fucking adult and I am not taking this like a child…maybe…maybe I had to ask Tom myself. Maybe stop being a chicken. Admit my feelings and dive in.
“Her name is Loreane.” said Matt and showed me a picture of Tom’s instagram with some random girl. I looked at the picture. I had no words. She kid of looked like me but European and blonde. “He is not in love with you Annie. He has done the same thing s million times. She is Masseik but he wants a girl in England. That’s why he looked for you. That’s why he didn’t ask you out earlier…not until you were completely crazy for him…” he said.
“Oh well, what am I supposed to do?” I said annoyed.
“Look, Tom doesn’t love you. He doesn’t love you. When he was thinking of cheating on his girlfriend with you he asked me and…I couldn’t resist but to meet you in person…and I fell in love with you. I am in love with you truthfully Annie.” I didn’t understand anything. I just sighed.
“Oh well, fuck him. I don’t know. I guess yes. Lets date. I’ll give you the chance to surprise me Matt. That’s it. I really don’t know what else to say…but…fuck Tom and hello you.” I kissed him.
Matt and I started being a thing that day. I stopped drinking and exercising often. Tom was missing for my life but I was honestly not bothered. I was happy I think, and Matt was good guy. Maybe I had been blinded my Matt but there was no sign that perhaps what he was telling me was a lie.
Two months later Redhome released their new single. No new member, just Barry singing. In order to celebrate the release the CD my company had planned a very fancy evening at Bournemouth. That day Luigi came to pick me up and he took me to a designers shop and made me choose a three thousand pound dress. Why? Because I had let him live for free at me place for ages and never complained.
The dress was a Versace long dress. I didn’t say no. I was crazy for it. He chose the most provocative one and they tailored it for me. The dress was silver and it had an opening by the leg, it had also a sexy neckline and I looked really hot. I knew it was going to be my night.
The release party was on Saturday and my boss handed me the key for my room and he also did the same with the other interns. When I entered my room I noticed they had left photography equipment on top of the bed and I just put it on the floor. Probably one of the other guys put it there for later.
I looked hot already. My hair had a new haircut and I also had done my makeup with a professional. My girl-friends had been invited too and I was excited to meet them. We hadn’t all been together in one place for months and I missed them. Of course I had partied with Dani and Ale before dating Matt but after Matt I was not drinking and taking care of myself. They say when you’re dating someone good for you, you look like you’re shinning. I took the pill. Just in case.
Everybody was very elegant that night, the sun had come down and Luigi and Peter received me in the corridor. They looked really hot wearing tuxedos so I couldn’t stop but to smile at them for a bit. I went with the other interns. I was meant to seat with them all night and I had Matt as my plus one. We had dinner. Then somebody said a discourse and I wondered if Tom was going to bring Loreane with him. One hour in: Tom arrives, alone. He said hi to everybody and sat on the other side of the table. Matt was by my side already, talking to the interns and my boss. He was very charming and people were laughing at his jokes.
I stood up for a second and Matt followed me, we went to the other table as everybody else was also doing the same.
“I don’t know if I told you but…you look amazingly hot tonight” he said, his eyes filled with desire. It was our night. I knew this was the night when we were going to do it.
At ten I was a bit drunk and I went for a walk by the beach alone. I don’t know why but I was bored of being sat down listening to all the people talking. It was a nice summer night and the beach was empty. I walked in the sand and my dress and my high-hills got a bit of sand on the ends. I remembered what I was wearing and and I held the dress, trying not to get the dress dirty. I took off my high-heels as well and placed them by a folding chair. I put my feet inside the water and it was fucking freezing.
“What do you think you’re doing?” asked Matt laughing at my reaction. He had followed me there, I laughed.
“Just…enjoying myself.” I said. Matt got close to me and held me in his arms.
“Let me enjoy with you then…”he said, he then turned and kissed me. We started a full-kiss and suddenly we were making-out on top of the folding chair.
His hand went underneath my dress and he grabbed my butt with amazing strength. He started to pull my panties down.
“You’re mine…”he said between kisses… “you’re so mine…” his fingers went inside me.
I unbuttoned his pants and I pulled his boxers down.
“I might not be the right one for you but…I want this..” I said, grabbing his penis. He placed himself inside me and we started slowly. I was very wet so there was no pain when we started. I always thought my first time was going to be different but…I mean I was wearing a three thousand pound dress and I was doing it at the beach, what else? I would rather be…here than inside smelling other people’s farts.
Up and down. Up and down. The movements of our bodies in sync. His hands holding me and our lips together. I was moaning naturally. Matt was quiet but there were some grunts leaving him every now and then. We had lost it together, and…I think it was good that we could learn each others bodies like that, in our glorious nakedness (although we were not naked but…you know what I mean!)
“I think we should stop…I am going to cum.” Matt said after 20 minutes or so. I held his hair and bit his neck. We had to come together. I was close too. I started incrementing our rapidity and there it was, the glorious moment which everybody talks about. The orgasm. Matt started to cum and pulled me away. I mean I was on the pill but…I guess he didn’t want to make me that dirty. I ran away from the moment. I was flustered and I had just come for the first time. I gave Matt a cheeky kiss and picked my heels, leaving Matt behind. I ran towards the stairs that lead back to the hotel and there I noticed: some manly juice had touched the end of my dress and it had made sand get caught on it. I tried my best to clean it up with a napkin inside my purse and entered the auditory where the party was held.
I felt everybody saw me. The music stopped and Tom was looking straight at me, as if they knew…I felt very strange. Then I looked the time. It was the ending part and I was meant to read something. I ran towards the podium.
“Thank you all for joining us tonight. Sorry I was gone. My mother lives abroad and doesn’t know the time difference.” I said, people in the public and I laughed. “Anyways, I hope you enjoyed your night and buy the new album of course!” people started clapping and I felt mortified. Fuck, maybe I was going to be in trouble with my boss. When I looked at my boss he was too drunk to have even noticed my stupidity.
I walked towards Peter’s table to see if Matt had come back. Andreina looked at me strange and then stood up.
“Annie…”she smiled broadly. “booty call?” I looked away ashamed. “Don’t worry I covered up for you. I said you had left to the toilet…haha” she then noticed the wet patch at the end of the dress. “I hope that’s not what I’m thing off..”I laughed.
“Of course not! What the fuck A!”
Matt came back 35 minutes later and when he saw me he smiled cheekily. Maybe we would have a second time but in bed? I wondered.
The party ended at 4am. Matt had to go back to London for an emergency and I was left alone here. I went to my room, I got in my undies and I fell asleep.
“Isn’t this a nice gift left for me!” said a voice, I woke up, scared, the light was on and I looked straight at Tom.
“Gift!? Get of out of my room!” I yelled without uncovering myself, I was semi-naked under my covers.
“What the fuck, didn’t you see the camera stuff? This is my room! Get out.” said Tom I was annoyed, really annoyed.
“Fuck you Tom. I’m already in bed, there’s nothing you can do.” I said and I pulled out my tongue at him, Tom got to the bed and took off his shoes.
“Alright then, I guess I’ll have to sleep like this anyways…” Tom got under the covers, still wearing the tux and all. I couldn’t move because I was kind of naked, I just hit him with my arm.
“Get the fuck out. “Tom turned to see me, I blushed, holding the bedsheet. He then grabbed my arm.
“I’m not going anywhere.” “why are you so covered, where you waiting for Matt or something? Are you naked?” said Tom. I held the cover with strength.
“Tom, please…” Tom smiled and pulled the covers to his side. Showing all.
“Oh, I missed your tits.” He said. I blushed and stood up, I grabbed my bra. Tom did the same and grabbed me. Was he going to rape me? should I yell? “stay. I will leave.” he said. He put on his shoes and when he was almost by the door, I held his arm.
“I’m sorry about Matt and I…it was unexpected. Sorry I ghosted you.” Tom sighed.
“I thought you were going to ask me to stay…” he said. I blushed. We then looked at each others eyes. It was too good. We started kissing. Tom pulled his mouth away from mine for a second.
“You might be thinking that he took your virginity but he didn’t, I did. You already slept with me once Annie.” Tom said. I was confused. “Look. I don’t know how but…its the truth. We were very drunk but it happened. I’m sorry.”
“How, when?” I went back in my memory to see if we had…but nothing. Unless that day at the motel we had…for some reason!? Had we raped each other? Had the alcohol took the best from us? I was just amazed.
“We were drunk, we liked each other, you were wearing a skirt and…Lui kind of set us up. He said, you two go inside that closet for a while, I’ll tell you when to come out…and there, we did it. We had sex. In January.” Tom said I remembered. I remembered when I lost my actual virginity.
Everything had more sense now. Why tom was pursuing me, why he was trying to get inside my pants every time he saw me. I had given it to him and I had ignored it. My body had changed since that January, I thought it had been all the food I was eating but it was more like the hormones you get after shagging somebody. I threw myself back in the bed.
“I think we need to sleep. It was a long night and I…I no longer want to talk about the topic.” I felt stupid and…I wanted to throw myself out of a cliff or something.
“No, wake up. I need to be sincere with you.” said Tom, was he going to talk about Loreane? I opened my eyes. “I know since the moment I met you I was in love with you. I couldn’t just simply ask you out like all the other women because usually they meant nothing to me, and you mean the world to me. I…I have to admit that before you I had never had sex with a woman. I know I have the name for it but…in reality I was bluffing about it. I mean women love me and I have gone in a lot of dates but I could never have sex with them. I always left them wanting more and more. I don’t know why. I never had that special woman. Then you came. You became my obsession and…I was decided to get you, and I did. And…I kind of set us up in the same room before, sorry. I had to speak to you when Matt was not around and…” I started laughing. He had schemed to get me alone in a room with him so we could talk about our relationship.
“What about Loreane?” I asked. Tom looked at me strange.
“So that’s the name he gave her…”he said with a smile. “I guess Matt wanted you all for him and lied…”he laughed. “I don’t know anybody called like that…and I guess you slept for him for what? revenge? You’re still a child Annie Picadersi.” I felt like a stupid woman but I felt even more angry at Matt. Was he lying so he could shag me? We were so over now.
I am a fucking adult and I have to make a right decent choice for this. I pulled my cellphone out and texted Lui. He told me that everything was truth.
“Come on. Get in bed and let’s sort everything in the morning Tom…another thing. I’m sorry.” I said.
“It’s easy to believe him. My mum was always by his side. Thank you.” He said. He got in bed with me and hugged me. “I am glad I can hold you now.”
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