I woke by Drake in the same spot where we fell asleep in the living-room. He looked like an angel while he was asleep. His skin looked radiant, shimmering with the bit of light that leaked from outside. I also liked the shape of his lips, plump and tasty.184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc97ySsTlRs
I felt strange knowing that it was our last time sleeping together.
“Hey…”said Drake, waking up slowly. “How’re you feeling?” he asked. I could tell my pussy was tired from all the sex, but I didn’t reveal that to him.
“I am okay…” I dropped my head against the couch by him again. “What will we do?”
Drake shrugged his shoulders.
“You’re marrying the guy, no?” he asked, I nodded. Drake sighed. “Then the question is: what you will do?”
“What if…” I was going to say if we run away… but Drake put his finger on my lip.
“I don’t want you to say anything you’ll regret later.” He said, suddenly serious.
“Drake, I…” have fallen in love with you I wanted to say. But I didn’t allow myself to say it. It was way too early to declare my love for him.
“If only I was Tom, no?” he said slowly, “Would you leave Mark then? If Tom came here and he said…that he wanted…”
“It’s different for us…”
“The way you treat me isn’t!” Drake stood up and left the room. I lied in the same place looking at the ceiling, I didn’t understand this man at all…
Drake returned with his clothes on a couple of minutes later.
“I am going home.”
“You don’t have to go home…” I said. “We have to…you know, I would love to spend the time left together …
“Are you fucking kidding me!?” Drake walked towards the door and left.
At the time I didn’t understand why he was so angry. We agreed this was going to happen until Mark came back. I was falling in love, but the agreement! We were supposed to be no drama, just love making and…shit. I threw the pillow across the room hitting it against the portrait of Mark and me.
How was it like to be in love with Mark? I didn’t remember. Why was I marrying Mark? I wanted to marry him to prove a point to Tom and it had nothing to do with Drake. I was angry at Tom and my anger was more powerful than anything I felt for this new person. Maybe I was terrible at following my own rules. Fuck rules.
I walked around my place feeling more and more confused. I went inside my room, changed my clothes and went to walk the dog. I called Tom as soon as I entered the park. He showed up almost immediately.
“So…is this your new way of booty calling me?” my ex asked. I hated him! What did I need to talk with him again? I’d completely forgotten.
“I am not sure why I called you honestly! Maybe because of Drake, I really don’t get him…you seem to be friends!
“So, this is not about us?” Tom asked with a hint of disappointment.
“Drake…he’s so…I don’t get it!” I was angry all of the sudden. “We set our rules…now I don’t know what he wants and it’s driving me insane!”
“Don’t marry the wrong guy then…”he said with a smile. “Maybe that is all he wants. Maybe he wants you.”
“So I don’t marry and then…”
“It is simple…you come back to me.” I looked at him feeling even more angry than before and realised he must’ve been feeding Drake things… making him feel unsatisfied with his current “lover’ role. Tom decided to explain himself “Annie, Drake is young and naive. You need a real man! He doesn’t know how to…deal with you. I know how to deal with you and I deserve you.”
He deserves me. Shit, this was a terrible choice to ask him to meet me. I needed a real friend to talk about my situation…not him.
“I need to go and see Drake.” I blurted out. I carried Winston and ran away. Around thirty minutes later I arrived at his place and I knocked.
Drake opened the door and he looked very surprised.
“What are you doing here?”
“I met with Tom and I didn’t feel anything for him..” I said. “I never knew I could get over him.I was thinking of you. I…don’t want to leave you…”
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Drake grabbed me and the dog and pulled us inside his place. We started kissing hungrily and then you know what happened.184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ0Kce4Ludq
“I don’t care…”Drake said with a smile after we had sex. “Marry the guy…I decided I will continue to see you anyways.” Did he hate himself too much? Why would a person choose willingly to be someone’s lover?.
“So you’re telling me I should marry Mark?” I asked confused.
“This is what makes us fun…without Mark I feel like us wouldn’t make sense.” said my lover. I was even more confused now, what about the stuff he said before?
“But…” I couldn’t even remember how to love Mark. I couldn’t remember how it felt like feeling anything for him.
My moral compass was gone completely and my sanity was too. I had become crazy and in my crazy state of mind, whatever I did with Drake was the okay thing to do.
A week later after spending all my available with Drake, I realised I liked him more and more every day.
The day of Mark’s arrival came and Drake and I went to pick him up in the airport. Things had changed a lot since Mark left and I was ready to be with him again. Seeing him again was like seeing a stranger. Mark looked at Drake and then looked at me. Mark walked slowly towards me and held me close to his body.
“Darling you look gorgeous! Thanks for picking me up…” This Mark who came back seemed more confident and more handsome. He was no longer the chubby man I knew and I could see that he had gained a lot of muscles in his absence. How could someone change so much in three months! I was speechless and Drake seemed to be this way too. Mark walked towards me and gave me a full kiss. I was marrying this man? I looked at Drake and he started laughing.
How would you react if you fiancé came back looking different than before? Had he been exchanged with someone else?
Mark wore clothes I would never expect him to wear: a white linen shirt with opened buttons and shorts. He was also wearing African jewelry tied in his knee. He looked perfect, had he just like lied about his illness and come back home as a powerful man, ready to…marry me?
“Mark…” I said holding his face with my hands. Who are you? What have you done to my Mark!
“Annie, I missed you…” and shit. Was that my pussy getting wet? I thought I knew what I wanted…I thought I was ready to break it off with him and start a new life somewhere else. Mark looked at Drake and approached him “My man!” he held him in a tight hug that was very unlike him. “Thank you for picking me up! How’s your little sister?”
“She’s at boarding school right now…
“Shame…shall we get going then?” Mark said with a big smile and he walked by me holding my hand.
Now I was re-considering my life choices. Why had I fallen in love with Mark on the first place? I was trying to get my mind back to us together. How was it like to be together? I felt I had not appreciated him enough during the time that we had been in a relationship.
“What is the first thing you want to do here…”I asked. I mean it was the beginning of summer so there were a lot of events happening in Switzerland.
“Spend time with you…”said Mark. My stomach felt funny all of the sudden. How was I supposed to break it off with him? I was good at breaking it off with Tom, but…I couldn’t think of a way of breaking it off with Mark. I didn’t have a reason. I was just selfish and unable to commit to someone in terms of “I belong to you, you belong to me.” I didn’t want to belong…maybe that was in the past but…I was no longer the Annie that he fell in love with.
Everyone wants to be a hero, everyone wants to be good and be loved by their goodness. I reckon that you the reader hate me by now. I never asked to be like this…I don’t know what is happening inside me. Was I broken? Should I go to therapy? Should I intern myself in a hospital due to my addiction to sex?184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvVqvBIAVGP
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I didn’t say anything to Mark and we walked together towards Drake’s car.
“You seem happy he’s back…” Drake comments as he puts the luggage in the back of the car, was he jealous? I couldn’t tell.
“It’s weird to see him after so long.” I said with a smile. If Drake knew how much of a mess I was, he would probably run away.
We got in the car and Mark sat by Drake and he continued to talk about his crazy experiences with his friend Mr.White. I looked out of the window wondering if I should tell Mark or not about my affair and see how his jovial expression changed.
Drake dropped us off at home and we came in together. What were we supposed to talk about? How…Winston came up running towards Mark and he became the craziest I’d ever seen him. Winston knew all my secrets, maybe he was trying to tell his owner that they should run away as far as they can.
Mark took his shirt off inside our bedroom and I couldn’t stop myself from spying. He came to me and kissed me passionately. He stopped me from saying what I needed to say. I was surprised and wondering all the time who the fuck was this man. Maybe I had finally made him become like me…or worse, like Tom.
His warmth and his smell I felt as if I had forgotten. In my mind I had all the moments I was sharing with Drake. I thought of Drake’s smile, I thought of Drake’s jokes. Damn it, how had he become the center of my attention?
Maybe Drake is to me what I was for Tom.
“Look at me Annie…” said Mark after we separated from our kiss. “This is me…do you like me?” he asked. I looked at him and the response was yeah. Although he had lost weight and put up some muscle…under that new tan was the Mark that I knew and loved.
I used to think I loved this man. That I loved him more than somebody could probably love. I used to feel that when we kissed the time stopped. We used to be one, there was no-one else in the world than us. Now there was Drake. Why do I have to complicate my life so much?
“Mark…I’ve been thinking a lot since you went to Africa and I think we should stop now. I don’t think I can be in a relationship with you anymore…” I told him. Mark’s expression dropped.
“Is it Tom? Is it because of that bastard again?” he asked me angrily. I mean I would be angry too. I would just strangle the shit out of me if I could.
“No…it’s just that I am not sure who I am or what I want anymore…” I said. Mark held me in his arms and my tears started rolling.
“Annie…I love you. I went away so… you could think about us and…maybe miss be a bit. Did you miss me?” Mark was starting to cry too.
“I did miss you…I was hard when you were not here.” I admit. “But the wedding…the marriage…us…I am not sure I can do it.”
“Should we…have dinner and then…talk about it more?” I nodded and went on our possible last meal together in town.
Mark sat awkwardly in front of me, I could tell he was holding on his tears. My eyes were red and puffy from all the crying. The waiter approached us.
“Would you like to order something?” the server asked Mark.
“Yes..I would like th…”his voice broke for a second and then after clearing a tear “sorry…hay fever. Can I have the burger, please?”
“I would like to have a…chicken burger please” I said.” then, I grabbed Marks hand “Are you okay?”
Mark nodded and pulled his hand away. “Yes…I am fine.” then, the food came and we ate in silence while some calm music played in the background. We finished out meal and Mark seemed to have regained some strength again. He would have been super tired from his trip after all.
“I can move out on Monday.” He said. “I am going to go back to England without you.” he added. I accepted his words. I was feeling calm now that we weren’t going to get married for sure. Mark then stood up from his chair and stepped in front of me and shook me. “That is what you wanted to hear isn’t it?” He said angrily, then he lowered his voice “You are an ungrateful cunt Annie. I was going to give you a good life…! I would done anything for you Annie. I did so many things for us…like I fucking sent my sister there to France to get you because I love you and…I have been crazy about you since the moment you showed up . Why are you so unfair!” Mark yelled and left the restaurant. I left money for the bill and ran to get him.
“Mark!” I yelled at him “So…it was because of you that Tom let me go?” Mark stopped in his tracks.
“Yes, I wasn’t going to let that bastard stay with you. I was going to chase after you two until the end of the world if that was necessary.” Mark said and he started crazy laughing. “my dad didn’t want me to do it…he fucking hates you!” Mark blurted out. “I did it anyways because I am deeply in love with you and I wanted you to be mine forever. Like owning you. I was so stupid! I can’t own a person…you just broke up with me!
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I started crying with a little bit of proudness. Now he was letting me go just like that? Well…it was me who was letting him go. Maybe for his own sake.
“What if I told you I…cheated on you again, but with someone else?” I asked. Mark smiled.
“I wouldn’t fucking care. I wouldn’t care because I knew that even if you did that you wouldn’t stop loving me…you’re just shit at keeping your legs shut.”
Mark Grant was using language I had never heard him say before. We looked at each other and started laughing. It felt great for him to let all of that out. I knew he was heartbroken, but he still had that…something.184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHWF45Z2AUY
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“So that’s the reason why you didn’t want me anymore?” Mark asked. I nod.
“I’ve been seeing someone for the past three months and…I didn’t feel like I could keep a relationship with you being the way I am.”
“No one is perfect Annie. I know I am boring and pathetic sometimes. But…I think we could work together. I think you and me can…as long as…it’s not Tom.” he said.
“Okay…” I said. “It will never be Tom again.”
“So…would you like to re-start our relationship Annie?” I nod.
Mark smiled and kissed me.
The next few days we planned a party and we invited all our friends including Drake. Mark and I agreed that he didn’t need to know who I was seeing, and I didn’t need to know who he would see either. I never thought that Mark would be into any of that but apparently something had happened to him in Nigeria that made him change his mind. I think it was a someone. 184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8BqanOz2GQ
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Drake, Mark and I arrived to the venue and we went inside the lift awkwardly together. Mark was holding my hand, Drake looking at him. I grabbed Drake’s ass with my hand and he blushed. Then, Drake caresses my other palm with his thumb. Shit, he’s hot.
“Marvelous place, isn’t it!?” Mark said excitedly, he then kissed me quickly and let me go. He walked across the bar and started ordering some drinks.
Drake and I stood by each other.
“When will I see you again?” Drake asked, I turned towards him.
“When I want to…” I replied. Drake smiled even bigger and joined Mark in the bar.
The boys brought me tequila and I broke my no alcohol promise. I was happy that either of them were there to protect me.
“Let the party begin!” I yelled feeling jolly.
Mark held me against him and we started dancing. Soon, our booking was full and Felix and Bennie joined us, as well as some other people from Mark’s work. By the 6th shot I almost forgot my name was Annie. I was having fun, I was happy and I felt free. I loved Mark and I was happy we were getting married after all! No children, just me and him…we would travel the world, we would enjoy our youth, what a fucking life!
I got lost in the crowd and I was in the middle of another person’s party singing loudly a remix of one of Abba’s song.
All of the sudden I was kissing someone in my drunken haze and I couldn’t tell who it was by the darkness and the multitude. I pulled my cellphone out and I shined my cellphone lantern at their face. His green eyes shined like a demon’s. Tom? TOM!? after his disappearance I was not expecting to see him back in Bern! I ran away as fast as I could.
“Hi Markie, are you enjoying yourself?” I asked Mark as soon as I found him. He was distractedly talking to his colleagues and Drake.
“Oh Annie…you’re drunk!” Mark said with a smile. “Sorry everybody, I will take her home now.” Oh yes, that’s what I needed. Home, perfect.
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Mark and I had sweet drunken sex that night. I mean my life in Bern was unbelievable, and I think I was enjoying the most of my adult freedom. Work was fine, my personal life was fine and my mental health seemed to be getting better every day.
“Good morning Mark.” I said, I stood up and held myself as I was still feeling a bit drunk. I looked at myself in the mirror and I contemplate my young and beautiful body. I wondered if when my body changed the men in my life would still love me. I dressed with nice clothes and I happened to find one of Drake’s scarves in my closet, folding it in my neck.
“You look pretty today.” Said Mark behind me, I had almost forgotten he was back. I kissed him and went to work immediately after.
At lunch time I found myself thinking of Tom, after all it had been Mark’s fault he’d left me, but sincerely I didn’t want to think of Tom anymore. He had made me a monster…but I happened to be a monster with luck, and many rare opportunities.
“Annie someone is calling you from reception” said one of my team members, I nodded and left my desk.
“Hi Annie” Drake said, he then kissed me.
“Hi there…” I looked side to side to make sure nobody was watching.
“You are hiding me now?” Drake giggled, he then caressed his scarf. “Looks better on you than on me. I missed you last night…”
“I was so drunk last night I almost forgot my name” I said with a laugh… “anyways, what are you doing here?”
“I have cinema tickets…” he said with a smile. I counted them. “There are three?”
“Emily is visiting us this weekend…”
“Sure, I will come…” I said. Drake hugged me.
“I will see you tomorrow…”
Drake left and I felt I was living in some simulated bullshit, how was I getting away with having two boyfriends? Something inside me told me it was not okay, but maybe I just needed to enjoy it as I could for now.
I thought of all the other couples that had chosen to be flexible and I thought of how it could work for me and Mark, almost trying to convince myself that cheating and sleeping around is okay. I mean, there is a lot of different perspectives of how relationships must be and I had never really bring them to my mind. I just had to try and see... I remember being a someone who wanted to have only one person and belong to them, but meeting Drake had changed my mind.
I loved Mark, but I was also sure I loved Drake, but I loved Drake differently. There was something in my love for him that felt absolutely different than any love I had ever felt before. It wasn’t primal, it wasn’t familial…it felt almost supernatural. Damn.
Our date with Emily came around and I sat in front of Drake in the cinema reception as he told me a story.
“Tom visited me and stayed with me for a couple of days. I am sorry I didn’t tell you but I felt it was not necessary. He was quiet most of the time and telling me how he was here researching for his new book. I found him crying one of those nights, but I didn’t ask anything. Next day he left, and I haven’t seen him since.”
“Tom, crying?” I said, not believing him at all. Emily came to us and we stopped talking about the issue. Mark was stuck at work, and still recovering from his parasites.
We left the cinema around 8pm and I walked the streets of Bern by myself. I looked at the streets and the people, it was a beautiful night, although cold.
I thought of Tom and how he had kissed just a few nights ago. Had Tom’s tears been because of that? I think I would never have the answer.
Mark was back and it was all that mattered. I had to focus on what was right in front of me and stop playing fucking mind games.184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVMgAXwrPIt
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