I found myself again waking up in England. We had returned to London a couple of weeks ago and I was not ready at all to marry.
I thought of Drake as I woke and I headed to the kitchen to drink some water.
“Buenos dias mija” said my mother as I entered the kitchen, I was not ready to talk to her so I just nodded and filled my glass with water. My mum was making me and Mark some breakfast.
My mother had travelled to England a week ago and had invited herself to my home, instead of staying with my brother in Oxford. After drinking my water I headed to the living room where I sat with my cell phone and sent a message to Drake. He replied and I giggled like a teenager, he was in England now and I was dying to see him.
“What are you up to? I had not heard you giggle like that since you were 12” my mum said me in Spanish.
“Just chatting with my friends…”
“Andreina and the other ones?” she asked and I nodded.
“I haven’t seen them since a couple of months ago…I’ve missed them.”
“Come to have breakfast love.”
I sat down with my mum and we ate together in silence while enjoying a quiet morning.
“So your plan after the wedding is that you sell this place? Are you moving away from London?” my mum asked suddenly.
“I think my time in Bern has ended mum…” I said jokingly.
I thought of Drake again and how our relationship was likely ending as he didn’t want to leave his bar behind, and I didn’t blame him, it was something that was his…I could never ask him to leave what he felt passionate about.
The streets of London were as full as ever with roads filled with people going to places. I went to pick my dress from a bride shop in Soho and I found myself in front of Tom when I was entering the subway.
“Is that your wedding dress?” he asked and I nodded.
“Congratulations Annie.”
“Thanks…” I replied awkwardly.
“May I tell you something before you leave?” and I nod, walking to the side.
“I am glad that you found Mark…I am glad you found someone to love you desperately like he does, and I am very sorry for all the things I made you go through. I am not a good person and I think I will never be one…so marry the man that loves you and hang onto him with passion. He is one on a kind.” He said. Was this his character development? But I didn’t buy it. I nodded and walked away. “Wait a second Annie!” he yelled when I was about to enter the metro station.
I knew it had to bee too good to be true. Tom grabbed me and gave me a very long hug. “May I kiss you Annie? At least for the last time?” Fuck it. I nodded.
Tom placed his lips onto mine and we kissed. It was a kiss that incorporated all the feelings we had had for each other. Hate, love, obsession, sadness…loss. After he pulled his face away I was still hanging in a cloud.
“Goodbye Tom Houben…”
“Darling this has just begun…” he said with a smile and walked away. I didn’t know why he was like this, but part of me loved the person he was.
I arrived home to find Mark and my mum playing cards together. I went to work and when I came back I was surprised by my friends, who dragged me into my hen party.
My hen party consisted of a lot of alcohol and dancing. It was just like the old times. No men keeping us apart, all ladies together in the night as a bunch of witches dancing in front of a fire.
They had decided to book a boat to go across the Thames at night.
The boys on the other hand had taken over Mark’s bachelor party and were dragging him in a pub crawl across London. This included Drake, who I was not expecting to see anytime soon.
“I saw Tom today.” I told my friends, Andreina looked interested.
“Did you fuck him?” one of them asked.
“No…but, he said sorry and that he was glad I was marrying Mark. I don’t even know why he showed up you know.”
“It’s been so many years and yet the same story.” Said Ale. “Ever since that winter you guys seem to be obsessed over one another.”
“That is over now…”commented Drake. I perked up when I heard his voice. Drake approached us and sat next to me.
“You should be with Mark right now…” I said. My friends looked at each other and left us alone.
“Why would I be with him when I want to be with you?
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Drake kissed me deeply and dragged me to a room in the boat where we made love all night. It felt as if it was the ending of us. I couldn’t imagine myself seeing him after I got married to Mark. He deserved someone better than me.
When I woke up the next day he was gone.
The few days that were missing for the wedding flew by and I found myself very nervous to marry the man who had managed to put a ring on my finger.
London was cloudy and the Covent Garden was the venue we selected to tie the knot. My dress was modern and it shaped all the important bits of my body. My father had come to see us from Italy and him being face to face with my mum after so many years made me feel weird.
“Don’t worry about me and your father darling…I do much better on my own than worrying about who’s he making pregnant now.” My mother joked as she closed my dresses’ zipper. I wondered at that moment if maybe her relationship with my dad had lead me to be like I am. I brushed away the thoughts as it is really not my mother’s fault for my adult’s choices.
“Mum, do you think marrying at this age is a mistake?”
“Why, are you having second thoughts?” my mum asked and I looked away. She knew me too well. “Mark is a good man Annie. He loves you and he seems ready to sacrifice a lot for you. Are you ready to sacrifice a lot for him?” I nodded, thinking about our possible future together.
“Love is all about of a mutual balance, its about communication and sharing. It’s the love where you are equal and it doesn’t matter who is doing the laundry next. Your real love story is the one where you were comfortable to be yourself, in all your…” I interrupted her.
“pieces.” I added. “I think I understand the type of love you’re talking about. It’s the sort of love I felt at the beginning, but I am not the same person…in any case I have just become worse. I’ve made too many of the wrong choices, I have made a mess of my heart and mind. I…” someone knocked on the door. My mother opened and it was Drake.
Drake looked at me in my wedding dress and I was just hoping for him to tell me to run away with him.
“I just came in to…” my mother looked at Drake and then walked towards the door.
“I will see you later.” My mother said and she left us alone.
I could peek outside that the cloudy weather had been taken over by blue skies. There was a big bush outside of the window with various flowers and bees drinking from the flower’s nectar.
“You look beautiful…”Drake said.
“So you are okay with this…”I said disappointedly. Drake took my hand and caressed it.
“Why wouldn’t I be okay with your decision?”
“Well because…”
“I am Mark’s man of honour Annie…I don’t know why I accepted in the first place.” Drake smiled a little. “Look, you will be fine marrying him…he is a good man. He will take care of you, and I will be there to support you.”
“But Drake…” I was going to say I love you, but he stopped me with a kiss. When we finished kissing he whispered into my ear:
“It will be a pleasure to be your lover” he said slowly, and left the room.
I fucking didn’t want him to be my lover, I wanted to run away with him and he was no one to say what I was meant to do. Maybe Drake never wanted actual commitment, at the end, we barely knew each other and I had never cared to ask what he really wanted of me.
I could not see a life where Drake and I were without Mark, and I…I needed Mark. I needed the stability that he provided and his pure love for me. He always loved me since we met in that window.
Mark knew all my secrets, yet he didn’t care anymore, he just wanted to be my husband and that is something that Tom and Drake would never ask. My emotions for Drake were clearly fleeting and my love for him…my desires of a life with him…
“We are ready for you now” said the wedding organiser. This was my chance to make my mind, I thought maybe Drake would stop the wedding and we…
I stood in front of Mark after my father walked my down the isle. I looked at Mark and I knew that it was too late now and no one was here to save me.
The wedding continued and we said “I do”. Now I was Ms.Grant and finally saw my life coming together. Everything had sense now and Drake and I were over. We were fucking over.
“I will not continue to pursue an open relationship anymore” I told Andreina as I drank some of our bubbly champagne. Everyone else was enjoying our reception. Andreina started laughing.
“It is the best think that could’ve happened to you Annie…just enjoy it!” Andreina patted my shoulder and walked away.
In the reception I was yet to see the Houbens who none of them had shown up for my wedding, not Matt, not Tobias and not Tom. Although I might’ve been wrong as I saw Matt walking around with a darling girl hanging by his arm.
I walked towards Felicity who was talking to some people in the crowd.
“You achieved your goal, didn’t you?” “You got me to marry your brother after all.”
“Annie, I just hope you make him happy, and if you don’t I will kill you.” she laughed, then she looked towards Drake. “I know you’ve been fucking him…” My whole skin crawled when she mentioned Drake.
“How did you know?” I asked. “Will you tell your brother?”
“He’s all dandy and enjoying his night, also I know about your little agreement…I do not care who you fuck. Just don’t fuck Tom again. “ and there it was, the person who I wanted to talk about.
“How did you do it that time?” I asked, Felicity smiled.
“It wasn’t hard…he always became too easily distracted…and maybe I knew a secret to blackmail him…”
“What secret?” “blackmail!?”
“It was so long ago I can’t really remember…enjoy your reception darling…”
I looked towards the sky and I had to decide wether I should care or not about my crazy ex.
I then looked at Drake who was inviting me to the dance floor, and I decided I wasn’t going to investigate. I walked towards Drake and I could decide to have my happily ever after…even if it included me shagging an American in sleepless nights.
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