We returned to England for our Christmas holiday. We had been away for a year and a half and it felt right to go back to see Mark’s parents and our friends. London had not changed since we left but it was damn cold in England that winter. I had read in the news it might snow in London.
The city was preparing for the storm Rebecca. It was said it was going to hit hard and it was going to cause hail, snow and a lot of rain. The streets of the city were empty and it looked like a dystopia.
Mark had been behaving weird for the past two months or so but I had decided to ignore it. He had been secretive, he was having late conversations with somebody on the phone but…it couldn’t be anything, Mark I knew he wasn’t a player. He wasn’t Tom!
We arrived at my apartment and we said to meet each other for dinner. Mark had to go to his place to check up on it and I said okay. I stayed all day looking through my things and I found Tom’s book underneath some clothes in my closet.
Immediately I put it down. It was like a forbidden object. I had not seen him in so long and it was obvious he had moved on to some other long legs. I put the book just were I found it and decided to call my mother to let her know I was back in England.
My mother told me she had a date so she couldn’t talk to me and I was happy for her. It had been more than ten years since her divorce to my father but she had never gotten married again. I decided to call Andreina next.
“Are you back in town?” asked Andreina on the phone.
“Uhu…”I said distractedly. I had not heard from Mark in hours and he wasn’t picking up either so I was feeling lonely and very bored.
“I am going to come over!” she almost yelled. I looked outside and it was raining.
“I will go to your place instead. It feels weird to be in this apartment alone.” I told my friend and then walked towards my place’s entrance.
I took a Uber to Andreina’s place. She lived in a flat with a couple of flat-mates, she was saving up to buy a house outside of London, possibly in Yorkshire but she hadn’t moved away because of Peter. She was waiting for him to decide wether he wanted to jump in the adventure or not. Peter had more than enough money to do what he pleased. He was a successful musician and she had millions saved up in his bank, sometimes I would forget that.
Andreina and I sat near each other in her living room while having some Venezuelan cookies she had bought online for some reason. We talked about our lives and our futures. I was so far happy with my career and I didn’t imagine myself quitting any time soon. Andreina was thinking about changing jobs and maybe even cutting her hair shorter.
We talked about life and how we felt in our relationships, we seemed pretty happy and stable, we hadn’t imagine that five years ago.
“It’s crazy you have Mark, I always imagined you were going to stay single until your thirties…I even thought you’d never marry. Now I am not sure. I am not even sure if I know this version of you” my friend said. I looked at her and laughed.
“Well, I never imagined you and Peter to be honest. I didn’t get it until you were both naked in front of me…” Andreina blushed.
“Shut up! I can’t believe you remember that shit.” She said as she punched my shoulder.
“Yeah well…never forget.” I said.
“Oh that was a crazy trip…we should maybe…do something like that again. It wasn’t really that long ago really…”
“I don’t think Mark would like the idea of public nakedness and a possible orgy…” I told her. Andreina smiled.
“Tom would’ve accepted.” she said. I rolled my eyes.
“What the fuck Andreina. It’s been very long…I am sure…” I said…
“Did you read his new book?” she asked me. Tom had written a new book? I denied with my head.
“I don’t care if he is the next Fitzgerald. I am not going to read anything he writes…” I said. “I am happy not reading him and I am happy in my relationship.”
“You can’t change who you really are Annie. You’re not some boring housewife…you…are way more!” and I felt offended. DID SHE CALL ME HOUSEWIFE!?
“I think it’s time for me to go.” I stood up.
“Are you angry? You’ve only been here for one…”
All I heard next was the sound of me closing her front door and running away. Maybe she was right, all this year I was trying so hard to change who I was for him. I had completely changed the way I behaved so he would accept me. Mark, however, had never told me to change. He accepted me how I was. I think.
I walk down the street and I have the sudden thought of meeting Tom again. Maybe he could tell me if…I delete the thought from my head. I was happy in my relationship, I had everything. I am stable, I am healthy. I love Mark.
I took a Uber back home and I turned off my phone.
I went immediately to Marks place. I opened the door with my key and I see Mark hugging another woman. Holy fuck. I didn’t see this coming!?
Was Mark cheating on me? Mark caresses her face next, carefully, her wipes her tears off her cheeks. Many thoughts cross my mind at the same time. I leave silently. He would never cheat on me…would he? I didn’t say anything. I wasn’t really to see him. I had put him in a pedestal and it turned out to be that he was just the same as Tom. He was cheating with that blonde woman.
“I think we should go back home…” I told Mark immediately when he showed up for dinner. He had brought home some food with him.
“I thought we were going to my parents tomorrow…”Mark said confused. “Are you alright?” he asked.
I mean…the whole world was crashing down on me but I just smiled.
“Yes…I am alright.” I said.
“I am sorry I left you alone dear…cleaning the house was worse than I imagined.” he said.
“Did you meet anyone today?” I asked. Mark got a bit nervous.
“I didn’t…”Mark said. “Did you…?”
“I saw Andreina, we had a fight…” I said. Mark sighs.
“About what?” he asks. “I am sure everything will get sorted out…are you okay?” I just get close to him and start crying.
I cried for a couple of minutes until I felt hungry and we had dinner. Mark never asked why I cried. He just stayed by my side caressing my hair. This man couldn’t be possibly lying to me, but I didn’t know did I? I wanted to believe we were the perfect couple. Maybe I was wrong.
I did what no one should do when he fell asleep. I checked his mobile phone. Nothing. He was clear of anything weird. Too clean…
In the morning he received a call which I replied because he was in the toilet.
“Mark my dear…about yesterday…I am so glad we saw each other I missed you so much…since you moved I couldn’t see you anymore I…I love you so much…” I pulled the phone away from my face. I was full of rage I hung up. He was cheating on me I was so fucking sure!
I was not going to wait around for him to break me. I picked some stuff and I was going away. I didn’t know where but anywhere but here. I moved my ass and ran away. I forgot about it…I returned and took the dog with me.
I found myself knocking on Peter’s door. I was upset with Andreina and I had only him as my real friend. The rest of my friends were just not…available. Peter opened the door and I felt like a crazy woman.
“Nice to see you friend…” he said surprised. “and dog.”
“Winston, that’s his name. He is a nice dog.” I pushed through and went to his living-room, Peter following me.
“So…what are you doing here?” he asked, I started crying. What the fuck!? I had become weak now. Annie from before wouldn’t have cried for a man. I was a pussy now.
“He…I am sure he is cheating on me.” I said. I was dying, I felt I was dying. My whole body felt it was fucking dying. I felt I needed to run away from there too. I felt stupid. I should’ve done what he told me. Maybe Tom was the answer? The better of two devils perhaps?
“I am going to kill that cunt.” said Peter slowly. “I wouldn’t have imagined it of the little bugger. He looks so innocent!” Peter said raging.
“Why didn’t you said the same thing about Tom?” I asked.
“Well he was always you know, obvious. Tom is a cunt but not a fucking wanker as that Mark. Pretending to be all good…a saint. I should’ve known!” he laughed. “He is not better than us…I hate snakes.” I smile at him slowly. He was so angry. He then passes me a napkin. I dry my eyes. “I’ve never seen you cry so much. I am sorry Annie.” he said. “When you were with Tom it was like a game. You were both predictable and I knew exactly how to read you. I…couldn’t read that Mark. I never liked him to be honest! What is his problem, you’re hot, you’re everything a man could’ve wanted. WHAT A FUCKING WANKER HONESTLY!.
“Stop it…” I said with a laugh… “I guess all men are the same then. I have lost hope in this world.” I felt calmer now. “What should I do?”
“Maybe ask the wanker who the woman is first?” he asked. I denied.
“I left and I am not coming back to hear him!” I said. “I guess I am going home…to see my mother.” I said. “I will go to the airport, get on a flight and…”
“Sounds like a plan then. Tomorrow?” Peter asked.
“Tomorrow.” I said decided.
I turned off my phone and Peter and I spent the day watching films. Nobody bothered us. Nobody was looking for me. Maybe Mark hadn’t realised I left. I couldn’t tell. Maybe I was being crazy but then…the thought of him hugging that blonde came to mind. I am going home. I will figure it out with my mother.
Peter drove me to the airport and I had no idea of what I was doing honestly. There were no flights to Venezuela until 8pm and I was already regretting leaving. I had no idea of what to do but I was hungry. I went to have some food before deciding where Winston and I could go. Winston was like my son and I couldn’t leave the damn dog! Was I dognapping him? I had everything. I had his papers I had his food. I had him.
I walked in front of WHSmith and there it was: Tom’s latest book. I hadn’t thought of Tom during all my crisis but…Belgium. I could go to Belgium instead. I liked that place and it would be very unlikely for anyone to even think that I would approach that country.
Next thing I know is Winston and me boarding a plane to Belgium. I was not sure of what I was doing but I felt heartbroken and crazy. I perhaps needed that break, after all…I missed being alone.
I decided to go to Belgium for a couple of days and return to Mark as if nothing had happened. That was it. A break from the truth, then I could come back to my fantasy!
I felt ill and I wanted to get drunk to forget that I existed. The plane leaves the ground and I said goodbye to Mark. I think Winston also felt the same, he was looking outside of the window in his cage, wondering.
“Bonjour…” said the girl sitting by me. She was looking right at Winston. “Chien?” she pointed at the cage.
“Quoi.” I replied. The girl was blonde and was travelling alone. I could tell because she was wearing the obvious identifier that the airline had given her.
“I like doggies…” the girl says suddenly in English. “Could I pet him when we arrive?” I nodded. The girl adds “I’m Emily Tyson. Nice to meet you!”
“Hi. I’m Annie. The dog’s name is Winston.” I said.
And we connected immediately. The young girl reminded me when I was her age, a bit eccentric, very sociable and pretty. The girl had golden locks and she was auditioning for a musical in London, that’s why she was there in the first place. Her parents lived in Belgium but they were from the U.S.
“My mum’s name is Helena and my dad’s name is Paul. They’re always too busy to worry about me…” she said.
“Even if they’re busy am sure they’ll always love you. They’re probably excited to see you again!” I said.
“Why are you going to Belgium? Is somebody waiting for you?” I deny with my head. “Then why are you travelling to Belgium silly?” I shrugged my shoulders.
“I really don’t know. Maybe I am just waiting for a prince to save me…” I don’t know why I said that…but maybe that was it. I was hoping to see Tom again. I knew he was there because he posted an Insta story with his father and…fuck!? Was I going to Tom?
“A prince always finds its princess!” said Emily playfully.
She was a kind kid and we became friends. I loved plane friends but Emily seemed the kind of friend who would actually text me every now and then. She even introduced me to her parents and we had a meal together!
I learnt their older son was in Switzerland too, and when I went back I should probably find him. He owned a pub. Cool! A new friend.
In Brussels I walked along with Winston unable to know where the fuck we would go next. It was a beautiful day, and I was glad to be there. I couldn’t use my phone so I just winged it. I rented a car and made my way to…Tom. Yes. Tom fucking Houben.
I felt nervous about my sudden decision but it was maybe what I was meant to do all along. I could marry him. He did ask me once…would he do it again? Or he had already a new girlfriend and I was just there to steal him away. I must have been out of my mind and indeed I was.
In my mind he was the lesser evil because I could read him and we were the same. Mark was just undeniably my everything but…I simply couldn’t tell if he was a good person or not. I had been ignoring everything else than us. I didn’t see any bad signs I was happy or at least that’s what I thought.
Winston and I drove to see fucking Tom.
In my head it was just perfect, I had still Tom, he was the lesser evil. I changed my mind at least ten times while I was on the road but it was too late. I was already knocking on his father’s door. I was freezing so I hoped for somebody at home. It was snowy there and Winston was also quite cold. I actually remember Matt and I smiled, I had been crazy that time…it seemed so long ago now. After Bournemouth, after the funeral…The maid opens the door for me.
“Hello?” she said in Flanders. I just responded in French.
“I am looking for monsieur Houben.” I said. The woman blushed and let me in.
Inside it was very war and the house had traditional Christmas decoration. I felt the walls were speaking to me and welcoming me. Welcome home Annie they said. I let Winston loose and he runs straight to Tom’s dad. The old man looked surprised to see me and he quickly picked Winston from the floor.
“Annie! What a surprise. Are you okay?” I nodded. “I guess you didn’t come to see a bag of bones like me…” he said slowly.
“I am here for your son…”I said, decided. His face was like is it Tom or is it Matt? “Tom” I said. The old man smiled.
“He is cutting wood outside.” he said. Winston licks his face and he seems extremely happy.
Meanwhile in England
MARK’S NARRATION
I return from my morning shower and Annie is gone. I call to the dog and he is also gone. I can only think she took him for a walk a few moments ago and I am to wait for them to return. I think about our talk, and I think how much I hated lying to her. I lied to Annie for the first time in our time dating, and it was because I am going to ask her to become my wife.
Annie is going to be my wife and I was going to be her husband.
I enter the bedroom and I notice her luggage is gone but I don’t really think much of it. I remembered how she told me that she was going to get a new one soon anyways. Then I decide to take a nap.
I wake up after my cellphone starts ringing again, it is my mum asking where we are. We were supposed to be by their place at five. It is 5pm. I was only supposed to nap thirty minutes, not five hours.
“Annie?” I say. No response. I knew she was the kind of person who would never dare to wake somebody so I could only think she decided to let me sleep. I move from bed and I walk around her apartment looking for her.
No Annie. No Winston. Were they gone for another walk?
“Mum, I think we won’t be coming today anymore” I say to the phone as I am walking around. I open the closet in her bedroom and there I see it: Tom Houben’s book. I didn’t know she had a book from her ex. My mother sounded disappointed as I tell her everything that happened. She sends her regards to Annie and nothing. My mind starts racing and my anxiety rises too. Was this Tom’s fault? her sudden disappearance?
Had Annie actually left me?
My phone rings again after a few minutes of me going through Houben’s book, nothing saying “Annie I love you come back to me…so…this was not it.” I close the book and hope it is Annie.
“Mark, I called you this morning and you hung up on me!” says Felicity, my sister.
“You called me?” I ask.
“You sounded fucking pissed! You hung up on me angrily!” she reveals, and i immediately thought the worse. Annie thought…I was cheating on her!?
“Hi sis” I say calmly but I feel like I am going to die. “What did you say in the phone?
“I was grateful to see you yesterday and…that I was sad I couldn’t see you…and that I loved you…something along the lines…why?” she says. I am the most stupid man on this earth. I didn’t tell my girlfriend of one year and a half about my sister and now…
“Felicity. You fucking idiot!” I yell.
“Wha. You never swear!?” she says.
“Annie…you called and she picked up. She thought I must have been shagging you or…”
“You never say shagging!” my sister says with a laugh. “Mark, is everything alright?” I am already crying. She didn’t trust me. She left me. The woman of my life left me. I just lost part of… “are you crying!? Markie…little brother…please!” she says.
“Basically I never told my girlfriend I had a sister…she left me. ” I say sniffing and full of buggers.
“Get it together. She is probably with a friend or something…”
“I fear she might’ve gone see her ex…they… oh my God…” I cry harder.
“Look Mark, yesterday you wanted to marry this girl. You are sure she loves you so…lets find her and sort things out. I am going there. Don’t move.
Meanwhile in Belgium
ANNIE’S NARRATION
I was bored and Tom hadn’t come from outside yet. I missed Mark and I was wondering if it was the right decision or not. I turned my phone on and I got twenty missed calls from Mark, then of everybody else, including my mother. I decided to call my mum because I didn’t want her to think I was dead.
“Mum.” I said.
“How’s that that you’re coming here? Are you and Mark ok!?” she asked.
“I am in Belgium mum…I dunno…I…”
“Tom? Are you with him?” she asked.
“I am safe mum. It’s just Mark wasn’t the sort of guy I thought he was and…we’re over.” I said.
“Listen to him Annie.” she demanded. “I talked to him. He loves you deeply…”
Then the maid came in with a couple of tea.
“I’m sorry mum, I have to leave…” I said.
“Wa..” I hung up.
Of course my mum was going to be on his side. She loved Mark. He was like her own son now. I drank my tea and soon I fell asleep. I was tired and I didn’t realise. I woke up again a couple of hours later and I fed the dog. Then the dog fought with the house cat and he was fucked up. The cat scratched his nose and he was bleeding. I held the dog in my arms and I walked to the kitchen. Tom was inside. He was crouched at the floor caressing the cat. His coat was full of wood chips and he smelled of fire. He hadn’t seen me yet so I had the upper hand. I walked towards him and he lifts his eyes to see me.
“You woke up…”he said. He stood slowly and he touched my arm. “It’s a beautiful surprise that you’re here.”
Meanwhile in England
MARK’S NARRATION
My sister arrives at Annie’s a few minutes after our call. I give her my girlfriend’s picture and she has nothing to say. I know. She is beautiful. She could be a model for all is worth. She is the kind of woman who would be super out of my league yet…she had been with me…dating me. She was mine, and she was going to be my wife. Nobody was going to take away my girlfriend from me. I am fighting for her. I call Peter.
“Where’s Annie Peter?” I ask him. He just hangs up on me. This is going to be harder than I figured. I call her mother instead. She also didn’t want to tell me where her daughter was so…it was me and Felicity. Sherlock and his assistant. I was not giving up easily because I didn’t want to spend Christmas without my love.
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