Outside was warm and it was almost the beginning of summer. I had been dating Mark for a couple of months now, and I must say that I was stable. There was no more drinking, I was feeling healthier, and I actually looked much better. Inside me, however, I felt how everything was going to fall at some point— and our relationship would come crashing down and be destroyed, and I would become the same person I was before I met him.
Mark hugged me from behind and startled me. The radio was still on and we found ourselves dancing to Ed Sheeran. It was the end of our goodbye party and I couldn’t believe we were actually moving to Switzerland in a couple of days.
I closed my eyes and I left myself become one with the music and him. I felt his feet move slowly side to side. I felt his warmth, and I felt protected. I loved this man. I loved him more than somebody could probably love. We kissed and I felt as if the time stopped. We were one, there was no-one else in the world than us.
Suddenly we were naked. Suddenly we were actually making love for the first fucking time. Our bodies clashing against each other with desire, and our hearts linked with passion and calmness. It was meant to happen just like that and it was worth the wait.
I think we made it like four times that night. I had never had so much sex with anybody since Niko and it felt great. I was hungry all along for some great British D and I had finally had it, but now that I had had it… just as I wanted…I could just think that sometime when I was riding him…a faint thought of Tom flew through my mind.
Get it together Annie Picardesi.
I lift myself from bed and I opened the curtain. My lover was in bed and he looked precious. His body was more chubby than I expected but he knew how was the deal. We had to get used to each other bodies still, but I wouldn’t change a thing about our lovemaking session.
“So…it happened.”I heard me say, Mark opened his eyes.
“It happened…about time it did…”he said. “It was so hard.” he said cheekily. “I love you Annie.”
I swear to God I would never get used to this man telling me that he loved me.
We moved to Switzerland a few days later. Hello new life.
I know what you’d be thinking. Dis too early, and it felt like that for me too. I was living in a fantasy world. I was playing house, and I fucking loved it. It was the fantasy I sinked myself in because it was just so perfect that I had to taste every single drop of it. Three years in my fantasy world would be.
Bern was a nice and expensive place and I was digging my new Switz life. You know, all the chocolate, all the fondue…all the expected bullshit that had an appeal for the first two weeks, but then became monotonous. Mark and I were good at living together, and perhaps some people would call our bluff at some point.
Our neighbours didn’t.
Felix and Bennie. I first met Bennie when I was coming back from work a month after we had moved in. Bennie was a tall bearded man and he worked as a banker.
“Nice to meet ya’ Ann-e” he said with a very broken English. His French was much better and I hadn’t gotten used to their German yet so I would speak French more often.
“Hi. Nice to meet you.” I said too, blushing. He was the first man I met in this country. His husband came out of the house and was surprised to see us talking.
“Finally!” said Felix excitedly. He rushed towards me and hugged me. “I’m a hugger…sorry…I wanted to meet you and your husband…” I interrupted him.
“My boyfriend” I said blushing. Mark my husband? the thought had never crossed my mind. I was not ready to get married. I needed a drink.
“Oh…well. I am Felix. Felix Doran. I am from…guess where…” he said with a wide smile on his face. I knew exactly were he came from.
“Umeeerica?” I said in a terrible American accent. Felix started laughing like crazy and held my arm.
“Are you busy? I have just to show you something…
That’s how Mark and I got dragged into their lives and we were basically adopted by another couple living outside of their countries in Switzerland…like us.
A year passed after that and…Ben married Valeria. We went to their wedding and it was weird to be back in England after a whole year. I was back to drinking…thanks to Bennie…but I was a responsible adult now. I had Mark by my side so everything was going to be okay.
I was still playing house and I was fucking undecided if I loved it or not. I was not even twenty four for fucks sake.
I organised my friend’s bachelorette party. There were strippers, vodka…and a lot of dancing. I woke up in the same bed as Andreina and Luz but it is not what you think! I would never cheat on Mark.
“You seem to have cozied up quite well with Mark” Peter comments when everybody is drinking and dancing after Ben and Valeria wed. I hold his shoulder and I give him a huge smile.
“Best almost two years of my life…” I said. Mark was awkwardly trying to dance with Andreina but failing to impress.
“He is quite nerdy isn’t him?.”asked Peter. “I wish you guys stayed longer in the UK so…I could observe how you’re together…”
“Are you being my dad Peter?” I said with a laugh. “Why do you care…”
“Did you ever read Tom’s book?” he asked. I hadn’t heard that name in ages. I had actually forgotten he existed. The Houben’s weren’t at the wedding, I hadn’t realised before.
“He isn’t here…why?” I asked my friend.
“I don’t know. I know Ben invited him and Matt but neither of them showed up.” he said.
“A toast for that.” I said with a smile. “I didn’t want to see those motherfuckers anyways.” I laughed.
A part of me missed Tom though. I could lie all I wanted about it but sometimes at night I would check his pictures online and just wonder a: what if. I erase the thought of my mind and there he is. He showed up fashionably late as always. We looked at each other and I felt the instant butterflies in my belly. I needed to leave. I needed my safe-keep. I needed Mark.
I almost ran to be by Mark’s side but Tom caught me earlier.
“You…it’s been a long time.” He said. Tom smelled nice and he was wearing an expensive tux. His green demonic eyes ate me just as I was eating him with my eyes.
“Goodbye.” I said. I started to walk away but he held my arm. Before he could say anything Ben’s mum started toasting.
“That could’ve been us…”Tom whispers. I sighed.
“We would be dead in a ditch somewhere.” I joked.
I walked away and went to Mark. I gave him a juicy kiss just because.
“Wow… do I need to take you to weddings more often” he said, horny. I smiled at him. Tom was gone. Did I win this battle?
Mark and I live pacifically in Bern…they supposedly speak only German. I enjoy my life and sometimes I think about Tom… I wonder what will be next.
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