Tom disappeared. No calls were being received and it was a case of absolute ghosting. Not only to me but to all my friends. Judging by the things that had happened in his life lately we supposed that was the reason. I felt hurt and lonely though. Yes, I didn’t understand myself. I wanted to be alone for so long and after I achieved it my skin craved for attention. Maybe I was just horny, I didn’t know.
It was almost September and I had a month off work. I had done a lot of overtime and I couldn’t go to work to continue seeing the empty seat where Tom would often seat. My boss knew where Tom was but he didn’t reveal it to me. Apparently, he was off somewhere abroad to do some copyright paperwork to a super famous band which we were not meant to reveal the name.
I decided to volunteer as a runner in a film. I had nothing better to do so I just applied and got accepted. I was happy, I loved movies and I had never been in a real movie set. What I didn’t know was that the film was being filmed in Sweden and I had to travel there to spend the month.
I think I needed it. I was bored of London and all the people. I was ready for a change of scenery! The role I accepted was unpaid but the accommodation and the expenses were paid. I guess I was just a lucky gal and I was ready for WB. A few days later I packed my things and I took a plane to Sweden all by myself.
The hotel where all the production was staying was gigantic. It was five-starred and it smelled amazing. The production assistant received me with love and told me that I was shadowing him. His name was Lucca and he was Italian. the day was very hectic and I felt just at home.
I wondered if I had chosen the wrong career. Film stuff seemed to be my thing now! I guess because we Venezuelan people have a lowkey obsession with Hollywood and Hollywood films.
Usually, in large production, there’s a hierarchy to be achieved and sometimes people between department don’t get to know each other. This was a mid-range production and everybody knew each other. Everything had worked out through word of mouth and I was the only person who arrived there by coincidence. I had seen the job advert online and…you know the story.
People moved from here and there busy, very busy. I felt lost the first day or two but suddenly I was a good as the rest. We had a celebratory dinner after the first week of filming and I met the actors and actresses personally.
Rocky was the main character, his real name was Nikolaus and he spoke various languages (Swedish, English and Spanish). He was like a male version of Daenerys Targaryen. His hair was white, his eyes were grey and he was almost 2 meters high, and like every actor ever: he was fuucking hot! He reminded me of the Hemsworth brothers but Swedish.
The other actor was called Liam Ravem. A guy who had a background doing a show on BBC 2 and felt superior to everyone else. He was less hot than Nikolaus but he was pretty attractive too.
The film was about a man who returned home after the second world war to find his wife in love with another man. Then, he also falls in love with the man and its a battle between the two of them to see who wins the affection of the man. An spoiler: neither of them does. The man decides to go back to America and they are left to resolve their marital issues alone.
With Nikolaus I learnt about the famous actor’s life. The rehab stories and LA life. He told me he had been born in Spain but his parents had decided to move to America when he was 7. He told me that he acted in a lot of commercials as a child and he had been one of the Gerber’s kids. After he started growing so tall, he lost many roles…until he decided to do independent cinema in Britain and he won a BAFTA award, landing two major roles in one year.
It was fascinating to listen to him talking. I mean, all the actors were telling me their career story but Niko’s was the better one. We…kind of hitting it off after that.
We would have dinner every night and talk about life. We had undeniable chemistry and I cannot lie, I was crushing on him.
My friends in England were busy with their own lives. Redhome was on tour again and the girls were busy either studying or working. It sucked to be an adult but I had the opportunity to be somewhere out of my comfort zone, happy.
All of a sudden a new Instagram post of Tom, and I realised he was fooling around with some girl in Paris. I felt very stupid but I was not going to allow for that to pull me down.
That night I sat to have my usual meal with Niko. We had our usual adventure-collection showcase and suddenly he asked me “So you have a boyfriend then?” his accent was funny in Spanish.
“Nope. no boyfriend” I said with a smile.
“So you’re telling me that no man is pursuing you currently?” he said, fun.
“Something like that…there’s someone,” I said back.
“Do you love him?” and yes, I did love Tom but he was too busy doing some random model and I was not a fucking model.
“Why are you asking this? I thought we had this conversation a few nights ago…” I said, blushing.
“You’re right, we did. I just needed to make sure because there won’t be a random guy telling me what I can do and what I can’t do to you…” he caressed my hand.
“Funny but right,” I said looking straight to his eyes.
Although we flirted that night nothing happened between us, and I kind of wanted something to happen. Two weeks to go to finish the film and that would mean Adios’ Nikolaus. I had to talk to Tom. I had had enough of his bullshit and I wanted him to tell me who the girl was. Was I jealous? Yes.
I called and a French woman replied. “Oh, Pardon…Tom is taking a shower now. Do you want to give him a call later?” she said.
“No, it is okay. I was just worried about him.” I said absolutely mortified. “Could you tell me your name, please?”
“Oh, Alice.” I hung up. Fuck you, Alice. Fuck you, Tom.
I remembered then. Tom and I weren’t dating. I was single. I was a mother fucking single woman who deserved to have fun. I was saving myself all along to be with him I guess but Tom had other plans like always. A cunt is always a cunt.
“Hey what’s going on, where are you taking me?” Asked Niko the next day. It was the lunch hour and we were stuck in the studio all day until midnight. I dragged him along with me to a storage room and I closed the door behind us. “What’s going on!” he said with a nervous laugh. He then approached me “Are you trying to…” I kissed him.
Nikolaus held me strongly against his body. He kissed my neck and I was enjoying every minute of it. I took my shirt off and I unbuttoned my jeans. Niko did the same smiling broadly. He didn’t pull his sight out of mine. He held me in his arms again and kissed me fully. He was strong alright. I wrapped my legs across his waist and he held me against him. The intensity of what we were doing was increasing more and more.
Was I sure of what I was doing? No. Did I want it FUCK YES!
He held me and we slowly made ourselves at home. There was a mountain of textiles left on a corner and we dragged each other there. Niko didn’t stop kissing me, his breathing was agitated and his hands grabbed onto my naked skin without hesitation. We threw ourselves there and we got rid of our underwear. He put a condom on and we looked at each other naked for the first time.
The man was gorgeous and had an amazing body.
“You’re so sexy…” he said kissing my stomach. “You’re everything…” he continued kissing my body. “I thought you had no interest on me…” “I thought I was the only one…”
“Shut up and kiss me…” I said dragging him closer to me. I felt his enormous…across my legs. I held it and put it in.
“Fuck Annie…you’re so wet,” He said caressing my entrance with one finger, and then he pushed himself inside me. He then held my hair with one hand and my arm with the other. We were silent. We didn’t want anybody to find out what we were doing. We were in perfect sync but we couldn’t finish. Before we knew it, Niko’s phone started ringing and he stopped. “Always in the worst time..” he said. He looked through the clothes and picked up. After a second. “Alright, I have to go back…” He grabbed his boxers and then passed me his hand. “We will continue this later, okay?” He said. I stood up with his help and we dressed up.
We left the storage room as nothing had happened. We saw each other every night after that moment. Everything was great and I felt amazing. Niko was great. He was the perfect fuck buddy and we had put parameters of how we were going to do it, when and why. The response to the why is: We’re young, we are beautiful, we want to have sex.
The filming ended and remember when I thought it was going to be over? That last night together just…
“What we did is not okay Annie…”Niko said. We were naked in his bed. I caressed his chest.
“Oh, no? Why? Did I made you cum too hard again..?” I said with a laugh, he looked at me.
“I’m serious. These past few weeks…I’ve been lying to you.” Uh no, another lie!? I looked at him, worried. “I was meant to marry someone…but now I am not so sure of that,” he said and I was enraged. I had been a tool to cheat. I was an absolute wanker. I was about to kill him but he continued. “You appeared so suddenly you know…I thought wow, I am walking on lava here…I’m going to get burnt, and…here I am feeling like I might die if I can’t have sex anymore with you. You should stay in Sweden with me. Don’t go back to England.” he said. I was astonished. He had lied to me about being single, he had cheated on his girlfriend with me and he now wanted me to stay with him in his country all of the sudden.
“I don’t know what to say…I have to go back to England. I have friends, I have my loved ones there and…you are also an adult and you can visit me there whenever you want…I mean I am fucking angry because you cheated on your girlfriend but I have weeks fucking you and…whatever.” I kissed him.
Where was my moral code then? I think I had lost it now. I was fucking somebody else’s fiancé and I was enjoying it. Was this what Tom felt when he did it once? (as the stories said) .
Anyways. I returned to England. I was applying unnatural ghosting to Nikolaus as Tom had done to me. I started work again and my crazy weeks as a runner in Sweden were over. What I didn’t know was that Nikolaus would actually come to the U.K for me 3 days later. We had decided to stay as fuck buddies and only meet each-other low key so the press wouldn’t find out and…it was just perfect. My brain was just going through a bodily phase I guess. The thoughts of Tom and insecurity were gone and…I fucking loved it.
Week 1 back in England passed and I went to bed super tired. I had been sleeping too late meeting with my fuck buddy while he was in town and when the doorbell rung I was just expecting him to be visiting me. Infamous 4. As we had decided to call it.
4am booty call with a Swedish man.
“Nikolaus come in…I thought I had given you a key the other day…” I said. Covering my head again with the bedsheets. The doorbell rang again. Maybe he had forgotten it in his hotel room? I moved my ass from the bed. I opened the door and it was very dark. It was from Tom. When he saw me he kissed me.
“Surprise…” he said. Guilt entered my body. “hmm, who’s Nikolaus? Where you expecting somebody?” he asked, making himself at home. I followed him to the kitchen. He grabbed my wine and opened it. Serving himself some. “You need to get more expensive wine…” he said. “Who is he?” he asked again, drinking the wine and leaning against the kitchen counter.
“Just a friend. And you’re welcome…for the wine.” I said, a bit annoyed.
“Oh come on, I bought this wine for you…I brought last time I was here.” “Anyways. He has a key and he comes to see you at 4am? What kind of friend is that?” said Tom, serving himself another cup. I improvised.
“He is my…gay friend. You wouldn’t understand…”
“Oh, so he is your girl-friend! I’m sorry..” Tom said sarcastically. “Darling…I want to drive you to work tomorrow…is that okay for you?” he said with a smile. “You’re as beautiful as ever…did you know that?” he said. The air was tense and I was kind of frightened.
“What did you come here for Tom, to drink my wine?” I said. Tom chucked the wine and grabbed another wine glass serving two.
“You drink this one. I drink this one. Sounds good?” Tom grabbed the wine and started drinking again. I went to my room and I called Peter.
“Yes…he is here and he is behaving super weird…” I told him. “I kinda don’t feel safe,” I said. The door opened and he was there.
“You don’t have to call for back up…” said Tom. “I just want a drink with you…that’s it.”
Suddenly I heard the door at the entrance and I knew it was Niko. He was here a bit late but he was here. I held Tom’s arm.
“Wait here please.” Tom winked at me and sat on the bed. Still drinking wine.
I went to the hallway and said hi to Niko. He turned on the light.
“Sorry am late, I couldn’t scape my room…too many paparazzi…they’re starting to wonder why the hell I am in England I guess…” he said, fun. He then grabbed me and kissed me. I pulled him away and looked behind me to make sure Tom wasn’t there. He wasn’t.
“What’s wrong?” Niko whispered. “Did you bring another lover home?” I said no but he started laughing like crazy and rushed to my bedroom. “I’ve always wanted a threesome!” he said.
I was dying inside. A threesome!? I grabbed his shirt.
“Stop it!” I yelled. Nikolaus smiled broadly and caressed my face.
“Is your boyfriend inside or something?” he said whispering. Tom got out and looked at us. The wine was gone and he was smaller and more delicate than Niko.
“Who’s the beast?” He asked. Nikolaus smiled and grabbed my ass. I kicked him a little.
“I am Nikolaus Edström, you?”
“Thomas Houben.” Tom said. “You’re the actor aren’t you? I saw one of your films last year…you were filming not that long ago no?” he said. Oh, Tom knew who he was, he probably knew I was lying too.
“I think I have to bed now…” I said. A sudden the doorbell rung and Peter and Andreina were outside. I sighed and went to the door. They entered and they took Tom away. I stayed with Nikolaus.
“Do you still want me to leave?” Niko asked I said no and we went to my room and had sex.
The next morning I got ready for work, and also ready for some good drama. I gave Niko a kiss.
“Sorry about last night…that was super weird,” I said. Niko smiled.
“You don’t have to say anything. Dude was hot. Your ex?” I laughed.
“No, he’s more like my enemy I think…” Nikolaus laughed.
“Whatever he was looking for…he didn’t find it,” said Niko. He then held me in my arms. I got loose.
“Niko…I really like you, and I like having sex with you but…perhaps its more crazy than we expected…I think you should marry,” I said. Nikolaus pulled his tongue out.
“Booo, that’s too boring Annie. I want you…” he kissed me again and I kissed him back. We had sex again.
After the deed, I looked at him. “You love her Niko. I think you’re just using me because you’re scared of committing forever to somebody…I know if you leave I will just forget you and..that’s it. Both of us, we are from very different worlds and…
“You are saying this because you love the guy don’t you?” said Niko with a smile. “I understand…If it's going to be that way…I want you to come to my wedding!” he said, fun.
“You’re crazy, did you know that?” I said, Niko kissed me and stood up from the bed.
“Yes. I know but…if you change your mind…if you want to destroy the wedding…I’ll be more than happy to run away with you.
After all the sex and weeks of sexual freedom, everything inside me told me I was ready to date again. It was time for me to chase the man I wanted. I was going to chase him and he was going to be fucking mine. I was not going to accept that some random French woman took him away from me. Niko had taught me to go for what I wanted and it was him that I wanted.
I loved the man and I was fucking sure he loved me back. I arrived at work and Tom was there. We made eye contact and suddenly we were in the kitchen area.
“I’m so sorry Annie.” He said. I took his hand.
“You were going through some shit…I know. I am sorry about your mom and…I am sorry I did the stuff I did with Matt. We’re over now.” I said.
“I know. You broke his heart…” he said. He looked to my eyes. “Were you fucking that guy? The giant?” I smiled.
“Nope” I lied. “After all…I love you.” I said. Tom grabbed my face and kissed me fully.
Two weeks later Tom was staying over and we had actually gone in our first date. Everything was going kind of great.
“Can I soap your back?” He asked and he started soaping me. I felt his hand touching my body with care. I was horny. He was horny and I don’t know why the hell he had said to start things slowly…no fucking until the third month.
Tom was hairless and his body was smaller than Niko´s. I mean he had an amazing body and all but Nikolaus…I turned around and I said “my turn” I started soaping his chest and he had a massive boner. I wanted to grab it. I wanted to do naughty things to him. We started french-kissing and we turned off the shower. He held my waist and I could feel him against me. He started kissing my belly button and went down on me. Oh fuck. YES.
After a while, I pulled his hair and we started kissing passionately. We hit the wall together, I kind of yelled.
“I’m sorry…so sorry..” his lips went back to mine. He started thrusting against me with his friend and he was looking for a way to…the doorbell rung. Old habits don’t end aye? Outside was Nikolaus. He had a bottle of champagne with him. I blushed and I went to my room, dressing up.
“What are you doing here?” I asked. Nikolaus laughed.
“To celebrate!” He said. “I am going to be a father!” he said. Tom was by the door too.
“Hey…I thought you were gay…” Tom said. Nikolaus nodded.
“Well! Turns out I am bisexual! “ He laughed. “Aren’t you going to congratulate me?”
“Yes. Of course. Come in…” I said.
We drank champagne enjoyed a peaceful evening together and then he left after midnight.
Tom looks at me.
“You were totally doing that guy weren’t you?” he said. I nodded and we started laughing.
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