The autumn sky had me considering why the hell of all the places of the world I’d chosen England as a place to pursue my second undergraduate degree. Photography in Belgium had not been enough, and I travelled far away from home to come to a country full of useless men and barely acceptable women.
It was Monday morning, and it was the first day at university. My insides felt funny from all the drinking during freshers week and from smoking so much. My eyes were tired, and my body also felt incredibly sore.
Although I enjoyed my first day at Uni, I was constantly thinking if joining a music production course was a good idea. I took the underground and travelled for way too long to join my brother and my aunt at home.
As I was older than the rest, I found myself annoyed at the stupidity of my peers and the immaturity of the ladies. I was willing to date one or two from my course. My beauty to my advantage, I guess.
Soon enough, I happened to reign the lectures and become one of the known “bad boys” from my department. I loved being the bad boy. I loved walking down Camberwell feeling like the king of England.
In terms of my character, I probably didn’t have the best one. I could be too serious, too sarcastic, but desirable. I always found myself surrounded by women, and many of them would send me their nudes which I would classify and then select who I was dating next.
Did I fuck any of them? I tried, but I found myself with a loss of libido every time they’d try to open their legs to me. I was not sure when my usual nature had changed, but my brother convinced me it was just that I was getting used to British soil.
The classrooms were naturally bland, and the lectures were sometimes engaging and sometimes boring. In my free time, I would write, and then I had my first novel that my dad had managed to sell to his publisher friends.
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My reign in the first place continued through the semester until one day in the second semester, while talking to my professor, I realised I was no longer his top student.
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It was a sunny day in London for once. The wind smelled like smog, and the people surrounding me were already gossiping about my fall from grace.
I invited my mates to the pub to investigate if one of them had been my replacement, but instead, they talked about the ladies in the other course, which sometimes shared lectures with us. I wondered why it was always like that: men in those sorts of discussions, but I need to admit I loved the drama, and they gave me insights into what to write next.
“She’s super fit,” said one of my mates while showing the guy next to him some insta story.
“Aye, she’s fit alright, I’d do her…” replied the other man. My friend was almost salivating from the view.
“Can I see her?” I asked.
“Weird Tom hasn’t banged her yet…”
“Maate, don’t shoow him….” said the other one with jealousy, my mate went to hide his phone from me, and I snatched it off his hand.
“Too late,” I said, and I saw her. It was the cunt who took over my spot at Uni and my known enemy (although I was sure she didn’t know I hated her guts). I’d seen her a few times around campus, and she was the only one I revered as my competition. We were fighting to get the third-year internship as there was only one spot. The spot for me, Tom.
“Ahhh not this wanker..” I immediately said. I didn’t find her attractive, or at least I’d never considered her such.
The waiter brought our drinks, and I drank thinking of the possibility of her.
Long black hair and expressive brown eyes, a fierce Latin-American look in them. Freckles, no makeup, sportive, a beauty, an absolute beauty. A half-Italian goddess.
“I tried asking her out,” said my mate, “she immediately turned me down.”
“of course, she would!” yelled the other one.
I felt irritated they found her attractive… inside me, I felt I should’ve realised sooner of her possibilities and how to make of my enemy, my lover.
“She’s clever, she knows not to get involved with any of us. I had the most interesting conversation with her when I saw her last and…I think I might have a chance.” Said the blonde one. My anger grew and I downed my drink.
“Am going home.”
“Mate… don’t go yet, you’re my wingman.” Wingman or no wingman I couldn’t handle such conversations about her.
“Fuck off…”
That night I dreamt of Annie Picadersi for the first time, and I convinced myself that she was going to be mine. I wanted her to fall for me so I could ruin her.
"Hey, I’m Tom Houben. I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced yet.” I spoke, almost convinced that my voice would seduce her. Annie looked uninterested, and she binned her 100% graded assignment.
“It’s almost the end of the year and this is how you introduced yourself?” Annie asked. “I am Annie.” and of course, she had the most seducing voice I’d ever heard in my life.
The conversation was the actual beginning of our rivalry. We’d fight for everything, and we’d piss each other off by booking the studio spaces on the same days, and we’d take all the books from the library so the other one would not take them. I knew her schedule, and she knew mine, and it was an exhilarating position.
Then, one day my professor told Annie and me to talk about our experiences at Uni during the open day. I had not seen Annie all summer, and she looked incredible. Her skin was slightly tanned by the sun, and I immediately realised her smile had claimed a space in my mind and my pants.
Even though I had had three girlfriends during the summer at the same time, none of them made me feel so desperately horny like her. On that day, I’d come up with a plan to ask her out as I couldn’t handle the sensation I had in myself. I was scared, even though I was used to using and seducing.
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I wanted her to be my lover, my only girlfriend!
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I enter the lecture room and I see her talking to some international students. She then looked at me and headed towards me: fresh skin, elegant movements and a fucking sexy ass.
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“Hello,” I say, she ignores me and seats in one of the seats in the front row. I run to the seat next to her, but one of the youngsters joined her instead. I didn’t get any closer than her than that. Game on.
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I followed her around in Uni like a lion waiting for my moment to attack. We continued the chase until the exit, and I saw David, a cunt I knew through my friend Peter. The guy hands my woman a bouquet of roses, and she immediately kisses him.
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Before summer, she was single, and now after summer, she had a cunt boyfriend. I tried to play it cool and hide my anger as I looked from afar, and when Annie turned to see me, I waved bye and went home.
No one in the world could understand my rage, I had planned everything for that little bitch, and she’d played me good.
"Do you know where Annie lives?” I asked my mates in our WhatsApp group, they thought I was planning some sort of practical joke, but I’d come up with a plan to ultimately make her break up with her boyfriend and fall for me.
None of them knew, so I had to use other methods. One of my exes worked as a part-time secretary at Uni. I saw her the next day.
“Liss…” I said with a calm voice. “How have you been?”
I caught my ex by surprise, she looked nervous to see me, and a rush of red went straight to her face.
“Tom. It’s nice to see you after so long…” she smiled big. “wha- what are you doing here today?”
“I need to ask you a favour…”
“from me!? Yes, yeah… sure sure. What do you need?”
“I need to have someone’s address…” I said, Liss looked a bit disappointed. I knew she wasn’t going to do it by the expression on her face.
“I came to…are you free tonight?”
Liss's eyes popped out of her face and started combing her hair with her fingers.
“I…I shouldn’t I… have a boyfriend now…”I moved close to the reception, and I grabbed her hand, caressing it a little.
“I’ve missed you…”
“Oh Tom, please… someone can see us…”
“Let me go in the back with you…”
Next thing I know she’s sucking me.
“Please don’t tell my boyfriend…”
And I got the address I wanted. I obsessed over the address for a couple of days. I found myself on Google maps just looking at the street and wondering how I could knock on her bell and then lead her to fuck me…
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One night at 7:55 pm, I decided not to join my mates for a drink and go to visit her.
In the underground, I imagined us naked and doing it in all sexual positions. I felt I was going insane. I was as hard as a rock when I knocked on her door for the first time.
Annie opened the door, and I made myself at home quickly, I put my jacket on the back of a chair, and I approached her the most I could.
“So David and you…” I held myself from saying they were fucking. I saw the roses David had given her a few days ago, they were lookinb stunning, and Annie seemed to take good care of them.
They were fucking, I was sure.
Suddenly, there was a total blackout, and my immediate reaction was to approach and protect her against any danger, or perhaps it was me who hated the darkness.
When my skin touched her skin I felt a rush of electricity climbing through my leg straight to my head, suddenly feeling dizzy and even hornier.
She got startled.
“Shh, calm down…it’s only me, “ I said, I pulled out my phone and shone the lantern at her. “Do you have any candles?”
And she nodded, I grabbed her hand intuitively and she shuddered. She pulled me along with her. I could tell she felt the same electricity when we touched. A weird strange feeling I’d only felt when high.
I helped Annie to pick five candles and a pack of matches.
We lit the candles in her living room and we sat in front of each other on the floor. My mind was racing and my brain was figuring out a way of getting rid of our clothes. I wanted to satisfy my immoral desires…
Our eyes crossed paths and she slid to be closer to my side. I didn’t know what she was playing, but I was taken away by her beauty under those candlelights.
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“It’s terrible…”I spoke after we’d been looking at each other in silence for five minutes, or maybe she noticed my looks of perverse intentions.
“What’s terrible?” She asked confused. I wanted to say “that you have a boyfriend” but I held myself. I lifted a brow and played it cool.
“The blackout..” Annie looked straight at my lips and then looked again at me as if savouring my words…savouring my lips. And I thought that maybe I could be dirty with her, and I just wondered: how dirty could this get?
“ I can think of something we can do in the meantime, but I am not sure if you’re up for it…” Annie’s eyes widen with curiosity and she puts a strand of her hair behind her ear…waiting to hear more.
There was nothing else to add. I took advantage of her naivety and I started by kissing her fingers.
She didn’t pull away in disgust so I continued. I kissed her knuckles, then her wrist then her arm.
Her skin tasted delicious, better than in my imagination. She’d a taste I couldn’t describe, it was an intoxicating natural fragrance that I’d never tasted before.
Once my lips tasted her shoulder I couldn’t resist any longer so me and my tongue held onto her neck, as if I was a vampire sucking for blood.
Annie’s heart was pounding hard, and her breathing was accelerating. She looked at me with desire and I continued kissing her neck. I was sure she was the kind who’d like that.
I looked at her for a moment and I continued, this time I kissed her chin. Our closeness had me as hard as a rock and her smell…was making me drunk on oxytocin.
Then, the top of my lip slid onto her lower lip. I held her close and we kissed. Not in my wildest dream, I’d think a kiss like this could happen. It was the kind of kiss that only happened in fiction.
Annie stopped kissing me for a second and looks at me as if permitting me to do more…
The thoughts in my head were that I wanted to make her mine. I wanted to lie in bed with her and fuck her brains off. My boner pounding against my jeans wanting to be released and cause chaos.
what if we pull it out Annie I thought.
“I hope David doesn’t get angry at this,” I told her only to immediately regret my words! Why in the world would I say that!? I could have just said “where’s your bedroom” or finally confess my feelings for her.
She knows how I am worried about the boyfriend. She didn’t do or say anything, she smiled and me and kissed me again.
“Who says he’s to find out?” She finally said after the kiss.
I knew she was horny, but I knew she didn’t mean it.
However, the fact that she desired me was just too good, and nothing was stopping me from removing some layers of clothes and starting fucking her right there.
I felt wrong all of the sudden, and my pride had been hurt. I was not a secret shag of anybody…and everyone needed to know who I was and the power I had over them… and the fact she wanted to hide me, hide Us….!
I kept pushing myself to stop the thoughts just to have sex with her as I wanted and leave, but a part of me wanted more than that.
Decisions…
I closed my eyes and meditated for a second while Annie was waiting for me, like a sabre-tooth to a mammoth at dinner time. Annie held my hand, worriedly.
“Since when do we know each other?” I asked her. In my mind was all about who deserved her. I deserved her, not some random guitarist,
“Since the first year at Uni, why do you ask?” Why do I ask!? Annie, please…
“Since when do you know that David dude? Are he and you really…a thing? “
Annie looked at me not knowing what to say and then…someone knocked on her door.
She stood up and headed towards the door.
She opened the door and it was her boyfriend who’d appeared from nowhere and taken her away from me with ease. I looked at them kiss and I’d seen enough. I left without him noticing, but in my mind, I decided I would fuck Annie the next time I had the chance.
The next thing I know is that I’d text her every day and I’d call her at least once. I was obsessed and no blowies from random women would take away the image of Annie and our kiss.
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My luck was about to change.
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A few months later we all were in a pool together.
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Somehow I’d managed to enter Annie’s inner circle of friends thanks to Peter.
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Annie swam by herself in a red swimsuit while everyone else drank and did some drugs. I recognise her as an extremely weird individual who liked social life but loved her individuality at the same time.
Outside the apartment, rain poured in immense quantities, and I hope we would all end up spending the night there so I didn’t have to travel in that weather.
“So Tom, how’s the writing going?” one of my friends asked. I stopped looking at Annie and I turned toward him.
“It’s okay. My publisher wants it for the end of the month and I am still in the fifth chapter…”I say, my friend nods and we drink together listening to the music for a bit.
“And how are the girlfriends?” April asked, I denied with my head as I see Annie come out of the poor to do her own thing.
“Here and there…”
“You’re such a dog Tom…” laughed Luigi.
Then, he was thoughtful for a few secs and brought up the idea to go to Peter’s house in Ireland. I hated the idea of travelling outside of London during winter as I disliked the snow and the cold. I only survived winter with two ladies by my arms keeping me warm, and I was very aware that I wasn’t going to be able to do that in Ireland.
Before the trip, I met with Peter and friends in the club and they bought way too many drinks, rendering me drunk and of course: out of my mind.
“You know the trip right, Annie is going to come with her mates and… I want April for myself. “ said David.
“Women have their stupid rules mate, the unwritten rules of do-not shag your friend's ex… Annie is not going to allow that…not in a million years “ said Peter with a laugh.
“She won’t care…I will keep her busy.” I said.
“Sorry…I thought you hated Annie mate.” Barry said. “We’d agreed already that I was the one…”
“Don’t kid yourselves… she’s not going to go for either of you. “ Luigi said.
“Watch me…” and I drank a vodka shot. Barry and I started a drinking competition which I of course won.
“Alright alright, I’ll have one of her friends then…”
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I’m not sure how long it has been since then, but now Annie got married and as always I die of remorse and jealousy that I am not the one by her side.
Too much cocaine and too much whisky. Too much of everything in my book tours and sex parties across Europe.
While I’m sitting here I thought of the last time I saw Annie. It was two years ago in London, it’d been after her honeymoon with Mark.
Two years ago when I saw her, London was surprisingly quiet and the weather was nice. Annie was walking shoulder to shoulder with Drake in Camden. She never noticed me and got lost in the multitude. I thought I was hallucinating at first, but the wind carried the essence of her smell.
It was impressive to think that once I was the one to walk by her side. I didn’t blame Drake to want to stay by her side as I know better than anyone how hard it was to drop that addiction.
In my office, I start looking at how time passes by on my wall clock. I get more and more anxious and frustrated with the ticking sound as time passes by. I know at this point I’ve run out of ideas for my new chapter and I don’t have anything new to romanticise.
After two minutes I lose it and u stand up. I grab my office chair and I drag it across the room to the wall.
I lock it and stand up in it, then, I grab the clock and I think of smashing it against the floor.
My office phone starts ringing, stopping me from destroying the thing.
“Denise, pick up!” I yell as I take the clock off the wall with caution.
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I hear her from there.
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“I’m sorry sir, he’s not able to pick up right now” I hear my secretary say. Then she whispers “I don’t know he’s doing something with the clock on the wall…maybe call him in a few?”
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I blush as I descend and I hide the clock in my desk’s drawer.
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“Sir, it’s Drake. I put him on hold.”
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I nod and I close my door. Then, I seat again and I pick up the wireless phone on my desk.
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“Drake,” I say dryly, I hated every time he called me as he just ended up talking about his life and Annie in most cases.
He’d moved to England to be close to her and found a teaching job again in some London school. I was very sure I was his only friend. He still had his properties in Switzerland although now he was a landlord, and when I asked him why he’d come he said he’d only followed his heart…whatever that means.
“Tom!” he says happily. Then I look at the calendar, and of course, it was his birthday!
“So you’re coming to the party right? You leave the office and you’ll come…right?”
I hang up.
I knew Annie was going to be there so I would show up, I knew I wanted just to end up falling into the same vicious cycle. She’d fall for me again. The office’s phone rings again.
“Yes of course I’ll come” I yell to the phone and hung up.
My brain just wanders off the rest of the day.
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After so many years I still want that woman to be only mine. I want her to moan my name whenever she sees me. I yearn for her legs to open to receive me. I yearn for her tears of passion, her whole existence mine. I would own her soul just as she owns mine.
I start laughing very loudly and my secretary peeks inside the office, scared. Denise had never seen me happy once. God, I’ve become pathetic.
Once I leave work I go to get a buzzcut. My whole head is a blank canvas now. I’d enough of the hair. I desperately needed a complete change of look. I looked taller and sexy. Just the look I wanted for Annie.
I look at my reflection in some mirror and I just looked like some white rapper. Not my usual posh self. However, that didn’t stop a lady from smiling at me. I smile back. I still had it in me.
At home, I found Grace still asleep in my bed. I seat by her side.
“I think you should leave now,” I spoke. Grace opened her big blue eyes and moved from the bed, she was still naked and I liked her legs the most.
“Thank you for last night…” she said and I nodded.
“Leave.”
Our sex had been no better than any other pussy I’d ever had, this lady was just a pretty face with worthless sex. The night before we had found each other in the nightclub, and ended up sleeping together.
It was like this every other Wednesday.
My longest relationship had lasted three months, Marcia, a pretty university student who was doing her PhD. However, she broke up with me when she found some womans' underwear in my bathroom. Alisha’s, a beautiful African model I’d met in London’s fashion week when I was hired as a photographer.
I am stuck in my thoughts again. I see Grace leave and I notice she’d left her number written in a post-it by my coffee table. I bin it and then I shave my face. Shaved face, buzz cut, I look like a wanker.
I am ready to see Annie. I drive to the club where the party is happening. I wore my Hugo Boss jacket which I knew Annie loved.
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During my ride I fantasise about us together again…maybe a feast of sex as it happened in Paris…fucking Paris.
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The club is packed and the lights made me feel like I am high. I smoke from my e-cigarette and it’s not enough. I exit the club after 1 minute and light a real fag.
I feel nervous to see her after so long. I remember it’s her birthday too just in time and I think of where the fuck get her something before it’s too late.
I remember the shoes I’d bought for Marcia but I’d never actually given them to her that I’d left in the back of my car.
I almost burn myself with the ash from my fag as I pick the box from the back. Luckily, it is already in a gift bag and Marcia also happened to have the same shoe size as Annie. I take the label with Marcia’s name from it and I enter the club.
Inside, I order a drink and I observe my surroundings. Terrible music and not that many pretty faces. I look at a group of girlfriends and they eat me with their eyes. I pay for my drink and I down it to gain the strength to approach Annie. She might be married, but as per her agreement with Mark, she was allowed to see other people.
The music is loud and the floor is sticky. I notice Annie from afar. I’d missed her. Her sexy body wearing a tight sparkling dress. Her hair loose and long, she’d also got a change of look with highlights and she’d even used a curling iron.
I start moving people to get to her, my heart was bouncing in my chest for the first time I realised I was in love with her. I am so close now I can smell her perfume. I’m about to grab her skin when another woman grabs my arm and starts dancing in front of me.
I look at her tanned arms, her brown eyes and her pixie cut. I dance with her for a bit as I am still holding my drink and my gift for Annie.
“Sorry love, I’ve to talk to someone” then I realise it was Andreina. “Sorry Andreina, I didn’t recognise you!”
“Yeah, I almost didn’t recognise you! What did you do to your hair!” She yells.
“I can ask you the same thing!?” I say with a smile. Andreina caresses my head.
“Doesn’t look bad. You have got a very symmetric face.”
“Sure.” Then Annie comes to Andreina.
“This is your song!” She yells. Of course, she didn’t look at me.
“Annie,” I say, grabbing her hand, she pulls it away immediately in surprise.
“Tom?” “I haven’t seen you in ages…I like your haircut.”
“Happy birthday Mrs Grant. “ I pass her the gift bag. She looks even more surprised and peeks inside. She pretends not to be interested.
“Shoes.” We look at the eyes of each other maybe for way too long.
“At least I brought you something. I never thought you’d be a frivolous person. Is it your fame and power that have made you stop being humble? …you’re so…” I say, trying to provoke her. Annie looks a bit irritated now.
“I am what?” She asks. I stay quiet and she hits my shoulder “I am what!?” I walk away from her and she follows me. My plan has worked.
In the middle of the dance floor, I grab her hand and we start dancing. Her eyes stuck in me. I could tell she’d missed me. She passed her hand through my hair and then grabbed my chin.
“What am I?” Now her face is close to mine and my lips are starting to get attracted to her mouth. I feel the rush of blood to my penis, but I contained it.
I have the perfect present for her in my pants. I grab her hand and I start dragging her out of the club. Annie doesn’t fight back.
We are leaving now the club and I am ready for her. My whole body buzzed with excitement.
“Tom! You’re here.”Drake says appearing out of nowhere. I let Annie go, she goes to his side and he grabs her by the waist. They kiss. Don’t they have any shame!
“Happy birthday mate. “ I say interrupting them and I hand him a birthday card with £20 in it.”
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Annie looks at me and smiles, knowing that she’d been the one flirting with fire.
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Of course, I’m unhappy with the situation, Mark then appeared half an hour later and I enjoy seeing his obliviousness towards Drake and Annie. I decide to stay anyways. I hang out with our friends and then dance with two women, then they kiss, then they kiss me. Is it threesome time?
“My name is Rachel!” Says the browned-skinned one. I grab her bum and we start hungrily kissing. However, I am not in the mood to fuck her.
I leave the club around 4 am and enter my car, when I am about to leave, Rachel enters my car.
“I guess you’re coming with me…”I say a little bit annoyed. Annie and Drake notice me in the car and wave a little. Fuck.
“Rachel, leave my car…” I turn to see her and she’s fallen asleep.
I ate some junk food while trying to figure out what to do with this drunk girl. She’d no phone in her purse so I decided to take her to my flat.
When we arrive at my flat she comes to her senses. She looks at me and kisses me, her mouth has the taste of sweet alcohol, she grabs my cock and attempts to give me a hand job in the middle of the parking lot. I stopped her hand.
“Not here,” I command, Rachel nods and leaves the car. I want to run away but it is too late, I’d brought her here. We start walking towards the entrance and Drake is there waiting.
My mood changes. If he’s here this means Annie went home with Mark. If poor Drake couldn’t shag her…poor me couldn’t either.
“Drake!” Yells the drunk girl. She runs towards him and hugs him.
Then, we all went inside my apartment. I put my keys and jacket on top of a couch by my front door.
“So you brought Rachel back home…” says Drake surprised. Rachel starts drunkenly walking around. She turns the music on and starts slow dancing.
“None of your business,” I say back. Rachel puts the volume up. I stand up and go towards her. I turn the radio off.
“Sit down.” I say. She nods slowly and sits by Drake on the couch.
“Do you want something to drink,” I ask both. Rachel and Drake nod.
I walk towards the kitchen and serve Rachel water and I open a Heineken for Drake.
I give them both their drinks and Rachel spits it out. She then pushes Drake and downs his beer.
“Rachel!” Drake yells. I smirk and I sit down in the sofa in front of them.
Rachel puts her head in Drake’s legs.
“Drake you’re so cute you know…”she says. “I’ve missed you soooo much.” And I noticed her accent. She’s American, of course…
“What are you doing here Rachel, are you planning to spend the night with Tom?” Outside the sun is starting to come out I smile at the sun rays, maybe I am also slightly drunk. She nods.
“Go to my room then.” I command, Rachel gets up excited and goes towards my bedrooms door.
“is it here…”she asks. I nod and she goes in. Drake looks astounded.
“I’m not sleeping with her” I clarify. Drake looks more relaxed now.
“Good. She’s my childhood friend. “ he says.
“Did you and her ever fucked?” I ask, Drake denies.
“Never…” and I don’t believe him for some reason. “Anyways I don’t give a fuck who you sleep with anyways. I came to talk to you about something…” says Drake.
“Sure…” and I thought he’d tell me not to go after Annie. That my attempts were useless.
“So Mark wants to start having children. I don’t even know how to feel about that! Children would complicate our relationship.”
“Your relationship with Mark?” I joke. Drake gets upset and moves from the couch.
“No. Of course not with him! Annie is thinking about it, they’re like working things out and I feel…maybe she’s not into me that much. I don’t know, I just came to hear your thoughts.
I didn’t want to say anything, but Annie was totally into him, however, I saw this as an opportunity.
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“Maybe she’s moved on…have you asked if she’s seeing anyone else?” Drake gets angrier.
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“How can you say that! Annie has me. She doesn’t need any other guy…”
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“But Mark…”
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“Mark doesn’t matter!” Drake starts pacing around the room. “I don’t even know why I came…”
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“Mate, sit down…Come on’ forget about Annie, let’s go out this weekend and I can set you up…
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“I am not cheating on her you twat!” Drake yells.
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He did mention cheating, right? I stand up, come towards him and grab his face.
“What if I kiss you, would that be cheating? “ Drake slaps my hand.
“Stop it.” Drake says serious. I would kiss him just to piss Annie off, but she wasn’t there. So I didn’t.
“I don’t know what you must do.” I say, Drake sits down again.
“you’re right! She’s not going to leave me like that… you’re a good friend. See you on Wednesday. You’re coming to my place right?” I said I didn’t know but he made up his response. “Have fun with Rachel.”
And he left.
I brush my teeth in the bathroom and wear some pyjamas. I lie in bed thinking about my friend’s drama and suddenly I feel a hand caressing my leg. Of course I’d forgotten about Rachel. She starts giggling as she approaches my penis. I am not sure if she’s raping me or not. I grab her wrist and drag her next to me. She looks at me, horny.
“I am tired. We’re sleeping now.” I tell the naked drunk girl,she nods.
“You’re so bor…” and she falls asleep again. I smile at her and go to sleep in my office’s couch, leaving her the bed.
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When I wake up, Rachel is asleep on top of me in the couch, I remove the quilt of my body. I get scared of course! I dropped her on the floor. She wakes up on impact and I start laughing.
“I am sorry…are you okay?” I say. I am wearing my pjs so I don’t think she raped me last night. I’m just surprised I didn’t wake up when I felt her weight. “Do you want any breakfast?”
I pass her my hand. Rachel looks at me top to bottom when she stands up.
“Oh my Gosh…don’t tell me that you and me…!” She yells and covers her naked body with her hands.
“I am not sure, did you rape me?” I ask, fun.
Rachel’s eyes open like plates and I pass her the quilt. Rachel covers her body and smiles.
“You’re so handsome.. fuck! I can’t believe it!” Rachel bites her fist.
“Nothing happened” I assure her.
She laughs like crazy and I remembered why I hated people from the U.S.
I go to the kitchen without saying anything else and I start cooking. She walks out a couple of minutes later.
“I’ll make some eggs. How do you like them?
“Scrambled…”she mutters shyly. “so…what’s your name?” I can tell she’s sobered up.
“Tom.” I say while putting the egg to cook. “and you’re Rachel….” She smiles and waits for her food quietly. I could tell she was nervous.
“I’ve never been made food before…” she says.
“not even by your mum?” I joke. Rachel laughs.
“I like your place, it’s very minimalistic…” “I don’t know what it says about your personality…” she looked like the kind of girls who believed in healing rocks.
“I moved here a year ago. Nothing special, but I hate stuff.”
“I’m a maximalist. I like too much of everything. “ says Rachel with a smile.
“So Drake and you know each other for long?” I ask. She nods. I plate her food.
“I’ve known him forever. He’s an angel…he’s always done so much charity and never asked anything back for it. I find him too much of a goodie-bag. It’s annoying” Rachel says as she eats. “good eggs Tom. Thanks.”
“What do you think about Annie?” I don’t know why I wanted her opinion but she seemed to have no problem opening her mouth.
“Drake changed. She’s changed him and I don’t know how to feel about that…it’s like I’ve never seen him so inclined towards someone…it’s crazy. I told him that if she started a cult she’d have a bunch of followers. She’s cunning as hell…” I wanted to tell her she was my ex but stopped myself.
We ate together and watched some TV. She joked about New York and told me stuff about her dogs and friends. She also told me awkward stories about Drake’s youth.
I go for a shower and leave her in my living room. When I come out she’s expecting me with two cups of tea. She’s also washed all of the dishes and is all dressed up again, perfect makeup and everything.
I grab the cuppa and sit by her in the couch, only wearing my towel tight across my waist.
“Thanks.”
“You’re welcome…” she says and touches my arm while doing so. She looks at the shape of my shoulders and squeezes my forearm muscle.
“You seem lanky but with some body. I can tell you exercise.”
“I try.” I sipping my tea. “Your skin looks like you like to be outdoors a lot, weird for a New Yorker. “
“I have family in Cali, so I spend a lot of time there. Also, there are some surfing places in New York…not that you should care!”
“Sure…”
We drank the tea in silence.
“So… should we fuck now?” I say uncovering myself, Rachel nods and we go to my bedroom where I get to know every inch of her crevices.
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“I like your tattoo” I say kissing her buttock. It was a hello kitty.
Rachel starts laughing like crazy and I jump on her back, penetrating her from behind. I grab her hand and thrust in her wet pussy as she moans and laughs at the same time.
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“It was a dare…” she says to me when we finished, around an hour later. “ I was 15 and I was drunk. “
So that’s the New York style.
“I think I’ll need another shower.” I tell her, she smiles at me.
“Same…”
We shower together and then we return to the living room. Rachel keeps asking me things about my personal life, etc and I have no problem opening up for her.
I found her very attractive so why the hell not.
“This is a nice picture.” She says while pacing around, I could tell she is comfortable and has no intention to leave. I should’ve gone to meet my publicist, but I decided to ignore that and stay home.
I see the picture she means, it’s the picture in Paris which Annie took off me and I printed. I miss Annie.
“You look sexy with long hair also. “ “it’s a good picture, are you a model?”
“No, I am a creative director, and I’m a writer…and a freelance photographer…” “You sound busy…I’m a dentist assistant. Makes loads of money. So, who took this picture? An ex or something?”
“Does it matter?” Rachel puts the picture back.
“No it doesn’t.” She says
“How long are you staying in London?”
“Three weeks, I’ll be travelling around.” She says.
“Would you like some company?”
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Three weeks later I was leaving Rachel and her friends in the airport. I promised I’d go to New York and see her soon. Of course I lied. I take those three weeks as an Annie detox and then go back to my usual business. The same cycle of work, fun and sex.
Then, I received an unexpected phone call.
“Are you coming to the awards?”Annie asks. I know she’s been nominated for some award in the company we work for.
“No, I wasn’t planning on it…”
“Oh…Okay. “
“I have a photography job. Good luck…”
“Thanks.”
“Your call is very unexpected,” I say.
“I just needed to make sure you were still alive.” I laugh and then hang up. Then she sends me a selfie pointing her middle finger at me.
I save the picture and go to the office. I’d been working remotely from my trips with Rachel. My hair has grown back a little now, and I am not disappointed.
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On Sunday I go out with my camera very early in the morning and I take the train to Brighton. It is surprisingly sunny for autumn. I see the seaside through the window of my train and I know this wedding is going to be one of the good ones.
I walk in the church and I set up there before the actual groom and bride show up. I start by taking some pictures of the flower arrangements.
“You’re early,” says the maid of honour. I smile at her and nod, taking a picture of her.
“I like to take pictures before and after, people have put so much effort and love into these arrangements that are a pity that no one pays attention to them,” I say. The maid of honour nods.
“Is it been long since you work as a photographer?”
“It’s just my hobby…”I say quickly. “I don’t know why though, I like photographing weddings, it’s like I like seeing other people’s happiness. “ I say suddenly, feeling wise.
The maid of honour laughed.
“This is the sixth wedding I’ve attended, and the first one I’m a maid of honour, I just like the drinks.”
The lady looked posh, she was of course beautiful for a British woman. Like a British flower, a bit of Irish here and there… maybe Scottish. I couldn’t tell.
“I’ve worked in 20 weddings, I think,” I say unsure.
“You must be good then…” she says, flirty. I smile.
“Yeah…the best wedding photographer in the whole of England.”
The maid of honour smiles and then gets called on the phone. She soon leaves.
The bride is blonde and very attractive. I feel jealous of the groom as they look soo in love and ready to form traditional families.
What was about it that people went for it? Weddings were just a waste of time as half of them would just end up divorced in five years.
I spend the wedding taking pictures of everybody. Couples, children, families, old women…
The reception is in an old Manor House, very posh. I’d never been in such a fancy place before. I fantasised about me owning all of it. Beautiful ceilings and old furniture. Great paintings and 18th-century vases.
“You like this…” says the maid of honour which I’d just recently learnt the name. Florence.
“Yes, it’s a very nice place. I didn’t know such houses existed in Brighton.”
“I’d almost forgotten how this place looked like. My mum brought be once when I was 11, but never again. “Says Florence.
“Sure…”I snap another picture of her. The light is just too good to waste.
“I thought you’d finished for the day.” She says. I nod. “You’re just pretty,” I say.
Florence smiles.
“Please stay…You’re way more interesting to talk with than my cousin.”
“I’ve been given a place to seat and everything…” I joke.
I undo my tie a little and walked with Florence outside. We sat by a tree and observed the people around us. Florence had a bottle of wine and drank straight from it.
“I don’t know why everyone is so obsessed with love…”she says. “When love is always so damaging…”
“I was in love once. So I understand what you’re saying. Love is consuming and tiring.”
I look at people on the dance floor and a kid looks at me. The kid is covered in chocolate frosting all over his face and hands while his mother trying to catch him.
Florence and I look at each other and start laughing. The kid starts running towards us and throws himself onto me. Pasting his dirty face all over my white shirt. I hate kids. I hate them bad.
“I’m so sorry!” Yells the mother. The woman is in her late 30’s. She is hot, so I forgive her almost instantly. “Chris say that you’re sorry!”
The kid starts laughing like a maniac and then makes the mess worse by trying to stand up again. Florence looks sorry for me. The kid finally manages to run away again leaving us alone. Me surprisingly calm.
I stand up and head back inside the house, leaving Florence on her own. I go to the room where I put all my photography equipment and I pull my emergency shirt out of my backpack.
I unbutton my shirt, take it off and put it away. I suddenly feel eyes on me and I look at Florence peeking at me from the door.
“Sorry, I was just going to ask you if you wanted to send your shirt to the dry cleaners. “
“It’s okay for you to watch me…” I say, fun.
Florence plays it cool and comes in the room.
“You’re shirtless, should I be impressed?”
She says.
“Yes… you should!” I joke. I then put my new shirt on. “I think it’s time for me to go home though… a pleasure meeting you Florence.”
“Same to you Tom.”
And I leave.
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I return home that evening and entertained myself by watching a Liverpool game on tv. I have to learn who was the winner, so I could chit-chat with my co-workers at the office. In the end, Manchester won 4-1, and I found myself bored and quickly fell asleep.
I wake with a terrible ache all over my body, and soon the illness takes over me. I couldn’t reach the office, I am weak and feel as if the devil had finally come to pick me up from all my misdeeds. The room keeps morphing into new shapes and I am seeing ghosts of sexy women as my fever is making me hallucinate. That’s the moment I realise I have no one and if I died no one would even care about showing up to my wake.
Hours pass and I seat in the shower trying to keep the fever down. I have gotten this far by myself, and a little fever is not going to kill me off so easily. I rang my brother and I try to get him to take care of me, but again, no one cares about me so… I texted Matt, hoping for the best. Before, I remember leaving the door unlocked. If I died someone could just know.
“Tom, open up!” I hear outside my bathroom door. I try moving from the shower but I am unable to do anything. I fell asleep there.
I wake up in my bedroom and Drake is by the side of my bed applying a little wet towel to my forehead. Then he measures my fever with a digital thermometer
“Finally, 36,5 degrees…” he says.
“What are you doing here?” I ask him. Drake looks at me and smiles.
“You were the one who called me. I found you passed out in a pool of water.”
“Thanks…”I say. “I went to a wedding, there was a kid there. They always make me ill.”
Drake laughs and takes the towel off my forehead.
“I’ll make you something to eat. Do you like chicken soup?” Drake asks. I nod and he disappears. I try looking around for my cell phone, but I am still too weak to move from bed.
Drake returns later with the soup.
“Here you go, buddy.” And I eat his food.
I’d never had anything made by anyone to cure me for illness so it felt strange. I didn’t say thanks.
“You’re a better cook than I expected,” I say.
“You learn many things when working abroad. I just made a simple soup recipe I learnt in Central America.”
“Are you returning home for Christmas?” I ask.
“Maybe I’ll just nurse you back to good health…” he jokes.
“I don’t think I’ll be ill for that long.”
And when he left home a few hours later, I felt incredibly lonely.
To think about it, my life is lonely overall. I hid my loneliness with women and busied myself, but in reality, I’m an incredibly lonely man. In my illness, I thought about it a lot. No one messaging me, nobody to rely on.
Three days later, my illness is gone and I leave my house looking for companionship. I walk the busy streets of London seeking for a connection. I feel sick, but it’s not from illness, there is something rotten in me.
The moonlight shines above me and accompanies me in my solitude. I walk by a book shop and I see my book showcased. Then, I cross the street and walk by the entrance of a local park. I look next to me and I notice a kitten, who’s left a bush just to accompany me on the street. The kitten meows towards me and then starts rubbing himself against my leg.
“Hi there, where’s your mum?” I ask the cat. The cat’s hungry eyes tell me otherwise. I notice how skinny he is. He’s been abandoned. He’s a motherless boy, just like me.
I am not the kind of person who owns an animal, but this cat is something different. I hold him against my chest and I instantly know this is fate. To find a stray cat in South London is rare, but not impossible. I hide the cat in my jacket and we walk together towards a local Tesco. I buy cat food, two bowls and a little cat bed.
At the moment I didn’t think. I guess it’s almost as some sort of fatherly instinct, or maybe I am just tired of being alone.
I decide to call the cat Phill.
When I wake up the next morning the cat is already awake and has peed on some newspapers I put in my bedroom. I carry Phill with me and we eat breakfast together. Then, I take the cat with me to work, unable to figure out what to do next.
I’d basically (possibly) kidnapped a cat and I’d officially lost my mind.
“So you’re telling me you stole a kitten yesterday?” my secretary asks while laughing. She picks up the cat and inspects it. “He looks like you.”
The kitten is raven black and had shiny green eyes.
During lunch time I take the cat to the vet around the corner from the office. I convince them to look at him and check if he’s chipped. No chip found, just fleas and a bit underweight. He is old enough not to need any milk, and they advised me to leave him for them to get vaccinated etc.
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Two days later I go and visit Drake. I’d not seen him since he’d taken care of me, but I wanted to show him my cat. I put him in a bag and I take the animal with me, hoping for my friends' approval. I need to admit I was quite smitten with the little animal. I knock on Drake’s door and he opens it immediately.
“hello hello…” he says excitedly. “Show me the cat then!”
“Let us settle in first, mate!”
Drake's apartment was small and had few things in it. He was mostly travelling in and out from Switzerland to England to check on the bar. I release the kitten and Drake becomes soft like butter.
“Oh hello… hello there baby! You’re a baby!!” the kitten kept rubbing himself onto his legs until Drake pick him up to give him kisses and cuddles.
“I just have to take a pic for Annie, you’re just so gorgeous!”
Drake then continued taking a couple of pictures of the cat. I observed everything but didn’t say a word. Phil, Drake and I sat in the living room and enjoyed each other's company without talking too much about anything. Drake knew me well enough to understand I hated small talk, so he just caresses the cat while attempting not to make eye contact with me.
“What’s wrong?”!I ask my friend, Drake’s phone vibrates and he checks it, then smiles and keeps petting the cat.
“She loved it!” Drake announces, and I wondered if he’d invite her over to hang out with us.
“How’s Annie anyways?”
“She’s fine, she’s alright… like always.” I needed more information than that.
“What happened with the child thing?” I add.
“This is none of your business,” Drake says dryly. Then continues. “She told me everything is fine, that a baby is not what she wants yet…and I get jealous to think she’d have another mans baby than mine! But anyways, I shouldn’t bother you with this stuff… I know you don’t like to talk too much about her.
“Well…” I shrug my shoulders.
“I admitted something to myself something that I didn’t know… Tom, I love this woman. I love Annie.” His face was sincere, almost sad. “I don’t know how or why I hadn’t seen it before but it is this way. I needed to admit that to myself… that I loved her, even though she’s likely not feeling the same love as I am…
‘However, I might be wrong man. I can see a life by her side. I can see me growing old by her side and holding her. I can see us together like a real thing…waking up every morning together as one…a few rug rats” I was speechless, and jealous. Drake speaks again. “I told her to leave Mark.”
“What!?” I yell. Drake nods. “and what did she say?” my heart is suddenly raising and I feel blood pumping to my brain. I just need to hear it…
“She said she had to think about it…that she loved what she had with Mark…that she wasn’t sure if…
And I stood up. I thought that if she isn’t sure about him yet, then that meant I have a chance to be the one to hold her, or maybe I got it wrong.
“Phills dinner is going to be soon.” I say. “We need to leave now…”
“What about film night!?” Drake yells.
“We can watch Hot Fuzz another time Drake. Sorry.”
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I know my ex well enough to know that she is leaving her husband to be with him. I feel this strange sense of protection towards my friend as if he was mine to lose, like a child who’s been taken over by a terrible devil, and I couldn’t help but go and talk to her about it. Annie did not deserve Drake as….even after all these years we are meant for each other.
I leave the cat at home and I figure out that Annie is in the office doing overtime.
In the car I am not sure of my intentions but when I get there I am sure I just want to kidnap her and make her forget about all the other men in her life.
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“Tom, what are you doing here?” She asked while sitting by my side.
“Let’s get out and I’ll tell you.”
“I’m not going anywhere with you Tom.”
I hold her arm and push her to see me face to face, her skin has goose bumps immediately.
“I need you to leave Drake. “
“Why, does it bother you?”
“No, It’s just that he…”
“He what…?”
“He deserves someone better than you…”
“It’s his choice to be by my side.” She says, offended. “He knows the deal and he…he accepts it. It’s been years like this Tom. Why should I leave him now?
Annie’s voice is sensual, her body too. I stare at her breasts for a second. What the hell am I doing here?
My heart starts pounding faster as I feel her smell. I’m a fool for this woman. What can I say.
“He’s only your boy toy isn’t him?”
Annie pulls my hand away from her arm.
“Why do you care? It’s been years since us happened, you’re still hung up on me? Seriously? “
“Shut up.” I say calmly
“You are…” Annie says surprised.
“Shut up!” I stand up and I run away from her house.
I am about to leave when Annie enters my car.
“We didn’t finish our conversation…” she says with a smile and we left her house.
Annie and I didn’t talk and just enjoyed the radio.
I stopped the car later on and we were in the outskirts of London. A lot of farmland and cows. I exit the car.
“Here. Out!” I command her. Annie leaves the car and smiles at me.
“You brought me to see cows?” She asked.
“We’re fucking in a field” I say, fun. Annie looks confused more than anything and then gets a smirk on her face.
“So this is it, you return…and we fuck?”
“Yes, it’s just like that…didn’t you miss me?”
“I thought we were talking about Drake and me…” Annie says while pacing around looking at the fields.
“I said what I needed to say about you and him…I’ve just wanted to do something since I saw you at that party.”
“Yeah, what’s that?” She says with a smirk on her face.
I grab her by the bum and carry her like a bag of potatoes to the top of a hill. I lie her down when we are there and I slowly start taking our clothes off.
I kiss her. It’s been years since I tasted her lips but they are still as great as the first time.
Our bodies match incredibly. She moans as I start inserting my fingers in her and she is already wet for me. Then, when I know she is ready, I put it inside her.
I have not felt so hard since forever and I almost come as soon as I bite her nipple.I don’t know how long we went for but we enjoyed each others bodies and I fell asleep when we orgasm.
When I wake up she gone and there is a note written on my cellphone saying “I won’t leave Drake.”
I felt my soul leaving my body when I read that, my rage building up from toes to my head. I’ve been played with!
The next few days I spent the time with my cat and working. I constantly think about her skin and the taste of her lips. Like a beast that had selected me for breeding but nothing else. I try calling her but she has blocked me. Typical Annie.
I meet with Drake on Friday and we go get drunk and even flirt with some ladies, this was not very Drake’ish. Then I learn the reason why.
“She slept with someone else and…why the hell am I bothering anymore to keep this going!” He says, almost smashing the glass against the table, drunk.
“come on’ pick one of the models… come on Drake…” the girl sitting on my legs caresses his face and they start kissing. I observe happily.
Then, Drake’s phone starts ringing and he stops. The model leaves my legs and sits by him, caressing his leg. He answers the call.
“No. I don’t want to talk to you, Annie…”
Annie walks towards us and slaps me. Drake observes her and realises what I did.
“It was you!”
And Drake slaps me too. Annie and Drake lock eyes and I’d never seen anything like it before. Drake moves away from the woman and goes to Annie. They leave me with the models, alone.
I down my drink and start making out with the girl Drake left, I spend the night with her.
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A couple of days went by since my night out with Drake. My whole self could imagine what had happened between Drake and Annie and I am jealous. My determination to end things between them had failed, and I'd lost a good friend.
My house is clean and shiny after I’d spent the whole evening sorting out my mess. There were empty bottles and all sorts of mould in the kitchen, and the cat’s litter box had a terrible smell. I didn’t bring a new woman home and my body seemed to be recovering from all the night-outs and work.
I try calling Drake a few times and he did not reply of course. Around twelve I am done with my duties and I sit down to write. My tragedies in love were the perfect fuel for my art.
The doorbell rings and I get annoyed because I don’t have much written and my deadline is in a month. I stand up slowly and I hear the meow of Phill at the door. I walk towards him and pick him up so he wouldn’t come out. I open the door and Annie is there.
“Hey…” she says. I had no idea she knew where I lived. Her sudden surprise made me very happy. I smile big and let her in.
“It is nice to see you,” I say, leading her to the living room. “Would you like a cup of tea, anything?”
Annie denies with her head, looks around and seats on my couch, I seat by her and pass her the cat, Annie pets him and mutters something like “so cute” under her breath.
“This is much better than your aunt’s” she jokes.
“Of course…” I sit by her side.
We have a minute of awkward silence. I stand up.
“I do want a cup of tea.” I feel nervous for some reason.
“Don’t go.” She says and my skin shivers for a second. “Sit down.” I seat by her and she looks at me.
“I wanted to say I am sorry.” She says.
She continues “I am sorry I played with your feelings and I kept you having hope for so long. I am sorry I fell in love with you…I have been stupid and a terrible person. I harmed you in ways I can’t even begin to imagine.
“I did that too,” I say. “You don’t need to say you are sorry.”
“I know I married Mark, I know I kept a relationship with Drake…but I still led you on and had sex with you…
“That was my fault,” I admit.
“But I agreed.” She says. “that makes me a terrible person…”
“It doesn’t… Believe me, I am more terrible than you!” I laugh. Annie takes my hands and looks straight into my eyes.
“I love Drake. I thought by sleeping with you I would stop loving him, but it didn’t happen. It just made my love for him stronger. I had to come to terms with that because I know that every time I return to my house with Mark, I know I lying to myself.”
“He knew what he was signing up for. I am NOT sorry for sleeping with you, I still…” I wanted to say love you, but it wasn’t the time for it.
“I just wanted to tell you because you are his best friend and…I want a life with him and I don’t want you to keep interfering.”
“You’ll get bored of him…I’m sure of that.” I say cynically. I feel jealous and a bit broken. Annie releases my hand and laughs.
“You are never going to change, are you?” I nod.
“So…you’ll be leaving Mark then?”
“I haven’t told either of my decision yet…but I think Mark also needs it. He is so unhappy and moody all the time…
“So you’ll be telling both today then?” I ask
“Tomorrow…I need to do a couple of things beforehand.” She says.
“Good luck Annierella”
“Oh, fuck you, Tom!” Annie smiles big and we hug, probably for the last time.
Some days pass and I decide it is time to try and apologise to Drake in person. I grab Phill and head outside. The weather seemed terrible so I return and I leave Phill. It is not an unusual day. Often in winter, London is grey and rainy. My usual outfit had changed to complete black, and I had been smoking more than usual.
It started raining when I arrived by the building were my friend lived. I felt incredibly stupid because I’d forgotten my umbrella.
“Hey…”I hear behind me.
“Hey,” I say back. Annie approaches me and covers me with her umbrella.
“Are you rescuing me?” I ask her.
“We both came to see Drake…” she says with a smile.
I held her by my side but our shoulders were catching rain anyways. The warmth of her body felt incredible, although it was not mine to crave.
“Did you talk to him?” I ask curiously as we crossed the street.
“I was out of London for a week so…I haven’t seen him yet. “ Annie says. “did you come to stop me?”
“I came to apologise…”I say Annie nods.
Annie and I enter the building with her keys and she presses the elevator's button.
“After you,” I say when it arrives.
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Inside the elevator, we didn’t speak until we reached the door.
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“I’ll open the door…” I spoke. Annie pushed me aside.
“I am the key holder…” she says. Annie smiles and opens the door.
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The house is incredibly tidy, and it smells like lemongrass. Annie and I look at each other for a second, and she grabs my arm and whispers: “He’s probably asleep, be quiet!”
I smile cheekily and push her a little.
“You don’t tell me what to do...”
Annie releases me and walks silently towards his bedroom. I follow her, and she opens the door first.
“My darling, I am back!” she yells while jumping to his bed. I stand by the door staring at both, feeling strange inside.
“Drake, wake up…” Annie says, putting a hand on his face. However, Drake did not respond. “Drake…” she repeats, this time shaking his shoulders. Drake did not wake up.
Drake is not a heavy sleeper. Her eyes fill with tears.
“Come on man…don’t fuck with us,” I spoke. I look at Annie and she is terrorised.
“Drake?” I said again “Drake!”
“Is he dead?” Annie asks, shaking and tears rolling down her face.
My whole body stiffened and for the first time in my life, I was really scared. Annie and I were just looking at each other, five minutes passed and no reaction from us.
Suddenly, my entire brain had just gone through some first aid training I had done in the past and I felt a sudden rush of adrenaline enter my body.
“Get out of my way,” I say, finally reacting. Annie moves from the bed, and I uncover his body. Annie’s crying but my entire self is just trying to block her panic.
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It was the first time I noticed how handsome the features of his face were. His face had a smile and he looked happy. First, I checked for a pulse, and it was very dim. I uncovered his chest and attempted to give him chest compressions.
“I am sorry okay…I never mean to be such an asshole. You are my friend, yet I treated you terribly. All these years I’ve been blinded…I should’ve focused on other than myself…” I feel a slight change in his pulse and just continued. Annie had called an ambulance and they took him rapidly. Annie left with him, but by the time I arrived at the hospital he had passed away.
“He is gone,” Annie tells me. “I love him, Tom, I do…and this was not supposed to go like this.” Annie sobs. “We were supposed to have a future together. Now he is gone forever.”
I still remember Annie holding his body and telling him to come back…crying as if there was no tomorrow. I remember Mark holding her and telling her that everything was going to be okay.
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My friend got buried on a Sunday.Gossips of Annie’s affair went on that day, but apparently, she was forgiven by her husband. The wind was blowing hard, and the rain had everyone soaking wet.
This loss changed everything for me. I did not fully cry at the funeral, but I was a broken man and my entire self had a change of heart. I started by quitting smoking on the spot.
I was aware that Drake had won the battle after all, and now, Annie would always have that loss… I knew that she was never going to be the same, the same as I.
I only allowed myself to drop one tear at that funeral and I realised I had not cried since my mother had passed away. I spent a week drinking and just didn’t go to work at all.
I admitted defeat and I knew Drake and I was never to play music together again.
Every night I would have the same dream of Annie and I discovered him on the verge of death. Every night I wonder what if I had not intervened and Annie had left with him somewhere else…leaving everything and everyone behind he’d be alive.
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Three months after his death I also quit drinking and I quit my job at the company I worked for. I’d decided I would leave the U.K and re-start again in another country. That morning my publisher told me off for having a very sad ending to my book, but I was still grieving so he understood.
I think part of myself felt guilty about his death even though it wasn’t anyone’s fault. Drake had died peacefully in his sleep and there was nothing we could have done to stop it. Apparently, on one of his volunteer trips he’d a bacterial infection that was treated poorly and that bacteria had taken his life ten years later.
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I walked the street of London by myself possibly for the last time. I saw the life of the city and I knew I would miss aspects of it. I would miss the sensation of youth and disinhibition…I would miss having no care for the world and just doing whatever I pleased. The game aspect of me was dormant now, but maybe that was for the best.
A loud car parked by my side and someone I knew came out of it.
“I know you,” I told Florence. She stares at me as if she’d never seen me before.
“You…my friend loved your pictures!”
“I am glad she did, how have you been?”
“I am good…you look skinnier though…being a photographer not paying well?”
I wanted to insult her because of that but I held myself. I looked at her and smiled.
“Let me buy you a coffee.”
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By New Year’s Florence and I were already engaged. For the first time, I need to admit I was happy. Florence gave me calmness and I thought I’d started to love again. I decided to be her person and destroy everything that I was before. I was that for a long time. I was her perfect husband and the perfect man. I was everything a woman wanted. Faithful, caring, honourable and ethical…I would insert other great characteristics as our life continued and I was happy to be living that dream.
Brazil in its craziness and jungle-like behaviour had received our little family with open arms. Florence was working in the embassy as a representative for the government, and me: as a full-time writer.
I struggled with the language although I was fluent in Spanish. I struggled with the food as well; I was a semi-vegetarian when we arrived, and now I ate meat and went on hunting trips with Florence's rich friends.
“Tom…I am pregnant.” My wife told me when I arrived home one evening. I never wanted to be a father, so I felt strange when I realised I was going to be a father. Those 9 months I barely knew myself, I attempted to be the perfect person and I attempted to keep my past life under wraps.
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I thought of Drake constantly. He was so young when he died, and he’d died without forgiving me. It was as if the memory of him haunted me and everything I had felt once was just covered by the image of this loss. Florence didn’t know my pain. The child was born, but she was constantly busy with work and left him to be brought up by a nanny. I called the child Paul and he looked just like his mum. Light blonde hair and a very mischievous smile. I tried to be a good father to him, but I showed little affection.
I woke up one morning realising they’d probably be better without me, so I… found myself a gig in Venezuela, the neighbouring country and I take the job, excusing myself from my family, but not abandoning them. I am not leaving my family behind forever, I am not that kind of an asshole. I just needed a break from Florence, although she was rich and beautiful, being with a very rich woman was a little bit annoying.
In Caracas, I was staying at a five-star hotel. I was working nearby and I’d rented a car.
Now the memory of Annie was fading as my youth and my faith. By then, I had accepted that we were never meant to be. I felt the warmth of the sun as I walked inside East Park and suddenly I hear my name again.
“Thomas!?” she yelled. Annie’s eyes shined in confusion and excitement. I sigh and I feel my heart start the race, I turned around and I held her in my arms…I wanted my children to come out of her body and if possible for all of them to take my fucking name.
“and Mark?” I asked her, Annie kissed me slowly on the tips.
We held together for a long time until she finally released me.
“We have a daughter. They’re in England…where they are supposed to be…what are you doing here?
“I escape…”
“No…I escape.” She said back. We look into each other eyes and smile, kissing again.
“How long is this going to last Annie?”
“Maybe forever…” she said, but I knew her too well because I knew this was only beginning once again. 189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGJXjqIlNZI
