some things to keep in mind (Lizzy and her two ciel)
This chapter is everything I had been waiting for and more, seriously. There are a couple of things that stood out to me while reading the raw and I want to note them down before I forget (and to compare once the official English version is released)! Just in case, here’s my rudimentary translation of their scenes in case anyone’s a bit lost with my commentary.
(Spoiler images inside! Don’t read if you don’t want to spoil yourself!)
- While Lizzy blamed O!Ciel for lying, now she seems to be putting most of the blame on herself for not noticing he lied. So, the guilt she feels towards Ciel for having “abandoned” him (aka, for not being there for him in his time of need) is even worse.
- This all leads her to overcompensate. The guilt, the affection, and the duty she feels towards Ciel make her even put-up with the fact that he’s doing shady shit. She feels literally obliged to be there by his side and make sure he stays alive. Like she actually meant to stay in the manor with him. Plus she seems to take his word as if he were her master (he tells her he can go and she doesn’t even protest. Though honestly, he gave her an outing lol).
- Speaking about obligation, when Lizzy says “Even though I’m supposed to love Ciel.” She uses “はず”, so it’s like she is expected to love real Ciel.
- That said, despite her conflicting feelings towards O!Ciel and towards herself, a part of Lizzy also seems to be trying to understand why O!Ciel did what he did (as shown by her realizing that her reaction may not have been completely sincere if he hadn’t lied - which is one of the reasons why O!Ciel lied. He himself thought Ciel should’ve been the one to survive and that everyone would have been happier if he had been).
- Lizzy does indeed seem to think that everything that happened between her and O!Ciel during the last three years was just O!Ciel putting up a front and not his real, genuine feelings for her. She even thought that he must’ve thought she was foolish to not notice his lie, so that shows she seriously has no idea what to expect of O!Ciel as it is;-;
- I don’t think she realizes this but the Twin’s roles have more or less reversed in Lizzy’s heart. When they were ten, Lizzy wouldn’t have known how to react to O!Ciel coming back instead of her Ciel. But now, she didn’t know how to react to the actual Ciel coming back and her gut-reaction was to feel confusion rather than happiness.
- This image is just great because it’s really like she’s torn apart. Since she was a little child she was groomed to focus her entire life on this one boy. And feeling that she has betrayed him, and not knowing where her heart lies, shatters her very reason for being.
- Lizzy literally couldn’t identify whom her current feelings were aimed at. Do they exist because of Ciel’s memory, or they exist because of who O!Ciel actually is? The thing with Lizzy is that she never had the chance to consciously outgrow her feelings for Ciel and accept that she was falling in love with O!Ciel. All this time she has thought that her feelings were directed to the same person. So, how is she supposed to separate them now? Where do her feelings for each twin begin and end, respectively?
- And yet, Lizzy ironically (and perhaps subconsciously) does differentiate the two of them in her thoughts. She talks about Ciel in the third person, but in the end, she literally switches to “you” and addresses O!Ciel. This means that despite everything, he is at the forefront of her mind.
- Plus, when she talks about her old feelings for Ciel, she simply says “suki”. But when she thinks about O!Ciel, she talks about romantic love with a word that means “the awakening of love” ( 恋心).
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUO7MqP4zeL
- The juxtaposition also says a lot. When they were little and she was with Ciel, she loved him. When she grew up and she believed to be with Ciel but was actually with O!Ciel, she fell in love.
- And thus, since she thought they were the same person, she always thought it was true, faithful love. Except now she realizes her love was aimed at two different people. So, she switches from “this love” to “that love” (still using 恋心) to then address O!Ciel directly, thus confirming that said feelings are indeed aimed at him.
- What’s more, she deems her feelings for him as “不実“. Which means anything from “unfaithful” to “false”. I’m looking forward to how they translate it in English because it leaves room to be a reference not only to the fact that her feelings for O!Ciel should be based on a lie, but that they represent unfaithfulness towards her actual fiancé.
- But as she believes that O!Ciel was just playing an act, she dismisses her feelings for him as a “fake” (”imitation”) as well.
- It’s easier for Lizzy to think that what she feels for O!Ciel now is simply because of what she felt for Ciel once upon a time. Because she doesn’t even know who O!Ciel actually is. How can she trust what he has shown her these three years when he has been lying all the while?
- But the fact that she is as miserable as she is shown that she’s betraying her own heart.
And that takes me to something else I absolutely adored about this chapter.
How Yana overlayed Lizzy’s thoughts to O!Ciel’s darkened eyes.
“You and my love [for you], it’s all, all a lie/fake”
On one hand, I love that she’s connecting the two because it shows how important their bond is in all this. On the other hand, it’s worth wondering if O!Ciel may actually have similar feelings (their nature notwithstanding).
Because, couldn’t that be something that O!Ciel himself, prideful as he is, might try to kid himself into thinking? That everything he felt for Lizzy up to this point (romantically or platonically, take your pick) was just him playing his role as his brother? After all, now that Lizzy is back to his brother’s side, shouldn’t that mean (in his eyes) that her heart is still with Ciel and thus that everything she showed O!Ciel was never actually meant for him?
And that’s why it’s vital that O!Ciel be honest with himself first before he and Lizzy can cross any bridges. Because while he needs to hear Lizzy say that she loves him for him, he also needs to accept and convey to her that he has never lead her on.
She is the person “closest to him”, after all.
And honestly, the cover plays with this a lot, too.
“Have I always loved you?” it asks. And it perfectly fits Lizzy’s feelings for Ciel this chapter… But it ironically could also fit O!Ciel’s possible feelings for Lizzy. And he just so happens to be the one looking back at her and Ciel.
Plus, it’s not like the chapter cover that kick-started this arc had only Lizzy dressed as a bride. O!Ciel was playing his role as the groom and even holding onto her.
So basically, ILU Yana keeps bringing on the delicious drama.
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