Sometimes I wonder if there is really a life after death or if we are set to die in order to be reborn. But if we are to be born again, are we the same person before we die? Or did we really die or just simply transfer into another person's consciousness?
If that's the case, is it possible that we can experience the same experience over and over again? Or that we would have no past at all. That we would be like a newborn. That would show that our life is a series of false memories wanting to bring us to a different end.
This was my thought as I wait for the first years to board the bus. We are having the annual field trip hosted by the history class, and as one of the seniors, I have been chosen to be one of the facilitators. It was not compulsory for a senior to be a facilitator, but because of my absences, it has become the consequence so instead of doing a month of detention, I chose this.
I was informed that we would be visiting Intramuros, and this was a change for me. Not that I haven't been to Intramuros in the past, or we didn't already visit it in one of the history classes, but the last time I was there was when I was in elementary, and the experience was not welcoming. I was bored to hell at that time.
"Hey, Flavus, did Claire inform you?" Richelda asked. She was the president of the whole history class and one of the organizers of this trip.
"No, what about that?" I asked, thinking what could be wrong.
"Ms. Isabedra can't come now because she fell on their stairs and injured her legs," she said casually. "So there will be a substitute teacher to accompany us, and since this bus has some vacant seats, he will be sitting here, so please orient him," she continued. I was about to ask her who the substitute teacher was, but she was called by the other student, so I just went inside and checked the attendance list. After I checked, I just sat in the front seat, waiting for the substitute teacher.
While waiting, I just stared out the window, watching the other students outside. Minutes later, I felt my eyes becoming heavy, sleepiness was taking over me, and just when I was about to fall asleep, I heard the door of the bus being opened. I only heard footsteps until they finally assumed a certain position. "Hey, can I sit here?" The familiar voice completely wakes me up. I opened my eyes, surprised that it was really him, and just like every time I saw him, I expected to smell the cigarette. But this time, there was no trace of that aroma.
I stared at him without saying a word, and annoyingly, Mr. Gray did the same.
"May I sit here, Mr. De San Juan?" he asked again, but this time, his voice was slightly louder, and instead of saying my first name like he always did, he said my last name. I felt like it was our first meeting again.
I blinked my heavy eyes and just nodded; "You can sit wherever you want... Sir," I was not surprised that there is a trace of uneasiness in his voice, or he is just as surprised as I am. From the corner of my eyes, I watched him sit. I also noticed that his eyes didn't leave my face for a long time and that I felt weird. I felt that he was holding my gaze. "Is there something wrong... Sir?" I asked him slowly, but there seemed to be a certain command in my voice.
"I just wanted to ask if you have checked the attendance?" he said politely. "Yes." I shortly said. Then the bus door opened again, so I had the chance to look at the student who had just entered. It was Paul. Out of all the people, he was the last one I expected to be joining this trip, especially after that night.
We haven't been able to talk about that night actually, but based on his actions during the past few days. I think he's cool with it.
"Hey," he greeted me. I saw Mr. Gray quickly turn his head over to Paul. "I have decided to join this trip. I haven't been to Intramuros," he explained, still not noticing that a guidance officer was sitting in front of him.
I kept on watching Mr. Gray as he kept on staring at Paul, then suddenly, he turned to me, "So I will be sitting in the back seat this time," he said, then Paul finally noticed him. "Oh, you're also here, sir," he said with a noticeable loss of enthusiasm. "I'm fine, sir. I can sit at the back," he said, but I didn't let him. Besides the fact that I was avoiding Mr. Gray, I sometimes get motion sickness when sitting in front of a bus. "I will join you then. So that Mr. Gray can be at peace here," I said as I quickly stood up and dragged Paul to the back of the bus.
"What is happening?" Paul asked as we took our seats.
"What do you mean?" I faked an innocent look.
He just rolled his eyes. "You're doing it again," he said.
"Doing what?"
"You're avoiding answering my questions by asking questions," he pointed out annoyingly. "What is happening between you and Mr. Gray?" He asked again.
I gulped down. "Nothing actually," I lied.
He rolled his eyes again, "Whatever is that supposed to mean? Told you it looks like you guys are avoiding each other." Then I saw Mr. Gray glancing in our direction.
"You're right," he said, finally making him stop. "I am avoiding Mr. Gray, but I don't know how to tell you why," I explained.
After staring at me for a long time, then he said very calmly, "Well... Just tell me."
"Promise me you won't think I'm crazy, okay?" I said as I clenched his hand. "I won't," he said as he squeezes my hand.
"Do you believe in reincarnation?" at the moment I asked this, I kinda expect his reaction. He was getting red, trying not to laugh. "I knew you were crazy," he said straightly.
I just sighed and rolled my eyes at him. "I knew it... You know what? Nevermind." I was annoyed, but I was expecting that his reaction would be like that, so I didn't try to really explain.
"Sorry..." he tried to defend himself.
"It's fine. Whatever," I replied.
"No. No. I'm sorry," he said again, less humorous. "It's just I am not expecting that."
I just looked at him and sighed.
"Why do you ask that by the way?" he asked now with a serious look on his face.
"It's just... I felt that I have this memory that wasn't mine," I said as he watched me closely. "It was like I have lived a life other than this, and now the memory of that life starts to surface in my head."
"And what how does it explains why are you avoiding Mr. Gray?" Paul asked, still closely looking at me.
"Because he lied to me..."
"How come?"
"When I experienced this, I told him about it... well, not all, but I still told him much of it. And that night when you found me, I confronted him, and I found out that he too was having the same memory... All this time, he knew what I was telling him, and he did not tell me. Making me look like a fool," Paul watched me carefully, trying to make sense of my words, but he seemed to be having a very hard time.
"Wait, You and Mr. Gray have the same memory? A memory that wasn't any of the two of you? How does it happen?"
"No! Aren't you listening?" I said annoyingly. Some of the first years are looking at us because of the loud whispers Paul and I are exchanging. "I was having a memory of someone who probably knew and has a connection with Mr. Gray because, in all of the visions I experienced, he was there. Even before I met him, I had always dreamt of seeing him. And he does the same."
"But why are you so upset about it?" he asked again. I don't know, but the more he asked and the more I explained, the more I felt that I was not being reasonable about what I felt.
"Because he has that memory too, since before he met me. And when he knew that I was trying to make sense of it by consulting him he just took advantage of it. He knows that I am scared but still he does not tell me a thing," I stressed.
"So it's a memory of you two? And right now, you both have this vision or dreams or whatever you call it, and you avoid him because he didn't tell you sooner?" he asked in a matter-of-factly tone.
"Yes, that's it!" I said loudly.
"But he hasn't told you because maybe he has a reason too. Did you at least ask him why?" he said as I saw Mr. Gray turning towards us. Thankfully, our seat is totally over from him. "Maybe just like how eager you are to make sense of what was happening with you, he is trying to find it all out. And maybe he isn't successful in doing so. That's why he can't tell you yet."
My face turned red suddenly, and I wanted to say something back to Paul, but what he had just said seemed to hit me really hard. It makes a lot of sense. But it made my heart heavier at the same time. I was so eager to know why he didn't tell me this earlier that I didn't even consider that maybe he just didn't know what was happening. Perhaps he, too, was having those visions and dreams, and he couldn't make sense of it until we met. And maybe, just like me, he was scared and confused. And I refuse to consider that.
"Maybe you need to consider his feeling too," Paul added gently.
I just sighed and didn't talk anymore. Paul was watching me and made sure that I was alright. I was just seated in my mind. "Maybe you should talk to him?" he suggested, but I began to feel dizzy and about to puke. Then I found out that the bus had been jolting backward and forward because of the heavy traffic.
I looked back at Paul and mouthed "motion sickness" before I put my hands in my mouth. He quickly understood what would happen and immediately got a plastic bag. I took it from him and finally let go of whatever was in my mouth. I felt him gently tap my back and tried to calm my nausea.
"Hey, hey, close your eyes and cover one of your ears; it'll help you ease the dizziness," he said, which I immediately did. I closed my eyes and covered my right ear.
"Then what?" I asked him.
"You just keep it that way," he said as I felt him wipe my mouth, but I didn't bother to open my eyes because I was still dizzy. "If you fell asleep, I'll wake you up, don't worry," he assured me. I didn't answer, and I felt a little better after some seconds. My right hand still covering my right ear, then I slowly felt heavy and finally fell asleep.
I don't know how long I slept, but I woke up, and the students were already roaming around on the bus. I looked around and saw Paul sleeping peacefully beside me. I removed my hands from my ears and gently woke Paul up.
"What?" he asked with a heavy yawn.
"We're here, sleepy head," I said, poking him on his shoulders, and he finally opened his eyes. He yawned again and sat up straight. He then looked at me and smiled as he replied, "Thanks." I just looked at the front of the bus, and Mr. Gray wasn't there anymore. I look outside only to find out that most of the students from the history program are already outside. I also noticed that the sky was a little bit dull, that's why I felt the cold air too. The bus driver just began to turn off the engine as we slowly walked out of the bus.
"Let's get off," I said in a steady tone, and Paul followed me. I got off the bus and looked around. We were greeted by the old and full of historical buildings, and although a shower of light rain had started, the excitement could still be seen in the face of these history-hungry students.
I was met by the welcoming smell of the old fort as we entered the Baluartillo de San Francisco Javier, which before being the visitor center, served as the coastal defense of Fort Santiago and still has its magnificent aura that holds the wonders of what had happened during the past.
I looked at Paul, and he was also stunned by the beauty covering the old walled city.
"The vibe..." he said. "It's starting to creep me out," then he shivered slightly.
"I know what you mean..." I said, and I began to feel strange about the atmosphere. I tried to look back and find Mr. Gray, but he was nowhere to be found. I felt a mixture of guilt and fear; guilt because I wanted to talk to him again about my recurring visions, and there was so much that I wanted to ask him, and fear because this was the feeling when I was having those visions the only difference is that, it's more prominent now.
We gathered in groups as the tour guide patiently shared stories of how this place has played a very significant role in the history of the Philippines. But I wasn't listening at all. I was trying to find him. I finally spotted Mr. Gray at the back of the group. Our eyes met for a moment, but I decided to look away.
"What's the matter?" Paul asked, trying to keep his voice down.
"Nothing, it's just I'm still feeling a little dizzy," I said.
"Okay, so now you can find your partner and you may wander to the old city," Richelda finally said. "But don't forget to come back here before 3:00 PM okay?" she continued.
I looked at Paul and nodded. He led me to an area where we wouldn't be too overwhelmed by all the walking, so we sat down on one of the benches.
Even though I am a little dizzy, I start to admire the architecture of the old city as my sight strays. The influence of the Spanish era is very evident. The curves and the pillars of the structures really tell the life back then.
"Flavus!" Richelda called as he hurried towards me. "You were supposed to facilitate the first years and not just hang around here," she said.
"Why would I do that?" I asked as she looked at me with an expression of annoyance.
"Well it's just you're one of the facilitators and you didn't do your job, I'm going to report you to the office," she taunted.
"Okay, okay fine!" I said as I gestured for Paul to follow me to the first years.
As we did that, I simply tried to search for Mr. Gray, but he was nowhere to be found. I was planning to talk to him now, but he seemed to disappear. Paul then took me to the fort's highest point, and now we could see the whole of Manila Bay.
As we did, the eerie and heavy feeling started to cover me again. I could feel cold sweat pouring out my back, and my hands started to feel clammy. I look at Paul, who's busy trying to get pictures. I looked at the ground and found out how high we were now. I just felt really nervous, and the feeling of panic hits me as I slowly move away from Paul.
He was startled as he looked at me. "Hey, what's wrong?"
I took a deep breath and knew what scared me about this place. "It was so high... This is so freaking high," I said softly, trying to be calm.
He looked ahead and tried to guide me, "Yeah, I'm sorry. Let's just go back down below." he said as we walked towards the stairs.
"No. It's not that... it's this place. It's just..." I explained. "It gives me creeps." I carefully tried to articulate.
He was still guiding me when my eye caught a strange-looking house. It is ancient but still looks sturdy. Paul noticed that I was staring at the house and asked, "Hey, what was that?"
"Nothing... Let's just go," I said quickly and looked down as I felt my legs on the verge of giving out.
Paul handed me his arm, and I tried to hold on. We went out to join the rest of the first years when one of the sophomores approached Paul.
"You're Paul right?" she asked.
"Yeah, why?"
"I'm Sofia and it says here that you're my partner," she then shows the paper she was holding. She was telling the truth.
"Yeah, but I don't think it's really required that we stick together all the time right?" Paul said plainly.
"I know but, one of my projects is that I have to interview my trip partner," she said. "And I can't cheat because it has to be recorded." She added.
Paul looked at me, seemingly asking for approval, so I nodded.
"You sure you'll be fine?" he asked.
"Yes. I think I'll be fine."
Both of them left, and I began to follow the first years to the museum in the fort. Inside the museum, there is a lot of history of Filipinos. A cold chill ran through me as I saw the old paintings and photographs. I started to feel uncomfortable as flashes of those visions I had before lingered as I looked at the picture of the Filipino soldiers who fought during the war.
It seems like I can't breathe just looking at the photo. I rushed to go outside as the feeling of dizziness and claustrophobia started to grip me. Then I found myself walking towards the house that I had seen earlier. It was like I was being dragged in there.
I reached the front of the house. It was bigger and a lot older than it seemed. And although the house is still intact, some parts of the ceiling look like it's about to fall at any time. Some of the windows are broken, exposing the dark rooms on the inside. I took a step in and found it hard to go any further. This gave me the creeps, and I turned back, not knowing what to do.
Then I heard a voice say, "did you also feel it?" I turned my head and discovered that it was Mr. Gray and a middle-aged woman was with him.
"Mr. Gray?" The only thing that I could say as my head was beginning to slightly spin.
"This is Ms. Delia, the caretaker of this house," he said as he approached me. "Are you fine?" he asked.
"I don't know," I replied. "I think it's just the motion sickness."
"I know you also felt it," he then said, trying to lower his voice.
"What do you mean?"
"This house, I think it has something to do with the visions we are seeing Flavus."
"Do you still want to come in?" the caretaker asked. I fell silent as I looked at Mr. Gray, who seemed to be wanting to come in as well. Then I nodded, and then as I was about to enter the house, I turned back and looked at Mr. Gray, who was intently looking at me.
"This was an official part of the tour before, but the local government had decided to cut off the budget since it was a little too far from the gate and the tourist rarely comes here," she said as we went inside. It took me a while before my eyes adjusted to the light. "Also, the owners do not want it to be renovated, so it remained as is." She continued.
We were greeted by the woody smell of the house as we walked deeper inside. The house seems to have some wear and tear as we look around, but most of the things still look in their places.
"As you can see, there are two sitting rooms, one dining room, and 5 bedrooms," she said as we looked around. Ms. Delia then explains the whole history that surrounds this house. The house is old, but it serves its purpose quite well. Even though there were some minor repairs, it still looks good for its age. The furniture also looks aged but is still in very good shape. But I couldn't concentrate as I looked around the whole place and knew that Mr. Gray felt the same.
"Who owns this house before Ma'am?" I asked. Hoping to find any clues as to why Mr. Gray and I seem to be called by the house.
"Well, this house has a history, you know. A life of sorrow and of misery," she answered. "It was owned by one of the Filipino generals during the war. His name was Colonel Alfredo Manejar." She said as she pointed out the vast portrait of the general. But it was not the one that caught my attention. Below that portrait is what seems to be a very old black and white photograph of a group of soldiers.
"Who are these?" I asked again.
"Oh, these are the soldiers who join the war and this one," she pointed out one of the young soldiers whose eyes seemed to be very familiar. "This is the general's son, he also joins the battalion, but he died because of a traitor."
"A traitor?" Mr. Gray questioned.
"Yes, but my great-great-grandparents don't believe that it is what happened," she whispered. "Come here. I'm going to show you something." Mr. Gray and I exchanged looks as we followed the caretaker into one of the rooms. She then gets an old wooden box filled with old things and photographs.
"Here. This is my great-great-grandmother, the head helper of the general and beside her is his nephew, and this is the general's son," As he showed the photographs, my heart began beating fast. Even though the weather was gloomy, I could feel that it was becoming hotter and hotter. I looked at Mr. Gray and saw that he was paying much attention to the caretaker. "They said that the general's son and the helper's nephew were actually best friends. And that they say that he betrayed the general by selling information to the Spaniards. But we know that it's not true. They are best friends and always together, and the general does not want to see his son be with the helper so he sent his son to the camp and framed up the helper's nephew."
I feel like the walls are closing in on me and almost feel like shouting for it to stop. I breathe deeply and concentrate on Mr. Gray and the caretaker's voice.
"Then what happened?" Mr. Gray asked.
"They said that he escapes because he was guilty but the truth is he and the general's son were supposed to flee but the general's son did not meet him at the bridge instead it was the general himself who pushed him and let him die."
"What became of the general and his son?" Mr. Gray asked again, but I couldn't figure out what the caretaker said because the images flashed into my head again, making me feel like it was about to explode. 163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkSVeD6mlsE
