It was that dream again...
I could still feel the tightness of my chest as my sweat dripped. I turned the table next to my bed to check the time; It was two o'clock in the morning.
It was the third time this week that I woke up from that dream. It's so vivid that I feel under that cold dark water but strange that I don't feel like drowning. I seemed to be just staring at an image of a man sinking. But not like me. He is lifeless, withered, and gradually dragged into the abyss.
And after those scenes, I would wake up sweaty, seemingly tired, and out of breath. For a few times now, the scene in my room was like that, and I always woke up at two in the morning, making me unable to go back to sleep again. I put that dream aside when the morning came because I needed to get ready for the office.
Walking in the university always amazes me. The morning breeze and the silence are different compared to when this walkway is full of busy students. I took a stroll on the edge of the campus. It was still too early for me to be in class or the office. And instead of walking around for nothing, I chose to be walking on the campus again.
Some years ago, I walked into this university not as a staff member but as a student. I graduated bachelor of science in Psychology and was lucky that I've been offered to be in this university's guidance and counseling office. And for the past years, I've fallen in love with my work here. I love talking to people, especially students. It was like they'd been dragging me into their different exciting worlds.
During my last year in college, I was diagnosed with depression and was hospitalized for a time. And that was the moment that I didn't want anyone to suffer too. It was dark and lonely, as if everything you do always ends up in a mess. That's why I wanted to do everything I could to help people suffering from mental health issues.
Being here now brings me peace, knowing I've been able to help these students. In fact, it has been only two weeks since the start of the semester, and I've been counseling a couple of students already, mostly suffering from mental health issues.
The security guard greeted me as I approached the guidance and counseling building.
"Good morning Mr. Gray. You're early again," he said.
"Right, it just so happens that I've woken up a little early this past few days,"
"Ohhh, that's why I noticed that you've been showing up early,"
"Yeah. But it's fine. Morning air helps boost the mind,"
"Yes, sir, I agree."
"Okay, see you around then," then I went straight to my office and prepared for today's lesson. Apart from being a guidance counselor, I also teach psychology. And being one of the youngest instructors, I enjoyed being mistaken as a student.
As the hour approached, I started my lesson as usual in one of the classrooms far from my office.
"Today in Psychology 101," I said as I wrote "SELF-ESTEEM" on the board. "In this session, we will learn about self-esteem and how esteem affects our way of living. Can anyone tell me what came to mind when you heard this word?" I asked the class. It is usual for them to be silent at first, but one will raise their hand after a while.
"Yes, Ms. Chua?" as expected, she is one of my active students.
"Sir, I think self-esteem is how you feel about your abilities and being able to know and accept your limitations," she said.
"That's good. Indeed, it is knowing our abilities and knowing our limitations. Another thing is self-esteem is a way of understanding our worth. We need to know how important we are to ourselves before we know how important we are to others."
"Sir, what you're saying will be good for people with low self-esteem."
"Yes, it will be. But sometimes, I think that people with high self-esteem may also need the help of someone to calm them down. Have you ever heard of the saying 'pride comes before fall'?"
"Oh, sir, I know it well. I also heard a few days ago about a guy boasting about his life and how successful he is on one of the social networking sites," she said. And immediately, some students nodded their heads.
We were in the last twenty minutes of my class when one of the staff knocked on the door.
"Excuse me, Mr. Gray, the Dean, wanted to see you. He said it was urgent," he said. One of the most nerve-wracking experiences is being told that the Dean wanted to see you. I was perplexed, but I couldn't let my students see it. I nodded at the staff and faced my students again.
"Okay, so I think we will go through the rest of the chapter next week. But it would be better if you would also do an advanced reading on the next chapter. Okay, you are all dismissed," I told them, and then I saw my students walk to their next class.
I put the files given to me on one of the desks and went to the office of the Dean. And as I stepped in, I saw him already waiting for me.
"Good morning, sir," I said.
"Good morning Mr. Gray. Please sit down," he gestured on one of the chairs. As soon as I sat down, he spoke again, "Mr. Gray, I've been told of your superb handling of our students, especially those that we can say troublesome, so I wanted to commend you for that".
"Thank you, sir. It's just I wanted the student to be as comfortable in expressing themselves but still in the limitation of the school rules," I humbly said.
"And whatever it is you are doing is good. Based on the records, since you worked here, the cases regarding student discipline have become significantly low."
"Thank you, sir," I replied.
"But that is not the only thing I want to tell you," he said—suddenly making me curious.
"What is it, sir?" I asked. And that's when the door opened, and a student walked in. He was tall with a good build. His hair was cut short, and two black streaks on both sides of his head made him look hot. I stared at him for a time. I thought I saw him somewhere but can't remember the place. I wanted to ask him, but when he looked at me, I saw loneliness in his eyes. He just stared at me as well. I don't know how long, but it was cut when the Dean spoke.
"Good morning Flavus," what a strange name, I thought to myself while still skimming at him.
The student did not speak. He just nodded, and the Dean ordered him to sit on the chair opposite me.
"Mr. Gray this is Mr. Flavus Kree De San Juan. He is a transfer student, and I want you to assist him personally. I know it was a little late but given your reputation and the recommendation from your office, I am hoping you'd be able to help him adjust."
"Nice meeting you, Flavus," I said, offering a handshake. He just looked at me and shook my hand without saying a word.
"I will make the staff send you his profile so you can have a look at his background. But for now, I want you to tour him around the campus. Would that be alright, Flavus?"
"Yeah, sure," he said under his breath.
"Okay then. So if you don't have any questions, you both may go now," the Dean said, and Flavus stood up without a word and left the office. I tried to follow him, but the Dean called me again.
"Mr. Gray, another word, please."
"Yes, sir, what is it?"
"Flavus is the son of my good friend, the governor, so I am counting on you on this, okay?"
"O... Okay, sir," I said, then left the office wondering why he suddenly told me that.
I immediately looked for Flavus and found him walking in the long hallway.
"Mr. De San Juan," I called him. He just looked at me and continued walking, so I ran toward him.
"Hey, can't you hear me?" I said, starting to get annoyed.
"I can," he said without looking.
"Good, then perhaps we can make this work. Tell me, where is your first class?" When I asked him this, the bell rang, and the students came crowding around us.
"It just ended," he plainly said.
"What about your next cl..." I can't continue talking because he cut me off.
"Where is the library," he asked.
"It was just at the end of the hallway," I said. "Why do you ask?"
"Are you going to follow me around all day?"
"Yeah, maybe. I was asked to tour you, so I must do it."
"And are you going to talk and talk as you do that?" he asked again, and I was a bit appalled by his question.
"I can't let you familiarize yourself with the campus if I didn't talk," I said, slightly annoyed.
"In that case, I will be in the library," he said, opening the library door and sitting on one of the couches.
There aren't many students in the library today, and it makes me wonder why Flavus wanted to be here on his first day, so I asked him.
"Hey, why do you want to be here?" I asked, whispering as I followed him, scanning the shelf.
"So that you would shut up," I wasn't prepared for that answer. It made me stop following Mr. De San Juan and look at his back as he scanned for a book in the history section.
As I did that, I suddenly felt shortness of breath, and the images of the man in my dreams flashed before me, making me groan slightly. I saw him look back at me but did not do anything. He was just staring.
"Sir, are you okay?" one of the students asked me.
"Yes, yes, thank you. I just felt a little dizzy, but I'm fine now, thank you," I said.
I followed Flavus to one of the tables, still confused about what had happened. It was the first time the image of that man from my dream flashed almost forcefully in my mind.
"You're freaking me out," Flavus said.
"What?" I asked, not knowing that I had been staring at him for quite a long time.
"You're staring at me. A while ago, you were talking non-stop, and now it seems like you're planning to kill me. You're freaking me out," he said, eyes fixed on the book he was reading.
"I... I'm sorry. Do you want to go?" I stupidly asked.
He looked at me and said, "I just don't know why I'm being escorted all around."
"Because the Dean asked me to tour you around. It was a request from one of your father's friends."
"My father doesn't have any friends," he said coldly.
Immediately I knew what he was talking about, so I kept my mouth shut so as not to deal with his temper. I just focused on the book in my hands and started flipping the pages. But before long, Flavus began to talk again.
"What do you teach?"
"I teach psychology," I said.
"That explains the look."
"What look?" I asked.
"The way you look at me. You're trying to read me, arent you?"
"No. I'm not."
"That's what a psychologist would say."
"But I am not" I may have said it a little loud, making other students look at us.
"Okay."
"What about you? What program are you taking?" I don't think he would answer, but I still asked anyway.
"History."
"Really? You don't look like one," I said, making him glance at me but went back to reading.
"What do I look like then?"
"You looked like an engineering major."
"Not a chance."
"Why did you major in history?"
"No reason," he said, then stood up and went out, not even waiting for me while I returned the books.
When I left the library, I thought I would have to run to him again, but I saw him leaning on the wall.
"Were you waiting for me?" I asked.
"Yes, I don't know where room 304 is," he said.
"Is that your next class?" he just nodded.
"Then I'll guess we'd go there," I said, leading the way to the third floor.
He quietly followed me, and soon we arrived at room 304. Before I even opened the door, I heard that the class was already starting. Ms. Acosta, the professor, is there opening up the lesson.
"Excuse me, Miss," I greeted her, and as soon as the students saw me, they bid me a good morning. I just smiled at them and turned back to Ms. Acosta.
"Yes, Mr. Gray, what can I do for you?" she said smiling.
"Miss, this is Flavus Kree De San Juan. He's a transfer student, and I guess he will take this class."
"Oh, yeah, I was actually informed about it. Mr. De San Juan, please be seated so we can start our lesson," I watched Flavus go into one of the vacant seats without saying any word. His classmates were watching him, but he seemed not to care at all.
"Thank you, Ms. Acosta," I said when I saw Flavus sit. "Hey, Flavus, meet me in the office after your class," he didn't speak or make any gestures. He just looks at me.
Ms. Acosta noticed it, and he turned to me.
"I'll tell him to go straight to you when the class is over."
"Thank you."
I returned to my office and found an envelope labeled Flavus Kree De San Juan on my desk. I asked one of our staff, and she said the Dean's staff brought it there. I immediately opened it and scanned the contents. There I see Flavus' profile and his credentials. His previous school is famous, and his grades are high, making me wonder why he suddenly had to transfer. I looked for any document that may explain his transfer, but I couldn't find one. It was just his birth certificate, transcript of records, admission form, class schedule, and nothing more.
I looked at his photo, trying to remember where I saw him. The more I stare at his picture, the more familiar he becomes. Then it happened again; I felt like I was being submerged in water and that I felt cold and numb, just like in my dream. But it was more intense. I can't breathe, and I can't move.
The next thing I knew was waking up on my desk with Flavus' documents. I don't understand what is happening to me, and most of all, I would like to stop it. I learned at my table, took a deep breath, and closed my eyes again. My dream and the events that happened this morning flashed in my mind. For a moment, I thought that they were tied together, and my mind was connecting the dots that my subconscious was telling me. But I'm not sure if it's necessarily true. I rubbed my eyes and waited till my head was clear.
After a while, my door swung open, and there I saw Ms. Acosta.
"Where is Flavus?" I asked.
"Didn't he go here? My class ended almost thirty minutes ago. He told me he would go here," she said.
"He did not. You know what, don't worry about it. I'll just find him," Ms. Acosta just nodded and left.
I came to think about where he would go. He was new here, and it seemed that he didn't want to talk so much.
He seems too old and mature, the kind that would just go to the library and read a book with no noise. I returned to the library and asked the librarian if Flavus would return there.
"Excuse me, did the student I came with a while ago come back here?"
"What was the name, sir?" she asked.
"Flavus Kree De San Juan."
"There was no Flavus Kree in the record, sir. Is he a new student?"
"Yes, it's his first day. You sure he's not here?"
"Yes, sir, I'm sure. Every student needed to sign here before they could use the library."
"Okay, thank you."
I left the library and suddenly felt the urge to go to the rooftop. Though students are not allowed there, some would still dare to go. Maybe if I didn't find Flavus, I would still find other students sneaking up there.
When I walked up there, I saw him. Flavus was seated on the roof with his legs hanging over the edge, and his hand was a lighted cigarette.
It was a horror for me not because he was smoking on the school premises, but because of one wrong move, he would find himself falling. He was far from the door, making me walk closer to him, careful not to startle him. He seemed to be not aware that I was there. He hit another one and blew it with a deep sigh. And when I was near enough, I reached his collar and dragged him away from the edge.
"Hey, what are you doing? Let go of me!" he said, trying to get away, but I held him tight without saying a word. Then I sat him down, held him in his arms, and turned him to face me.
"What are you doing?" I asked furiously. The cigarettes were still between his fingers.
"I should be the one to ask," he said. His brown eyes gleamed, and there was again the feeling that I had seen these eyes before, somewhere. But instead of being frozen, I feel warm and numb. It begins from his eyes, and from there, I felt very unusual.
"You're wanting to kill yourself," I said, all serious, but he laughed sarcastically.
"It's funny," he said, and I could see that he was not taking what I said seriously.
"I'm not trying to jump if that's what you mean, okay?" he said matter of factly.
"Then why are you on the edge of the roof?" I said, still holding him tight.
He didn't speak. He just showed me the cigarette in his hand, making me let go of him.
"Do you know that if someone caught you smoking within the university premises, you would end up in the discipline's office? And it would not be a good record on your first day."
"That's why I'm here," he said. "I don't want to be caught."
"You will be caught if you'd smoke here. Moreso, on the edge of the rooftop," I said. " Common, go with me," it was a surprise that he didn't say anything; he just put the cigarette on the floor and stepped on it.
I led him into one of the old storage rooms near the fire exit.
"Is it your office?"
"What, no?"
"Then why are we here?" I didn't answer. Instead, I asked for his cigarette.
"Give me your cigarette."
He just sighed and gave me the packet. I got one and asked for a lighter.
"Do give me your lighter," his reaction changes from pissed to worried and surprised.
"Can I have your lighter, please?" I asked again. He gave me his lighter, and I lit the cigarette in my hand. He was still looking at me, I couldn't tell if he was curious or surprised, but he was watching me as I blew the smoke out.
"What?" I asked him.
"You said If someone gets caught smoking, they will end up in the discipline's office."
"That's true."
"Then why are you smoking?" he worriedly said, looking at the CCTV camera in the room.
"You would only be at the discipline's office if you get caught. And that camera isn't recording." I said. "Now tell me, why did you smoke?"
"I... No reason," he said, not looking at me.
"I don't believe you. Here, have another one," I offered him his own cigarette. I thought he wasn't going to take it, but he did. Both of us now blew smoke into the room.
"So tell me, since when did you start smoking??"
"High school, fourth year," he simply said.
"And why did you do it?"
"I don't know. Out of curiosity, I guess."
"But what keeps you doing it?"
"It helps me clear my mind and be calm. What about you?"
"Same reason, I guess."
For a while, none of us talked. All I hear is the sound of exhales we both made as we blew the smoke.
When I was done, I stepped on the filter to extinguish the fire and wrapped it on a piece of paper to later throw outside the university.
"Common," I said while going towards the fire exit.
"Why are we going there? I think the route here is nearer to your office," he said.
"Yes, I know, but we need to shake off the smell of smoke, or else we will be both in trouble," I said, making my way into the fire exit.
I looked back and saw him. I was relieved that I was able to talk to him about something. But still, the mystery as to why he seemed to be very familiar remains unsolved.
"Can I have it back?" he shouted.
"What?"
"My lighter."
"No, I'll keep it for now," I said, then continued walking.214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfJdyVCjkkZ
