I dashed out of that old room feeling betrayed and promised that I would not be trusting anyone anymore. I felt like I was figuring everything out with him, but it turned out that I was just all by myself. And he was just exploiting me. The more I tried to think of all the things I had known, the more I tried to figure out the perfect words for this situation, and the more confused I felt. The more I tried to escape, the worse I felt.
The bell rang, and students came out of the classrooms. I wiped the uncontrolled tears continuously rolling down my cheeks and walked briskly so as not to be noticed by anyone, but I already saw Paul coming in my direction, "Flavus," he shouted right at the same time that his eyes fell on me. It was impossible to avoid him now.
I forced the tears back and tried to seem calm as I looked up at him.
"Hey, what's up?" he said cheerily as he watched me closely. "Why so glum?" I just shrugged and continued walking.
"What's wrong? What happened?" he pleaded.
"No, nothing, it's just I am a little bit tired," I tried to get away, but Paul was like a magnet that just dragged me back with some questions I did not want to answer.
"Tell me," he said forcefully, "what's wrong? Something must be wrong if you look like this; what happened?"
"It's not your business!" I said with a stern tone. "Stop asking me questions. You wouldn't understand me, okay? Just... Just leave me alone!" I shouted without thinking. As I speed my walking pace again, I left him just standing there. I know it was stupid of me to do that, but I didn't even really understand why I was doing it.
I made it further into the parking lot when I saw Paul running right behind me. So I immediately went inside my car and drove away. I just drive with nowhere to go. I kept driving and driving and again and again, just trying to take all my pain with me. Until I ran out of gas. I stopped and took a deep breath. Right then, I started sobbing again, but this time harder, as I nodded my head. "Why me?" I asked myself, with no one to answer me.
I get out of the car and kick the front wheel. I know it would not give me an answer, but it may somehow ease the heaviness I am feeling right now. It was then a car pulled over, and a strong hand gripped my shoulder. I turned around so fast and saw it was Paul.
"What?" I shouted, scared and confused.
"Hey, calm down," he said as he looked me in the eyes. I'm just looking at his blurry figure as I try to compose myself.
"I just can't... I can't... I can't... I can't..." all of the words get stuck at the tip of my tongue, and it happened again, the visions of Mr. Gray and I forcefully playing in my head, squeezing it like it was about to explode.
I close my eyes for a moment, "Flavus, what's wrong? What's happening to you? Are you okay?" His words became just background noise, and all I can see are those visions of Mr. Gray by now. We were running in the middle of a rice field along a lane that cuts through the farmland. A beautiful wind was blowing through my hair and his.
I was running, trying to catch him, but he was fast as ever. There wasn't a time that I could catch him, but when he saw that he was getting too far away, he would slow down and keep his pace with me.
We were just happy that we were running together. "I love this," he said in between breaths. "Running in the middle of a rice field. I love how the sunlight shines on the rice," he laughed as he slipped a little on a pile of dirt and fell down. Due to his laughter, I slipped, but I immediately sat beside him. "How about you? Do you like this better now? Or your old running?" I asked in between my laughs. There's a reason why I do not really want to answer this question. I did not understand what was happening to my heart. Or to my head because these two were no longer on the same wavelength anymore.
"I hope this day would not end," he suddenly said as we lay down under the huge acacia tree.
"We promise not to talk about that, didn't we?" I said with a deep sigh as I lay my head on his lap. I just felt so tired, so I closed my eyes and rested. Mr. Gray stroked my hair and hummed a tune that I somehow had a feeling I knew. I sighed in contentment. The breeze came, and I just felt so good. Right then, I realized that I was deeply fond of him.
"What is that song called?" I asked.
"What song?"
"The one you are humming right now," I smiled.
"Oh," he smiled at me and uttered words I couldn't understand.
"What?"
"Every time I hear that song it brings back memories," he said.
I was quiet, and I turned away with a deep sigh.
"Hey, what is it? Tell me," he asked.
"Nothing," I said. "I just want to tell you that I am happy to be here now with you."
"I am happy to be here too," he said with a dreamy smile. "This day is perfect."
I turned back and reassuringly smiled at him. I was so happy back then. I am happy to be with him. I know I have been in love with him for a while now. I just blame it on the fact that I was just so confused about everything. But it was like the universe was just getting us ready for something. And that's what I am afraid of.
When I am in this moment right now, it seems like I am on a different side of the world. The whole universe is different, and I don't want to get back to the real one.
The sun was shining in between the leaves of the acacia tree, and it was so bright that I was forced to shade my eyes with my hand while I was looking at him.
"What will happen tomorrow? And the days after that?" I finally asked, breaking the silence that engulfed both of us. "Will I be able to be this happy again?"
"I honestly don't know," he said after a deep sigh. He began caressing my face with his hand, and I ran my fingers through his hair as I looked at his deep sad eyes. "I just don't want to think about it."
"Are you scared?"
"Of course," he answered.
"I am scared too," I admitted with a smile.
"Yeah," he said as he locked eyes with mine. "I know, that's why I want you to be brave and to trust me." We both looked at each other. I noticed my fingers were tracing the dimples on his face. I shuddered as memories of kissing him came alive.
"Wanna go to the falls?" he suddenly asked.
"I love it there," I answered. "But you're gonna let me jump, won't you?"
"I won't if you don't want to," he said, holding my hand. "All I want is to spend as much time with you."
"Then let's go to the falls," I said with a smile as I hugged him. "Just you and me."
The sun was shining brightly, and I turned my face to look at it as I was looking at him as we were floating underneath the curtain of the waterfall.
"This place is so beautiful," he exclaimed as he stared at the falls with trepidation. "I'm gonna miss this."
And I was scared and had always been afraid of falling, but this was different. For one thing, I didn't trust my own sense of balance, and for another thing, I just didn't like the feeling of falling. "Hey," he called as he tapped my shoulders. "Just jump," he whispered in my ears. "I'm gonna be with you. Always," he added as he kissed my forehead, and I closed my eyes and held him tightly. "I love you," he said, and I leaned in to kiss him.
Once again, I looked at the bottom of the waterfalls, and now I have no more fear of falling. To be with him before he left is a privilege.
"On three okay?" he said.
"On three."
"One"
"Two"
"Three."
He was holding my hand, and he was making me feel like I was ready to jump from a cliff at that moment. The water was flowing around my body, and he was squeezing my hand as I felt the wind blowing gently, but it didn't extinguish the warmth I was feeling as he kept holding my hand while we fell. Everything was exactly how it should be.
I felt the shock wave when we landed on the surface of the water, and I turned to him with a smile. The sun shone brightly on his face, and I could see all of his beautiful features, big smile, and deep eyes sparkling. And I know that he is happy as well. We were just staring at each other and accepting everything that was coming to us. I felt him gently squeeze my hand, and he continued to stare at me.
"I was always afraid to fall," I said as I looked at his smile and deep eyes.
"You have been afraid to fall but you didn't give up," he said. "You jumped." I smiled as I felt my heart warm up.
"Yeah, I jumped," I pulled him closer and passionately kissed him. As I knew in my heart that he would be my last kiss. I was scared, but I wasn't anymore because we promised to be strong for each other, and I could see him breaking down in tears. His kiss was so hot, so deep that you would never want to come up for air.
"I love you," I whispered to him. "And I would love you over a thousand lifetime."
He didn't answer; instead, he pulled me out of the water and hugged me tightly. I was so happy that this was what it felt like as we hugged. There is a heaven in my arms, and I know that heaven won't be the same if I won't be with him anymore. "I love you too," he then said.
"I realized that," I smiled. "I always had."
"I know," he said. "I love you even before you did." He smiled. I was so happy that he said that because it was the ultimate happiness. It was the happiest thing I have ever felt. Little did I know, it was a calmness before the storm.
We stayed beside the falls until the sunset, and our backs faced each other as we looked down at the falls. The water worked as a screen, and we were staring at each other while looking at the sunset.
It may be the last time we are going to watch the sunset together, the last time we are going to hold hands, the last time we are going to see each other's reflection in each other's eyes, and the last time we are going to be in each other's arms. We both knew that tonight, we had to say goodbye.
He reached out to touch my face gently and told me not to come home without telling me. I kissed him on the lips and bit them lightly to remember. Once again, he seemed to utter words I couldn't comprehend, but I felt relieved. A wisp of pink was forming below the horizon, and there we were, two silhouettes standing next to each other, a silhouette of fury and a silhouette of love.
#
"I guess this is where we part," he said as I felt his grip tighten. We're at the old bridge that divides the two towns where he and I lived.
"Let me go first," I grinned as pearls of tears rolled down my cheeks. I was smiling as I looked at him with his big sad eyes. I didn't want to let go, but we both knew that some things just couldn't be. He pushed me back and released my hand. I felt his sadness as I looked at him, but I knew I had to hold it together.
"We'll always meet each other in another lifetime," he said as he kissed my forehead.
"I believe that," I said as I embraced him and held him so tight that I could feel my strength waning away, but I didn't even care. He kissed me on my cheeks and then on my forehead, and I felt the burning warmth and frosting coldness flowing into my body.
"What are you two doing!?" a roar echoed, making me jump to see a middle-aged man standing next to us. His eyes were fiery and full of anger. With him is more or less than ten people. "This is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen!" his father said as I froze in shock. His words echoed in my ears as he stared at us in disbelief.
He grabbed my hand again and stepped forward between his father and me. I don't know if he or I made my hand shake, but I know I was so scared.
"Is this the reason why you don't want to go?" he growled as he looked at me with a fiery glare. His father pulled my hand so hard that I almost fell to the ground. He tried to hold me, but the other guys grabbed him as well. We were both helpless, scared, and angry.
"I..." he didn't get the chance to finish his sentence because his father had slapped him so hard that all I could do was weep as I saw blood rush out his mouth.
"Don't you ever say no to me," his father's word echoes in my ears. "You'll be joining the platoon first thing in the morning."
My eyes widened as his father turned to me. "And you, I don't want to see your face anywhere near my son," he said. He looks at me with so much hate and anger in his eyes. After that, he nodded to one of his men, and the next thing I knew, I was lying on the ground gasping for air. I saw him trying to free me from those men shouting and cursing, but I couldn't hear a thing. I clutched my abdomen as I tried to catch my breath, but it was too painful to even move. I have never been punched in the stomach ever. And I had no idea it would be this painful.
I tried to stand up but couldn't because my chest was burning, and it hurt. I can feel my lungs screaming for air and the pain rushing in my lungs. I tried to scream, but my voice was failing me. I can't breathe. Everything's getting blurry, and I can't see anything. My eyesight is failing me, and my breath is becoming painful. I can feel the water rushing into my lungs again because I can't do anything. My body is now so heavy that I can't move. I just lay on the bare ground, trying to fight the pain I was feeling. Trying to go to him, hoping that we can get through all of this if we are together. But I can't move. It seems as though I lost control of my body.
I finally can no longer fight because my body begins to suffer. I can feel that I can't move. I can feel my body getting cold, and my lungs begin to feel as if they are about to explode in my chest. I want to scream for him, but I can't move. I tried biting down on my lip, trying to control the pain that was emanating from my body. I just wanted him to hold me, to say something, but I couldn't move. Until I could feel the warmth of his hands on my arms, and I could feel my body getting back. I was now in so much pain I couldn't stand it, and I began to scream. I screamed his name...
"Flavus," I suddenly open my eyes. "Flavus, open your eyes," he was shaking me. I then realized that I was not on the bridge anymore. I'm back at the side of the road. Then I felt so miserable that I wanted to puke. In fact, I really did. But I just closed my eyes again and cried. It was then that Paul wrapped his arms around me. "I'll never forget you," I said as I fought my tears, and my voice became shaky.
"Hey, hey. Flavus. I'm here," he said, putting his hand on my neck. "I'm here," he said again as he put his hand on my cheeks. "Flavus, look at me. I'm here."
After that, I looked at him with teary eyes. And it was only then that I realized I had control over my body. I could move, but the pain did not go away as I looked at him. We were back at the side of the road, and it was already getting dark.
"Where is he?" I asked as I looked at him. "Where is he?" the tears never stopped gushing out of my eyes as I felt the coldness slowly piercing inside me, and the vision started to blur out. "I need to see him," I said again as a tear rolled down my cheeks. "I need to see him, Paul. I need to see him."
"We'll find him, Flavus, we'll find him," he said, which I know he just said to calm me down, and I could hear the confusion in his voice. I suddenly felt weird. I just don't feel like myself, but at the same time, I never felt so much myself.
"You need to calm down first Flavus" he was just as confused as I was at the same time. I felt like my body was ignoring everything else but the pain. And I feel like I am going crazy. "Calm down and let's talk on the way."
"I'm not going anywhere until I see him," I said as I shook my head. "I need to be with him, I can't leave him. We need to find him, Paul! We need to find him!"
"Who, Flavus?" he shouted, making me stop. "Who are you looking for?!" he stepped closer to me as he held my shoulder. "Look, there's no one here besides you and me even before I arrived it's just you and no one else," he looked into my eyes with concern but also full of confusion.
"I just need to see him," I said as the tears began to pour out the sides of my eyes again. "I just need to see him. That's all, please."
"But there was no one here," he said faintly. "Flavus, there's no one here." But I know best. I know he was here.
"He was here, we were here..."
#
I have no idea how we arrived at the front of my dorm building. I was just staring at the road the entire time.
"We're here, Flavus," Paul said. I looked at him, not planning to say anything. He just nods.
Still, without saying anything, I went out of the car and went straight to my unit. Paul walks in also, not saying anything but carefully studying me. I finally looked at him and said, "You can leave now," but it seemed like it wasn't the word he was expecting to hear.
"I'm staying here with you. I haven't seen you like that and I'm worried, I'm gonna stay here with you so that you'll have company." I just looked at him with a blank face. "Please Flavus, let me stay."
All I wanted to do now was sleep hoping that when I slept, the pain and the confusion would all be gone even in just a brief time.
"I can take care of my own and I want to be alone Paul," I said while staring at him blankly.
"But I-..."
"But I wanted you to go and leave me for now Paul," I cut him making him quite shocked. "And I am not asking you again."
Paul just looked down. I closed the door of my unit and went straight to bed. I lay down, covering my head with the pillow. The feeling of pain had been accompanied by coldness. It was the only thing I was feeling right at this moment. I wanted to close my eyes and hope to fall into a deep sleep. But I can't. The moment I did that, the image of Gray kept flashing into my mind again and again.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM8zoiY8UEY
