This bed hasn't been this inviting since I left this house, but as I lie down on it and the smell of that old fabric conditioner Yaya Evy used lingered on me again. It makes me want to sleep on this bed forever. The same old comforter and pillows cover the bed; just like in the days of old, they sent a calmness down my spine. Knowing this comforter, probably a few moth holes in it, and the pillows, they have lost their shape and support, but I don't care. They comfort me more than any new comforter and pillows could bring.
"Flavio, you're here," Yaya Evy spoke from behind and startled me but I immediately parted myself from my bed and gave her a hug. "How are you now huh? I heard that you've been hospitalized last week. I tried to go but I can't there's so much to do here, how are you now?" she asked worriedly while touching my forehead and my neck.
"I'm fine now, Yaya, don't worry. It's just because of the weather that time, I'm completely fine."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, Yaya. I'm sure."
"Okay, I believe you Flavio. By the way, I washed your bedding yesterday after you called," she said.
"Thanks, Yaya. I really missed my room," I responded.
"Really? Then why don't you spend the night here and actually sleep on your bed?" she asked. I pause for a minute and think about it.
"I don't know, Yaya. I believe you already understand my reason right?"
"Yes, and you know I respect that because I love you and I respect your mother but I am hoping that there will be a day that you and your father will reconcile and I always hoped that that day is every time you came back here," she said and tap my shoulder.
I didn't answer her, instead, I just let out a huge sigh. I realize that she was right but I wondered if that day would ever come. It's been years since my mother left and I know that it wasn't just me who gets hurt. It's just as heartbreaking seeing him moping in his misery with his glazed eyes and unfocused mind. But I still can't deny that he is also one of the reasons why my mother left.
"I'll think about it," I simply said.
"Just let me know if you've decided okay, I'll just prepare dinner so that you can eat before you go," she then left me alone.
In the years that I haven't been living here, I don't think how different my room has become. It's smaller than my brother's room and I remembered that I cried when my mother said that it was going to be my room. I cried because I wanted my brother's room because it was bigger. But after I discovered the awesome view of the lake here I started to like it.
I walked towards the window and there I once again saw the lake reflecting the orange sky. It was gleaming with a beautiful hue that no gem could ever give. I started to think about the time when I and my brother would sneak out to swim in the lake. I can only wish that one day, we would be able to do that again.
I head out planning to go to the lake, but the uneven rectangular patch at the end of the hallway got my attention again. There used to be our family's portrait but now it was hanging in my dorm. When my mother left us, there wasn't a night that I would stare at that portrait, but I just look at my mother. I don't want to forget her face because I wanted to find her and be mad at her and tell her all the frustrations I have endured because she left me and my father. But It was the opposite when it comes to my brother's image. I wanted to forget him. Because every time I looked at his face, all I could remember is him hanging in his room.
Then I turned around to stare at my brother's door. Since that incident happened, I stopped going to his room. And for years I tried to forget him. I tried to forget how he died and how I was partly to blame for that. But now I could no longer force myself to do that. I heard a faint sniffle coming from my brother's room. I froze in my place and wondered what was going on there. As fast as I could, I ran toward my room and grabbed the spare key that I have. I entered the room only to see that there was no one there. I forced myself to enter the room and a gust of wind sent a shiver down my spine. In an instant, I realized that the blankets that cover the bed were still the same but apart from that, everything changed. My brother's posters are gone together with his bulletin board where he posts his collections of black and white polaroids. And there are also two half-burnt candles sitting on the bedside table. I believe that it was Yaya Evy who put that there.
Then I reached for my brother's hidden box that was hidden in the drawer of his bedside table. I tore it open and looked at its content. My eyes were then glued to a picture of me and my brother during that one time we were happy. We were just seventeen years old then. We were standing by the lake, with the mountains behind it. We had on the same clothes that we are wearing in back then but they were newer and we didn't have any bags on our backs. At that sight, a cascade of tears rolled down my face.
I was in trying to dry up my tears when a ball rolled beside me. I got down and picked it up. Then I saw a kid trying to hide beside the door but he was staring at me, probably waiting for me to give back the ball.
"Is this yours?" I asked my half-brother.
He showed himself and nodded. I then throw him the ball and he caught it pretty well.
"Nice catch," I said smiling.
"Thank you! Can I ask you a question?" he then asked shyly. "Is this your room?"
"No, it's not. It was my brother's room before he... Before he left."
"Where did he go?"
"Far away from here."
"Are you going to leave too?"
"Yeah, I might have to leave too."
"Yeah, I know," he said. "Is it because of me?"
I froze in my place. I didn't think that a child of his age will ask questions like that. "What? How did you say that?"
"I just knew it because my dad told me that you're my brother now but we never play and brothers play all the time except when they are angry with each other."
"You know what, I'm not angry with you. It's just that, I have to go to school and do things," I said while awkwardly smiling.
"But whenever you're here you never talk to me and you and dad always fight," he said pouting.
"It's normal, and you would not understand it now because you're too young."
"He also said that to me."
"Who?"
"Daddy. He said that he just wanted to talk to you but you're mad at him so he also gets mad. And he also said that I can't understand it yet because I'm too young," he told me.
"Yeah. He's right. Everything is hard to understand when we're young," I replied as I let out a sigh. "But how about now? Do you want to play?" His face lit up as he heard those words and immediately nodded.
"Yeah. Let's play hide and seek," he said as he ran out of the room. "You can't find me."
"I promise that I'll find you."
He then closed the door and ran. I counted up to ten before I followed him outside. And I know that he's enjoying it because his chuckles were heard all over the house. When I passed by the dining table, he was hiding under it.
"Found you!" he then reached for the ball and rolled it my way as he ran away again.
"No, you didn't. You have to find me again."
Then he hid again, and every time I got to find him, he will run and hide from me. But he was really enjoying it. I was also enjoying it. Until it was getting dark and I can't hear his laughter anymore. I tried looking in the kitchen and in the living room but he was not there.
As I was looking for him, I heard something drop from one of the rooms upstairs. I immediately went there and saw my brother's ball rolling from my father's room.
"Kevin, are you there?" I called but no one answered.
I hesitated if I would go to my father's room because I remembered that we are not allowed to be there. I then decided it was okay because the door wasn't locked and I can now hear my brother's contented chuckling. I opened the door and it was his two little feet poking out under the bed.
"There you are!" I yelled, startling him and making him burst into laughter. We laughed until we were both panting on the floor. Looked at him and see that he was exhausted. His sweat was dripping from his hair and there was dust all over his clothes and cobwebs on his head.
I wiped off his face and his hair and I carried him to the bathroom.
"You're dirty now. Your mom would be mad if she saw you like this." I said as I cleaned him. "Here let me clean you now okay?"
He just nodded with a suspicious grin. Then he splashed the water onto my face and let out a burst of loud laughter again. I tried to stop him but he was laughing so hard that he can't stop. I saw the water hitting his skin and bringing out more laughter. This time I got carried away and splashed the water on him too.
After a while, we stopped both laughing and enjoy the feeling of that. I brought him a towel and dried us both. At last, he stopped laughing and just bask in the warmth brought by the towel. I picked him up and we walked to my room.
"Do you want some dinner? We can eat downstairs."
"Yes. I'm hungry."
We went down to the kitchen and he was looking at me awkwardly. "What?"
"I now believe that you're not mad at me."
"He wasn't mad at you. I already told you that," Yaya Evy commented as she started to arrange the table for us. "He always asked why you haven't been going here and he thinks that you're mad at him. But I explained that you're just busy with school."
"I already told you that, didn't I?"
"Yes. And now I do believe you!" Kevin said enthusiastically.
"Okay enough of that already, you two eat. I prepare your favorites. Tocino and fried rice."
"You also like that?" I asked Kevin.
"Yes!" he exclaimed. "Yaya Evy's tocino and fried rice are the best, I always eat it."
After we ate, I saw Kevin was already out of energy. He has been exhausted because we played a lot earlier. He stretched his arms and let out a huge yawn.
"I'm tired," he said yawning
"You tired already?" I asked him and he just nodded.
"Can you join me in my room? I can't sleep alone," he said.
I looked at Yaya Evy. She just nodded and said, "Your father and his mother will be late tonight."
"Okay then, I'll join you in your room. C'mon," I then carried him to his room and laid him on his bed.
"Can you tell me a story?" he asked as he was stretching himself.
He then moved over to my side and moved his sleepy head to the side waiting for me to start. I don't have any fairy tales to tell him so I just invented one.
"Okay. So this is a story of a Prince who wanted to ride a rainbow."
"I haven't heard that story yet."
"Then you have to listen." He just nodded and went silent.
"Once there was a prince who was on a mission to find a treasure at the end of the rainbow," I began. Then I moved my right arm slowly down to his right side. And slowly made it around him and slowly stroked his hair softly. I wiggled my way back to my side, letting my hand still touch his head.
"And the Prince said to himself, If only I get to ride a rainbow, I will be able to finish my mission and get to that treasure. But there was a giant monster who refused everyone the ride. When he met the prince, the prince said, It is my mission to finish that treasure. Please let me ride your rainbow so that I can accomplish my mission. But the monster said that You are a prince and princes are not supposed to go to my rainbow. But I will grant you your mission and let you go there if you answer correctly my riddle." I paused and looked at him slowly closing his eyes. "And the giant monster told him the riddle. It was there but you can't see it, it was sweet but you can't taste it and it is fragrant but you can't smell it, it is in the air but everyone's trying so hard to find it. What is it?"
I looked at him again and found that he was already sleeping. So I just kissed his forehead and tucked him into the blanket. I was about to leave when I saw his mom standing at the door, half smiling.
"I... I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't be here," I said as I looked at her.
"No. It's all fine, besides, it is me who needs to apologize. Did he bother you?" she replied as she approach the bed. I was about to stand but Kevin wrapped his arms around me and I don't want to disturb his sleep so I stayed.
"No. Not at all, he was just so energetic," I said. "I think you need to rest now, I will be leaving," I said as I tried to get out of his arms. But he was clinging to me tighter and whispered, "don't go." I looked at his mom who was smiling and she gently caress the kid's face.
"He likes you," she whispered to me, and as gently, she removed Kevin's arms around me. As she did that, Kevin just slept soundly and yawned a huge yawn. "He never wanted anyone to stay with him, he's just a bit shy." she simply said as she carefully arrange the blanket around the boy. "Thank you, will he see you tomorrow?" she asked. It took me some time to give her a nod and I excused myself.
Instead of going back to my room, I had the urge to go to the garden, so I did. And I found that there were a lot of new flowers around, and some of them were not yet blooming. As I walked, I heard soft music coming from neighbors which moves me and made me smile. I found that I was close to the fountain. So I sat on the bench and enjoyed the falling water while I listen to the music coming somewhere.
"You like it here too?" It was Tita Kristine again.
"I just wanted to get some fresh air," I replied. "You like the flowers here, don't you?"
"Yes, I love this garden," she said. "I believe it was your mother's right?"
I nodded. "Yeah, she used to spend a lot of her time here. You know... Before she left," I said softly.
She didn't say anything for a while. She just examines the flowers around the fountain.
"Are you mad at me Flavus?" she suddenly asked out of nowhere but I'm not surprised.
"You know what? Kevin also asked me that, just a while ago," I said.
"Are you?" she then looked at me, waiting for my answer.
"Do I have any reason to be mad?" I inquired back.
"I don't know. Maybe because it was me who's here instead of your real mom," she said.
"If you're thinking that you're the reason that mom left us, you're wrong. You are not the reason of that, you're the result," I said casually. "You know mom and dad's relationship had been rough even before my brother... Even before the incident. And eventually, when you came it was like a sign that my mom would never come back and I don't know how to react, I was so sad but I don't want dad to see that. I don't want to see myself vulnerable. And I learned that it was easier to be angry than it is to be sad. And as time goes by, I eventually forgot the difference."
She looked at me for a while as she was gathering her thoughts. Then she said, "I don't know if you would believe me, but it took a long time before your father convinced me to move in here."
"Why is that?"
"Because I was afraid that you will ask me to leave," she said in a soft whisper. I just looked at her and she lifted her face as if she was waiting for my reaction.
"I almost did," I said frankly and it was evident on her face that she was a bit disappointed. "But that time when you arrived with Kevin, I saw dad's eyes were different. They were not dull anymore. They seemed to sparkle as he told us that you had come. And smile also crossed his face. It was the first time in a long time that we had a genuine conversation."
"But all this time I know that I would never replace your mother in his heart. There was a space there dedicated only to her," she replied smiling. "You know what? One time I saw him staring at your family portrait in the hallway."
"Are you hurt when you saw him do that?"
"No. Not at all. In fact, I wanted that portrait to stay there so that your father and you can always see her and your brother."
"But why?"
"I don't know. I just don't see the reason why would I want it to be removed. I mean, I'm the one who moved here so I think I would be the one who needs to adjust and it was already there before I came in so I have to deal with it." she said matter of factly.
"You know t... Tita Kristine, I think I understand you now. You were not the reason why mom left, she made her choice and it was not you. And I think that if she won't come back I don't want either of us to delude ourselves and think that one of us doesn't belong here. So, let's make this place a home for us, not a cage. Let's make it a home for everyone. Okay?"
She looked at me for a second and then she smiled. "I'm glad to hear that from you Flavus," she then gave me a hug for the first time again. I felt the warmth of a mother.
That night, as I lay down on my bed again, it felt so different. It felt that I was once again in my home. I closed my eyes to the sound of the neighbor's music and the chilly wind from the outside. Until I fell asleep and saw a familiar face trying to reach my hand. I think it was Mr. Gray. But as the image gets clearer I found out that it wasn't him. It was Augustus.
180Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGnDHOMdjRy
