It's so quiet that I hear the water hastened below this bridge. I'm feeling very heavy and unable to move. It was dark and cold, but I was no longer submerged. I stand on the edge of what appears to be an old bridge. I know I'm dreaming, but why haven't I awoken yet? I wanted to wake up, but I couldn't.
Slowly, I moved closer and closer to the edge, still sobbing. However, I am unaware of the reason for this. Because of the tears, my vision became blurry. Then I let go of the railing; I'm not sure how I did it, but here I am, slowly falling. The bridge appears to be far from the water, but it isn't. Despite the fact that it was dark, I could see myself reflected in the black, rushing water. Then I woke up before I hit the surface.
It is two o'clock in the morning again, and I am on my terrace with a half-burnt cigarette in my hand. From here, I can see the university field and the horizon from afar with a few moving lights, probably from cars traveling early or very late. The morning breeze always smells different. Moreso, the smoke from the cigarette surrounds me. I've lived in this dorm for almost two years, but it was the first time that I smoked here. I feel a bit strange tonight. Something seems to be missing from me. I believe it was because of those dreams. They seem to be connected, but many pieces are still missing. I blew a huge cloud of smoke again, still thinking of this when I remembered Flavus.
"Is meeting him have something to do with these dreams?" I came to think of this, noticing that I had been dreaming of that same scenario for the past week. Then all of a sudden, after meeting him and after that flashes, my dream seemed to progress. But what does it mean?
I had the last puff of smoke, and I finished my cigarette before I went back to my bed, hoping to fall asleep again, but I was worried that if I did, I'd have that same dream and that the confusion would be much worse.
#
The sun hadn't fully risen when I arrived at the university. I went to my office and found Flavus' files, but I ignored them. I couldn't concentrate on them right now. First, because my mind is so focused on these dreams, and second because of the time, it is still early. So early that I haven't seen any students so far. And since yesterday, I've seemed to have an odd interest in Flavus. Maybe it's because he looked so familiar, even though that was the first time I met him. Either way, something weird is going on, making me unable to concentrate.
I reclined my chair and laid my hand on my forehead while I closed my eyes. Before I knew it, I was drifting and drifting away. I feel my breath becoming heavier and heavier as my body relaxes. But a knock on the door awakened me.
"Come in," I said as soon as I right myself.
"Good morning Mr. Gray. I'm sorry for going here so early, but I have found these two young men trying to beat each other in front of the university," Ms. Follon irritatedly said. Her hair was a bit ruffled, maybe from trying to stop the students, she talked about.
"No. Don't apologize. Just send them in, and I'll deal with them," I said. These fights were common during the first few weeks of the class and mostly happened to the freshman. I remember last year, almost half of the freshman was suspended in the first week because of these fights.
"Okay, thank you," she said. Then after a while, two male students came in.
"It's you again, Mr. Morris. What is it this time?" I asked, but he seemed not to hear what I said. He had bruises on his face, and his clothes were dirty. But what caught my attention was the other student that entered the room after him. It's Flavus who also had bruises, but Paul Morris' was worse, and his nose seemed to be bleeding.
I gestured for both of them to sit. The tension between them isn't dispersing any moment soon as they glance sharply at each other.
"Flavus? Really on your second day?" I asked him, but he didn't speak. He sighed and constantly avoided looking at me, so I turned to the other.
"Care to explain, Mr. Morris?" but he, too, isn't responding.
No one speaks for almost ten minutes. They were just looking alternately, whether at the floor or the ceiling.
"So, no one would really tell me, huh? In that case, I'll be giving you sanctions based on the student handbook. Both of you, fill out this form," I said, handing them out the discipline form.
They both get it and take their time to fill it out.
"Both of you need to come back here after your class today. You'll be in detention for two weeks."
"Two weeks?" Flavus suddenly burst out in disbelief.
"Yes, Flavus, in two weeks, every after class, you and Mr. Morris will have to do community service within the university, and I will personally monitor it," I said.
"But isn't it unfair?" Paul said.
"What's unfair is both of you behaving inappropriately within the university grounds and still not telling me what causes such behavior. So until you decide to settle things out. Both of you need to work with each other," they both sighed and handed me back the form.
"I'll expect the two of you to be here at three in the afternoon, okay?"
"Okay, sir,"
"Do I have a choice?" Flavus asked.
"No, Flavus, this time, your only choice is to follow the school rules," I said firmly.
"As always," he mumbled.
I dismissed both of them after that. I then looked at the forms they filled - out. And It was that feeling again. Flavus' handwriting is familiar, almost like handwriting I had always seen, but I can't remember where and when. Looking at it for a long time makes my heart hollow like an empty cave.
To shake off this feeling, I opened my window and breathed deeply. But still, it doesn't help me feel at ease. The thought of that drowning man that looked like Flavus, my last night's dream, and Flavus' handwriting didn't leave me. I would have lighted a cigarette already if I were not in my office.
I let out another sigh and went back to my chair to resume my work, hoping to be relieved from my own thought. And even though I seem to get over it, I occasionally glance at Flavus' discipline form, and it all came rushing into my mind.
#
It was already three in the afternoon, and Paul entered. A few moments later, Flavus followed.
"I admit, I was surprised that both of you are here," I said while fixing my table. "C'mon, I'll show you your task for today".
I heard them sigh, but none bothered to speak. They just followed me until we arrived at the rooftop.
"Why here?" Paul asked.
"I want you to turn this portion of the rooftop into a garden again," This rooftop used to be a roof garden when I was just a student since the new building already had bigger roof gardens. Still, this one had been ignored, and I've always wanted to turn this into a garden again, but I haven't got a chance. But now I think it's a perfect time for me to finally do it.
"Are you serious?"
"Yes, Mr. Morris. I'm dead serious and mind you, you're not just trying to turn it into a garden, but you also need to make sure that the plants there will grow. And if you fail, you'll have to start again until you make it beautiful," I said. "And apart from that, you're going to clean some other areas in the next two weeks, so if I were you, I would start now, right, Mr. De San Juan?" I asked Flavus, who seemed to be very thrifty in his words.
"Whatever," he said and went on to gather the tools and started to tidy up the rectangular concrete boxes. And with another sigh, Paul did the same. But they started on the opposite side.
I was just watching them mind their own business when my phone buzzed. The number wasn't registered on my phone, but I still answered it, but no one spoke on the other line. All I heard was a thud before they hung up.
"You can help each other to carry the soil bags if you want," I suggested, but they just looked at me.
"No thanks," it was Paul who responded.
After almost an hour and I could see the improvement they had made. The four rectangular plots have been filled with soil and are ready to have plants there.
"Wait for me here. I'll just get you something to drink," I said, then left the two of them. I went to the cafeteria, where they offered this refreshing orange-colored drink. After getting what I wanted, I returned to the roof and went to them. And I noticed that it was only Paul who was in there. He immediately got to me when he saw me.
"Excuse me, sir, I don't want to be weird or what, but I think something's he was acting so strange," Paul said.
"You mean Flavus?"
"Yes, sir, he was just standing there on the edge for quite a while now," he said worriedly. Making me put the drinks down and proceed to the other side of the rooftop, the one facing the field, and there he is. Standing there, not doing anything, although there's a railing there, it is still a strange thing to just stare at the ground.
"Flavus, common. We're done here. We will clean another area tomorrow," I said, but he didn't respond as if he could not hear me.
"Mr. De San Juan!" the next thing I knew was rushing to him just in time to grab his arms and drag him far on edge.
"What the fuck?" he snarled.
"What are you doing? Are you out of your mind? Are you that stupid?" I shouted. He and Paul didn't expect it, but I lost it. So much was bothering me, and seeing him almost jump on the rooftop enraged the hell out of me.
Still, I looked fiercely into his eyes as he struggled to get away from me.
"I... I wasn't going to jump," he said softly.
"What?"
"I..." he tried to hold back whatever he wanted to say but failed. "I wanted to jump...I almost did... I almost let myself fall...but I..." his voice trailed off as he looked at the ground with a blank look. "I wanted to jump, sir..." I could almost feel his voice etched into my ears.
I sighed and loosened my tight grip on his collar.
"But why?"
"Because..." he stopped and sniffled as he wiped his tears away with the back of his sleeve.
"Because what?" I asked, but he immediately stood up and rushed to the door. Leaving Paul and me on the rooftop baffled.
"I guess we're done here. You may go, Paul. See you tomorrow," I said.
"Okay, sir," he responded and washed his hands before he left.
"Wait... Can you not tell anyone what happened?" he just nodded and left me.
I can't believe what I just heard. Why did he want to jump?
I tucked my hands in my pocket, looking at the opened door. I knew I had to return to the office and go to my dorm, but my feet seemed heavy.
It was getting cold. I can feel the wind blowing through my skin and the water drops on my face. Why do I feel like I have lived someone else's life? That this feeling, the things I dreamt, and the images flashed before me were not mine.
I grasped the railings as I headed down the stairs. Clinging to the bars, I could feel my hands trembling as flashes of strange images flashed into my mind once more. But this time, it is more vivid than I can see Flavus' face descending into the deep water.
My heart beat rapidly as I thought of his face with every step I made. The more it flashes, the more it makes me dizzy. I almost tripped on the last step, but I managed to hold on to the railings. I take a deep breath and try to shake away the dizziness by closing my eyes for a moment.
I went back to my office and found Flavus' files. I keep staring at it with his discipline form, trying to make sense of everything happening to me. But all I got was a headache.
#
The following day didn't seem to be different except that I didn't have that dream. I didn't dream at all last night. But still, I went to the university early to get the task I didn't finish yesterday.
It was almost two o'clock in the afternoon when I heard a knock on my door.
"Come in," I said. I saw Paul come in
"Good afternoon, sir," he greeted.
"It's only two o'clock. Why are you here already?"
"Sir, I was hoping if I can do my sanction now because we have basketball training later,"
"You sure?" I asked.
"Yes, sir,"
"Okay. You go to Ms. Follon. I saw her tidying her office. Maybe you can help her."
"Okay, sir. Thank you,"
"Wait... Did you see Flavus by any chance?" I asked.
"Yes, sir, I saw him this morning," he said and left. Then came back after an hour.
"Sir, can I go to my training already?" Paul asked.
"Yes, sure, but make sure to be here at three o'clock tomorrow, okay?"
"Yes, sir. Thank you," then he left again.
It has been thirty minutes past three, but Flavus hasn't come yet. Making me think that he had ditched me. I was about to stand up when the door swung open.
"There you are. I was starting to think that you ditched me," I said.
"My class ends at three-thirty. I'm sorry I haven't told you," he said, making me look at him confused.
"What was that?"
"I said my class ends at three-thirty," he said, almost annoyed.
"No, after that."
"I said I'm sorry for not telling you."
"Okay," I said, nodding, "So, let's go. I have a special place for you to clean."
"Aren't we going to wait for him?" he asked.
"He has basketball training today, so he did his part earlier than you," I explained.
We went to the far end of the hallway and made it through the old storage room, where we smoked during his first day. Nothing has changed since then. The dusty boxes, floors, and some broken chairs. There are also signages and piles of used papers all over the floor.
It will take a while for him to clean it, especially if he does it all alone.
"Why are we here?" he asked.
"We're not going to smoke if that's what you're thinking," I said.
"I'm not thinking about that," he replied.
"I think we may start by sorting out the papers, and then we can work out with the boxes."
"We?" he asked, confused
"Yes, Why?"
"You're helping me?"
"Yes. Is there a problem?" he asked again.
"N... No," he said shyly.
"Okay then. We can get started if that's the case," and then I started to pick up the papers on the floor and pick up the boxes covered in dust.
"I'm sorry," he said.
"I told you it's okay. At least you showed up," I told him.
"No. I mean, I'm sorry about yesterday."
"Which one are you sorry for? Involving in a fight or for shouting at me when I was trying to stop you from jumping?" I said, laughing, but I knew he was aware that I was serious.
"Both," he said plainly.
"Tell me, why did you two fight?" I asked, realizing they hadn't told me why Ms. Follon saw them fighting yesterday.
"I accidentally bumped into him. Making both of us stumble on the ground. A lot of students saw it, and I think he was embarrassed. That's why he punched me before I even apologized, so I fought back," he explained, and knowing Paul, he might actually do that. He's a short temper. He picks fights like he picks his food. Whenever he does not like the situation, he will most likely choose a fight with whoever he feels is responsible for it.
"You young people are always so impulsive nowadays, right?" I said.
"I don't know. Besides, how old are you, sir?" I looked at him. I think it was the first time he called me, sir.
"Did you just call me sir?"
"Hmmm, yes. I mean, isn't that what I supposed to call you?"
"I don't know. It's just funny because I think it was the first time you called me that."
"Don't you want it?" he said.
"No. It's fine. Calling me sir is fine, and to answer your question, I'm 25 years old," I said.
"Aren't you young to be the guidance counselor?" he asked.
"Yeah, but I like it. And I'm really thankful that the school gave me this opportunity," I replied.
"May I know why?"
"Maybe because I like talking to people. It was like I was being invited into their own world," I said.
"Wierd," I heard him say.
"Did you just say I'm weird?" I asked seriously, but that was just to tease him.
"No. I mean, yes... But not in a bad way," his reaction made me laugh, but I hid it. I turned around and sorted the box at the end of the room.
I was almost done, with only two boxes left, when he suddenly spoke.
"Thank you," he said. Even if he was behind me, I could feel his eyes looking at me with his head down. I felt something warm spreading in my chest when he told me that.
"For what?" I asked without looking at him.
"For not letting me jump," he said quietly. I almost forgot about that. He seemed very different now than he was yesterday. He appeared to be a little lighter today.
"Can we talk about it? Why do you want to jump?" I asked.
"Can we not? At least not now?" One of the things that I learned when I was still a student was to respect people's boundaries. It won't be an honest conversation if one feels obligated. And I don't want that.
"Yes, sure. But I wanted you to know that my office is always open," I said.
"Can I ask you something else?" he asked again.
"Yes, of course," I faced him and saw that he was still piling up small boxes.
"How do you handle it?"
"Handle what?"
"Those things. If somebody opens up themselves to you," he said, facing me. "You seem to be so light and relaxed, but I know you've heard so many strange stories and experiences shared with you, so how do you handle that?"
"I don't know how I would answer that. Let's just say that this is what I really want, and it's more than just a job. It is a commitment. And I handle everything, just like what we are doing," I said, pointing out the boxes he was holding. "I put it in a box, their thoughts, their problems, even their most hidden secrets no one knew about, and when that box became full, I closed it and hid it deep in my thought. It just stayed there, waiting to be opened again when the time comes."
I looked back at him, and he seemed embarrassed by the answer. His eyes were searching my face as if he wanted me to continue.
"But isn't it hard, carrying all those and not being able to share it with anyone?"
"You know, some things are not supposed to be shared. Sometimes it just needs to be experienced, and when you do, you learn. I have learned so many things in every conversation I had. Especially on students like you," I said. All of a sudden, his face changed from embarrassment to fear.
"Why?" I asked.
"There's... There's a cockroach on your shoulder," he said, pointing at me.
I looked at my shoulder and saw the cockroach. I picked it up and went near him.
"You mean this?" his eyes widen, and he takes a step back.
"Yes... yes. That sir. But please don't come near me. Please," it's funny to see him beg because of a cockroach. It is so different from when we first met the other day.
"Okay. Okay," I said as I waved the insect away. "I didn't know you're that afraid of a cockroach."
"It's just, their feet are hairy, and they fly in a very unexpected direction. The next thing you know, it's already on your head. That freaks me out," he said.
"Okay, I guess we can call it a day. Let's go," I said.
"But, it's just one hour, and this isn't that clean," he replied, looking around the room.
"Yes, and we still have more than one week for you to do it. And besides, Paul only had one hour as well, so I think it's fair that you also had one hour of community service today,"
"Can we smoke?" he asked.
"Nope. Absolutely not anymore. The cameras are fixed, so I can't even if I wanted to." I said
He nodded, and we began to head out of the room.
I began to walk away, and he followed me to the hallway and turned, then went towards the exit. As I reached the corner, I held my breath and looked back. I thought he was still looking at me, but I was wrong. He was long gone.
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxiMOdKBhJb
