Lines of Love; Chapter Six/ Part Five
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Astra/
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My mother has become persistent something unfamiliar with but I don't feel like it matters. Perhaps this is what they meant by time heals all things yet it isn't a way to heal just the ability to push further. I honestly hoped I never would need to confront her but that adult side wins. I just need to protect them from suffering so the least I can do is end this childish nightmare of mine.
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" We are in the middle of family time mother... Say what you need to and leave."
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" Your father awoke although barely but it happened... Percy even came around and told me things that happened with you... I even got scolded by Raymond again for how I am with you. He was never happy with the way we did things regarding you but he agreed to them. He's not perfect but he was stressed over everything for so long... To be honest, I heard you had a daughter now and I got terrified because-"
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" Because you failed to be a mother for me and your right I'm afraid as well of that... But to be honest even that fear seems small when you compare it to the love they give me... Besides, it's not your parenting that really scares me if I'm honest. Gina has done more than enough to show me she will correct me, I learned that last night. Something I should have known already but I'm not real smart."
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" Then Astra I can only say I'm happy for you to have overcome that but... Even as a bad parent I can see that something is eating you. So if it's not that then what could possibly have you more afraid."
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" You already know how dangerous I am otherwise you wouldn't have sent me away. I may not be her birth mother but I know how easy hate and anger can hurt... I don't want her to witness that side of me. If I could predict the future it wouldn't be so bad I guess..."
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" Well I think this Gina will balance you out just fine, that's enough right.?"
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" Yeah... Well, I have to go -"
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" Wait, please... It's a selfish request but let me be a grandmother at least. Could I do that much please, I want my family together... I wanna meet your future wife I wanna see this child and help. So please can I be selfish."
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" I'm a petty person mother and hating you makes me even more so than I like... But this is for Abigail so I have to swallow my childish and petty resentment for her, come in... But be warned I won't tolerate you hurting her in any way. Don't make me into a person I can't return from, that's all I want from you..."
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" I'll do my best Astra... Thank you."
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I never thought I would guide my mother through our home but I can't make this choice for her. Abigail becomes excited after the awkwardness fades I'm always amazed at how fast she warms up to people. Gina can't help but look at me every chance she can but I understand why. All I can do is take her hand to assure her I'm fine even though she will always worry about me. From breakfast to lunch Abigail was all over my mother which hurt but made me happy. Being an adult means living in contradiction and pettiness which grow from learning how to organize ourselves. My daughter has everything I wanted growing up but if I was to look at this as an unbiased adult. She's my future so how could I feel like I do watching her grow closer to my mother and that is the reality I face.
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" You okay.?"
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" Yeah everything is fine, she needs this."
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I know Gina cares and worries over me a lot it's natural to feel like I'm being selfish in these moments. But I know why she does it and I can't help but want to keep growing next to her. It doesn't take long for Abigail to crash from burning so much energy so I try to take her to bed, but my mother was way ahead of me.
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" I think it went well, Gina... Abigail was purely happy. This was good for her."
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" Don't count yourself out Astra, that took more than courage. You show me every day new things to admire and love about you. I'll go make some tea."
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If I ever wake up and this was just a dream that I managed to conjure up. I think I would cease to function no one could match her even if they feel like someone fated for me. Our connection is born through many things and we are always looking forward to the next thing, even if it's a mistake.
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"You two have a wonderful daughter Astra, thank you for letting me see her."
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" The woman I'm gonna marry has made me a better person and I became this way because of her. Gina is a miracle to this world."
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" I'll have to take my daughter-in-law out for some bonding then... But I have to ask, how's your recovery.?"
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" Terrible...but I accepted the results because I don't need to run anymore. It hurts like hell having it taken from me but I don't need it anymore either if that makes sense."
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" I'm proud of you Astra, you became a fine woman. I'm sorry I missed so much."
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"Well you have time to catch up... Abigail will need you in her life so will Gina."
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" What about you?"
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" I'm your daughter I can't change that but it's still hard to accept it... But for them, I would do anything."
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For the rest of the day, we spoke at length which helped Gina get closer to her. They will be able to help Abigail where I fall short at least, I will gather support from everyone. I'll make sure her futures bright and never dark because I won't let her know that darkness. Which means I have to bite another bullet, for them, I can do anything no matter how painful.
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" I'll be right back I have a call to make."
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