Lines of love part Four
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Gina/
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Over the days and weeks of patiently waiting for her to come back to me, I became tired. I had meetings with Greg and Abigail which ended up being a list of things I should do to improve the home. I have never been so exhausted before but I guess that's what Astra did every day for me. The bills that I never got to see or manage, the shopping, working, Abigail. To top it all off Astra in the hospital not waking is wearing on me heavily. Eating has slowly become nonexistent and sleeping is foreign. Percy came to stay and help out I just didn't expect that to happen, I love her but I had no control over myself. Is that what Joy meant with the grip of substance making you lose control. Why does it sound like an excuse when I say it, I know I love her and only her so why. That question just haunts me as last night replays like I can find the truth if I keep repeating what happened.
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I felt weightless smoking and drinking, I had an appetite for the first time. I felt free of everything but then I just kissed him like it was not even a choice to be made, the kiss felt like it went on for so long. But when I finally sat on his lap I opened my eyes to a mirror just behind him. Astra bought me it as a birthday present and I can see myself and everything I have be stripped away, my stomach started to turn harshly. I was on the verge of tears so I ran to the bedroom locking the door behind me, where I sat and cried. I know who I love and who was meant for me so why did I do that, even worse how do I tell her. The answer just doesn't come to me at all so I curl into a ball letting the memory replay. As if being thrown a lifeline I got a call from Jordan.
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Jordan; " Gina I Need you to come down to the hospital. We made progress, she's gonna wake up soon."
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I was happy but that memory was telling me I won't keep her, she won't love me the same. My stomachs turning again but I have to go because if she's awake I need to be there. No matter what happens I have to be there for her, so I quickly make my way to the hospital. My thoughts change to how would I tell her, how do I tell her what I have done.
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Gavin; " Uh miss Gina, a Moment if you would.?"
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Gina; " Is something wrong Dr. Gavin?"
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Gavin was a brain specialist who has been trying to discover the mystery behind Astra. I don't fully grasp everything he says but it hasn't been life-threatening.
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Gavin; " I think Astra was caught in a Dream state, which kept her asleep. Similar to nightmares how people can awake from them. However, this is the opposite. I believe whatever was holding her is over and her brain activity is rising more than previously. Call me if you need anything or have questions, but she's gonna be fine."
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I thanked him because I needed the extra assurance that she was fine. I headed to get room to sit down and take her hand holding it as I waited. That's when I noticed a trophy and letter on the corner table addressed to her, so I read it.
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"Kim,
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Hey, coach we won, I ran my fastest just for you but you weren't there to see it. So the team ran double just to make you proud, and we won. Thank you for everything Astra, we are waiting for you to come back we miss you."
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I couldn't help but cry at that letter she has such an effect on everyone around her. So why doesn't she see what we all see, how can she not see the great things she does. You are amazing Astra truly.
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Astra; " Why are you crying, Gina..."
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Gina; " Astra... You are finally awake you scared us sleeping so long. Didn't I tell you don't leave me behind."
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Astra; " Sorry I just went to a dark place and that's all I can remember...Can you get me some water?"
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I paged the nurses as I helped her sit up in bed, letting her drink from the small cup of water. I was afraid to touch her but I didn't want to let it show luckily Jordan came in before I made a mess of things. So I sat and waited for them to check her over while I thought about everything. How to approach this topic properly and not hurt her but the truth is I kissed her brother and that's gonna hurt.
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Astra; " Gina."
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When she called my name I jumped so high out of my seat I was so scared. But I just stared at her horrified because I didn't know how to say this.
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Astra; " What's wrong, talk to me.."
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Gina; " Weeks of stress and sleepless nights, then soon I started to eat less and less. Percy had stayed over the house and helped me get back on track. We smoked something I never tried before and drank wine, I felt so much better. But for some reason, I kissed him and I swear it didn't go further, Astra. I love you and I'm so sorry this happened."
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