Lines of love Chapter 3 / pt 5
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Victoria/
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I was always cautious of Cait, always making sure she showed effort. Everyone has trust issues I'm sure but Cait was a wildfire when I met her. Even now that fire refuses to be quiet no matter how much I try. Since dating, we found ourselves at odds on and off arguing over silly things. I often feel like a part of her wants this and yet that wildfire is cutting it off entirely. So we went on vacation which helped turn everything around, it was better but everything has a time. It didn't take long since we came back that tragedy fell on us again, Astra was taken from her. The way she worded it pierced me deeply, I was wounded selfish as it sounds.
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She once more began embracing her old wildfire self again, I was losing her slowly. Talking turned to battles of who was right and wrong, who was to blame, she was self-destructive. The drinking returned and the happiness faded from her, the person I loved was being eaten alive by this wildfire. So when I finally attempted to pull her away to another vacation, Astra Was awake finally. But Cait was still torn inside, she wanted to be there and yet she was afraid. I decided to take her somewhere special that I thought might help her, plus I called in a favor to a friend. I don't know if this will work but it's all I have left so I pray she's willing to save herself.
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A small island ran by my mother and father with a clinic, my best friend has lived here for six years. She's the favor I called in to help Cait find herself and save herself perhaps if I was a different person I would have stayed. But she needs to decide her life I won't waste any more of my life being a crutch for her. After we arrive I got her introduced and settled in for the first two days, but on the third, I took my leave. It's not goodbye unless she decides it to be.
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The flight back to the states was uneventful but I have a life to return to perhaps I did the right thing this time. Work falls back into a normal routine as does my home life, memories of Cait longer here. But this is part of life and I can't help her any longer, she has to find herself. I call to check on her progress every week or so just to understand a little more. Bree scolded me often for leaving her alone on a strange island without a word as I walked away. She knows methods well enough not to judge me, but I assure her it had to be done. I remember when I once left Bree in a similar situation as Cait, I didn't see it as wrong then either. Perhaps there's only so much a person can carry in a relationship before the weight starts to crush them.
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Bree didn't forgive me but she thanked me for saving her from that fire inside. Perhaps I'm attracted to wildfires hoping one will devour me one day. I suppose Cait may have a similar reaction as Bree did but I won't hate her for it. One day Bree tells me that Cait has begun changing and becoming just a little more alive, I guess it was bound to happen Cait isn't weak after all. She's just easily consumed by her thoughts, emotions, and desires. I decide to wait a little longer before revisiting her, I want her to fully recover herself. I'd hate to disrupt her time learning what she needs to recover.
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After two months it was time to seek her out and face the choice lingering over my head for so long. Perhaps she will hate me but either way, I hope she's extinguished that wildfire inside her. The flight was slower than I last recall but perhaps that's just my mind playing its tricks on me. Arriving on the island it has yet to change even after so long this place remains perfect. I decided that I need to prepare for what's to come so I went for a small drink. Something I'm often against but I needed courage today to accept the possibility of goodbye from Cait. However, I didn't get much in before news spread here of my arrival. Cait was more beautiful than I remember, but I drink it up like it's the last time. I wonder how many people have I lost to this island, committing them to memory.
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"Victoria I'm glad you came back, it's been a while. I have a lot to tell you..."
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She was happy and that wildfire was gone, no longer did her eyes hold a fire behind them. So we sat in silence till she was ready to talk.
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" It hurt when you left me back then, but I guess I was only accustomed to leaving people. I wanted to leave and come find you but Bree talked with me and I decided to stay. I didn't think it would work or help but it did... I know that you broke up with me that day to give me freedom of my own choices, I know I was a burden to you but... It opened my eyes a little more to the world around me. I missed you and thought about you as I spent time here recovering... Thank you, Victoria."
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" I don't often hear a thank you when I leave people here to sort out their messes I can't carry them through... But I just wanted to help you and I couldn't fix what was wrong for you."
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" Always considerate and I loved that about you the most you know... I'm sorry though about-"
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" Bree is hard to resist isn't she, perfectly beautiful for sure."
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" You know?... It happened once, well twice but.."
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"It's okay. besides, I gave you freedom for a reason Cait. You owe me nothing, I'm just glad you found yourself properly."
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"Can we start again, Victoria?... I'll do much better now and I want you by my side."
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It's been so long since I kissed her lips but it felt like a weight was lifted from me. Most find happiness without me and that's the end goal, I was expecting it from her as well yet. She stayed what more could I want from her than that and her love.
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