Lines of Love; Chapter Three
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~Jean~
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Since last year the company has been going downhill and I have tried to stop it. I have been able to pay the workers I have through negotiations of items at my home. Since my family was successful in life they gathered a decent amount of items. I don't know how much longer I can keep going through this, sooner or later I'll have to release the workers. I find it difficult to properly function it's almost like suffocation and that one thing at the back of my mind. The thing I fear most is what happens when this place is shut down and all the people are gone leaving me alone. I couldn't face my parents if I fail here because I wanted something to hold onto that keeps the memory alive. But I'm failing terribly and I couldn't ask for forgiveness for my shortcomings.
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Even as I shift through reports and every piece of paper I can feel myself become desperate and irritable. But that's because today I had to cancel the one thing that brings me peace to the chaos inside. I'm sure he will forgive me but it shouldn't be this way I should be home with him yet I'm here. I'm not sure if he notices my distressed self but I doubt I have fooled him, it's difficult not being at peace with the one you love. On top of everything Astra was a scare none of us were prepared for, I'm glad she pulled through. If she hadn't Dan would have been lost to everyone once again I'm sure. But at least those two are adopting soon so another person will join this family we created through life.
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Astra is at the center of everything without her I don't think life would have been so good. So many people would have been lost and alone still, Lord knows she helped me. Without her, I don't think I would have kept Dan in my life. She keeps us connected in many ways.
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Dan; " Knock knock."
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Jean; " Dan... What are you doing here?"
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Dan; " Poor attempt at dinner but it's takeout my cooking is terrible."
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Jean; " Ha thank you for this but you didn't need to come here."
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Dan; " You called me when that mask was slipping. So talk to me let me help you, Jean."
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Dan was a man who could carry the works without complaint, even if that meant other people's burdens. So I started recounting how bad things have gotten and the position I am in currently. He doesn't interrupt just takes it in and the look of deep thought he wears well, he just wants to help but this may be unsalvageable. Just as I thought my day was getting better fate had other plans for me.
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Travis; " Hello, Jean long time no see. I thought I would stop by after hearing the news. Offer my sympathy for the company."
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Travis was attending the same school as mine and in life, we met many times. He was obsessed with pursuing me but it's not all him. I caved in several times and fell to his pull, I'm weak to his charms. But Dan is here and this isn't the time.
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Jean; " Travis, sorry but the buildings closed for the day. I'll have to ask you to come back another time."
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Travis; " Of course anything you wish Jean. I'll be waiting."
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With that, he left peacefully but that smile was familiar and knowing. I also finally noticed Dan's change that third wheel feeling I also felt once upon a time, I tried to comfort him but half-heartedly. Because I know how weak I am to this man just another problem to surface when I'm overloaded. For the rest of the day, we say quietly as he helped me with paperwork, the food lost flavor. We barely ate any fit and I feel terrible that something unspoken sits between us now, and I'm not sure how to address it. I am just so exhausted anymore.
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We finished up and headed home finally but the silence continued, perks of being a private man. But this is affecting Dan so perhaps I should speak up, but what would I say. I can't lie and thus truth would hurt more than the truth so is my silence the best answer here. The answer never comes and the day goes on till sleep claims me, hoping for a better day. However when I awake everything is normal with Dan and I speaking again so I once more put my mask on for him. Preparing to deal with Travis without getting Dan involved, my parents would be ashamed of me. But what can I do when everything is crumbling so fast.
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Dan; " I made reservations if you are interested in having a meal, don't overwork yourself.*
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Jean; " That be great and ill try Dan take care."
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I finally was heading into work preparing for the worst to happen because at this point everything is spiraling. And as if on cue when I pull into the parking lot Travis is waiting for me but I push past him, to my surprise he doesn't chase. Perhaps this day won't be so bad and I can have that reservation with Dan. Just need to remember not to overwork tonight and maybe I can salvage something from this mess I made.
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