3/4/1923
Today drags on once again. The only difference? Today is my wedding anniversary.
The day is expected to be filled with grandeour and decorations; Jonathan decided he wanted to parade me around. The dress is my old wedding dress, somehow still fitting me.
Marietta is in the room with me, as I write this. She is supposed to be helping me get ready, however, thankfully, she agrees with my dislike for the event.
The day is supposed to be reminiscent of my wedding. However, my mother is dead, Anna is dead, I have a child to take care of, and my wedding was, in short, my most dreaded day of my life.
I got married when I was 17, to a man I had only met once, because my mother needed to pay off a debt. So my wedding was one of convenience, as was my marrige. They had a daughter they wanted wed and a debt to pay. I paid the price for it, most definitely.
So now here we are. We are supposed to be remaking my wedding day. And by we, I mean the men. They don't think any of us girls can do anything around here. It's dumb, considering that I run a gang practically all by myself-and that my only helpers are women. Still, they're trapped in their ways, ways of which I cannot make head nor tail of.
Sometimes I think about what might have happened if things turned out different. Maybe I didn't get married, maybe I ran away to California with Anna, like we always dreamed of doing.
But things didn't turn out that way, and now I'm getting ready to be in my wedding again.
I...don't think I've ever felt so alone. Sure, Marietta is there, but she is busy, and she has her own life. And Lizzie lives a life completely different from mine. There is no way to stop the loneliness, for it comes in droves. The sadness comes along with it too, for it never stops. I've often thought about it..but still, for all that Lizzie and Marietta are busy, we still have our time together. And I still love them more than anything.
Love is important, no matter how I try to deny it.
I must go.
-Irene Aria Calla.
ns 15.158.61.8da2
