I am useless. Not in that sense, but more in a sense of..I don't know.
There is a woman, someone I met..her name is Bessie, she works for Elizabeth in the same way that I work for Irene..
She is so beautiful, it must have taken the full force of God to create her. She is smart, beautuful, perfect. But we cannot be together. Irene would be upset, if she ever found out about Bessie and I. There is no rule against us being together, no, but..everything about romance makes Irene sad nowadays.
Bessie is beautiful, truly. Her skin is beautiful, the colour of a pecan, I believe. I would live to kiss her, I would die to love her. She is a light, almost. I so badly wish she was in our gang. I could work with her, we would be like Irene and Josephine.
It is not enough to love. No, I need to work. If I absorb myself in my work, in helping Irene manage the gang, in anything but my thoughts about her, then I will be okay. I just..need to forget about her. Even if I cannot, I need to forget about her, forget about the girl.
I wish I could be her, to be quite honest. She is beautiful, perfect, smart..she is everything I am not.
I know this makes me a sinner. I have sinned against the Lord, but I know He will forgive me. I love one of His creations, and He is okay with that.
Nights like tonight...I think of the Greek poet Irene loves. Sappho, I believe, her name is. Irene quotes her, all the time. She wrote beautiful poetry about women. If only I could write like that..
I must forget about her, I must..I need to
ns 15.158.61.17da2
