The night air is as clear as crystal up here. I'm by myself, alone for the first time in days. The place itself is an old place, where Irene and I would spend the nights, searching the worlds between us for what truly connected us, what made us so drawn to each other. Whatever it was that made our souls so desperately need to collide. The rooftop itself has an aura of magic, a place of wonder and light, and it certainly has earned it.
Irene and I would always smoke up here. Well, not me. Irene would smoke up here, I would watch her and say all the thoughts I had ever dared to think. She would take drags from a pipe, the one she always carried, and say something, if it was a good time to. It always was a good time to, though. I loved the sound of her voice, I still do. She has the voice of silk.
The stairs up to the top creak. Goddamnit, if anyone finds me up here...I run over behind one of the smoke stacks. Thank god for the cover of the night. I wait, in silence, for a few seconds. No one, or nothing, comes. I stand up from my hiding spot, crouched behind the sooty stacks. God, if Irene was here...I don't know what I would've done. How do you even greet someone, after everything? I killed her parents, she killed my brother, we fought tooth and nail, and yet...after everything, in the end of it all, a part of my heart still longs for her. Still longs for her just to call me doll again, with that stupid grin and those little blonde curls. She always had a smile on her face, namely whenever I saw her. Always smiling and happy, even on the days when she looked as though she could break, like a porcelain doll.
If she was here, I think, my heart would've broken into pieces. Stupid feelings, emotions I never wanted. Love turns to anger, anger turns to stupidity, and stupidity gets you killed. One of the first things I learned. I have no time for love, and besides, what would my family think? Me, in love with a girl! A laughable feat, and besides, I would be in so much trouble..Harry is supposed to be my love, I'm supposed to love him more than anything. He would be so upset if he found out...he would be upset if he ever found I was even here. When I got back from everything, I told him I would be home, now. The first night I was home, I tried to desperately to feel something. But he was cold, compared to Irene's warmth, and I could not feel a single thing.
I take a breath, inhaling the smoke. Irene always smelled like cigars and mint, the mint really setting her apart from everything else. It was comforting, though by the time the day was up, I would smell of smoke, too. Sometimes, I would purposely be around her when she smoked, just because I liked how beautiful she was when she did, and I grew to love the smell of smoke.
The one thing her and Ben agreed on was smoking. If for nothing else, they would agree that smoking was a relaxing thing. I thought it just made everything smoky, and I hated everything about it besides the smell, but being the youngest, my opinion never really mattered. They'd just laugh and make a joke about it, and then pass a pipe between the two of them.
God, I miss them so badly...both of them, Ben especially. He was my best friend, my partner in crime, my brother. And Irene...she was the one I believed in. She was amazing, graceful as a goddess. But now they're both gone...the two most important people in my life, ripped from my hands. Cruel fantasies.
I take a breath, and head down the stairs. No use in staying up there anymore, it will be morning soon, and I will need to be home, before Harry finds me gone. He doesn't even know I left...he never knows. He doesn't know that he married a lie, and if he were to ever know, I swear I should die right then.
ns 15.158.61.20da2
