Gloomy, exhausted, and drained. That's all I feel tonight. It has been a long day. After staring at countless documents I need to make a report of, I was hoping for a warm soup or meal or any treat to help me quench this tiredness, but I remembered that I was living alone in this dorm.
I've stationed myself on an empty seat near my bed where I can watch the setting horizon. Mindlessly I stared at the running puff of clouds above covering the moon as they passed by. The light of the night shines on my window, turning the white walls into bluish-gray. I let out a long sigh as I glance at my bed. Despite how tired I am, I know I wouldn't be able to sleep instantly. I'm becoming more and more afraid to close my eyes. The fear of dreaming about that scene again seems to grow more and more.
It almost makes me gasp when my stomach growls. I've been so preoccupied with these thoughts that I forgot my hunger. I decided it would be best to devour my hunger instead of gnashing away my thoughts. I stopped by the fridge to get some eggs and fry them with canned corned beef. It felt good against the cold nights. The taste of it brought back some soothing memories of when I was home.
I finished my meal in silence. Only the soft clanking of the utensils and the plate can be heard. After that, I get a cup of milk in the fridge, something so simple yet comforting. I updated my phone and made a few checks here and there.
Moments later, I still wasn't able to ready to go to bed, but it was already nearing midnight. I pulled out my jacket at went outside. I remembered that the view of the rooftop in this dorm was perfect, and I'm sure I would be the only one there at this hour.
A cold breeze welcomed me as I traced the banister. And I was right; I'm the only one here. As I walked near the edge, I could see the entire city with its giant maze of street lights, car lights, and bright neon signs. But, the view isn't the only thing I like about this place. The best thing about it is its sound. The strong gusts of wind that seem to travel over the city below and the howling of cars passing by. I relished the sounds because they kept my mind busy and prevented me from thinking about the things that worried me.
I sighed again as I looked in the sky. I stared at the motionless clouds passing overhead. Then I saw that I was wrong, thinking I was the only one here. Another man was standing on the other end of the rooftop but on the opposite side of the building. It felt like he came here before me. But he was standing so far to the edge. I couldn't see his face, but I felt I wanted to talk to him for some reason.
Before I could even decide, I made my way toward him. He seemed not to notice me as I took cautious steps, fearing I might startle this man. The moon is shining bright as the clouds are now gone. I realized that this man was no stranger to me; It was Flavus. He too, was not aware that he was not alone here.
"What are you doing here at this hour?" I asked, making him jump.
"Mr. Gray?" he asked, eyeing if I was really the man he called.
"Are you just peeking at the view only to imagine what is out there that you cannot see at the distance?"
"What?"
"I was watching you for a while, but I'm not sure if it's you, so I have to make sure first," I said, going near him.
He turned to face me and said, "I didn't know you also live here."
"A lot of students and university staff dorms here," I replied.
"Yeah, I see. It's just I'm not expecting to see you here, sir, especially at this hour," he said, and the wind blew hard.
"Why are you here sir?" he asked again.
I looked at him as I made my way to the edge. I know he's not comfortable going near the edge but still, I gestured for him to go near me.
"I don't know, I suddenly have this urge to go here."
"It's getting colder lately," he said.
"You still don't answer my question. Why are you here?"
"This is actually my first time to come here," he said. "This place is peaceful."
"It has this very calming atmosphere," I agreed.
"I came here because I can't sleep," he said.
"Why?"
"You're a psychologist right?"
"Yes, why do you ask?"
"Is it weird to have very vivid dreams?" this question made me remember that Sigmund Freud book I read when I was still in college.
"There are so many things one could dream of, it is normal. Sometimes I would even dream of jumping off the building, it's the subconscious, yes I think it's weird but it's not wrong," I explained.
"Even if it's something like seeing someone that you haven't met yet?"
"What do you mean?"
"I think I may have dreamt of someone, I haven't met before," he explained.
"Well, dreams are part of our subconscious mind. We dream of a person, places, and experiences we have seen and gone through and it is impossible to create new faces in our dreams. So whoever is it that you're dreaming, maybe you've seen him before and just forgot it."
"But it was s vivid, it's like I have lived another life, and it's like flashing all back in my dreams. Except it only shows the ending," he said, almost whispering. Made me think about my own dream as well.
"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked.
"I've always had this dream that I'm under the water, drowning," he said. At that moment, I can feel all of the hairs on both of my arms standing up. I don't know if it is because of the wind or what Flavus said.
"You mean you are drowning or you're watching someone drown?"
I am the one drowning, but..." he stopped. I can see that he isn't ready to tell me everything. "Yeah, that's it. I'm the one drowning. And it is the same over and over again. Sometimes every other night, but more often every time I sleep. And I wake up almost wheezing because I felt it so real."
It was the same with me, but I don't think I should tell him about this. At least not now. I, myself, cannot explain what is happening, and if I will tell him that I also experience that. It may just worsen both of us.
"When did it start to happen?"
"I don't know actually. One day I just came to realize that I'm having that same dream and the more I think of it the more it becomes detailed and vivid. As if I have lived it before, the only thing is I haven't," he said.
I looked at him, trying to see if he would tell me more about this without showing much interest. But he did not. He just stared like he was reading me. I don't know that someone staring at you may feel very awkward, or it's just me.
I broke this staring contest and offered him a cigarette. I've always felt like smoking when I was awkward and tense, when I wanted to calm down or when I was just cold.
"You want one?"
"Can we smoke here?" he said, getting one.
"No, but. Common, what time is it? It's almost dawn, no one would and besides, the guards will let me through any time," it's true. I know the guards and the caretaker here, and they already caught me smoking here, but I get out just fine.
I pulled out my lighter, and he immediately noticed it.
"That's my lighter isn't it?" I asked.
"Yes, do you want it back?"
"No, you can keep it," he said as I blew the first puff of smoke.
"So it's you then," he said.
"What?" I asked, confused.
"Last night, probably two to three o'clock in the morning, that's you who's on the terrace right?" he said, making me think that I do that almost every night.
"How did you know that's me?"
"I've smelled your cigarette that night. I'm also at my terrace."
"Oh. Well yeah, it may be me."
"So why are you there at that hour?" I wasn't ready to answer this. I don't want to tell him I was up because of my dream.
"Maybe the same reason as yours. I can't sleep," I said.
"Seriously?"
"Yes. And smoking helps me organize my thoughts and makes me calm," I added.
"But I guess the reason for that isn't the same," he said, and there I noticed that he was just playing with the cigarette in his hands.
"Aren't you gonna light yours?"
"Hmmm, nope. I'm gonna save it for later," he said. I hit one last puff and threw the filter into the nearby bin.
"And I think you're right. Maybe my reason is not as strange as yours," I said as drowsiness started to fetch me, so I walked towards the staircase. "I think I'm gonna go back. It's getting chilly," I added, not waiting for him to answer, but he followed me.
"See you around then. And thanks for the company," he said.
"Yeah, anytime," I said. The cold wind was left on the rooftop, and it's now a little warmer inside the elevator. "Same floor I guess?"
"Yes sir, seventh," I always felt different when he called me sir. Maybe I'm just not used to it.
We were on the seventh floor now.
"So, this is where I'll be, see you tomorrow," I said.
"Okay, sir. Good night,"
I went inside my room and lay on my bed. In no time, I start to feel faint heat touching my face. I was blinded by the sunlight creeping through the curtain's crack. It's weird to wake up in full sunshine again. I guess I was so exhausted that I didn't even dream of anything, not even got a glimpse of my submerged self.
#
Days passed, and I suddenly realized I am not having that dream again. Since the night I had the conversation with Flavus. And I learned that he was having the same dream as me. These past few days, the flashes came back again every time I saw him, making me wonder if he had also experienced these flashes. I want to ask him, but I can't.
It's three in the afternoon again, and for the past week, I waited for Paul and Flavus to do detention every afternoon.
I looked at Flavus' file again, hoping to find anything that may have something to do with our dreams.
"So he has an older brother," I said, nodding as I scanned his profile.
Antonio De San Juan, his father, the former governor of the province, I wonder what their relationship could be.
"Good afternoon Mr. Gray," the one I was thinking about was in front of me now. I didn't have the chance to put away his files, but I guess he didn't notice it.
"Flavus, you're a little late," I said as I got the bag of seeds I had. "I'm quite busy right now so I wouldn't be able to join you," I added.
"Okay," he plainly said, almost sounding disappointed.
"Make sure these seeds will grow and produce flowers okay?" I said, handing him the bag of marigold seeds.
"Did he have training again?" he said.
"Who?"
"Paul."
"No, I got a copy of his training schedule from his coach and he doesn't have one now."
"So, I'll be waiting for him then?"
"I think it's better if you just find him," I said.
"What? No," he said, almost shouting.
"I guess it's time that you sort things out," I suggested. I know Paul is impulsive, but he will be willing to sort things out.
"Why?"
"Because you need each other to finish that last task, which is to grow those plants and revive that garden."
"But where would I find him? The university is so huge."
"College of Engineering, he's taking Geodetic engineering," I dismissed him because the images began to flash again. Not that forcefully, but it's making me dizzy.
He sighed and made his way out. Leaving me hoping that he would take my advice and find Paul.
I looked back at his file and decided to go to the Dean's office. He said he is friends with Flavus' father, so I might have additional information about him.
I knocked three times on the door and waited for someone to answer. I heard footsteps, and the door opened completely. The Dean seemed to be surprised to see me. It is unusual, though, I only went to his office if he had summoned me.
"Ah, Mr. Gray, what brings you here?" then he asked as he gesticulated me to sit.
"Good afternoon sir. I was just hoping I can talk to you?" I said.
"About what?"
"It's about the new kid. Flavus."
"What about him?" he snorted. "Did he troubles you?" he added.
"No. Sir, it's not like that. I just wanted to ask why did he transfer here. It's uncommon for fourth years to transfer unless there is a solid reason," I said.
"And why does it seem that you have such interest in that matter Mr. Gray?" he asked as he was intently eyeing me.
"Well, it's just you told me to help him and as he talked to me I seem to notice that something is causing him trouble but he won't completely tell me," I can see that Mr. Oda knows something, but I can't tell if he is willing to tell me that.
"Okay, and why did you think that I'm the right person to talk about that?" he asked. "Why don't you talk to him? I heard he was involved in a fight, Mr. Gray."
"Yes sir and he has been reprimanded together with the other student. And I do talk to him but he doesn't seem to tell me everything," I said.
"Well, I've known his parents for quite a long time. His father is a very influential man even before he became a governor," he paused, carefully choosing the word he was going to say. "And I know Mr. Gray that you are aware that politics isn't a very ideal environment to grow up in. Flavus and his older brother had been exposed to this environment at a very young age and apart from his family, Mr. Antonio had to attend to his duties to the province. This might have affected their relationship," he continued.
"But why did he transfer here all of a sudden?" I asked.
"A scandal began when... His brother committed suicide," he paused again, and I listened intently to what he would say next.
"Suicide?" I whispered.
"Yes, Mr. Gray. But it has been kept from the media and the information about these had never been disclosed except for the police," he said. "That was a couple of years ago before you came to the university. And since that incident, their family went sideways. Flavus' mother left them and his father; Governor Antonio lost the election."
I was about to speak, but the principal continued. "He was transferred here because his father wanted to make sure he graduate or at least that's what he told me."
"It must've been hard for him," I said.
He looked at me and asked, "He didn't tell you anything about the situation with his brother?" I only shook my head as an answer.
"That's why I'm asking you to ease it out for him. He had been through a lot and I'm hoping that our university would be able to help him out."
I just nodded and looked back at him, hoping he would tell me more, but I think that's all he knew, so I stood up to leave but stopped. "Mr. Gray, I'm hoping this conversation will not leave this office, okay?" He then said.
"Yes sir. Of course sir. Thank you and I'll be going," I said. This conversation convinced me that I should try to reach out to Flavus. I feel that he needs someone. And since he has been talking to me, I think it's a good start.
I went back to my office and stayed there for a while. I reclined my chair and looked at the ceiling. I sighed at the thought of what Flavus' had been through, and the dreams occasionally flashing through my mind were not helping. Whenever I think I have the answers to my question, another one appears and becomes more confusing.
I closed my eyes and massaged my temple, but the images and visions began flashing again. Flavus' drowning face is right in my thought. Then it hit me. What if Paul ditched the detention and Flavus is the only one on the rooftop right now?
I hurriedly walked down the hallway and took a left turn, heading to the college of engineering. Some students greeted me along the way, and I just nodded at them.
"Mr. Garcia," I called one of Paul's friends.
"Good afternoon Mr. Gray," he said.
"By any chance did you happen to see Paul?" I asked.
"Yes, sir, he was here with us a while ago but left with the new student," I was relieved, knowing he had company going on the rooftop.
Even though the sun is setting now, it's still hot, so before I went there, I decided to order them drinks. I walked across the field, breathing the fresh afternoon air.
I rode the elevator carrying the drinks for the two. As I went near the rooftop entrance, I was greeted by the orange horizon. I see Flavus and Paul looking at the setting sun but far enough to the edge that they aren't able to see the ground.
I tread carefully on the dusty staircase. As I approached them, I could hear their faint conversation while both looked at the skyline.
"Have you ever felt it?" Paul asked Flavus.
"Felt what?"
"That feeling when it's like you're experiencing again the things you've already experienced."
"That is called Deja Vu," I said, making both of them startled. "I thought you two had gone home," I added.
"No sir, we're about to, but decided to stay for a while," Paul said.
I glanced at the garden plots and saw that the soil was wet. They were done planting the seeds.
"Here, I bet you're exhausted."
"Thanks," Flavus said, getting the drinks and handing the other to Paul.
"So, you two sort everything out?"
"I guess so."
"Good, that's good," I said.
"So what was it that you were saying sir, Deja what?" Paul asked.
"Deja vu, it's just like what you've said. When you seem to experience a present thing for the second time," I explained.
"Is it normal?" Flavus asked.
"Of course, there hasn't been a strong scientific explanation why we experienced it but it's normal."
"So it's like predicting the future?"
"No, Paul. You see, the part of the brain that lets us store the experiences and the one that interprets them is not the same. They work separately. And sometimes, the one that is responsible to interpret the current experience becomes exhausted resulting in a little delay in interpreting what is happening. That's why It seems like we have already experienced things," I stopped because I could see that Paul's face had become more and more confused.
"But don't try to understand it so seriously. It's just one of the theories,"
He just nods and laughs.
I glanced at Flavus, and I started to feel it throbbing again.
"So, I'll see you two tomorrow then?" I said, not waiting for them to answer. I rushed back, looking down as I tried to focus on the steps.
I managed to return to my office, but the flashes of images from that dream were still in my mind. I closed my eyes the moment I got into my seat.
I gripped my head as it began beating furiously. I saw Flavus drowning again, his helpless body descending into the dark water, sinking deeper and deeper, and I was just watching him again.
I opened my eyes as it subsided. A clock in front of me sets at quarter past nine. I still feel as if I'm in a trance that I can slowly drift away from what's real.
I stood up and walked down the dark hallway.
"Overtime, sir?" a voice startles me from behind. It almost made me run.
"Oh, yes. Paperworks," I told the security guard doing his rounds. I walked out of the university and went straight to the dorm. As soon as I entered the hallway, my instincts told me something strange was about to happen. I just don't know what it was.226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtDRpCe2opx
